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Aegis Shield
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Joined February 2012
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A/N: This is my 60-minute pony writing challenge to myself. I am so, so sorry. XD
Big FREAKING Macintosh
Big Macintosh got out of bed, cracking the bones in his neck back and forth. The sun was rising over the horizon in a slow, lazy way. But the stallion was not lazy. He went about his morning routine, a big smile on his face. Today was his day off, and it was time to work his apple family mojo. Smirking at himself in the mirror, he trotted downstairs and to the breakfast table.
“Hey big brother, we forgot a few trees yesterday. Do you mind?” Applejack said, rushing back and forth to put things in her saddlebags. She was supposed to meet her friends for a picnic that day.
“Eeyup.” The massive stallion gave a roll of his shoulders, but went outside without his yoke. Both sisters and Granny Smith watched him go, blink-blinking. Oh, it was gonna be one of THOSE days.
Big Mac sauntered outside, spotting the trees that they’d missed yesterday. Smirking in that confident male way, he reared up and KUH-STOMPED the ground so hard that the earth shook. The trees practically shit themselves, dropping all the apples they had into the waiting buckets below. A few trips to the barn later, the buckets were put away and the stallion was off to town.
Everymare turned when Big Mac arrived on the scene, spitting his little sprig of wheat to one side. “Ohhh, its Big Macintosh!” one of them swooned and fell at the mere sight of him. “Eee, it’s Big Mac!” another leaned into a fencepost so she wouldn’t fall over.
“Ladies.” He said in his deep, syrupy voice as he went by. His smile really lit their fires. There were tucking tails and back legs pressing together everywhere he went. “Hm?” he stopped in front of a gaggle of mares that were fighting over something at a market stand. Extending his neck to see above the rabble, he cocked his head. Whatever the stand was selling, it didn’t matter, but there didn’t seem to be enough of whatever it was. Big Mac turned his head when he saw police ponies coming to break up the madness of frantic buying and yelling. He had to do something. “Hmm…” he separated himself from the herd and cleared his throat loudly. Everymare turned.
“Ohh, hello Big Mac! Hi Big Mac!” they were all ears for whatever the gorgeous stallion had to say.
“Ladies.” He said a singular word, smiling his manliest smile. There was swooning, but the guards were still on their way down the street. What if they arrested somepony? That wouldn’t be any good. Ponyville was so small, it could really hurt somepony’s reputation, spending the night in jail in a town where everybody knew everybody. The crimson stallion cleared his throat again, calling upon his most virile and sacred Apple Family stallion secrets. He had to end this rabble right away, and restore the peace. “Shuhhhh-ZAM!” he jabbed a hoof at the crowd with all the power he could muster. His eyebrows danced.
“OHHH GODS!” Everymare in the crowd suddenly pitched over, having orgasmed so hard they’d lost the feeling in their legs. Little hearts were flying everywhere. The guards arrived at the edge of the frantic herd just in time to see everypony decide it was post-coitus nap time. Purring mares strewn everywhere with the scent of sex heavy on the breeze, they just… the just didn’t know how to react to that. The public disturbance seemed over, but wow… really, wow.
Big Mac wandered on to enjoy his day off. He stopped at Sugar Cube corner, but spotted a little filly trying to get her kite out of a tree. “Big Mac! Big Mac!” she came up to him, rearing up and putting her tiny hooves on his massive chest. He looked down at her.
“Eyup?” he asked.
“Can you get my kite? Its too high up for me!” she whimpered.
“Eeyup.” The massive stallion went to the base of the offending tree, tilting his head back. He squinted until he saw the little string attached to it, and grabbed it in his teeth. He pulled a bit, but the tree wouldn’t let go. Growling a little, he wrapped the string around his front hooves and gave a mighty tug. The tree came down with a ground-shaking splinter. He untangled the kite and string, giving it to the tiny little filly. Turning, he shoved his head under the tree trunk and heaved the whole thing onto his back. With a loud grunt, he shoved the shattered tree, upright, back into the ground. It would grow back just fine, he knew a lot about growing trees.
“Thank you Big Mac!” the filly toddled off, her kite already in flight again.
“Eeyup.”
“Oh Big Mac!” A pair of mares approached from one side of him. He turned, blink-blinking. “We were wondering if you were up to stud this year?” they asked. Big Mac eyed them, considering. “My wife and I, well… we can’t have foals between us and we’d really like them!”
“Eeyup.” He smiled in such a way that their thighs quivered a bit. They led him along to a private home, and he did his sacred duty….
to both of them…
three times each…
...over a coffee table.
Walking out of that house with his head high and happy cooing at his back, he shut the door with a toss of his mane. Eleven months later, both mares would give birth to beautiful foals full of energy and a zest for life. What else, when their stud stallion was Big Macintosh Apple?
