• Member Since 5th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 43 minutes ago

Aelan


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Princess Celestia has asked her former student to record a non-pony perspective of history from the representative of the Diamond Dogs. What she learns is very different from what she'd thought was fact, casting a light on the darker parts of the past.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

This looks promising.

Comment posted by Aelan deleted Jan 10th, 2023

I hate to use such memey descriptors, but the first word that pops into my head after reading this is "cringey". I think this story had potential based on its premise, but its execution was just way too laughable. I can't take this seriously when the main character is a presumably immortal diamond dog with a "soulblade" who was also Luna's lover, who is now lecturing one of the most well-read characters in the show about Equestria's secret genocidal history that no one else seems to know about.

11473909
I'm sorry you feel that way, but "I hate everything about your one chapter" is about as unhelpful as a comment gets. It feels a little unfair to get singled out for this level of disdain or is it safer to do this to a newbie or something?

11474079
First of all, I did not say I "hate" anything about your story. I found many elements of your story to be strange to the point of absurdity, but that does not mean I consider it to be irredeemable. If you're really looking for constructive criticism, then I could say that some of these elements should be downplayed or removed outright, but I don't like giving such reductive advice. If you insist on keeping the story largely intact, then you have to, at the bare minimum, acknowledge the strangeness of it. Why does Twilight not question the existence of an immortal diamond dog? Why does she not question why this guy was one of Luna's most trusted leaders? You don't have to answer questions like this immediately, but you at least have to acknowledge them and make it clear to the audience that these things will be addressed at some point. There is only so far suspension of disbelief can get you.

Lastly, I am not singling you out for criticism. I read a lot of stories from new writers on this site; some of them are good, and some of them are not so good. I do my best to leave constructive criticism on stories that I feel are flawed, but sometimes, there's just not much I can think to say. My criticisms are not based on whether a writer is new, however. I would leave the same comments on a story whether its writer had been writing for a week or a decade.

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