Prologue- Purple Pony in Purgatory
“Hello, miss. Your final act of kindness will not go unappreciated, and your faithfulness to your friend shall be rewarded.”
Huh? That’s a weird way to say thank you.
Okay, keeping my eyes shut. What just even happened? What do I remember?
Usually I tend to keep to myself. Get home from school, do all my homework, do some extra homework just for the heck of it, stay up until midnight playing video games, get some sleep, enjoy another day at school and repeat. Basic stuff for senior year.
But today was the release day for Dragon Emblem 5! So I’d woken up nice and early to get the day one collector’s edition before it sold out. Not that it was going to, but you can never be too careful.
With the game in my hand on my way to the register, I noticed someone from school trying to grab something off the top shelf of a TV rack, and in horror saw the line of TV boxes tip over. In a split second I made a decision, and I ran over and pushed her out of the way…
Wait.
Ohhhhh no.
I open my eyes slowly and see what is notably not the inside of the electronics store.
All I can see is a dark blue void and the legs of a rather nice-looking desk.
As I sat myself up to see who had spoken to me, I found myself staring at a rather odd-looking white horse calmly standing behind the desk.
Great, I die, and someone leaves a horse in purgatory to prank me first thing after death.
“Hello, there!” the horse said. “My name is Celestia, and I’ll be your afterlife guide.”
Okay. Not a prank.
Pushing the odd situation aside for a moment, I asked her the question that weighed on me the most.
“Is the girl I pushed safe?”
With a sad nod, Celestia said, “She would have died had you not intervened. For your selfless act, her life is saved.”
And mine is lost.
“However, for such a sacrifice, your reward will come in your next life. Although I cannot restore life to your old body, I can send you back to Earth with my blessing, with the promise of a loving family with a decent income, but you will lose all memory of your past life and start anew. You could also go to heaven, but,” Celestia leaned closer, “I must say, it can get a bit boring.”
“How could heaven be boring?”
“Although I welcome the love of friendship, all there is in heaven is the most basic of games to play, and no meals of any sort. Unless you particularly like the idea of eternal conversation, I wouldn’t advise it.”
“When you say basic games, do you mean they only have old video games?”
Celestia shook her head. “They don’t have electricity.”
“Do they have tabletop rpgs??”
Shaking her head once more, Celestia answered, “They don’t even have Connect 4.” After a brief pause, Celestia asked, “Did you want to be famous?”
“You can make me famous in my next life?”
“No, I’m only asking because, if it’s any compensation, by dying the way you did, you got on TV,” Celestia said with a wink.
I groaned. I’ve only been dead for three minutes, and this angel horse is already making fun of me.
“I must say, I can relate to it,” she said, unfurling her wings that had been tucked by her side and flying slightly up. “After all, I’ve been on the air myself.”
I found myself chuckling with her a little, if only due to the sheer craziness of the situation. A horse who jokes about your death in purgatory? Maybe I wasn’t even crushed to death, and in my knockout, I’m having a very odd dream.
Well, I’ve read before that the fastest way to make a dream fade is to question its absurdity.
“Celestia. Why are you a horse?”
Celestia laughed. “Oh, dear, my apologies. I probably should have explained earlier. The afterlife lies beyond all worlds, each a bit different than the others in their own special ways. In my world, ponies are the species to found society, and humans do not exist. Speaking of, there is a third option for reincarnation. You like games, do you not?”
I nodded, reluctantly. What was she planning?
She explained that in her world, ponies would fight off enemies with magic, swords, and the like. The world was also under threat of a Chaos Lord, who many adventurers had set out to defeat.
In short, it sounded very much like what you could hope for being reincarnated as an adventurer in a suspiciously game-like world, and although she said that I may choose the life of a civilian in this world, a reincarnated adventurer may have some sort of special extra powers beyond what normal residents have.
One little problem.
“Miss Celestia?”
“You can just call me Celestia. We will only be here for a bit, there’s no need for formalities!”
“Okay, well, Celestia, how exactly will a world full of ponies treat–” I gesture at myself.
“Oh, worried about fitting in? We’ve got just the thing for that! You’ll want to see this.” Suddenly, with a slight glow of her horn, a mirror appeared before me and settled on the ground.
Then, with another glow, I felt an odd warmth as I looked in the mirror and saw myself being turned into a small, purple pony with a darker purple mane, and a small horn appeared on my forehead, with my clothes following the change to fit my new body.
Okay. I guess that explains that. I’m just glad I picked today to wear my favorite tracksuit.
I turn back to Celestia to see that she now towers over me compared to her shortish stature from a moment ago. With another glow of her horn, the mirror zaps back to nothingness and a chair appears behind me.
