This is a really good start for your story. There might be others but these caught me right off the bat. Hope it’s ok helping out like this.

"I... I was being chased by this... this monstrous looking pig... and I tripped." His voice still sounded pretty sad. He shook his head and sighed.

Because it’s Twilight speaking, I think it suppose to be:

"I... I was being chased by this... this monstrous looking pig... and I tripped." Her voice still sounded pretty sad. She shook his head and sighed.

Also:

"Easy there, you're in no condition to be looking for anything in that condition." He told, but she whimpered.

I think would help as:

"Easy there, you're in no condition to be looking for anything right now." He told, but she whimpered.

If you don’t get any comments for you down votes, I recommend disregarding them until you see someone point something out about it. As I said earlier, it’s a good start and I’m hoping you’ll continue this story.

11558972
Thanks for the heads up! I'm correcting it now

Great Story. Can't wait too see more of it 💜

11559115

So far so good

Hope to see more chapters soon

11559176
I'm following you on both of your accounts and also can't wait for the next chapter.

More good