After an accident that landed her deep in the Everfree... all alone and injured, Dash discovers someone special in it and takes him back to Equestria... what could go wrong?
I like this story, Its very interesting so far. My only advice is a problem with your translation.
The guard would nod back, and he’d wrap up the stallion.
Although Im not certain, I believe this is a issue with the German language. (when translated to english.)
Using the word "WOULD". You can go through and remove all the "would" when it comes before an action. So it would become; "The guard nodded back, and he’d wrap up the stallion." When you use "would" before an action it tells you that he did not do it. So the sentence basically says; " The guard might nod back, or The guard was thinking of nodding back, but in the end, no nodding actually happens. (oh and don't forget to change the action word. Nod, becomes nodded, run might become ran) It's not a big deal really, its not like the reader cant figure it out, but it can begin feeling silly when you get to a paragraph or fight scene where its used a lot.
Again, Im loving this story and really look forward to more.
Just for an example of the proper use; "He would steal the gold, but with the police near by it was a bad idea. "
Monk "Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan
Honestly i want to see a impregnated and pregnant Rainbow Dash who is so protective of Gentle that it borders on feral and instinctive.
Honestly i want all the females mentioned near the end to be like Rainbow, impregnated and pregnant. As well as protective of Gentle that they too border on feral and instinctive. I'm game for any fetish that is NOT watersports, scat and hardcore gore. But light gore like blood pacts i'm fine with that.
If Gentle follows most of the rules regarding druids than he’s likely going to heal all of them, Gilda would probably remind him of Rainbow and while they’re getting busy probably get one of the nurses to join in.
I like this story, Its very interesting so far. My only advice is a problem with your translation.
Although Im not certain, I believe this is a issue with the German language. (when translated to english.)
Using the word "WOULD". You can go through and remove all the "would" when it comes before an action. So it would become; "The guard nodded back, and he’d wrap up the stallion." When you use "would" before an action it tells you that he did not do it. So the sentence basically says; " The guard might nod back, or The guard was thinking of nodding back, but in the end, no nodding actually happens.
(oh and don't forget to change the action word. Nod, becomes nodded, run might become ran)
It's not a big deal really, its not like the reader cant figure it out, but it can begin feeling silly when you get to a paragraph or fight scene where its used a lot.
Again, Im loving this story and really look forward to more.
Just for an example of the proper use; "He would steal the gold, but with the police near by it was a bad idea. "
Monk
"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan
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Oh, it's just a quirk of my own writing. Sorry about that! I'm glad you like it!
Thank you for the advice, I'm stil lgetting back into writing, and I'll keep that in mind when I'm writing!
If there's anything else you see wrong, feel free to comment! Or if there's anything you'd like to see, please do send me a message or comment!
Honestly i want to see a impregnated and pregnant Rainbow Dash who is so protective of Gentle that it borders on feral and instinctive.
Honestly i want all the females mentioned near the end to be like Rainbow, impregnated and pregnant. As well as protective of Gentle that they too border on feral and instinctive. I'm game for any fetish that is NOT watersports, scat and hardcore gore. But light gore like blood pacts i'm fine with that.
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And who do you think I should start with then?
11296313
Obviously Rainbow Dash. Then Gilda
Derpy always needs more love![:derpytongue2:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png)
![:heart:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png)
If Gentle follows most of the rules regarding druids than he’s likely going to heal all of them, Gilda would probably remind him of Rainbow and while they’re getting busy probably get one of the nurses to join in.
time to regenerate!!