Finally coming to his destination, the rugged and manly stallion stopped in front of the library after having a bite to eat at Sugarcube Corner. He stood there, rolling his shoulders one way, then another. He was a stallion on a mission. This was it. He didn’t get days off very often, but the muscled crimson pony was about to face his destiny. Clearing his throat, he went in.
The lovely lavender librarian inside, Twilight Sparkle, was perched over her desk with an innocent smile on her face. In front of her was some tome or another, and her eyes sparkled with grand interest at whatever she was reading. Her beautiful eyes flicked up at him after a time, for his hooves made heavy sounds as he entered. “Oh, hello Big Macintosh. Come to check something out?” she asked with a smile.
“Eeyup.” He checked around, to make sure nopony else was in the library. Shutting the door behind him, he swept powerfully across the room. Pushing Twilight’s book off the desk, he pressed his powerful chest out where she could see it best. The slender, beautiful mare gave a squeak as her eyes widened in awe and appreciation for his masculine form. “Today,” he said. “You.” He poked her chest with a more than friendly smile. Then he pressed her down over her own study desk and—
“Twilight what’re you writing?” Spike asked.
“YERK!?” Twilight jerked upright from where she’d been scribbling furiously on parchment for the past hour. Her face went scarlet and the paper burst into flame by magic. “Nothing! NOTHING!” she said in a squeaky voice, her heart racing and beads of sweat going down her temples.
"You're breathing awful hard..." Spike said suspiciously.
"It's nothing!" squawked Twilight, face getting redder and redder.
END
Comments ( 315 )
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I... um... what ?
Image: http://www.2epix.com/pictures/8d30aa96e72440759f74bd2306c1fa3d.jpgAegis, what went through your head when you wrote this? I do have to say that it's funny for a 60-minute challenge.
Image: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2011/288/d/c/twi_mac_by_drax99-d4cwm06.pngI think this is what she was writting
Image: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_masnpyyqCz1qme9lko1_500.jpg
Image: http://denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw6117-RD_WAT.pngThat is all...
~ Timid
I don't even...
~ Scare
>>1326081 Mac! 
Whose the stallion that has the Princesses screaming in ecstasy?
Mac!
Whose has Epuestria's biggest book-worn writing clop?
Mac!
Who is the only Eath pony considered a Wonderbolt and an graduate to the School for gifted unicorns?
Mac!
As I was about to say this was going to end up being featured, the feature box beat me to it!
This was a great one shot xD
I'm not sure which I liked more, this one or the one about Applejack and her marrying a Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and a SECOND Rarity xD
The Apple Family has too much bucking swag dagnabbit! I fear to even think what Applebloom will be like when she's all grown up 
I think the only thing left is some story about Granny Smith being a pimp at the retirement home (god no please no!)
Image: http://scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw5715-12257.gif
Image: http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/20336346.jpg
Image: http://api.ning.com/files/KO1PQlJMEf9-91fc9N-ki2H*-b1LoPtKkwV*FcvxBsnUhmksX21AEbvAoUNFVJgFJadpUZYxkLlgpaVo*u5H8A__/Genius.gif
Girl look at that body,aaaah, girl look at that body, h-h-h-he works out, Girl look at that body,aaaah, girl look at that body, h-h-h-he works out, , when he walks in the spot, this is what he sees, everymare is stoping and staring at him, he got a passion between his legs and he´s aint afraid to show
it, show it, show it, HE´S SEXY AND HE KNOW IT
BIG MAC: PICK UP MASTER! 
Image: http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash4/592077_209055445881216_561827713_n.jpg
This is like one of Big Mac's daydreams. I FREAKING LOVE IT!
Image: http://bbsimg.ngfiles.com/1/22689000/ngbbs4da9bbcc9377a.jpg
Image: https://static.prtst.net/asset-proxy/0f646dbd214789c9052e78d1174913bec000f2ed/687474703a2f2f693330342e70686f746f6275636b65742e636f6d2f616c62756d732f6e6e3137312f4e69636b506f74726f736b692f596f752f4252494c4c49414e542e6a7067/http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn171/NickPotroski/You/BRILLIANT.jpg
Image: http://i.neoseeker.com/mgv/574321-Liege/321/25/1307754747760_display.jpg
Image: http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTdOYQXidEkBgOqg0WZu1Q3TCSUmJr1DzmPI_HYC01QZDF9br6ZRyiI2qzrYg
[qoute]“Shuhhhh-ZAM!”
If I was a mare, even a mare like Rainbow Dash, I would probably keel over too in ecstasy.
Also, I have this mental image of Big Mac swaggering into town with this music in the background.
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