Well, this is... something.
With not much to do, I stared at the golden mare sitting across from me. She was chewing on a hayburger with so little enthusiasm, I thought it might fall out of her mouth at any moment. She was looking at what I assumed to be a happy couple enjoying each other's company. The unicorn mare and pegasus stallion were giving each other lovey-dovey eyes and sharing a meal with one another. Their blissful ignorance disgusted me so much, I faked a silent gagging fit.
Love? Pfft! More like lame. It's not like I never experienced that particular emotion. I loved a lot of things. Turning creatures into my toys... myself... kites... but somepony else? What would even be the point in doing something stupid like that? Others tended to betray when you needed them most. That kind of love was stupid, pointless, and typically ended in heartbreak. I didn't need, nor want, that.
Sunset, though? She looked like she was struggling with something and I'm pretty sure I knew exactly what that something was.
Meh, don't really care. It wasn't my problem.
I lifted a fry into my mouth with some telekinesis and slowly chewed it. It wasn't terrible, but it was nowhere near the exceptional quality of food I'd get back home. I had my own personal chef and his cooking was beyond stellar. This... "food" was tolerable at best. Still, Sunset was treating so I wasn't about to run my mouth anytime soon.
The restaurant was bustling at this hour, lunch having just started a few minutes ago. I counted at least three dozen other creatures sitting at the tables and booths around us. Celestia had told us to get out of the castle and have some fun together, so we... no, I guess Sunset, decided we should grab a bite to eat, so I tagged along.
It didn't sound like a bad idea at the time, but I quickly realized places like these weren't exactly suited to my... nature. Clearly, the creatures here agreed with me. I was getting some particularly appalling looks, probably because of the whole newspaper debacle, but a quick spark of my horn and any offenders were quick to avert their eyes and mind their own business.
Pansies...
Creatures like them weren't even worth turning into my toys.
It'd been pretty quiet between Sunset and I since we'd arrived at the restaurant, and I really didn't understand why. I'd been acting all bubbly and excited the whole day, wasn't that how you got somepony to like you? I had been all smiles and giddiness, so why wasn't it working? The sweet, playful act was getting real old real quick.
This is so boring...
I took a sip of my water before examining Sunset a bit closer. She was fidgety and her eyes were filled to the brim with worry, like a parent who'd just found out their foal was missing. Maybe... maybe, I could make my own fun. Maybe, I could have some fun with her.
"You're thinking about Twilight, aren't you?" I spoke out of the blue, causing the golden mare to spit out the liquid currently in her mouth.
"WHAT!?" she looked mortified as she glared daggers at me. I had to cover my mouth or risk laughing out loud. I was trying to play, not give away my intentions. Subtlety was a requirement. "Why would you ask me something like that?"
"Aren't you?" I lifted a curious brow, though I'm pretty sure I already knew the answer. Feigning ignorance was always a fun, if not obvious, tactic. What I didn't know was if her thoughts were friendly contemplations or romantic ones. "If I'm wrong, your face sure doesn't look it." I tossed another fry into my mouth.
"Ugh," she groaned, looking completely dejected. "You're not." She swept her food out of the way and planted her face firmly on the table.
"What's the matter?" I had an idea, but it was more entertaining to mess with the distressed pony.
"Well, I'm not exactly trying to look like I'm concerned about her," she explained, her voice muffled due to talking directly into the table.
"What's wrong with being concerned for a friend?" I genuinely didn't understand. Wasn't that part of a friendship, caring about each other? "Isn't that... normal?"
"F- FRIEND!?" she blurted out, lifting her head and staring at me as if I had just said something unbelievable. "What in all of Equestria would make you think Twilight and I are friends?"
"You're not?" I tilted my head.
"NO!" she was getting exasperated.
So much fun! And I knew how to make it even better.
"You sure protected her like she was someone special to you," I shrugged.
"SHUT IT, STARLIGHT!" she grew maroon, looking away in embarrassment. Goodness, that was an easy button to press.
"If you say so, Sunny." My attention was suddenly diverted as I watched a young earth filly trot by our table, a tray full of food that was clearly way too big for her on her back. Without her noticing, I settled the precariously tilting tray with some telekinesis before it had a chance to fall over.
Gotta be more careful, silly. I couldn't help but smile as she reached the table where her family was anxiously waiting.
Her mother... or I guess, who I assumed to be her mother, noticed me staring at her offspring. I expected a snarky glare, but received a sweet smile from the mare instead. I awkwardly smiled back before focusing on Sunset.
"Trust me, It's not that big a deal," I had to scrunch up my face not to outright burst into laugher at her unwarranted despair. "Why don't you think you're friends?"
