Breakfast table manners
“Okay, Prin—I mean Celestia, how on Equus is this supposed to work?” Twilight and company were strolling along down the corridors of the palace on the way to the grand hall, where breakfast would be served. And the newest alicorn princess still didn’t understand how Celestia being a smaller version of herself could possibly work.
Celestia smiled knowingly. “Oh, it’s just a little modification on Luna’s big plan, it won’t hurt!”
“Plan?” Twilight cocked her head.
“Why yes, her plan to make me like any other pony, if not physically so!”
“That still doesn’t quite explain why you think this is going to work.”
“Well it’s simple! You understand how when you were a filly, adults wouldn’t take you as seriously, right? By making myself like this, I have become younger, more relatable and far less serious to my ponies.”
Twilight shrugged her wings. “I haven’t noticed a difference yet.”
“Oh but you see? I was once a grand, powerful ruler to look up to; but now to Fluttershy, I am but a pony to give hugs to.”
Fluttershy sputtered. “I-i-I don’t think that!”
Celestia smirked. “Ever since we started walking down the hall, you’ve inched towards me half a foot.” Fluttershy squeaked in embarrassment. “Well, we’re here!”
The grand hall was not exactly grand along the lines of beauty, though it did have some very fascinating architecture; it was actually grander in size. Painted in golden, purple and deep blues, it was in a word, massive. Long tables spanned across the hall, breakfast foods of all sorts piled upon them. Seated at these tables were a great many ponies, talking and laughing their time away while they waited patiently for the guest of honor to sit at her place. (1) It would have explained why the palace was mostly empty at the time.
As they were gestured to their own seats, Twilight saw that where she would have expected merely two seats for royalty, there was now three. She was rather curious about who would be sitting there.
“Ah, looks like they’ve finally got our new Princess Twilight’s seat installed.” For reasons known only to her, Twilight shrunk down nervously, looking back at her five friends who were taking their own seats a few feet away. “Is something wrong, Twilight?”
Twilight fidgeted her wings. “Uh, no—I mean—yes! Well—Maybe?”
Celestia chuckled. “Relax, the spotlight’s on me. They’ll barely even notice you!”
“No, that—That’s not it! It’s just—um—friends?”
Another chuckle escaped the sun princess’ lips as she wrapped her considerably-smaller-now wing around the purple alicorn, but somehow still made it work. “Oh come now, you’ve got friends here too, remember? I’m your friend as well.”
Twilight (gently) pushed Celestia away a little. “Wait—since when?”
“Excuse me?”
Twilight looked more nervous than ever. “Since when were we friends? Teacher and student? Definitely. Mother and daughter? For sure in a metaphorical sense. But friends? Since when?”
“Since now,” Celestia said, nuzzling Twilight and pulling her over to the royal seats.
“Uh, okay,” Twilight sheepishly replied, taking her own seat right at the host’s table.
“Good, good; now I do believe we shouldn’t keep the other ponies waiting anymore, yes?” Levitating a spoon in her magic, she tapped it three times on her glass. “Good morning, my little ponies!”
A hearty “Good morning, Princess!” sounded from the crowd in response.
Luna puffed out her bottom lip.
“First and foremost,” She continued, “I would like to thank the chefs for so quickly handing cake out to everypony in the castle. I know I didn’t give them very much time ahead to prepare, but I’m sure that the day everypony got cake will have a lasting impact for the years to come.”
“It’s ‘effect’, Tia,” Luna whispered.
Celestia idly glanced at her bottom. “But it also appears like it might make a lasting impact on my figure as well.” The crowd laughed heartily at this little remark.
“Effect,” Luna hissed.
“Thank you Luna,” Celestia whispered back. “Now to the guards that were in the throne room yesterday, I’d like to also thank you for staying rock hard throughout day court, despite my… outburst.”
Luna snickered. “That’s what she said!”
