The Voice in Her Head

Sparktail

Sparktail #1 · Apr 21st, 2022 · 5 · ·

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WHAT A TWIST.

Did not see that one coming. Lovely one shot tho.

RTK

RTK #2 · Apr 21st, 2022 · 1 · ·

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wow

Comment posted by Jaimocrusoide deleted Apr 21st, 2022

Jaimocrusoide

Jaimocrusoide #4 · Apr 21st, 2022 · 1 · ·

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I loved the way it ended, I see too much potential reading just this. May you do very well in life.

TheAncientPolitzanian

TheAncientPolitzanian #5 · Apr 21st, 2022 · 1 · ·

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I really liked the idea behind this, and you did a pretty good job executing that pivotal twist. Kudos!

Solid Punch

Solid Punch #6 · Apr 22nd, 2022 · · ·

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This needs a Dark tag. It's not usual "gore rape slavery torture" Dark, but Dark for sure. Existential Dark.

nightshroud96

nightshroud96 #7 · Apr 24th, 2022 · · ·

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Looks like the Elements are pretty messed up given the twist here.

zwaph

zwaph #8 · May 1st, 2022 · · ·

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A very thoughtful story.

FanOfMostEverything

FanOfMostEverything #9 · Jun 7th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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A fascinating concept, but even at a thousand words, this feels padded. Some variant of "the (quality) alicorn" crops up fifteen times over the course of the text. You could've definitely worked in some more interaction between the sisters (for a given value of "sister") and sprung the reveal more suddenly in the last line rather than lay out the mechanics.

Still, it's not easy to make anything fit such a restrictive word limit. Thank you for this, and best of luck in the judging.

Teal

Teal #10 · Jun 7th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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11264964
Many thanks for the review, really appreciate it! If I ever make another thousand words story, I’ll be sure to remember your suggestions, especially my over use of some words.

Bicyclette

Bicyclette #11 · Jul 12th, 2022 · 1 · ·

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The two of them were sitting for dinner, with Celestia talking about her time at Day Court and how she encountered a local baker who offered a lifetime supply of cakes in exchange for a reduction in taxes. She had been amused at this and had been giggling the entire time.

ehehe, love how Celestia it is that Celestia is so amused by this anecdote

She replied, trying to mimic the care the elder alicorn was giving. Even after all these years she felt like she never got it right. She had no real love for Celestia, but she had grown to respect her enough that she was willing to pretend for her.
Besides that, she knew that it was vital for her own survival to keep up the facade, so that the Solar alicorn wouldn't be suspicious.

augh, my heart breaks for both Luna and Celestia here. such a complicated situation to be in

You are weak, you do not deserve control of our body. If we were still in control, then we would have made us a Queen!

that Nightmare Moon is actually a distinct entity from Luna that the latter invited is a great way to resolve how the two are treated as both separate characters and the same character in the canon, classic for a reason!

It had been a long time since she said those promises. She had been hungry and greedy for power back then. But things have changed since then. Conquest and dominance were no longer her goals. These days all she wanted was survival. Two defeats have broken her will and lust for power.
She was tired. All she wanted was to exist in peace. She was now granted this opportunity and did not want to let go of it. She was content with the life she had now and was learning to enjoy it.

and augh, this is a fascinating interpretation of Luna! there is a feeling of true age here in a way that isn't much seen among the characters of the show

Living a lie, she pretended to be the true Princess of the Night in an era where the dark realm was much more appreciated. She felt no guilt for stealing this life from an alicorn who could no longer see through the hatred, but she did feel ashamed knowing that Celestia and all the other ponies were pouring their love to her.

and, oof! was this meant to be a twist? because it sure got me! and it definitely makes her detachment from Celestia and her having to pretend make so much more sense in retrospect. dang, this is really cool! there is just something so cool about subverting expectations like this, and making one rethink the new depths that a character or trope has in the new context. i am instantly fascinated by this spirit that was invited into Luna to become Nightmare Moon, and ended up being the being that lived as Luna. augh, now i want more of this story and character, even though this story is enough by itself!

If they truly knew who she was, would they give her the same love? She did not know. The fear of losing this stolen life made her hug the elder alicorn tighter.
No, she did not love Celestia, but she did appreciate the times when she was there to comfort her.
Pathetic.

and augh, heartbreaking a second time in a different way than the first due to the recontextualization. lovely, thought-provoking stuff here that could easily be the seed of a much larger story that continues exploring these fascinating themes. thank you for it!

Teal