1st of Miremonth, A.N.M 3
The first day of a new month is a great day, isn’t it, Eabha?
Wrong. So very wrong.
In fact, I’m so upset that it’s a bit dificult to write. I don’t know how to say this. I’m just so very mad. It has to do with Sven.
Earlier this morning, he was trho throwing away some trash in the waste rooms when some of the wasteponies passed by him. They began to make fun of him and make jokes out of him. I think it’s because of his mistake that day, when he threw the trash into the laundry room by accident.
And then you know what? They began throwing TRASH on him. TRASH! All the waste oil, and yucky leftovers, the food scraps – they dumped EVERYTHING on him!
I’m writing capital letters, but that is nt not enough to express hw how angry MAD I feel at the wasteponies! They are disgusting! HAtefu Hateful! Disrespectful!
I don’t know how to explain myself to you, Eabha. Its so horrible! How culd could thy they do this to him? This is sickening.
I told Sven not to clean himself up. He stank very badly, but I didn’t want him to wash it away. I took him and brought him to Miss Hawkrose. I told her everything, what had happened to Sven. But all the while she was sitting in her chair pinching her nose shut. She didn’t care. She just told him to go and clean himself up. Then you know what, Eabha? Se She told me not to play pranks on her anymore. I told her that everything was the exact truth. But she didn’t believe me. She became mpatient impatient. I insisted that it was the truth. Then she slapped her table. I knew what was coming. She brought out her whip from thin air. But I had told the truth. I wasn’t lying!
She didn’t var care, she just whipped me. She said she was whipping me for being a prankster, a liar, and a delinquent – whatever that wrd mans word means. One whip for lying, another for playing pranks, and the last one for being a “delinquent.” I dotn don’t know what that word mesn means. And I don’t care. All I know is that it is not a pleasant word.
My back still stings from my punishment. The new feathers that were growing back are violently torn off, again. My back feels sore. I have to lie on my stomach tonight – I’m actually already doing it while writing to you. It’s so unfair. And very ufaortbl uncomfortable.
Sven helped me clean my back. He brought some water and dipped a cloth in it, and wiped the parts where the whip hit my back. He said it was to clean off the dirt, so that there will be no infections. It felt comforting. I felt like somepony understood me. Maybe Sven understands me in a way that haven’t seen – his own way, I guess. He said that medicine was a common thing to learn back in his land. He said that his land is called “Snuorr-yorrd.” I’m very sure I spelt it wrongly, but that will have to do fr for now. Hopefully, when he is able to read and write words, he might be able to spell it for me properly.
I’m sorry Eabha, I’m very I have a lot of feelings still running inside me. I feel angry and very mad, but I also feel sad, lonely, and crushed.
Half of me wants to forgive them, but the other half of me wants to see them die.
I’m scared, Eabha. I’m scared of myself. What if I do the wrong thing? What if I hurt Sven in my rage?
I don’t know what to do. I only can hope, I guess?
***
4th of Miremonth
I just wanted to be sure that nopony would try anything funny on us, especially after Sven has been bullied. That’s why I didn’t write to you for some time.
I guess I’m ok now, Eabha. Something in me tells me that Somepony, or Somegriff, is watching over me. I wonder who could that be?
Sven is ok now, but he’s quite shaken. My back has started to heal, and Sven says he can see little white hairs on the bare skin. It must be the feather roots.
I feel tired, and frustrated. I hope I can be able to write to you in a better mood soon, but this will have to do for now. Goodnight, Eabha.
***
5th of Miremonth
Today was ok, I guess. Miss Hawkrose was in her bad mood when she came to check on all the workers this morning, but thankfully she didn’t talk about Sven’s incident.
Speaking of Sven, he’s been doing well, especially for a small colt like him. He now can open and close the pipes, and can handle himself in the boiler room quite well. But most of all, he can read a few words now. He can also write, but only his name, my name, and a few pronouns. That’s great progress for him.
He also talks a lot more now. I thought that he would be scared after he was bullied, but for some reason, he is more open than before. I’m really happy.