“Luna, that joke’s foalish, and not becoming for a princess.” Celestia cleared her throat. “Now I don’t want to keep any of you starving for any longer, so I only have one more thing to say: Who wants pancakes?”
The crowd broke into polite applause, and then proceeded to dig in.
---
“Uh… Rarity? How the hay am I supposed to eat this?”
“Well that’s simple: pick up your table fork, and neatly cut an edge off.”
“Uh, beg yer pardon, but I think they’re all table forks.”
“Yes, they’re on the table, but they’re not all table forks.”
“Oh…kay?” Applejack tentatively reached for the one closest to the plate.
“That’s the dessert fork, dear.”
Applejack was upset and confused. “And how d’yall know that?!”
“Why, it’s far too small! You couldn’t possibly eat a main course meal with that!”
Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “Wanna bet?”
“You wouldn’t dare…”
Smugly, Applejack grabbed the dessert fork to take a piece of pancake. She could already see the image of Rarity looking on in shock and horror, and she would revel in it.
Unfortunately, fate would not allow her to win out against her socially “superior” friend, and she fumbled the device, cringing as it clattered on the table surface. “Blast it, how am ah supposed to pick up the dang things?!”
Giggling, Rarity lifted up the dinner fork—which was between the salad fork and the dessert fork—up in her magic. “Allow me.”
Applejack growled, scrunching her muzzle. “Ah swear, the entire society of ponies is against us earth ponies.”
“So I’ve been told,” Rarity said as she punctured a piece of Applejack’s pancake. “Now if you’d cooperate, we can fight this social injustice and make sure you leave with a full stomach.”
“Hmmph,” Applejack hmmph’ed.
"Don't be such a baby, Applejack; This is for your own good!"
"Hmmph."
---
Poor Twilight, she looked so nervous right next to the sun princess. Of course, She did happen to declare her undying love friendship with her; and in a rather blunt manner as well. Friendship with a princess/mother figure/teacher/family-member-in-law was hardly something to take lightly. (2)
Or at least, that's what Celestia thought was going through Twilight's head, as she was trying to strike up conversation. "So Princ— Uh— Celestia," Her ex-student awkwardly started. "What exactly is this plan that you and your sister came up with?"
"Why, It's quite simple Twilight," Celestia replied with a little smile. "You know how I hold a banquet yearly, don't you?"
Twilight blinked. "Don't you do that every day?"
Celestia was slightly indignant. "What? Don't tell me you've never heard of the Chuckle-lot!"(3)
Twilight's eyes twinkled with understanding. "Oh right! That's the day long party where you let go of all your inhibitions to make ponies lighten up around you, right?"
Celestia nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! And do you know what Luna told me to do?"
"…Yes?" Twilight carefully took a sip of her orange juice. Luna pulled a large grin in anticipation of her brilliant plan finally being put into light.
"Well she told me to do that, every day, everywhere, whenever and wherever! So that's what I plan on doing; Playing games and goofing off!"
And Twilight lost all control of her lungs and cheeks, spraying a fine mist in the direction of her mentor. A couple moments of coughing, and she finally managed to speak. "I'm sorry- What?? Do you even know what that'll do to your reputation of ponies respecting you??"
Celestia simply gazed at her ex student disapprovingly. Calmly, she picked up a napkin, wiped her face, and lifted her own glass.
"Oh my word, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to…"
Celestia arched an eyebrow, smirked, and doused Twilight with her still warm(Thankfully not hot) tea. Twilight spluttered at the sudden feeling of getting soaked.
"Ackpth!! What in— So that's how you're gonna play? Okay, that's it…" Twilight got out of her seat. This was not what Celestia intended.
"Wait, Twilight, I didn't mean to—"
"HEY PINKIE!! CELESTIA'S CALLED FOR A FOOD FIGHT!!"
A loud gasp reverberated throughout the entire dining hall. "CELESTIA WANTS A FOOD FIGHT?! YOU'RE ON!!"
"Oh, so it worked after all."
Then all Tartarus broke loose.