With another exasperated UGH and a loud smack, her face was back on the table. The loud sound had drawn a little bit of attention from some of the surrounding patrons. I gave them another uncomfortable grin as they returned to their meals.
"Twilight HATES me," she sighed. That... didn't sound right, or at least that didn't seem to be the case to me, but who was I to make a judgment call? To them, I was essentially a complete stranger.
"I guess I can't really say anything about that definitively," I took a sip of my drink. "But are you sure it's not just another misunderstanding? Like what happened with Luna thinking you hated them, I mean."
"No, I'm not mistaken," she looked like she'd just remembered a family member was dead. "Twilight has made it abundantly clear how she feels about me."
"Well... then why do you care so much?" She visibly tensed at my inquiry. "Why care about a mare who won't give you the time of day?"
"I don't have many friends..." she whispered, obviously in the hopes that I wouldn't hear her in the boisterous establishment.
"'Scuse me?" I wasn't gonna let something that juicy slip by.
"I don't have many friends," she muttered much louder this time.
"You don't have any friends!?" I gasped, covering my mouth with a hoof and acting like I was truly disgusted.
"MANY!" she snapped at me. She was way too entertaining, I couldn't hold myself back.
"Tsk," I clicked my tongue and tilted my head mockingly. "Aaaany?" I raised a brow. Her eyes widened for just a moment before they dropped and a look of utter defeat came to her face.
"A- any..." she relented her head slowly lowering back down onto the table. It was so much fun breaking a po-
I hope you stay, Starlight...
My heart skipped a beat. It felt... gross... I felt gross.
Ugh...
"That's probably why Celestia told us to do this then," I gently lifted her head with a spell so she was looking at me. "I stayed so that..." I really didn't want to say it out loud, but I'm pretty sure she knew what I was intending to say. The bright smile that came to her lips was a little cute.
"Yeah... YEAH! You're right! That must be it..." she nearly jumped out of her seat. "So then... you're really willing?" She reached across the table with her hooves facing up on it, as if she wanted me to place mine onto hers. "To try, I mean."
I wanted nothing more than to laugh in her face and leave. The desire to do so made me tremble with excitement. It would devastate her and she'd be left all alone... just like...
I hope you stay, Starlight.
UGGGGH!
"I'll... try," I pushed her hooves back to her, causing her to look a little disappointed. "But I'm no sappy filly, Sunny. I'm not just gonna start hugging and kissing you."
"Oh, that part comes later," she smiled at me.
"Pfft! If you're lucky," I countered.
"I think you'll come to find I'm verrrry lucky, Starlight." she winked. I felt her hind leg gently rub against mine under the table.
"Wha- what are you doing!?" I blushed something fierce. She laughed heartily as she withdrew her leg from mine.
"You're not the only one who can play games, Star." she moved her food back in front of herself. I winced.
Guess this'll be a lot more fun than I thought.
"So..." she looked positively giddy. "What do you wanna talk about?"
"You're asking ME?" I stared at her, completely dumbfounded. I didn't know the first thing about getting to know somepony else, much less becoming friends.
"Why not? You have to be interested in something... r-right?" She looked at me filled with hope.
"I..." She'd looked so genuine, I decided to actually consider her question. "I like... magic?"
Mostly to enslave creatures and make new toys.
"Or uhh, I guess, playing games?"
Mind games, mostly. Who doesn't like breaking somepony mentally?
"I like ki-"
Yeah right, not mentioning that. Why was it so hard to come up with something to talk about?
"W- why don't you pick something, Sunny?" I looked at her sheepishly. For the first time in years, I didn't have to deceive, didn't have to put on a facade. I could talk about something I wanted to. I could have a normal conversation.
And... I really couldn't come up with anything. Every thought that came to me was... bad. I could only come up with... evil things.
You're a very fractured mare, Starlight Glimmer. Luna's words echoed in my mind. She was right. I knew she was as soon as she'd said it, I just...
"Starlight?" Sunset looked at me as if I'd just done something completely unexpected.
"What is it?" I asked. She reached a hoof out for my face. I instinctively recoiled from her hoof. She froze, a look of sadness spreading across her features, yet she continued drawing closer. She gently wiped something away from my cheek.
"Do you... do you need to talk?" she asked. Was I crying?
AM I CRYING?!
I nearly fell out of my chair, laughing like a psychopath as I wiped my face with a napkin.
"O- of course not! I'm fine, Sunny! Everything's completely fine!" I stuffed a hoof full of fries into my mouth and took a long chug of my drink.
"Starlight?" Sunset hadn't taken her concerned eyes off me for a second. I swallowed what was in my mouth and just looked back at her, waiting. "I'm not gonna force you, but," she reached across the small table and grabbed one of my hooves. For some reason, I didn't immediately pull away from her. "If you need somepony, I'm here. I'll do my best... whenever you're ready,," she gave my hoof a light squeeze.