He wants to write to you and say hi, but he can’t write a lot. That’s why I’ll try to teach him more words so that he can talk to you. I’m sure you two will be great friends.
I guess this is it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Goodnight, Eabha.
***
6th of Miremonth
Hello Eabha, how was your day?
I have one-fourth of ink left, and my quill nib is becoming duller. I’ll have to buy another bottle and another quill from Miss Penny. She’s the mare who is responsible for anything related to the workers’ money – she is the one who pays us our salary, and buys supplies like cloth and soap, and keeps records of what we buy from her or give away. She stores all the supplies in a big storeroom – she also keeps her records there. That’s where we come and ask her for what we need, and pa pay er her the cost.
She’s much nicer than Miss Hawkrose, and smiles a lot. Miss Hawkrose doesn’t like to smile, unless something really good has happened to her. Miss Penny likes to eat cake, lots of it. I think strawberry shortcake is her favorite. I don’t really like cake, especially the ones with lots of cream.
Sven and I did the usual. I guess everything has returned to normal. One of the screws broke in one of the pipes, so I got Sven to shut the lever on that pipe so that it won’t burst and spill all the hot water. He enjoys pulling and lifting the levers. He said that it is cool to watch.
I think I’ll have to teach him how to shove coal into the furnaces below, and stoke the fire. But that’ll get his white specks dirty, and I don’t want that. But, I guess I cannot help it.
Sven also has to start bathing himself already. I’ve been helping him so far, but I guess he is old enough to do it himself.
I guess you’re wondering about how we shower and all? But I’m quite tired now. I guess I’ll tell you some other time, but for now I think that’s enough.
Goodnight Eabha.
Huh... conflict isn't one of my strong points either. I thought that was a unique 'me' thing. For what it's worth, you seem to be doing better than I could, but then, I'm hardly the expert.
What I've been wondering since chapter one is how Celestia could allow such mistreatment of her workers right under her nose. If she doesn't know... well I'd love a chapter where she comes down to the boilers and corrects a few things. That might just suck whatever conflict you're trying to cultivate out of the situation tho, idk.
P.S. My first thought when anyone says a character likes cake is that they're celestia in disguise.
Surprised she knew how to properly spell it then.
Well, considering the medium it's being delivered as--an entry in a diary--I think you did pretty good. Matilda's sudden breakdown of usually pretty good and clean writing with lots of scratched out typos (and near-slipping into her native language perhaps?) really conveys the sense that she's furious about what happened and is heatedly venting it all out in such a rush that the usual caution and care with her writing has been thrown to the wind. So I think you did that pretty well.
That said, I'd advise being careful to not use the typo-gimmick too much, or it'll loose that edge and meaningfulness...plus it'll become distracting to the reader if it's too constant. So probably best left as a "only sometimes" thing, when situations really seem to call for it like in rants such as that.
The most important word Matilda will ever learn is "strike."
As far as the conflict goes, it was alright. However, it can have the depersonalized quality to it, as it’s not happening now, but rather being written about in a diary. However, there was a lot of interesting stuff in here.
The conveyance of anger was done really well, with Matilda becoming very incomprehensible and scratching out all her typos, though I would advise against doing it too much, even after the first entry, it still felt a little annoying.
Another interesting point to notice here is Penny. It’s mentioned that she takes care of all the stores attached to the company. So, does this mean that these boiler managers run a similar thing to the old coal mines? Everyone works intensely for hours on end in awful conditions with awful higher-ups, and at the end of the day, they get a piddly allowance in ‘company script’ which could be sold only at designated ‘company stores’. If the boiler workers have to face a similar thing, that’s a very interesting thing I want to learn more about.
11163400
Thanks for the tip!
Yup, more or less like the Victorian kind of treatment. It's not a boiler company though. This story is set in Canterlot Palace's underground, where workers manage the hot water, waste, and domestic duties. They are the ones that do the hard work.
Okay so they do get paid, but it seems to be a paltry amount. Still bugs me that a child is forced to work here. Seems extremely illegal to me.