---
"That. Was. INTENSE!!" Rainbow Dash shouted, pumping her forelegs in the air. "Did you see how I dodged that waffle!? And then I volleyed that egg right back at that smug unicorn! I was haulin'!!"
Applejack guffawed. "That wasn't what you were thinkin' when ah smacked y'all out of the sky with that slice of toast!"
"Truly, you are a worthy opponent!" Rainbow Bowed with one hoof behind her back, making Applejack burst out in laughter.
"Ohhhh… That was delicious…" Pinkie mumbled in her euphoric state of tummy fullness. Currently, each and every pony was out in the courtyard, receiving an impromptu shower(4). Pinkie barely noticed when she received her own shower, despite the water being somewhat cold. "I'm so happy I did that; all that food fighting…. I've never been so full in my entire life!"
"Well at least somepony had her fill of food," Twilight giggled, using a towel to dry herself off. "Unfortunately, I'm still pretty hungry. Any chance you have some other food that I could eat?"
Celestia shrugged. "I found an uneaten cheesecake in the fridge."
"That'll do."
"I must admit sister," Luna Spoke after shaking herself off. "That was much better performed than I imagined it would be. Perhaps a little more excessive than I would do, but I think most of the ponies enjoyed it."
Rarity and Fluttershy simply clung to each other in terror, one because she was worried what the syrup would do to her hair, the other simply didn't like the cold water, or the fight in the first place.
Celestia giggled nervously. "I might have been a little too excessive… Twilight? No more food fights, okay?"
Twilight stuck out her tongue. "You started it…"
"Don't stick your tongue out at me, young mare!"
"You want to be treated like any other pony, so I don't have to listen to you!" Twilight smiled smugly.
Celestia clapped her hooves together, completely ignoring that rebuttal. "So! Why don't we pry the two petite ponies apart and get over to the commons? I'll see what I can scrounge up from the royal fridge."
Twilight giggled. "Sounds good, Prin— I mean, Celestia."
---
"Thanks, Princess!" Fluttershy called out to Celestia, Smiling and waving.
"Don't have to call me by my title!" Celestia called back, also smiling and waving.
"I'm so sorry!" Fluttershy squeaked.
"Thanks for the cheesecake that was supposed to be Twilight's!!" Pinkie exclaimed.
"What?! Is that what happened to it?!? Pinkie, you JERK!!" Twilight shrieked, smacking the pink pony on the head with a rolled up napkin.
Despite grudges for stealing cake, all the ponies left happy and full. "Enjoy yourselves! I'll call you back when I have the need later!"
Our story continues with the yellow quiet pegasus, now heading on a trip to the gardens. Goodness knows she needed some company with someone who didn't happen to be a white-coated Pinkie Pie. Yes, she loved the pony, but if she were honest with herself then she'd admit that hyperactive ponies tired her out. But she couldn't be honest with everyone, because that'd probably make Pinkie Pie cry, and she didn't want pinkie to cry! That'd be awful! However did Applejack handle it? She would have liked to be like her…
Fluttershy shook her head. She had bigger things to deal with. Like the thing that happened that night. She was extraordinarily tired, but she thought she had seen the night princess kiss rainbow on the forehead. It confused the pegasus pony. What on earth had it meant? Was it teasing? Was it legitimate love for her? Was Rainbow Dash just lonely, and she wanted her mother, but Luna was the only substitute? Whatever it was, she was envious. If only she hadn't silently listened, then maybe she would've got a kiss on the forehead too. She sighed, walking towards the castle's garden gate. What's done is done, I guess… I'm just gonna get over it in the gardens. Plenty of time for some rest and relax—
"OOF!" Fluttershy was suddenly knocked over by something, and she fell with an awkward flop through the gate. "Ouch… Who did that?"
"EEP!" Came a little shriek as a changeling leapt off of her to hide in a patch of raspberries. Wait, a changeling?!
