The Thesis of Douball Down

by Xtr3m3nuk3

Research

It has now been established that Celestia and Luna would be quite bold names to choose in a time where Discord himself had control over the day/night cycle (or at the time, cyclone). It could very well have been the easiest way to provoke him into mischief. Of course, this was not even on the minds of the sisters’ parents. After all, they were born some years apart; naming your kids after Sun and Moon is more of a “twins” thing. Instead, the foals were likely given fairly standard names. Due to the naming methods at the time, finding the original names is largely an exercise in researching the setting of each birth.

Unfortunately, one of the only constants of the Discordian era is the lack of proper documentation; anything written down was bound to change given any time, and the less malleable formats would of course change faster — unless that would be predictable enough to be convenient. Fortunately, there are a few first-hand witnesses still available, and at least two of them are reliable. Unfortunately, the Princesses are quite ambiguous in their discussion of those days, so it is necessary to seek an interview with a much less professional being: the one after whom the Discordian era was named.

After a harrowing experience, it was possible to begin an interview with the ancient draconequus. A few extra brushes with the concept of mortality yielded some useful, yet unfortunately quite nonspecific bits of information. Turns out, the immortal chaos being didn’t care too much for the small details of mortals’ lives, especially the bits designed specifically to bore him. However, he was able to point out some trends, especially the failures (he brought out a poster of his top ten favorites. It contained too many vowels, and by the time I finished looking at it the top name had changed to “Fluttershy”). With some general guidelines to follow, I braved a cup of tea with my host and found myself being chased by a large yet well-groomed cat along an unfamiliar path. Luckily, the dandy lion’s route led to my house, and so I was able to shut myself inside and begin to further my research.