Equestria Noir
Case 9
“Murder She Spelled”
Chapter 1
“Spell Death”
My grey eyes looked out at the landscape of Equestria rolling by in the train’s window. It would be a while before Twilight and I arrived at Canterlot. A new case has come up and once again I found myself heading towards Equestria’s Capital.
I looked over at Twilight who was asleep while leaning against my shoulder. She’d been up late at night studying some kind of new subject. I tried to convince her to lay off the studying in order to get some sleep but that was like telling a bird not to fly. So here she was, asleep on an early autumn day before she went on a case.
My mind started to wonder, it’s been doing that more often than it used to, about us mostly. Twilight and I have known each other for almost three months and we’ve only recently confessed to each other how we felt. The whole dating life was going fairly well and I finally managed to convince Twilight to stop getting dating ideas out of books.
But I can’t help but feel something is on her mind more than usual. She’s been rather distant lately and it has me worried. Sometimes she would spend days in our office just rubbing the part of her shoulder where she got shot at about a week ago. Whenever I asked her what was wrong she just would change the subject and avoid the question.
I shook my head; I was over thinking things when I should be focused on the case. I opened the file I had levitated with my magic. The victim was a Mrs. Nightspeller she was a teacher at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Forceps told me that the body is still there and I should come and look at it.
Twilight had actually gone to the school in addition to her lessons with Celestia. Nightspeller was actually a popular teacher at the school, a friendly and lovely mentor with a heart of gold. Twilight told me she has nothing but fond memories of Nightspeller’s charms classes.
Speaking of Twilight I felt her stir next to me. She lifted her head off my shoulder and rubbed her eyes with her hooves. “Morning” She said drowsily.
“Morning sunshine” I said smiling “What was it you were studying so much last night?”
“Complimentary spells” Twilight explained as she stretched her legs “Spells that work best when two unicorns perform them” She sat down beside me after she was done stretching “I was hoping maybe we could learn a few since we work
together so often”
I blushed a little “I’m not that good with magic Twilight” I tapped my horn to drive home my point “I’d probably just cause the spell to backfire or something”
Twilight simply shrugged and turned her attention to the file I had opened. She shook her head “To think off all ponies it had to be Nightspeller” She ran a hoof on a picture of the dark unicorn with a long mane of violet hair “She was one of the first teachers I remember having at the school…”
I put a hoof around Twilight and she looked at me. I ran my hoof down her back to try and comfort her. It only had mild success but it did keep her from bursting into tears. “We’ll find the guy who did this Twilight…I promise”
______________________________________________________
The school was technically three schools in one. When you got accepted at around six years old you went to the elementary part of the place. When you hit your teens you moved on to the advanced building. If you decided to stay at the school and study more you went into the graduate student building.
The crime scene was at the last one. Twilight and I walked to the large building to find a crowd gathered around the back of the building. Several students wearing uniforms spoke among themselves trying to discern what happened. I pushed my way through the crowd and the uniforms let me and Twilight in.
Forceps was bending over the dark body of Nightspeller herself. The mare was clad in a violet robe that had been torn open and her body was heavily bruised and scarred. Forceps looked over at me and smiled “Bout time ya got here, I was afraid it was just going to be me and the stiff all day”
I rolled at my eyes at Forceps’ obvious concern for the victim. I pulled out my magnifying glass and began examining the body “Give me the low down”
“Female, early 40s, unicorn” Forceps said writing down what he could identify “Cause of death…” He pointed with his hoof at the large cut on her neck. “I’d say somepony slit her throat”
“With what exactly?” I said looking at the cut on the teacher’s neck. It was way too small to be a knife or any other kind of blade I knew of.
“A spell” Forceps said “Somepony casted a spell that slit her throat about the length of a hair” He gestured to the blood coming out of Nightspeller’s neck “But it did its job, cut an artery in the neck and she bled out”
“Can you get me a time of death?”
“I’d say around midnight judging by the fact her coat was wet when she was found”
“Why do you say that?” I said looking at the old horse.