Fluttershy gulped, and put on her most stern guise. She strained her fearful look into a glare. "I-I-I know you're in there, ch-ch-changeling, so… comeoutandIwon'thurtyou!"
Two long ears perked up from the bushes, followed by head and neck of a lanky changeling filly. "You're scared of me?"
"I—No, no I'm not afraid of you! Now c-c-come out, and I won't hurt you!"
The skinny changeling slowly climbed out of the raspberries, delicate wings fluttering once before folding on her back again. Cautiously, Fluttershy approached in kind. Then she got a good look at this strange changeling in front of her. The changeling… filly, she was pretty sure it was— stood on skinny legs, gazing up at her with her eyes—which she expected to be the same pupil-less eyes she had seen during Chrysalis' first and second invasion— wide and full of great interest, with deep, sparkling black pupils. Her horn was but a stump on her forehead unlike other changelings, yet much like the terrifying queen herself, she had hair! It might have been short, but the only other changeling she saw with hair was the tyrant queen.
She just might have been dealing with a changeling princess.
The little changeling grinned ear to ear. With any other pony, it would have been adorable. Especially when she hopped up, flapping her wings, and touched Fluttershy's muzzle with a hoof. "You really think I'm scary?"
"EEP!!" Fluttershy's legs froze up at the sudden contact. Without such control, she lost her balance and fell flat on her back.
The changeling hopped up onto her chest. "You do think I'm scary! I didn't think anyone actually thought I was scary! Why do you think I'm scary?"
Fluttershy struggled in vain to take back control of her limbs.
"Pegsus? Are you okay?"
Fluttershy was starting to panic even more than she already was, despite all attempts to make herself feel brave. She just wasn't built for bravery, it seems. Not too shocking, considering she was afraid of her own shadow. Fluttershy was quite familiar with the problem of being afraid. She always suffered from it, and countless times, with the help of friends, she managed to conquer it. Thankfully—though her friends were not here— the object of her fears seemed as friendly as terrifying, so she silently repeated a mantra to herself to try to get over her fear. "I am with a friend, I am with a friend, I am with a friend…"
The changeling seemed quite concerned. "Um… Pegsus? It-it's okay… I won't hurt you, promise!"
Fluttershy dared to open one of her eyes. "You… won't?"
"Yeah! No point to hurting a pony! It's mean!"
Fluttershy couldn't believe it. "M…mean?"
"Uh huh," the changeling filly replied. "Hurting ponies is no way to get love."
For the first time since she first saw this changeling filly, she actually felt safe. She dared to smile. Control returned to her limbs, so she sat up, wrapping the little changeling in a hug. "Thank you," she whispered. The changeling returned the hug, wrapping her own hooves around her neck.
"Well, what do we have here? Isn't this sweet?" a voice cooed from behind them.
Slowly, the two turned around from their embrace. As the fates would have it, Fluttershy found another thing to be afraid about.
"No… No, not you!" Fluttershy reflexively clung harder to the changeling. "Please oh please, anyone but you!"
Standing there in all her glory, with a great army of changeling and pony children(6) was Chrysalis; sarcastic smile and all. "Don't look so ecstatic, Fluttershy! Did you miss me or something?"
"Oh sweet Celestia, she knows my name!!"
"F-Fluttershy, you're squishing me a little…"
The smile left her face. "I wouldn't be complaining if I were you, Lepidos; it's the only thing between you and a spanking. Do you realize how much trouble you're in?"
"Muh—Mommy?"
"That thing is your mother?!"
"Be quiet, both of you," Crysalis said sternly. The two promptly zipped their lips. "Now, Lepidos… What is it that I told you before you were even born?"
"Mommy always wants what's best for you…" She said in a pained tone.
"Yes, and…?"
"Always do what Mommy says."
"Right," Chrysalis replied blandly. "Now then, if you understood this, why didn't you do so?"
Lepidozz—as Fluttershy heard— wiggled out of her grip to look Chrysalis in the eye. "Because…"
Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "Oh, this'll be very interesting…"
"Because what you told me g-goes against everything th-the Cult of Harmony stands for!"