As I’m getting on the chair, Celestia smiles at me. “Well, my little pony, I’m sure you’re nearly ready to fit in fine now! Only a few things left before you can set off on your grand adventure! Of course, you’ll need to know Equish before you can do anything else since all Equestrian-related documents are written in it. I will also teach you some very basic magic. Hold on one moment.”
With another spell cast, I see a beam of light zap from her horn to mine, and with a slight tingle in the back of my head, I get the vague notion I learned something.
At least, I hope that’s what the tingle was.
Laying down a very heavy book in front of me, Celestia explained, “This is an Equish dictionary. In Equestria, ponies tend to have names that are words. I have heard that this used to be more common on Earth. Now, I could have you read every word in the dictionary to find words to use…”
On it!
Eagerly opening the book to a random page, I started to read the language unknown to me just moments ago. “Loyal, Luck, Lucrative, Ludicrous–” I found myself cut off by a hoof in my mouth.
“Ludicrous is exactly the word I would use to describe reading every word until you find one or two that are the most ‘you’. Now, keep one hoof on the book, and we’ll use magic once more to help!”
Keeping one hoof on the book, I saw Celestia zap the book with her horn, and with a fizzle, the book shocked me and quickly began flipping through its many pages, coming to a stop on the page for … Twang? This book better not have named me “Twang”! But the book quickly highlighted a word on the page in a lavender glow.
twilight
With a gasp, I realized that this name was a perfect fit. Or at least it felt perfect. Maybe if I tried something else? No, wait, this indecision is exactly why we’re using magic for this! It was still missing something, though.
Much slower this time, the pages turned backward, stopping and having a glow appear on–
sparkle
With a satisfied nod, I looked up at Celestia. She beamed at me and said “Twilight Sparkle. A dazzling name for a dazzling pony. We only have one thing left to do before you can go to your new home.”
Her horn glowing, Celestia opened a file on the desk and took out a rather large folder and set it in front of me.
The folder had only one word printed on it.
“Cheats?”
“For your kindness, not only do you get to start in a new world, but your bonus reward in this new world will be anything you can ask for. However, I’d recommend something from here.”
As I opened the folder and began poring over the first item’s description, Celestia smiled. “I suspect this will take a while.” Placing a call bell and a clear envelope on the desk from one of its cabinets, Celestia added, “Please put your choice in this and ding the bell when you’ve made your choice.”
Ugh. Everything looks good, but I know I can only pick one. One paper has “Holy Sword Daybreaker’s Wrath'', the next “Starswirl the Bearded’s Accursed Staff of High Yield Explosive Weaponry ”, and yet another with “Nightmare Night’s Pitch-dark Crescent Sickle”.
There had to be hundreds of these rare artifacts and powers in front of me. Even with Celestia checking on me every now and then, I can’t help but feel like I’m no closer to getting to a decision than when I started reading, even after what felt like a few hours!
But I’ve come too far now to just grab a paper and say that it’s my pick!
Surely, if I’m going to a magic world, It should be something magic!
But if an item is enchanted, isn’t it still magic anyways?
How do I choose a single one to be stuck with for all my days?
Surely one of these powers is a step above the rest!
Surely one of these weapons would help me out the best!
And how can I settle this without any unrest?
Without putting each and every one to the test!
…
Wait. A test! That’s it!
Shaking the vague melody from a moment ago out of my head, I put all of the papers back into the folder, found a spare paper and pen in the desk drawers, and after a few minutes of trying to work out how to hold a pen with my mouth, scribbled Celestia’s name on it as best as I could. Sliding it into the envelope, I confidently slapped my hoof onto the bell.
Immediately, Celestia appeared, with a small plate with chocolate cake on it floating near her as she ate some with a fork. Setting both down and quickly swallowing, she asked, “So, Twilight Sparkle. Have you decided on what item you choose to bring into the new world?”
“Yep!” I point my hoof directly at the envelope, the name in large print and very visible, if a bit illegible. “You! Surely a friend is better to have than any magical artifact! Plus, you must be super-powerful if you’re here in the afterlife! Maybe even a deity!”
Lazily taking another bite of cake, Celestia’s horn started to glow. “Your choice has been made. You will surely make good use of–”
Celestia’s eyes widened. I guess it took her a second to process what I said. Surely very few other ponies have ever made the bold choice of taking the super-powerful afterlife guide!
It’s the cheat among cheats!
“Um, Twilight, I don’t think you can pick me to come with you. Unless I’m mistaken, there is no “Celestia” paper in the folder, and you wrote this down yourself.” she said with a nervous smile.
Sudden darkness appeared to our left.
Well, my left. Celestia’s right.
A tall alicorn a bit shorter than Celestia walked over, her dark blue mane glittering, and spoke in a booming voice, “DEAR SISTER!” She seemed to startle herself for a moment, then continued at a regular volume. “I must say, we both have sent plenty of ponies to Equestria over the years, but this has no precedent. As such, I think you should be sent to Equestria as this mare’s ‘Cheat’.”
