William got out out of bed for yet another day at school, it was Friday which meant that tomorrow he'd be able to get back to the gun range, smiling dimly at this prospect he walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.
"What's for breakfast today?" He asked his mom.
"Hashbrowns and crepes, your favorite"
He pumped his fist in a silent "yes!"
the dim smile on his face turned back into a frown as his little brother entered the room, sat down on the couch and preceded to begin watching an episode of Pokémon.
Which he of course Hated.
"Mathew", He said calmly
"WHATTHEHELLAREYOUTHINKINGIJUSTWOKEUPISHOULDNTHAVETODEALWITHNONSENSELIKETHIS!"
He yelled out in one long line.
Obviously eliciting no reaction from his 9 year old brother.
Thank goodness his mom interfered. "Honey, Please change it to something you both can watch."
"Oh, alright mom"
His little brother switched off Netflix and began to surf through the channels, one thing in particular caught his ear "Ammo prices soar in wake of mass violent protests in san Francisco, Oakland, and Sacrame- his little brother switched the channel before he could hear any more.
"Hey!, That was important!"
"To you maybe, but mom said something that we both like."
He sighed, and went back to his breakfast.
"The worlds really gone to hell in recent years, and there ain't nothing I can do about it" He though to himself. William finished up the rest of his breakfast, got his stuff ready for school, and hopped into the car.
"Sure hope that test isn't to hard."
This is a perfect example of a run-on sentence. Here is what it should look like:
'William got out out of bed for yet another day at school. It was Friday, which meant that tomorrow he'd be able to get back to the gun range. Smiling dimly at this prospect he walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.'
O_o... oh dear.
1.His Mother's statement should have punctuation at the end of the sentence.
2. He pumped his fist in a silent, 'Yes!' (It is a thought and not a spoken quote).
3. CAPITALIZE the first letter of the first word of every sentence!
So far this is not looking good. I will give it two more chapters to improve in some way before I downvote and abandon it.
11050389
Surprisingly constructive and polite. Not sure why you got the downvotes...