Chrysalis' hoof hit her forehead. "Oh no…"
"A-and should I b-be accused of high treason for disobedience of the hive-mother, then s-so be it! I will not hurt p-ponies for love!"
"Lepidos Arthropa!!"Chrysalis snapped. "I have had it up to here with your little rebellion! I have given you, and every other nymph here the privilege to be escorted to Equestria by yours truly. Would it kill you to have some appreciation for that?"
"B-but I am grateful…" Lepidos whimpered.
"THEN SHOW IT," Chrysalis growled. With a flash of magic, she pulled a nervous pony from the crowd.
"Miss Cheerilee?" Fluttershy spoke in barely above a whisper.
"Hi Fluttershy," Cheerilee said with a nervous smile. "Our class field trip… went wrong."
"If you trust my judgement, Lepidos, you'll finish what you started. I want you to drain this pony dry." Not half a second later, chrysalis was bombarded by complaints from pony and changeling alike.
"We can't hurt them!"
"She's our teacher!"
"How could you be so cruel!?"
"Ith thadithtic!!"
"We were supposed to integrate, not invade!!"
"I don wanna lose Miss Cheerilee!! Why would you do this!? I don't want her to die!! Whaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!"
"Every one, quiet please!!" Chrysalis shouted. "What makes you think I would hurt her??"
Several of the changelings flinched. However, their great cultist leader held strong in posture, determined to speak out the current concern. "But mother, doezn't drainink a pony of love hurt them? I'm zsure that it izn't particulary pleazant."
Chrysalis sighed. "I understand your concern, but it is without cause. When have you ever seen me actually hurt someone or something?"
Three fillies at the back of the crowd shot death glares at her.
"That was one time! One time, and suddenly I'm an evil tyrant?" She laughed in what seemed a nervous sense. "Realy, when was I an evil tyrant, or a scourge?"
Cheerilee awkwardly raised a hoof. "Well, you kind of tried to invade Equestira twice, once where you tried to replace everypony in town."
"First-hand experience of life in Ponyville!"
"You threatened to kill three of my students."
"I never said I'd kill them…"
"Y-you kidnapped a bride on her wedding…" Fluttershy murmured.
"Wedding couples are full of romance, and I was hungry!"
"You killed a kitty cat!" one of the three mentioned fillies—Sweetie Belle— shrieked.
"Well that was… Collateral damage!"
"HORSE-S***!!"
"Sweetie Belle!" Fluttershy gasped, suddenly not quite as concerned about the danger she was currently in. "Watch your mouth!"
"THAT 'COLLATERAL DAMAGE' WAS MURDER!!"
"Look, can we just not—"
"I'M NOT LISTENING TO A MURDERER!"
"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!!!" Chrysalis shouted. "I've managed to hold my patience for so long, but now it's wearing thin! I now see why I don't keep lucid captives with me. So everypony… Cocoons. Now."
"But—" Fluttershy started, only to have her mouth clamped shut.
"No, Nopony's playing hero until all this is done," Chrysalis stated with a huff. "Look, Fluttershy? You don't like me, I know. There's an awful lot of ponies that don't like me, and you're not the first, nor will you be the last."
Naturally, this was quite true; Lepidos understood this. Many ponies didn't like them solely because they were different, others didn't like them because of the generally preferred method of feeding (Which, naturally, she didn't like). Thankfully, mommy was there to fix the problem. After all, she was planning on integrating ponies into changeling society! It didn't matter what the ponies said— they were liars after all— therefore she could trust that Mommy was really as loving as she said she was!
"But before I do anything, thank you for watching over my daughter while I was gone. For your trouble, I will not be putting you in a cocoon and leaving you behind."
Lepidos smiled as Fluttershy released a breath she didn't know she was holding.
"Lepidos will be putting you in a cocoon, which she'll carry, and we'll be taking everypony else with us asleep."