“L-Luna! Surely this is quite a silly idea! There hasn’t been an alicorn in Equestria in centuries! The Chaos Lord will surely hear and send all of his commanders to us in mere days!”
Whoops. I guess it wasn’t a test after all.
“Um, it’s okay if I need to pick something else, I think I got about a fifth through my decision-making process…”
The other pony, apparently named Luna, shook her head. “You’ve made your choice by putting the paper into the envelope. Besides, as Celestia mentioned earlier, you may pick anything, which does include her. However, my sister does have a point. Celestia, you may want to sit down for this.”
Dark energy spiraled up from Luna’s horn and connected with Celestia’s. As the energy surrounded her, she turned from an extremely tall alicorn into a fairly tall earth pony.
“There we go! Nopony will recognize your status now!”, she said, sealing what I assume was Celestia’s magic into some sort of clear container.
Looking over herself, Celestia seemed a bit relieved. “I suppose you’re right, Luna. I just hope I may be of some use to Twilight Sparkle in this state. I can’t say I don’t welcome a break from afterlife guidance though!”
“Very well sister. I will be watching over you. As you have been picked as the choice item by Twilight Sparkle, you cannot return here until your quest to defeat the Chaos Lord concludes. If that day comes–”
If? That’s not exactly reassuring!
“ –Twilight Sparkle shall receive the reward of any wish she chooses, in any world that exists.”
After the previous remark, I couldn’t help but speak up. “That sounds nice and all, but has anyone EVER beaten him?”
Luna paused for a moment, before looking away. “Uhm, well, no. No, they haven’t. No one’s even come close in a great many years. But don’t let that deter you! I’m sure you will prevail!”
“Do you say that to everypony who dies and comes to Equestria?”
Luna sighed. “Usually. But in your case, I know my sister will do what she can to help you in Equestria.” Collecting herself, she continued in the louder voice, “Now go out there and make the Chaos Lord quake in fear of your power!”
As her horn began to glow one final time, a large circle appeared around Celestia and me as we began to fade away.
Right before we fade away, I can hear Celestia cry out one frantic final remark as she reaches a hoof towards her desk.
“Wait! I never got to finish my cake!”
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Hmm. Well, ok. It's well written. The delivery is convincing. You have my attention.
It occurs to me though, that Konosuba worked because everyone in it was bad at their job and had huge personality flaws. They were so incompetant and made such consistently poor choices that when bad things happened to them, the audience didn't generally feel bad for them because they kind of deserved it. And when they did manage to succeed, whether through desperation or goading or sheer dumb luck, it was a heartwarming victory in the same way you feel proud of a chihuahua that manages to scramble up onto the couch after a dozen failures. The bar of expectation was so low that any success at all was a huge victory.
I don't see any of that kind of dynamic here. Look at Celestia reasonably pointing out that she might be recognized. Compare her statement that she "hopes she may be of some use" to Aqua crying and screaming and whining and begging. This characterization of Celestia is not Aqua. And I don't get the impression that your protagonist is Kazuma either.
That's not necessarily a bad thing. It's fine to take the premise and make your own characters. But if this is supposed to be Konosuba with ponies, I'm not seeing the characterization here that made Konosuba work.
Never even heard of Konosuba, but there's a massive scarcity of stories of people reborn as one of the Mane 6. Not getting stuck sharing the same body, or the no-name loser kicks out the rightful owner. Just straight up being the character from the start.
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It's definitely something I've given a lot of thought to when writing this, since there's a rampant problem in Isekai stories where the protag just shows up and immediately wrecks shop, gets everything they need, etc. While I'm going to stick close to the events of the story for much of it, the character dynamic Twilight, Celestia, and of course the rest of the party will be absolutely different. I do hope to try to accentuate flaws as the characters enter situations where screwing up can leave the party at a serious disadvantage, but with an introductory chapter like this, it's a bit harder to show it. There's a lot of difficulty in making the party likeable in spite of incompetence, as you mentioned, and I hope I can do my best to try to walk the line as I flesh the characters out more in the coming chapters.
So while Celestia may not be a crybaby and Twilight not a panty thief(Not that ponies even have panties?), I do look forward to showing off the long list of reasons these two and their company do, in fact, deserve to get thrown through the proverbial wringer. Hopefully I can do it justice!
I didn't know what the crossover was with, then I looked it up; I have to say I enjoyed this chapter immensely more than the source material.
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The thing is, Kazuma isn't bad at his job. In fact, he's not only incredibly lucky (high luck stat), but he's also extraordinarily competent. It's Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness that are so horrendously bad at what they do they're literally dragging him down to fail at basically everything they try. In the LN there were a few times where Kazuma actually helps out another group and basically breezes through the entire quest because of how amazing he is; his abilities, planning, his luck, all of it contributing to the quests and the group he's helping out can't help but be incredibly impressed.