“Because it was raining like hell last night” Forceps explained “It came around midnight and didn’t stop till morning” He shrugged “Once we get her back to the lab I’ll be able to give you an exact time”
“Anything else you can tell me?”
“One thing…I think she might have been raped…”
My eyes went wide but I was smart enough to lower my voice to a whisper. “What do you mean raped?”
Forceps kept his voice down to avoid anypony overhearing and getting the wrong idea “I found bruises in her…private area, I’ll check to see if anything actually went on when I get her back to the lab”
A murder and a rape? Two things you don’t normally see in Equestria. This only added to the incentive to solve this case as soon as possible.
I looked over as Twilight came with a young unicorn mare. She couldn’t have been older than 16 with a soft green coat and a silver colored mane. She didn’t meet my eyes at first. Twilight gently put a hoof on the mare’s shoulder “Novery…tell the detective what you saw last night”
The mare came closer and looked at me with green eyes that matched her coat. I smiled at her gently to reassure her I was here to help. It helped her relax a little as I spoke “You saw what happened here?”
Novery nodded and spoke in a Canterlot accent “Yes sir, I saw what happened…”
“Can you describe it to me?” I said getting out my notebook “Say start with how you found the body?”
She looked at Twilight who smiled a little. Novery then simply sat on her rump and spoke to me “I was working late at the library last night on a project for potions. It was raining pretty heavy so I went to take a shortcut back to the dorms” She then got quiet and shivered a little “That’s when…I heard the screams…”
I finished writing down what she said. “You went to investigate?”
She nodded “I went in to see what was going on and…I saw somepony standing over Nightspeller…oh Celestia…” She started crying and Twilight rubbed the mare on the back.
“I know this is hard” I said reassuringly “But can you remember anything about the pony that was standing over her?”
Novery calmed down enough to keep going “No, it was very dark and I only caught a glimpse of whoever it was leaving when the lightning flashed…I remember him wearing a wizard’s hat and some kind of cloak…but by the time the next flash of lightning came he was gone…”
“What time was this?” I asked
“I’d say around midnight, I remember leaving the library when the storm hit. The clock said midnight and the library isn’t too far from here”
I nodded and finished writing her testimony “Thank you Novery, it was very brave of you to come forward like this…”
“Why would somepony do this to her!?” The mare cried the tears returning to her eyes with a vengeance “She was always so sweet and kind! She never did any harm to anypony!”
Some in the crowd murmured a little and I knew that if I didn’t get Novery calmed down we could have a mob on our hands. I put a hoof on her shoulder “Novery…I’m going to find the pony that did this. When I do he’s going to pay for hurting Nightspeller like this…I need you to be strong until then okay?”
Novery looked into my grey eyes and then slowly nodded. She wiped her eyes with the edge of her uniform’s cloak. Twilight escorted her back to the crowd and a couple of students took to comforting the mare.
I looked at Officer Frisk who was among the uniforms present. He saluted at my approach “Good to see you again Detective, been a while since the whole changeling business”
“Good to see you again to Frisk” I said saluting back “I want you to get other uniforms down here and start asking around the students. I want to know if anypony was here during the night and could’ve seen anything”
Frisk frowned “Going to be hard to do detective, yesterday was a vacation day for the school. A lot of students and teachers went home”
“Just look around where you can” I said with authority “Also make sure nopony goes near the crime scene unless I say so”
Frisk nodded “Yeah, also the head of the department Professor Wander Wave wanted to talk to you. He’s the pony in charge of making sure the students are alright. He wanted to get a statement once the investigation was done…he was also a personal friend of the victim”
“Thanks Frisk, I’ll get on it” I said turning to leave the uniform to his work.
_________________________________________________________
“You know this Wander guy?” I asked as Twilight and I walked towards the staff building. The staff had a single building to themselves where they did all their work. The students around us were whispering about us. It reminded me of when I arrived in Ponyville the first time…a detective and cops being here was never a good sign.