I'll always be here for you, Starlight. You're my precious little Star.
I jerked my hoof away from her grasp. She didn't look offended because I'd done it, just... disappointed.
"I..." I sighed. "I'm sorry. Thanks. Really, I appreciate it," I actually did. "But... I can't. I just... can't."
"Well, you two sure seem to be getting along well," the voice from behind me drew Sunset's ecstatic gaze. I didn't have to turn around to know who it was.
"Twilight, you came!" Sunset brightened up considerably at the lavender unicorn's appearance.
"It is an assignment from Her Highness," she moved a chair up to the table before taking a seat with us. "I wouldn't willingly shirk any of my tasks."
Thank whatever had brought her here, be it a god or fate itself. She could take the attention off me and my problems and the best way to accomplish that was...
"Hey... Twilight?" I did my best to sound meek, still not looking at the mare. When she didn't respond I decided to continue. "I'm really sor-"
"You don't have to apologize," she cut me off. That wasn't what I expected. I stared at her, caught completely off guard by her words. "T-thanks..." she looked away, an uncomfortable, but mostly embarrassed look on her face. "I talked to Her Highness..." She took a deep breath and looked back at me with an uneven smile. "So thanks," she extended a hoof to me. I stared at her foreleg, unsure of what to do.
"Y- you're..." I definitely wasn't expecting her to be this reasonable. I looked at Sunset who simply smiled softly at me. I took her hoof into my own. "You're wel-" the lavender unicorn pulled me toward herself, our faces an inch from one another. "T-Twilight!?"
"I'm going to be blunt, Starlight," she was unfazed by our proximity. I on the other hoof, was so surprised I flinched. "Please, don't do something like that ever again." It wasn't a demand. It wasn't even really a request. Her eyes made it quite clear she was begging me. "I don't... I don't want to hur-" she sighed. "I don't want to lose control again, so please... please promise me."
It was sad, pathetic even. Twilight... Sunset... they were both so... fragile. They were both...
Just like me.
I couldn't help it. I laughed. I felt like sobbing, but I laughed right in Twilight's face to hide the pain.
"S- Starlight?" Sunset sounded worried, probably because she thought I'd set Twilight off again.
"I'm..." I tried to speak, though I still had to catch my breath. Twilight remained silent, her expression betraying none of her emotions. "I'm sorry, Twilight," I finally got out once my laughter completely fizzled out.
"I said you don-" I lifted my free hoof to stop her.
"For laughing, I mean," I clarified. "You really do love her, don't you."
It was hard to believe. If I was being completely frank, it just wasn't possible.
"I do..." The mention of her teacher caused Twilight to smile. I hadn't encountered such an unbelievable level of devotion since- "She's more precious to me than anypony else."
You're my little miracle, Star. You're more precious to me than anypony else.
I bit my lip, the hazy memory far too agonizing to endure. With trembling lips I spoke from an aching heart, praying that neither of them would notice.
"I promise, Twilight."
It’s ok, it’s completely natural to have best pony in your top list of ponies.
And the way you write Starlight just reminds me why she’s best pony. Even with your completely different backstory here for her she has that perfect balance of relatability. She is just like me fr (minus the sociopathy)
Celestia and Luna seem to have a thing for personally taking care of broken and misfit ponies. Starlight seems to be using her psychotic behavior as a defense mechanism to keep ponies at a distance emotionally because she is afraid that she will be betrayed again. Of course, she wants to be close to other ponies at the same time. The whole Starlight's town thing was probably the medium she came to in order to satisfy both desires.
Finally an author that understands passage of time, and doesn’t assume Starlight just became evil after one single action.
I’ll just put down my own thoughts and a rant about Starlight’s background and back story here because I got nothing better to do with my psychology knowledge:
So from what I understand this universe’s Starlight is the same, except she has a mental ‘disability’ (condition?) that she either developed through childhood trauma, or was just born with it.
After Sunburst got his mark Starlight felt betrayed, possibly because she was a toxic child back then or something similar (maybe she had similar relationships that ended up falling apart like this?). Later we see that they never meet again, for all we know Sunburst got locked inside his house to study magic (by his parents), which might of inadvertently caused him to fail magic school.
The problem with the original backstory scene is with how much they show in it, it’s literary one event, one event which could of been part of a death spiral in which Starlight just got overwhelmed by dark thoughts, but was still strong enough to survive and thrive, or at least thrive compared to what her life theoretically could of been.
