Spike defeats the apple king that Applejack made in mistake. This is a Halloween horror story I wrote while being sick.
Since the full name will not fit at the top I am readding it here it is: Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Physically Enchanting Psychic War Yell Of Mass Destruction And Celebratory Action Within The Black Claws Of Spike When He Is Angered To The Deepest Of His Mysterious Will That Engulfs His Entirety In Serene Concrete And Volatile Sewer MadnesS!!!!!!! Or Why The Apple King Must Die!
Chapters (1)
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What an epic way to start your day.
I.
I'm not sure.
I don't know how to proceed.
The pacing made me feel like an auctioneer was yelling it at me the whole time, but he didn't really remember the lines, so he just threw crap out of know where.
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Wha....
This author is either a troll or never learns anything.
How is it you always seem to post these when I have free periods? It's either this, or study for my Latin quiz...
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The title sounds like a Japanese episode title for Dragonball Z
I don't know why I haven't stressed this more, but you need to learn what purple prose is, and avoid it. Seriously. What you're trying to do is make your writing prettier, and more interesting, but what you're really doing is making it confusing. Like this:
What does this even mean? Write the way you speak! And if you speak this way...
Your spelling isn't as bad as it usually is. Did you have an editor help you with this? Your grammar still needs quite a bit of work. For example, every speaker needs a separate paragraph for their dialogue.
Jesus. Never use an Applejack accent ever again.
What does the King of Apples look like? You aren't giving us any description for anything. And who is this guy?!
We need exposition, description! Use your five senses!
If the King isn't real, and AJ made him up, who was Spike fighting?!
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Now they're having... "riding around sex?" And they org... No, no, this is rated teen. This is mature.
You know, I said you needed to use exposition. This is not how you do it. Weave it into the story naturally. Don't just throw it at us.
Jesus Christ. I've been reading Martin Willis so much that I almost forgot how to spell portal. It's "portals," not "portles."
IT'S ANGEL NOT ANGLE JESUS H. CHRIST ALMIGHTY
NONONONONONONO MAKE IT GO AWAY
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Final rating:
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-Dubs Rewatcher, TWE Reviewer
You've been a busy bee, haven't you, apple short? This is, like, the fourth time I've seen a new story of yours in the TWE folders this week.
No time to read this now, but it looks like your mechanics have improved significantly. Good job!
Errr...Maybe you need to lay off the sugar, son...
Hello Apple Short... good to see you again.
-Chessie
1510241 Appleshort always delivers.
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I'm not even sure why we're here, actually. It's become less like talking to a particularly stupid brick wall and more like punching ourselves in the face. Oh well, you just keep on living your demented dream. Chase that retarded little rainbow of yours!
I think we keep coming back because the comments are the highlight of all apple shorts stories
Oh my frickin god, it's so bad its funny!
Let me sum it up in a nutshell:
You're a laughable author that probably had a rough start into this community after writing this terrible story!
So... GPEWYOMDACATBCOAWHIATTDOHMWTEHEISCAVSS!!!OWTAKMD!?
1516698 You missed three letters. GPE (P) WYOMDACA (W) TBCO (S) WHIATTDOHMWTEHEISCAVSS!!!OWTAKMD!? But yeah that would be it completely correct if you were to shorten it to be just of the letters alone.
1516714 Oh, sorry. *rolls eyes*
Anywho, I'm probably not going to read this.
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Christmas comes early!
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Ah Appleshort.
Please.. go to school, or piss off.
Liked and favorited.
You truly delivered a masterpiece
I just have to like this life changing story