Roseluck is a typical mare, and she works with her bestfriends Daisy and Lily in a store she owns. This store is called "Got Ya' Rose!" But behind this working mare, let alone any mare are the many experiences they have.
Whenever the holiday "Hearts and Hooves day" was around the corner, her store would have many couples browsing her goods.
This holiday was meant for love. A very close and sacred love between couples. But for Roseluck it would mean having to revisit sad memories, and drowning them with little amounts of alcohol.
These memories would be the loss of trust within the other gender, through a Pegasus named Ace Swift.
But by her side would be her two friends and a special stallion to help her regain her confidence.
This is a story about the regaining of Roseluck's confidence through the help of many ponies.
While she herself tries to help another mare with her love troubles as well.
Ace Swift...Turnabout Storm reference I presume?
So far I like this, I really like Roseluck as a character! It just needs editing as parts are confusing and some pony-word changed (ex: anybody to anypony, hand to hoof etc.)
can't wait to see the next installment!
Hello thae Pia! I see you've taken time off from your epic adventure in the world of Pandora to conjure a Roseluck Fic! As far as I can tell, you didn't do anything terribly wrong in this fic. I don't really understand the negative feedback that's you've recieved on this fic, but let me start off by saying that this isn't bad. Said fic has been read and now it's time for the review! Oh and, nice Turnabout Storm reference.
THE POSITIVES!
Let's start off with what you did right!
Well, for starters, this is probably the first fic that I've read that uses Roseluck as the main character. Kudos for being original.
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For the most part, your grammar/spelling here is solid. I'll get to what you did incorrectly in the negatives.
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So far, the pacing seems decent as well. Doesn't seem too rushed, but I'd understand if people argued it was to slow.
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For characterization, you've made Roseluck as a likable character so far although part of me is annoyed by Lily and Daisy. xD
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The dialogue so far has comedic value every now and then.
Yeah... I couldn't think of anything else. xD I'm sure there are other positives in the story, but these are the ones that stood out to me the most. However, you must accept that no fic is perfect and move on to...
THE NEGATIVES!
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Tense jumping. Sometimes it's not as noticeable, but you did go from present tense to past tense in a few paragraphs. "...and loved the adrenaline rush of a dive. He has qualities that are needed to be a Wonderbolt. Ace had a combed back mane..." "and loved" is past tense, "He has" is present tense, and "Ace had" is past tense.
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Probably the biggest fault of the story at this point is the boring plot. No offense, but so far the story is going nowhere. I understand it's just exposition, but the "conflict" in the story had just been introduced at the last few paragraphs. We'll see where it takes off from here, I suppose.
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A few missing commas here and there. Remember to put commas after introductory phrases. "Throughout the day, couples had been passing in and out of her flower shop,
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SEMICOLONS! BAD! As good as semicolons are, you're not using them correctly! Where a comma should be, you put a semicolon! My advice would be to learn to use them, or not use them at all.
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I'd reccomend using a bunch of hyphens to separate storytelling and real life. Not really a negative, but I'm just pointing it out.
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Other than for comical banter, the Teller OC really is unnecessary. The story could work just fine without her. But I suppose it's not an issue...
FINAL THOUGHTS
I really can't be bothered searching back into the story to pull out other faults. Your writing isn't bad, but this plot idea is. So I'd reccomend some editing or a different story. I suppose you could possibly salvage this story by revealing more of the plot and then making future chapters more interesting. Anyway! Lunard Patented Rating System time! (Inside Joke)
Idea - 3/10 As mentioned, this is by far the weakest point of the story.
Pacing - 8/10 Definitely not bad, but it's a little on the slow side.
Grammar/Spelling - 9/10 Commas and semicolons are the noticeable common mistakes, but for the most part it was fine.
Overall - 7/10 I mean, it's not something I didn't enjoy, but it's far from perfect. You're not a bad writer, but this wasn't the best plot idea possible. Right now, this story isn't very exciting, but I can see that changing in future parts.
Best of luck for future writing!
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tl;dr
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YAY! Roseluck is my favorite background, background pony.
Me happy.