Chapter 6
“Get yourself ready Angel; we’re going to have a nice picnic with Pinkie Pie and Gummy. Won’t that be nice? And maybe the others will join us too, if they’re not still angry with me.” Fluttershy said letting tears run down her face. Angel patted her mane and wiped her eyes; he heard a knock at the doctor and hopped over to answer it.
“Hiya Angel, is Fluttershy ready for our picnic?” She turned around and revealed a small alligator biting her tail. “I brought Gummy for you to play with.” Pinkie Pie said dropping her pet on top of the rabbit. Pinkie looked in the cottage and saw her friend crying. “Fluttershy what happened, are you okay?” Pinkie said rushing to her side. She turned to Angel. “Did you do this?” She asked angrily.
“No Pinkie, it’s just, when I went to go see Twilight, she, she …” Fluttershy tried to hold back her tears. “She shut the door in my face. I just wanted to see Mr. Conagher.” She said quietly.
“It’s okay Flutters, maybe Twilight is just stressed out you know how she gets.” Pinkie Pie tried to figure out why Twilight would make Fluttershy cry, it couldn't have been on purpose. “And you can see Mr. Conagher anytime. I bet you and him will be having fun in no time. Hey, maybe he can even come on a picnic with us, I mean not this one of course since you can't see him because Twilight shut the door in your face." She angrily stomped her hoof. "Um …” Pinkie scratched her chin, “Whose Mr. Conagher?”
“He’s the visitor, I mean, the one after Mumphy.” She said with a small smile.
“Oh in that case I bet we can find him on our own or better yet we can get everypony to help us.” Pinkie said. She saw Fluttershy lower her head.
“He left already and it wasn’t just Twilight,” Fluttershy responded. “I went to go see Rarity to ask if she wanted to come to our picnic and she said not to bug her with my … my stupid issues.” She said crying on Pinkie’s shoulder. “And when I told Rainbow Dash what happened she said If I wasn’t such a flybaby, I wouldn’t cry so much.”
“Angel! You take care of Gummy, me and Fluttershy are going to have a talk with our so-called friends. Don’t worry Fluttershy,” She began saying softly “You and your Aunty Pinkie Pie are going are take care of all of this.” Pinkie Pie said happily as she walked out of her friend’s cottage.
“Still a year older than you.” She said. “Angel you be good and take care of Gummy, okay?” She nuzzled her bunny and followed her friend out the door. “Um, Pinkie where are we going?”
“Well we can’t go on a picnic now and we can’t confront our friends on an empty stomach, so let’s get a quick bite to eat, how about it?”
“I wouldn’t mind going to getting a hay sandwich.” Fluttershy said sniffling. “Oh my gosh!” She ran back to her house.
“What’s …” Pinkie said as Fluttershy returned. “wrong?” Pinkie Pie began to shake.
“Oh nothing, I just had to make sure Angel and Gummy had enough food.” Fluttershy responded as she trotted in front of Pinkie Pie. “Pinkie, just so you know I feel a lot better now, thanks for being my PFF, I really appreciate it.” She turned to friend and saw her shaking and staring at the sky.
“Pinkie what’s … oh no.” She said mesmerized by the sight in the sky. A large black mass was heading toward Ponyville.
“Fluttershy, let’s go, we need to tell the others.” Pinkie said as she began running into town. Fluttershy ran close behind her.
----
“How can we even believe them?” Rainbow Dash asked her friends. “I mean, Rarity do you trust them?”
“No, I do not.” Rarity said stomping her hoof, kicking up dirt onto her coat. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Please Miss Rarity, we are not lying, she has our brother.” Rover said pleading with the ponies.
“Twilight what do you think?” Rarity asked.
“Well, have they made you search for gems since you’ve been here.”
“I don’t … know. What is wrong with my memory?" She shook her hoof annoyed. "Did you two have something to do with that?”
“No, no it’s her and her children.” Spot answered.
“See that’s the part where they lose me,” Rainbow began. “Are we supposed to believe that Chrysalis suddenly came back after that plot whooping we, I mean, Cadence and Shining Armor gave her?”
“We are not lying, she made us collect ponies, she hurt many of our pack the first time we met her, she has our brother, we are not lying!” Rover yelled jumping at them.
“Whoa there doggie, lemme take a look at you.” Applejack said walking up to Rover and looking into his eyes. “I believe them.”
“Oh give me a break, you can read minds now?”
“No, but ah can see that they’re really worried about their brother, there eye's have love and fear all over them.”
“Yeah right.” Rainbow said, she flew toward Rover and looked into his eyes. “I don’t see anything.” She closed one eye, focusing on Rover. "All I can see is an eyeball."
“Applejack do you believe them?” Twilight asked.
