- Member Since 29th Aug, 2022
- offline last seen April 10th
Crescent Feather
I like to write stuff, also I'm always open to criticism so feel free to reach out, I'll take whatever help I can get :)
Crescent Feather
Joined 29th Aug, 2022 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- PsychoFox44 · 12k words · 180 17 · 3.4k views
- Weapons_X · 457k words · 1,181 111 · 19k views
- Bronze Inkwell · 12k words · 225 29 · 2.6k views
- Mister Horncastle · 189k words · 169 11 · 3.5k views
- WurkyWilk358 0w0 · 41k words · 91 15 · 1.7k views
- Mister Horncastle · 205k words · 319 45 · 541 views
- Tenebrae Moonfallen · 59k words · 90 7 · 1.4k views
- ocalhoun · 10k words · 237 13 · 5.8k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.277 seconds
Total duration
640 users online
1,183,970 hits today, 2,987,370 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like this story looking forward to see more chapters of it!
Dude this is so full of detail and intriguing character development I feel like I could see everything playing out in my head.
118083 I'm glad you're enjoying it so far :D
Wow, that's cool! Luna needed a friend. Now she has it.
And yes, Luna is old, lol.
A cute chapter. I guess the transformation into Nightmoon won't happen. Luna is no longer alone. She got a new purpose in life - to take care and train Feather.
And Feather admires Luna and wants to serve only her. Are you planning to make their relationship more... "close"? I found some direct hints.
11812717
new chapter is already up :3
and yes I can't help but write mushy romance stuff even if the story gets a lot darker later.
11812720
Wow! Two chapters at once? It's so awesome!
11812723
yeah, I want to try and upload a chapter at least every 2 to 3 days but since I took a while this week I thought I would do 2 back to back to compensate.
11812729
I am very glad to see it! But I don't think you should put yourself in a frame. Be happy. Write as you see fit.
This chapter turned out to be wonderful. Despite the large volume, I read it instantly. Since there are few readers and comments, I decided that a large review would be preferable. So, hey, get ready! There's a lot of text here!
You create a very exciting atmosphere. Especially when you focus on the details. The dialogue between Luna and Feather during a romantic meal is an example of this. Attention is paid to the thoughts, facial expressions, gestures and movements of the characters in a slightly larger volume than usual. And it's a pleasure. Although maybe I'm just a fan of such moments.
The fighting seemed fast, but it's not bad. In fact, based on historical reconstructions, serious fights did not last long.
I also really like how you alternate between cute and dark plot moments literally in one scene! You definitely have a talent for writing!
I also have conflicting feelings about the two-month timeskip. I think this is caused by the desire to move on to the main plot as soon as possible? To some extent, I even support your decision. But as a result, the relationship between Luna and Feather looks a bit... forced? Accelerated? In any case, it's an almost imperceptible detail. Maybe I'm just being picky.
I also like that the image of Nightmare Moon is primary for Luna.
I was very confused by the familiar communication of other ponies to the Princess of the Night. Seriously, they treat her like a naughty girl, not an ancient ruler! Although perhaps more respectful citizens are simply afraid of Luna and do not communicate with her...
I can't say anything about grammar. It looks good, but English is not my native language. I do not know much.
So, what do I think about the plot. Be careful, SPOILERS are possible!
Luna is very afraid of losing Feather. The princess tries to make pegasus stronger, but sometimes she gets too carried away. For example, alicorn almost crushed Feather's head with her hooves! I think the hitch in the examination for injuries after training was caused by the fact that Luna was afraid of irreparable harm that she could cause.
Next, the Princess invited Feather to eat together. It seems to me that Luna originally planned this as an interrogation. Alicorn had suspicions that Feather was communicating with her for selfish motives or even engaged in espionage. The princess attacked with her dark magic and powerful aura to reveal the true feelings of the pegasus. Feather turned out to be sincere, but she couldn't stand the pressure and burst into tears. Luna realized her mistake.
Also, during this chapter, the prerequisites for the development of the relationship between Luna and Feather were particularly clear.
I think Luna needed attention for a long time. Any attention. Luna was intoxicated by the sudden large amount of sincere adoration that Feather gave her. As a result, the Princess could not stand the tension and wanted to get EVERYTHING at once. THE WHOLE Feather. "Things" happen, yeah...