In summary, Starlight was robbed of a backstory only beaten by Dr. Doof himself, the king of backstories, I mean, a pony broken by unfairness of early life, kids fighting over cutie marks, with no Father-figure, and I don’t remember if we get to see her Mom, with either no friends, or worse, a group of bad friends who for all we know sculpted her into the scum of the earth that she was once we meet her, all facade because she can’t face what happened to her and how low she is in life, trying to hold on to bitter scraps, over time becoming more and more depressed before realizing that all it took to make her life hell, was one of her friends getting a cutie mark, and now we have an actually somewhat plausibly tragic backstory.
Now time to rate this chapter, and I think it’s a good chapter, the part where Starlight starts feeling bad is kinda weird, and I feel like things between ‘er and Sunny move a tad bit too fast, but otherwise this is very enjoyable and the mistakes are easily overlooked compared to the rest of the writing,
great chapter
This continues to remind me that Starlight is a sociopath, and that Sunset is going to keep getting the short end of the stick in all of this.
11680899
Thanks! I think she's really fun here, if a little unhinged. She's struggling that's for sure and I think it's for the best.
11680964
Too true. Celestia and Luna seem to be trying to help the most troubled ponies they could find.
Great analysis! Honestly, I can't see anything incorrect here.
11681130
Starlight has a troubled past. It's pretty bad. It's awful. She's been through a lot and while I don't think it'll be a shocker it'll hit pretty hard what happened with her.
I will say, while I don't hate Sunburst, I do think he was a detriment to Star's character in the canon.
11681131
I agree, Starlight feeling anything but malice is a bit strange, but I'm of the opinion that a little kindness will eat away at someone and they'll either go full monster and ignore it or start to change. Obviously, Starlight is the latter here.
Thank you for the comments! I love getting your thoughts on Starlight especially.
11681216
Thank you for your consistency!
11681360
Oh man, I really feel like Sunset got some W's here. She resisted Starlight's influence somewhat and we didn't get to see if she would have broken or not. She fought back with her own mind games by flirting with Star. And most impressively imo, she shook her. Thus far, If I remember correctly, Starlight hasn't been affected by anyone else other than through fear. To make her blush is a big thing, I think.
Well I just need to build up Sunset even more then, I suppose.
11676318
I also wouldn’t blame him, I mean he was like 10 or 12 years old at the time when he became a reclusive but gifted magic user, it’s pretty easy to manipulate young kids like that to make them think they are special and don’t need anyone or anything, I bet his parents probably thought he was meant to be the chosen one or something, and didn’t want anyone distracting him in fear of him losing his gift.
11681889
I don't so much blame him as I think he was used to try to justify Starlight's insanity and it didn't work well. The crime was way too high for 'a friend abandoned me.'
They might have been able to work it out better, but the writing at that point was seriously lacking imo.
11682456
They could of done so much with Starlight, showing how bad friend groups and wrong approach to friendship could ruin a somebody who had so much potential, but instead they showed us like one scene where her friend does normal toddler/teen behavior.
The only reason I love her backstory is because of how flexible it is. I feel like I use this sentence too much, but for all we know she is one of those criminals who saw the error of her ways, you know the ones that do talk-shows and go to schools, except she was so broken she created her own ideology, what many would call Communism, so that no-pony ever again had to go through what she went through, or at least from her pov that’s whats she doin’.
This is why I think her character is so tragic, at least in my head canon, she might of hit rock bottom and shattered, but she pieced herself back together, even if those pieces don’t fit her at all.
And the worst part is that she’s so used to this she doesn’t see the problem with her actions.
BTW I’m talking about the show, and not this book, unless it still applies, I have no idea if Starlight became sociopathic, or if she was born with it (can you be born with it?).
Y’know, I think I’m getting better at wording myself and my arguments, this actually makes sense unlike my rant earlier.
11682463
Oh I get you. You're making perfect sense. I love Starlight because she chose to forego victory for what was right. She won. Twilight couldn't stop her and revenge was seconds away for Starlight. She gave it up. For a villain to attain what they want and give it up to be good... I'll always love GlimGlam.
But yes I agree. So much wasted potential in the show canon. But to be fair there were countless useless episodes imo.
Well, it's nice to see Starlight finally mellowing out. What's really interesting is that she is finding some commonality between herself and the other girls. Though it's weird to hear that she never experienced love before in this fic. I guess Sunburst doesn't exist in this world. And those little voices in her head whispering those sweet little nothings, I loved those! It was a very clever way of raising the reader's intrigue about her last without giving too much away. Nice work!
Reading on...
11685227
I think that's a bit of a mystery, whether Starlight has felt love for another creature. She definitely isn't acknowledging it yet, at least.
Thanks for the comment!
So far, my shipping pair guess is Twi x Sunny
Now I want a Starset ship
11813789
Yes! Same!
A sociopath, miss anher issues and Sunset? This is the ultimate setup for a lesbian throuple! Love it
11850527
Thank you for reading! It could definitely end up there.