Alfar, a pyromancer scarred by battles and haunted by loss, clings to a dying ember of hope: a promise to a loved one, whispered in the fading embers of a fallen world. But when his quest collides with the chilling emptiness of his former apprentice, Elara, the flames of his fury are extinguished by a searing lightning spear.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, it feels kinda rushed, as for me.
PvP was OK, but after that story goes on a full speed. Why he didn't attack Fluttershy? Yes she is cute, but it's a bizarre looking thing that may explode, so same caution is needed.
Encounter with Rainbow very strange too. He is a pyromancer, I can't believe that she wasn't burned in that fight.
Overall Alfat doesn't look to me as someone who has experience in surviving during the end of the age of fire.
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Thanks for the input, sorry that it seems rushed I'll try to fix that in the next chapter. I'll also try to make alfar seem like a more experienced person instead of a weak character. I will try to fix the characters. I'm not the best at writing a story but I hope I get better.
Edit: I will also try to fix the pacing.