Yeah... I have somewhat jumped the gun with this, but there is a point to it.
This shall reveal itself in the following chapters. Don't worry, it won't all be like this....
Hopefully.

Aaaaaaaaaaah you used the pic I used in my Luna fic!
Nah it's fine, will read later, looks promising!

1505119 ... Read later translates to never.
Read... Then comment....

huh.... why did i laugh when nightmare basically mouth raped him?

damn ii have a sick sense o humor.......

.... ........ ........ ......... .......... ........... .......... ........... .......... ..........
the dots say it all

1508468 ..... Great... I knew I got carried away when typing this out....
Just great.... Excuse me while I pop in a bottle of Sprite to ease my woes....

Skylar be damned!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Spitfire_rape.png

1509315 *fails to understand who/what skylar is*
also awesome spitfire pic

1509380 Comes typical with a Firefox search for this site.

As for Skylar, think The Saboteur from the now defunct Pandemic Studios.
Their last game in fact.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to patch up Chapter 2.
Celestia knows that chapter needs to be spruced up, for in my haste to release it, I have overlooked a few
glaring problems.

1509439
Yep.
That's all, folks.

Looks interesting!

A few missing commas I noticed (additions are underlined):

“Now you shall suffer your punishment that's most deserved. You will find torment like none other, so much so as to wish for death. I shall enjoy sampling your undue torment, mortal.”

"SILENCE, YOU LITTLE FOAL!"

1560360 Fixed.
Mind providing feedback on other portions of the story?

... How the hell did I manage to produce this piece of crap?
Ugh... What was I thinking!?

well i liked it would have craped myself in his/her position

... Yeah... I am going to hell for this...
DEFINITELY going to hell for it....

1989845

If that is the case, I shall see you there for loving the fact that you wrote it!

after reading this chapter i seriously just don't know what to think of this story anymore, and i'll have to completely rewrite my obnoxiously long and utterly detailed comment which i wrote while reading thus far(apparently not a good idea)
well, besides the fact of course that NMM is best Mistress, but that's rather apparent anyway, right?
also i think that whole god=Faust thing is rather...strange but i guess i'm totally entitled to have my own opinion
i shall give you my two cents about it after further reading, which i shall resume tomorrow evening
btw

And what more, she had been blessed by a kiss from the Mood Goddess herself!

is that intentional?

Phew. took like an hour because of allergies constantly forcing me to stop, but here's chapter three's review.

Stuart is portrayed wonderfully, stick with how you characterize him. Nightmare Moon is a great villain, keep her like this.

I'd say (personal preference) try to take a bit longer on the scenes where she is switching between loving/hating Nightmare (for later of course), unless you planned on doing it so it's an almost instant change in which case it's fine. Another thing to have more character thought on is when she lost her name, you can say it was because she was too tired to think, which is acceptable considering what she went through immediately before, but seeing the character freak out even more is nice.

To respond to your comment about you freaking out over syntax, I realize i did say make sure it's good, but honestly if you're being that much of a perfectionist hold it off till you have the chapter completed. I know how hard it is, wanting it to be perfect and whatnot, but that's why you need someone who knows how to fix it, or learn to know if it's correct. I understand completely how bad it feels to have bad syntax, you don't even know how annoyed/depressed I feel when I give Twisted a chapter and he adds/changes like 700-1000 words, but if you want to get better you have to deal with it, sorry.

3130674 Alright. This is the reply that I have notified you about over PM a while ago.
I might appear to be a bit overly self conscious in this comment, so if that seems a little much, my apologies.
Anyhow, let us begin in another exchange.

Stuart is portrayed wonderfully, stick with how you characterize him. Nightmare Moon is a great villain, keep her like this.

I am a novice when it comes to character personality, construction, and maintaining that throughout a story. How have I achieved this in your eyes? What made them stand out? Could you give a list of reasons as to why? Perhaps a small paper of the key ingredients and essential points that I have achieved when making a character stand out, maybe in bullet point format? A separate list for each character would be nice, as your experiences and critique can help me get a hand on the handling of these characters.

For one, how have I characterized Stuart? What made him standout? What key objectives have I fulfilled?
Same story with Nightmare Moon. What made her stand out? Was it your seductive dominance in getting Stuart to actually like being submissive, getting her into the mindset that she would actually prefer to be intimate and dependent on Nightmare Moon's affections as a form of mental manipulation of both her daily stresses in life and her own desires? Perhaps even guilt trip her into thinking that she is nothing but a worthless slut? Or perhaps, projecting visions designed to horrify her as she is denounced and condemned by the cast of MLP?

Likewise, how did Nightmare Moon jump out as a rounded, three dimensional character? Was it her seductive, even motherly/sisterly personality?
What exactly made her a great villain? How was my handling of her character? What would you predict would happen in the next chapter?
By your standards, how well have I steered this story in terms of quality so far? Are you expectant, waiting eagerly for the next chapter? Is there a form of suspense that makes you want to see what happens next? Do you actually wish to know what Nightmare Moon did to Stuart exactly?

How should I proceed to mock and torment Stuart psychologically in inducing Stockholm syndrome dependence? What about its counterpart, the Lisa syndrome?

I'll be back with another response, but for now I got to cut this short. My daily life calls me away from the PC for an hour or so.
This is only part of the comment, so stay sharp and attentive lad.