Twilight nodded “He was my Conjuration teacher back when I took classes here” She smiled a little “He’s brilliant when it comes to magic and I always enjoyed his lectures”
“Sounds like you were the teacher’s pet” I said chuckling
Twilight flushed and glared at me “I only gave him the one apple! And that was during Teacher Appreciation Week!”
I laughed and then heard a high pitched laugh come from behind us. I then heard a very refined alto voice speak from the same spot “You always were a favorite among the teachers Twilight”
We both turned around to see a rather pretty looking unicorn mare smiling at Twilight. She was the same age as Twilight with a long blond mane and a coat of pure white. A cutie mark of a sparkling moon adorned her flank which was partially obscured by the violet cloak she wore. The smile on her face was one that reminded me of Larksong. Not a good thing…
“Moondancer?” Twilight said raising an eyebrow “What are you doing here?”
Moondancer smiled and tossed her mane “I’m a graduate student here, it’s a pleasure to see you again Twilight” She then looked at me and smiled wider “And who is this fine example of stallionhood?”
I simply nodded in her direction “Detective Private Eye, I’m here to investigate the murder of Nightspeller”
Moondancer closed her blue eyes for a moment “A terrible loss, she was my teacher when Twilight and I were in school together”
“You were a friend of Twilight’s?” I said curiously
“Well I wouldn’t call us friends…” Twilight grumbled a little
“Oh you may not see it that way Twilight” Moondancer said a little too merrily “But you were always a friend to me. Ever since you gave me those notes I knew we were meant to be. But alas, one Nightmare Moon later and all my plans for our blossoming friendship have been for naught”
Luna’s horn, and I thought Rarity was a drama queen “What do you mean?”
Twilight looked a little guilty “Before Nightmare Moon’s return I skipped out on going to Moondancer’s birthday party…” She turned to the white mare and smiled a little “Sorry about that Moondancer”
“Oh don’t worry your head about it” Moondancer said patting Twilight on the head like one would a dog. “I understand you are a very busy mare and I can’t be expected to have you at my beck and call”
“Speaking of being busy” Twilight said backing away “We should-get-going” She said that last bit through gritted teeth.
“Oh?” Moondancer said getting awfully close to me “But I’d like to get to know your stallion friend here…” Her blue eyes became half lidded and several alarms went off in my head. All of them were saying…
GET AWAY FROM THE MARE WHO’S FLIRTING WITH YOU IDIOT!!!!
I didn’t have to deny the mare myself as Twilight used magic to yank on my tail to get moving. I was happy to oblige and we left the mare behind.
_________________________________________________________
“Can you believe she would do that!?” Twilight ranted when we finally got inside the staff building “You could see it in her eyes she knew you were my boyfriend!”
“Does she do that all the time?” I said looking at the rather extravagant interior.
“All the time!” Twilight exclaimed exacerbated “It’s why I don’t like hanging out with her! All she does is flirt with guys and get them to do whatever she wants”
“I don’t think it would take an appearance by Nightmare Moon to keep you away from her parties” I observed
Twilight rolled her eyes “The only reason she even invites me is because I helped her study for a test she was struggling with” She shook her head “Ever since it was always-“She imitated Moondancer’s refined accent “Oh Twilight won’t you help me with homework? Twilight won’t you teach me this spell? Twilight won’t you do this? Twilight won’t you do that?” She snorted “I could think of a few things to do with her-“
She was cut off when I covered her mouth with a hoof and made a motion for her to shush “Twilight…somepony is following us…”
Twilight looked with her violet eyes behind us. Nopony was there…
I looked back there and removed my hoof from her mouth “I thought I heard somepony walking…
Twilight’s horn glowed and then she fired a magic bolt at the space in front of us. The bolt hit something I couldn’t see and I heard a crash as whatever the spell hit crashed into a nearby suit of armor.