If Kazuma hadn't made Aqua come to that world with him, and he would've gotten a cheat skill, he honestly probably would've saved the world already.
This is a interesting cross over take. Glad Twilight asked for a friend since that’s her character. I kind of wonder how ponies will react to Celestia
So....Twiggles as Kazuma, Celestia as useless Goddess...Hmm.....Applejack as Darkness and Sunset or Rainbow as Megumin?
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As long as EX-PLO-SHUN is convincing, the rest will work itself out. Good luck :)
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Rarity would make a better stand-in for Darkness. Darkness was a high society lady slumming it as an adventurer. Rarity wants to be a high society lady and is slumming it in Ponyville. Also, it's a lot funnier to imagine Rarity desperately trying to sex up anything she can than imagining Applejack doing it.
Fluttershy is obviously Wiz. Maybe even Flutterbat, that fits.
I think it might have been a mistake to have Celestia as Aqua rather than Luna though. Eris was the reasonable one, and Celestia fills that role better. Meanwhile it's very easy to imagine Luna as the out-of-touch crazy one, getting Twilight into trouble, drinking too much, not understanding social consequences to bad ends, etc. And with Celestia as Eris, the recurring small boobs joke easily becomes a large flanks joke.
Megumin is the hardest role to fill. She has to be a unicorn, but Twilight is already taken, and Rarity is a much better fit for Darkness. So...Trixie, Sunset, Starlight...but all three had antagonistic relationships with Twilight, and Megumin is by far the one Kazuma gets along with the best. Trixie probably fits the best, since she was kind of a one trick pony and not a great all around spellcaster, which does suit Megumin. But then who fills the role of Yunyun? Twilight was Trixie's rival, and since she's filling in for Kazuma, she can't be Yunyun. So, who else? Lyra, maybe? She was friends with Twilight back in Canterlot, so that sort of fits. And she has a reputation in the fandom for being nutty, so that also fits. And that leaves Bon-bon as the obvious choice for Yunyun, and instead of rivals for the conflict between them, they were former lovers, and Lyra has moved on but Bon-Bon hasn't, so she's always stalking Lyra.
So yeah, that's how I'd cast this:
Kazuma: Twilight
Aqua: Luna
Eris: Celestia
Darkness: Rarity
Wiz: Flutterbat
Megumin: Lyra
Yunyun: Bon-bon
And then Rainbow Dash and Applejack can be demon army generals. Not because they're evil, of course, but simply because of a friendly rivalry they have going.
And then Pinkie is the demon king.
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What about Sunburst or Starswirl as Megumin?
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Then who is Yunyun?
If Starswirl is Megumin, Twilight is the obvious choice for Yunyun, but she's already taken. If Sunburst is Megumin, then Starlight is the obvious choice for Yunyun. And I don't really see Starlight filling the role of clueless/harmless stalker who always loses very well. Plus, Megumin is a huge fan favorite and she has to be somebody that people like. Sunburst isn't exactly a super popular character.
Well I must say, Celestia is far better company than Aqua.
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The author doesn't have to pick the most popular character to fit the character. Really like you said about Celestia she doesn't fit the goddess role. For whoever chases Starswirl you could have like Stygian be the big fan since well he was a big fan who was always in the background or leading Star and the other heroes to save the day.
Sunburst with Starlight lurking on him does sound better. Which I would love to see more Sunburst. The author could even pick Rainbow Dash with Scootoloo being the lurker.
Edit: Just thought of Coco after just seeing the author's pfp.... I think that pair would work too.
i can only express my feelings of this story one way
c.tenor.com/2m1yGjnf_LUAAAAd/jotaro-kujo-yes.gif
Please proceed
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Rainbow Dash would fit Megumin the best, both are impulsive, obsessed with coolness, and Rainbow is almost as single minded on her skill set. Could easily substitute Explosion with Rainbooms.
They are so analogous that both are useless inside dungeons or any enclosed space.
But I dont know if the author is aiming at that.
derpicdn.net/img/2020/11/20/2492254/large.png
Oooh. I was hoping for an Aqua esque Celestia. It would have been hilarious to watch her suffer with her. (Unless there's something else in mind, then never mind)
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It's the power of resistance training; he's so competent because he normally works so hard carrying the rest of his party.
While slipping in the cake obsession was good, I feel like this lost some of the original comedy. Why not keep the original joke where the sacrifice was unnecessary and they died of a heart attack for nothing? It establishes the immediate antagonism with Aqua/Celestia teasing them and if I'm remembering right he picks Aqua out of spite more than anything else.
Or is Celestia not meant to stand in for Aqua's character quite so directly?