Chapter 2. Great, my niece is here.
After my delicious apple breakfast, I took a moment to look over my situation.
Today is Wednesday, not just payday but my four year old niece who loves MLP was coming to visit. With a smirk I remembered that, in my hall closet, was the same kind of hat that Applejack wears in the show, a Stetson.
This particular Stetson was the one I wore when I dressed up as a cowboy last year for Halloween, handing out treats.
So I fetched a step stool that we have in the food pantry and climbed up to grab the hat and place it on my head.
What do you know even in pony form the hat was still a perfect fit for my head, in the heat of the moment I reared up on my hind legs, kicking the air to yell out "Yee-Haw!"
After I get that out of my system, I heard a familiar doorbell ring 7 times in a row, the enthusiasm of my niece shows through every time. I wasn’t too sure how I was gonna explain this to her mother, Leanna, being Applejack's human counterpart I really can't find in my heart to fib to her.
I called out in Applejack's voice "Okay Leanna an’ Kassie ahm comin’ hold yer horses. Heh, hold yer horses, or ponies." As I walked my hooves made a clopping sound on the floorboards. When I reached the door I used my mouth to unlock the door and I started to open the door by holding it with my front hooves.
Just as the door started to open my niece kicked the door open, smacking me into the wall behind the door and getting a painful groan out of me. "Owww what in tarnation, that really hurt little Missy."
Kassie apparently didn’t hear me; "Where is Unka Andrew?" I respond in my now permanent accent; "Where do ya think ah am, ya hit me with the door and got me stuck ‘tween the door and the wall!"
My sister Leanna stepped into the house and said "Andrew are you practicing your Applejack voice again? I have to admit you sound like the real thing."
Behind the door I mentally rolled my eyes before saying "Yeah close the door and ya’ll will get a big surprise Leanna." My sister closed the door and saw between the wall and the door was a certain Earth pony.
My much younger niece naturally assumed I was a life sized Applejack doll or something like that and squeezed me really hard. I mean really, it was enough that I couldn't breathe.
My sister saw my face turning blue and she finally sprung into action, removing her daughter from my neck and I finally was able to breathe. My niece then ran behind me to start pulling my tail, which I have to say feels mighty odd.
Leanna then finally asked the question that I’m sure she had been mulling over. "Applejack how the heck are you real anyway?" I looked my sister in her eyes and did my best to keep a serious expression with a child pulling my tail off. "That's the thing Deeds, Its me your little brother. Ah woke up as Applejack this mornin’. Not sure how ta tell Mom though, and could ya’ll tell Kassie to stop pulling on mah tail cause it really hurts a lot."
Leanna was struck dumb she realized that I must be her brother. No one else in the whole world calls her Deeds except for her little brother Andrew. She proceeded to remove her daughter from pulling my rear end.
My sister asked in a shaking voice; "A-A-A-Andrew is that really you, and are you really a pony?" I nodded my head and answer my sister's question; "Boy Howdy it’s still taken time to get used to but yeah its me mah dear sister."
Leanna chuckled weakly. "Mom is gonna freak when she get's home in a few hours." I looked at the floor and did my best to shrug. "I know but ah also found out on the internet that it’d happenin’ to other folk as well. If anyone finds themselves turned into any of the Mane 6 they need to get to New York City. I'm betting she will pay for the ticket to get me there." Leanna nodded her head "She would do anything to help her children." She chimed in hopefully.
I really hoped she would too.
An editor. You need one. Pronto.
Also, Boy Howdy? Is that some kind of Southern US stereotype where you come from? Trust me, I've heard the worst of them from a British guy.
1511000 I live in a part of Canada where a lot of People of Cowboys
1508896
Replying to yourself?
It's slightly better.
I'm still seeing misuse (or lack of use) of punctuation, a few run-on sentences, and a few spots where it's difficult to immediately tell who is talking.
These aren't just a couple easy fixes. I think you should consider finding an additional proofreader.
I want to enjoy this, but it's really hard to force my eyes to ignore every single mistake.
Here, I'll try to end my comment on a positive note.
Kassie sure loves her dolls.
1516871>>1516949
Chapter 2 just got edited, not up quite yet. chapter 1 was the one he was talking about.
I did my best not to change the story or characters too much.
1516972 And thanks for your help
1517048 Yes I do and he is really cute as well
You should get a cover picture for this story.
Makes it look... more profesional, ya' know?
And chapter two, I would think there would be a comma between the words great and my.
So: Great, my niece is here.
For I wouldn't think the word niece would be capitalized.
Idunno. Just some suggestions.
-ThatOneRandomPony (Octavia)
1521714 Your right any suggestions where I could get a cover for the story?
1521847
Just look on deviantART
Thats really the main website for any doodles, really.
But always ask the illustrator for permission, unless it says you can w/o permission.
1521949 Thanks for the info I'll check DA [Can't believe I never thought of that and I check DA everyday]
1521949 I added a cover now after I got permission of course
1528264 I feel bad for you. nobody sees the good in this story. the only thing i have to say is this chapter is quite short, but sill good :)