"Momma? would you tell me a story before I go to sleep?"
Yes. Would you like to hear the story of how we came to this realm?
You always said I was not old enough for it.
You were little the last time you asked El. I think you are old enough to handle it now.
Once long ago, our home was in a different world. Aeons from this place and it's strife. Our ancestors, and those of the gryphons, diamond dogs, and dragons we share our borders with.
The Orc Raiders too?
Mercifully, No.
We would have been there forever if it had not been for them.
Them?
Yes. Ceriphos.
As you know, The Magocracy of Ceriphos were once one of the most powerful kingdoms in the realm. Reigned over by a triad of Arch-Magi, they ruled justly. Until the Sanctum of the All Seer seized power.
Then Ceriphos was ruled by a dark cult which turned the marvels of magic and artifice to reckless dimensional piercing and mechanical engines of war. Everyone suffered. Until they hit their disaster point.
Disaster point?
You know how dwarves always unleash some unspeakable evil if they mine too deep in the stories? It's like that.
The All-Seers Tri-Cabal had attempted to open a portal to let their god into the mortal realm. Then would he devour the souls of the unfaithful and give power to his faithful thralls.
Did it work?
If it did, we wouldn't be here.
What was meant to bring their god tore a hole in the fabric of the multiverse. Their god never came. But their empire, and the others, fell under the weight of the creatures that started to slip through the frayed veil. But not all were monsters.
Like us?
Yes. almost everycreature in our home is descended from those that slipped through.
What was the name of the world we came from?
Equestria.
Do you think we'll ever go back there?
Maybe.
11347241
Get off of my story before I use my occult knowledge and set a Mezuzah upon your house...
This was a good attempt, but I have a few issues with this story as it is. If this is really meant to be a prologue, then it should focus on establishing tone, not so much detail, and yet you rushed through it and dumped way too much information too quickly. Going forward, you should take your time and give things the proper detail to get the audience invested in what you introduce.
11363241
I'm still working the kinks out in my writing. I was trying to explain the backstory of my dnd campaign world, give a quick impression of exactly who the protagonists were without being too longwinded, and also a bit of stalling to make sure I met the word count when actually putting my draft to typing. If I'd just put in what I felt was necessary, it would be NOWHERE near enough. Heck, I decided to split this into 3 chapters to give each part more pacing.