I pulled out my gun and aimed it at the invisible follower. Slowly the spell faded and I saw a blue unicorn among the mess of the armor. Her violet eyes glared at me “Nopony assaults the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
“Trixie?!” Twilight exclaimed in obvious shock
“Great and who now?” I said in obvious confusion
You need more punctuation. A lot more.
Also, if there was a murder, wouldn't any detective worth his salt not be distracted by a showmare? He's there to investigate a murder, not embarrass civilians.
1302452He's also a keeper of the peace, if somepony is causing a rukus he's there to sort it out.
this is case 9
1302500I posted this late last night I don't think I was thinking straight when I made that mistake
1302475 Yes, but...priorities. It also wasn't a ruckus, it was a show. Like Trixie does. For a living? You know. Seemed more to me that you just put that in there to show how cool your oc is, but that might just be me.![:trollestia:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/trollestia.png)
1302540I didn't mean it in that respect. Really it was Private's personality taking over, besides everypony else was more then happy to challenge Trixie when she came to Ponyville.
1302568 Yes, but had Trixie shown up in the wake of a murder (something unheard of in FiM canon), she would have been ignored. I can't imagine any character being like "Oh my god, a murder! But first, let me give this showmare what-for." Doesn't work.
1302579Maybe you're right....
1302586 It just makes it difficult to read. The beginning being so focused on sex also kind of threw me. Equestria is more or less a utopia, so to have a story saying that coercive sex is the norm (also, it's called rape, not whatever weird phrasing you used in the description), with mares being the ones coerced (this is a matriarchy, vs our own patriarchy), really quite confused me. That was another thing I was thinking you put in there to show how awesomely nice your OC is (which, 'not a rapist' isn't something to point out to admire. One isn't supposed to rape. It's like when guys hit on me and say 'but I've never been to jail!' You're not supposed to go to jail, I'm not going to swoon over you for doing the bare minimum).![:facehoof:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/facehoof.png)
1302606You're totally right, I am disapointed with myself of how this turned out, I'm going to see about rewriting this chapter...
BAHAHA! Privatelicious...
Anyways, review time!
As a previous commenter said, there is a few punctuation mistakes. There doesn't seem to be any commas in the chapter. Something like "You love me, admit it" sounds much better than "You love me admit it" Also 1 grammer mistake, "an Cerberus" but hey, nobodys perfect.
Anyway on to the plot. It's good to see some more romance between Twilight and Private. Obviously Twilight's trying to read up on how to be good in the bedroom... Also interesting on Twilight's diary, she's still her nervous self as usual. Trixie made a good cameo, a very realistic approach to her character. High and mighty, but when Private disproved her she started to get nervous, eventually quitting.
Another commenter said how it was stupid that Private shouldn't have got distracted by Trixie but when a big obnoxious showmare is near your crime scene, you're hardly going to not be annoyed.
Good start to the case, just look to see where commas might be needed.
Now that you re-wrote it, this is so much better! Private was a lot more engaging as a character, and adding Trixie in this way instead was a lot better
I revoke my dislike now that it's redone ![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
1304038Thanks for saving me from the barrage of hate that would've come from my last attempt![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
1304049 No problem
It's a great premise (I fricking love noir stories) and you were willing to take feedback gracefully! Tracking ^^
1304067
I just really appreciate the fact that somepony was willing to tell it like it is
1304070 If you ever need that, give me a holler. I've got brutal honesty in spades![:ajsmug:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/ajsmug.png)
1304084That's for sure![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Well Twilight has been having some fantastic reunions today hasn't she?
1304606Expect happy reunions later though
1304823
what kind of happy like actual happy ones or the sarcastic happy were it really will just end in disaster
1305237I mean she'll meet somepony familiar and it'll be a good thing
1305304
okay
Sweet rewrite dude![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Someone is framing Trixie. calling it. Only thing am nearly sure of.
1924258
i doubt they are framing trixie, i mean with rape involved a female would be the last suspect.
Soooo... We really are in an alternate universe now.
With the tech, you could argue that ponies use it the background but...
Moondancer... Just got eclipsed.
Excuse me while I kill myself for that pun