“Ah’d put my farm on it.” She responded still reaching at Rainbow.
“Well, we can’t help you from in this cave, maybe you can explain more about what’s happening as your showing us the way out.” She said as she moved toward the large door. The Engineer grabbed her.
“I don’t think you’ll want to go that way, giant star bear, and I think I made him angry.” The Engineer said.
“Follow us ponies, dragon, and … thing; we know how to get around Ursa.” Spot said as he and his brother moved deeper into the cavern.
“The bug pony,” Rover began “She wants what we loved most, we try to give her gems, but she did not like them. When we failed her she said she wanted us to collect ponies, we’ve collected dozens of ponies.”
“Dozens! Where are they? We need to help them!” Spike yelled jumping off Twilight’s back, she levitated him back on.
“They’re not here, her subjects watch over them, but you ponies are special. They said so and made us move you here.”
“What about Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy? Where are they?” Rarity asked.
“All the other ponies are in another part of the forest.” Spot answered.
“Why Ponyville though?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It must be because how much we care for each other, plus we’re right in the middle of Equestria, it would be a great place to start an invasion, I think.” Twilight said.
“We have arrived,” Spot said moving a rock and revealing an exit. “Please ponies and thing, help us and will help you however we can.”
“We’ll see if we can help get your brother back, but you have to free all the ponies you have captured.” Twilight said looking out toward the forest.
“Uh ponies, ah don’t want t’ be a burden, but uh,” The Engineer chuckled “ Ain’t really no way I can keep up with y’all if y’all gonna start running."
"I'll carry him." Applejack said. She pushed between The Engineer;s legs and put him on her back. The 6 ponies ran toward town, failing to notice a large dark cloud also heading toward it.
“How can we free ponies, if they are being guarded by her subjects?” Spot asked.
“If Miss Rarity and her friends can stop their queen, our pack can defeat little bug ponies.” Rover answered.
----
“Helen! What are you doing here? Come to visit the only the man you’ll ever love.” Saxton Hale loudly proclaimed as the Administrator and Miss Pauling walked into his office.
“Not exactly.” She fought the urge to strangle him. “I’ve heard that you have a fight scheduled for today and I would like to throw in a little something to wager.”
“Ha, very well, Reddy bring the chart!” Saxton yelled, his assistant walked in quicker than usual. “Reddy, tell Helen what the current standings are.”
“Well, Miss, err, Administrator, Mr. Hale has the Alamo on Mr. Bidwell dying in five seconds, the President of the United States has two landmarks on him dying in six. Let’s see, Buzz Aldrin is betting the moon on him dying in ten, we didn’t even know he owned it. Charles Darling has put his zoos for him dying in 15 seconds. And Francis the talking France has put up several works of Kicasso for him dying in 20 seconds. Prize values are based on time chosen, the winner receives the pot. Will you be placing a wager today?”
“Yes, I will be wagering Canada.”
“Very well and how much time do you give Mr. Bidwell before he is killed?”
“No, I’m putting Canada on him to win.” The administrator said. Mr. Reddy stared at her in disbelief; Hale almost gasped.
“Now Helen, I think being in my presence is confusing your cunning seductress brain. Bidwell is fighting a yeti, a yeti that has somehow survived dozens of fights with me. Now why don’t you put Canada on 25 seconds, it’s a long shot, but that’s where Canada belongs.”
“Mr. Reddy, a frozen wasteland on Mr. Bidwell to win.” Helen responded. He nodded and wrote her wager on his clipboard.
“Well Helen, knowing you, you just want to get rid of Canada, I can sympathize.” Hale said he offered her his arm. “Can I do you the honor of feeling my magnificent muscles while we find go to our seats.” The administrator felt a blood vessel pop.
“Why yes Hale, I. Th-Thank. You.” She cracked her neck. “Where is the fight being held?”
“It was supposed to be in my office, but the name was terrible. We moved it the boxing ring in the basement. We're calling it the 'Rumble Down Under' I wanted to call it thunder, but apparently some male exotic dancers already took that name.”
“Charming, when will it commence then?”
“In an hour, we’re trying to set up a live feed for the talking France, but damn technology is too complicated even for my scientist, we can build a damn universe destroying sapper, but we can’t set up a damn video feed. No Idea what I’m paying them for -” Hale began to blather.
“Where is he?” Miss Pauling asked Mr. Reddy.
“Where else? Hiding under his desk, poor chap is terrified.” Mr. Reddy responded.
“Can you take me to his office; I have something to give him.” She said holding up a white bag.
“Of course, will you be saving the life of my friend today?” Mr. Reddy asked.
“Don’t worry, with this, he can’t lose.” Miss Pauling said as they walked out of the office.
“- I swear if all that science and research wasn’t such woman’s work I would do it myself, no offense of course. But business and hunting, that’s a man’s place.”