I am sure that the feelings of the Princess of the Night are sincere (albeit spontaneous) and Feather is NOT a temporary toy in the hooves of an immortal goddess. However, Luna is possessive and even a little rude. She has quite clearly claimed the rights to the whole being of Feather. I hope Luna realizes her morally controversial actions and repents.
Ufff... This story really impressed me.
Sorry that the next chapter is taking a while, I've been really busy with a new job these past several days, but I'll get the next chapter out soon.
Ok I'm for sure going to upload several chapters either tomorrow night or more likely Saturday, I want to apologize for taking so freaking long but I have just been super busy with a new job, moving to a new place, and other stuff. I was actually planning on sitting down and editing the chapters tonight (they are already written) but I'm kaput from work and my feet hurt so I'm goanna pass out lol.
The new chapter took time. But there's nothing wrong with that.
So, this chapter caused me mixed feelings.
Feather seems to like the display of brute, but friendly force. I guess she feels more protect. A nice feeling of security or something.
Perhaps the herd origin of the pony and the Darkness also have an effect on her.
Well, Luna really rude. Celestia was gone for a long time. It seems that the white alicorn sincerely believed that a small "surprise" would really please her younger sister... To be honest, I would be a little upset too.
Oh, Feather, why... You shouldn't have interfered. This is a personal, family showdown between sisters. They have to figure it out on their own, otherwise you risk making the situation worse. Your actions provoke even more contradictions.
Besides, Celestia didn't say anything really offensive.
Daybreaker? Hey, it looks like Celestia is going to prefer not to hide her
darkbright side!Nevertheless, Luna turned out to be not as lonely as I had previously thought... Yeah. To be honest, the backstory with love for other mares, at least, seriously breaks some romance/magic in the relationship between Feather and Luna.
Emotional trail before, POV Luna: Oh merciful Stars, she loves me! She needs me! She won't leave me, will she? No, of course, no! She wants to serve me! Sweet stars, it's been so long since I've felt this way! I want to take her! I want to possess her! I want
eather all! But I don't want to scare her off... What should I do?Emotional trail now, POV Luna: Feather, you are full of surprises and different, but you are also one of many. I'll give you more than the others because I like mares and I wanted a long-term relationship. And also because you're not afraid of me and you agree to everything. Now shut up, I'll make you my perfect
toyservant.*Slurping sounds of flesh and shadow tentacles*
Yeah... This moment made me feel sad. It's well written.
I think it's not selfish if you're worried about Luna. If you don't want her to be alone again.
Oh, damn it! I thought Luna would just gently bite Feather's neck. Like alicorn will show dominance and care or something like that...
https://youtu.be/rp_C5_M6IZ0?t=50
But she won't bite until bleeds!
Well... You left her no choice...
By the way, Luna is alicorn and can restrain her vampirism. But Feather?
I noticed that Luna is very frivolous about Feather's health condition. This is no longer an isolated case.
In the previous chapter, the Princess fed Feather breakfast before the trip. She knew that Feather would be sick in the sunlight, but she still filled the pegasus's stomach with heavy food and alcohol...
Then Luna bit Feather's neck. Without warning. Pegasus even felt dizzy from the rapid/large loss of blood.
Now Luna goes with Feather to a gala concert when pegasus's teeth fall out and organs "melt"... Moonbutt, what's wrong with you?
You know that Feather won't dare to deny you anything! Not anymore! Why are you so cruel, Princess? Just give Feather a break! Judging by previous experience, Feather suddenly starts to feel bad and fails to react. Or don't you care about Feather? Or maybe you like watching your faithful pegasus throw up her guts in public? Luna, are you some kind of sadistic pervert?
Hm. Is this a conspiracy? Celestia knows?
It looks like there are prerequisites for the dark chapters.
Um, yes?..
It looks frivolous. I would even say that it is a betrayal...
My sympathies are increasingly on Celestia's side. Luna behaves like a naughty girl.
Just imagine, the nobles will start manipulating the reputation and legitimacy of the royal family in the political arena. They will look for any opportunity to destabilize the situation and gain benefits. Moreover, this is probably only a small part of Luna's tricks.
Tia constantly has to protect her croup and her sister's croup. Perhaps that is why the white alicorn tries to keep Luna "in the shade". Celestia has come to terms with her sister's oddities. She's just trying to distract attention from Luna to protect her family from the evil ponies.
Late. She was kidnapped.