Better off without me

by SunnyBreeze

Final Appointment

It was Zephyr’s final meeting with Dr. Horse today. Zephyr confidently walked into the clinic with a smile on his face. He had considered buying a gift for Dr. Zephyr to thank him but had eventually decided against it because he was worried that it would make things more awkward for Dr. Horse if some nosy secretary pony misinterpreted it as a bribe for special treatment. Besides, there was nothing that he could offer that would be appropriate for something that amounted to no less than saving his life. “Hello,” Zephyr greeted his doctor.

“How are you today?” came Dr. Horse’s familiar reply.

“Great,” replied Zephyr. “Everything’s better, I haven’t gone back to my suicide plan. I’m just coming in to follow up on our agreement to meet this one last time”.

“Are you aware that this is my last day here?” asked Dr. Horse.

“Yes,” answered Zephyr, realising the reality that his saviour was about to leave and that they were unlikely to ever meet her again. Zephyr pushed aside the hurt he was suddenly feeling, knowing that being clingy would just make the situation worse.

“What caused you to change your mind about suicide?” Dr. Horse asked.

Zephyr had anticipated this question, and had prepared a bogus answer that would cause Dr. Horse not to worry. But suddenly a thought occurred to him: “Is this so that you can use the knowledge to better treat other patients?” asked Zephyr.

“Yes”.

Drat. Zephyr didn’t want to concern Dr. Horse, but he couldn’t risk corrupting the integrity of the feedback. There was nothing for it, he would just have to give an honest answer for this. “It’s hard to explain, and self-contradictory, but something about being told that some ponies are pegasi shit made me want to live so that I can change the world and prove Luna wrong” exclaimed Zephyr.

“How are things at home?” asked Dr. Horse, “do you get on with your parents?”.

“We get along”, he replied.

“There’s one last thing I’d like to ask you about,” said Dr. Horse. “Do you have a group of friends?”.

“Not really,” replied Zephyr. Well, technically he did, but they were just manestyling classmates rather than friends. He never felt like he could talk to them about anything important and they had drifted away after graduation.

“Why not?”

“Well, I never really had time, and because I thought I was going to kill myself I’ve tried to distance myself from everypony in order to minimise the suffering that I cause them”.

“Would you like some now though?”

“I guess, I’ve never really thought about it.”

“I’d suggest finding a small group of friends. You don’t need a large group of friends, just a few good ones. I have a group of friends that I go for drinks with on the weekends. I don’t have time for much else”.

For a brief moment, Zephyr wondered if her doctor was inviting him, then perished the thought, realising that would probably be kinda awkward for everypony. “Thanks for the suggestion” Zephyr replied, trying to maintain his neutral businesslike expression, but his heart leaping with the possibilities that lay ahead.

“Oh, and real friends, not just penpals,” clarified Dr. Horse.

Zephyr didn’t really see the difference, but he laughed it off with an “of course”.

“Is there anything else?” Dr. Horse asked as Zephyr prepared to leave.

“Well, I guess I just wanted to say thank you. You were the perfect pony to meet.” Zephyr said sincerely, but hoping he wasn’t overstepping the patient-doctor relationship.

They exchanged a smile, and then Zephyr left, a grin on his face, and thoughts of befriending everypony.

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! As you may have guessed, Zephyr is me five years ago. Things have gotten a lot better since I sought help, moved out of home and recently started a gender transition.

If you are in a similar postition, I'd encourage talking to a doctor about it.

Comments

[Skyshy]

For a brief moment, Zephyr wondered if her doctor was inviting him,

Was that intentional, because if it was it's really clever

[SunnyBreeze]

11012062

Oops... uh, I mean, completely intentional, cleaver me! I initially wrote the story to have Twilight Sparkle as the protagonist, and that still kind of comes through in the "research" chapter. But I later rewrote it from the perspective of Zephyr Breeze, because I wanted it to be somepony that I can relate to when at my lowest, rather than how I feel when everything is okay. Somehow that final "her" managed to slip through my revisions, but I think I'll leave it.

[Moose_s]

I have to say I really enjoyed this story, is it supposed to be marked as incomplete because the final appointment seemed like the end?

[SunnyBreeze]

11014348
I realise that the topic is controversial, but am glad that you enjoyed the story! Yes, the final appointment was meant to be the last chapter... I've updated the status to complete (thanks for letting me know, it's my first story, so I'm still getting used to the platform)