Humiliate him, then you can kill him. Humiliate him, then you can kill him. Helen thought.
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Great job!
Oh look. This story. Hasn't been gone that long, but still.
And this chapter is just as awkward. The mood swings due to Changeling proximity makes absolutely no fucking sense. Changelings feed off love so having them cause anger is beyond stupid. What is the point of that? The only reason for having it like is as a really weak justification for the past OOCness and it's handled really badly. The ponies just randomly snap each other's heads off and are immediately contrite about it. Stuff like emotions need a bit of subtlety in how they are handled. Here there is no subtlety and instead it comes off as feeling almost mechanical. I'm not sure if you're trying to subtly hint that there's a changeling among them since all the changelings are apparently absent and if that were truly the case, they wouldn't fighting one another.
As is I'm fully expecting the next chapter to be the stereotypical fight and the Mane 6 somehow defeat the Queen despite her having bested Celestia. So either she gets stupidly underpowered or you plan on deus ex machinaing the hell out of the next chapter.
What is wrong with Canada?
I love the parts of this story that takes place in the TF2 world, but the Equestrian parts are poorly written.
This is just bad story pacing. The details and dialogue are all over the place and lack certain sensibility to them, aside from the tf2 universe stuff, but even then the pacing is just awful! One moment they're talking in one area with no indication of what area they might be talking in, then all of a sudden they're elsewhere with no indication of them really moving aside from the change in dialogue. But mother of Celestia, I second Zerziel's notion of mechanical dialogue, it's like picturing robots trying to talk and convey emotion with them. It just doesn't work!
Your pacing is far too quick, you lack a sensible amount of detail and I suggest trying to improve your dialogue. I apologize for being blunt and a total ass in the process of me saying this but... Ugh, this is just driving me nuts seeing so much wrong with this!
I thought this story was dead. :P
This story is a bit confusing to read
Ooh, an Allusion to Pomagranite and Winter.
1691504
It's tf2. There's something wrong with all of the countries.
1690889
Defeating the queen wouldn't exactly be hard, considering how long that beam of hers took to rip up that hat (not even completely destroying some parts).
1690987
The evil has returned!?!?!!?!?!?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
1694383 Ok, what the hell does that have to do with anything? Because I better not be seeing you trying to explain magic with science.
1691504 Nothing, we rock. However in the story I like how they're treating it. It's so wonderfully in character for them
1696730 Indeed we must save the turkey sandwiches!
He heard a knock at the doctor?
1690889 The sapping of their friendship. Friendship is a type of love in my books, and when it's all gone, they become bitter and resentful of each other due to not feeling that friendship anymore.
1696806
Not science. Mathematics.
1700269 Mathematics are a part of science.
1700344
Not particularly.
1700792 Either way you're still trying to quantify energy output of magic from a cartoon show. You might as well go ahead and try to calculate Celestia's magic as well since she lost the beam o' war with Chrysalis and yet she can raise the sun. Also have fun quantifying how love powers up changelings and what Chrysalis's lower power threshold was since it was never shown.
1701068
I like to think that the beams they fire are not just simply beams of concentrated inner power, but rather are actually combat spells, which is why Chrysalis won- Celestia doesn't need to know much about fighting/keep in shape when her country is in harmony, while Chrysalis had been preparing for the invasion for quite some time.
In any case, Chrysalis's power will be much lower now, without any external power source. And Engie's pomson can turn an ordinary person, clothes, hat, and all into ash with one good blast. So yes, they will stand a chance against Chrysalis.
Although, I have to admit, you made a good point about the mood swings being too sporadic.
1701976 Why would she be weaker now? For all we know she still has all that power. Hell, when you say much weaker, we never saw how powerful she was before so she might have just needed a bit of a boost. Also the Engie doesn't have any of his weapons with him.
1702071
He doesn't?
:|
1702601 You haven't notice that at all? That's one of the main gripes with this story is that Engie doesn't have any of his toys. I think at most he has a wrench.
1703130
Well, this hasn't been updated for a while, and there are a LOT of tf2/mlp crossovers on the internet.
I'm afraid I have to say, after re-reading the entire story, your REALLY need a pre-reader/grammar nazi on this this thing.
well, the chapter feels kinda... Rushed. Also, what bugs me most, is that it wasn´t Charon who got his wife for the winter. It was Hades. And they didn´t have any children. That is if you wanted to model this on greek mythology
1697060
How about the turkey burgers and spaghetti hoops?
1826545 No we must save room for the barbecue sauce
1828527
WHAT ABOUT THE BACON?!?!?! THINK! ABOUT! THE! BACON!!!!!!!
I know that I've not read this fic in several months, but it still shouldn't have made so little sense to me...oh well.