"W-what?"
"Me?"
"Now Lepidos, you know you need to learn these things when you go out and work with the big changelings, right?"
"But I am a big changeling…"
"Not by a long shot dear," Chrysalis gently spoke. "Now let's get this done, so you can get your punishment over with quicker."
Lepidos swallowed a lump in her throat with a hiccup. She knew she very well deserved the punishment for her disobedience, but that didn't mean she liked it. Didn't matter though. If she wanted to be back on good terms with her mother, she had to go through it. "Y-y-yes, mommy…" She replied, whiping the tears from her eyes.
Chrysalis smiled, taking Lepidos by the hoof to the earth pony teacher, who glared defiantly at the changeling queen. "You won't get away with this," She lied.
Chrysalis laughed, then leaned in to whisper in Cheerilee's ear: "Guess what? I'm getting away with it now!"
Lepidos walked up to the earth pony teacher, pained look clear in her eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Ch-Cheerilee." Then she wrapped the pony up in a sincere hug. She held the hug, willing the pony to sleep, despite the foul taste of forced love. Cheerilee's eyes became a dull green, and her body sagged on the little changeling. She gently set her down on the floor, then made her way to Fluttershy.
"A-are you just going to do whatever she asks, j-just like that?"
Lepidos sniffled. "Yes, but at-at least it will be comfortable."
Fluttershy gawked. "You're kidding me, right?"
For the first time in a while, she smiled. "Nope! Watch this." She held her hoof up, and with a retching noise, she spat out a glob of green goo. "See? Nymph hive material doesn't set quite as hard."
"Eeew…"
"It's okay, I'll show you." She walked up closer. Fluttershy cowered the moment before the warm slime touched her nose.
"O-okay, that's not so bad…" Fluttershy sighed, relaxing to the feeling of the already setting material. Lepidos did exactly as she was taught, albeit with a little change. Be efficient, be quick, be careful; the last note being about avoiding getting your head clocked by a pony's panicking hoof. However, Fluttershy was not panicking over being bound up by spongy but cocoon stuff, so she continued applying the material as though she were simply rubbing in fur cream.
Eventually, her captor was completely sealed, and so were the other ponies, with the help of all the changelings, with little to no fuss.(7) Lepidos prepared to lift Fluttershy's cocoon(carefully) upon her back, when Chrysalis stopped her.
"Lepidos, you still have a punishment to take."
She cringed as mommy sat down and laid her over her knee, waiting for the first strike.
---
"Fluttershy! Tia has called a meeting, and would like to see you now!" Luna called out into the garden.
The only thing she heard was the wind.
"Fluttershy? Where are you?" Luna called out once more, stepping out. Again, silence. She looked around, worried. "Fluttershy??"
Luna nervously cantered around the length of the garden trail, trying to find where the pony was. "Fluttershy?!"
Again, there was only silence. Luna suddenly caught an eye on something green mixed in with the dirt. When she came to have a closer look, she froze in place.
It was changeling goo.
"N-no… Fluttershy, please don't be… Please don't let this be because I slept through something again…!" Luna fought away tears with a glare, which only seemed to hold for a couple of moments. "If anything happened to you or the others… N-no, p-please be pulling a prank, just—"
Luna was never like her older sister, hardly at all sturdy in stature or able to keep her emotions in check. While Celestia always was the more stoic of the two, Luna was always one to seek advice from the heart. Currently her heart was telling her that Fluttershy was in grave danger.
Luna held no more patience for keeping said emotions in check as she pulled in a shuddering breath. "GUARDS!! TIA! SOMEPONY HELP!!"
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Well...that was an unexpected twist...
Oh no!
a food fight then changelings
didn't see that coming.
Sooooo, the changelings are just roaming around in the open and nopony at all happens to walk by or fly over during the very long exchange... which, I reiterate, happens out in the open.
That doesn't exactly seem very plausible, especially since this takes places after TWO changeling invasions.
I know the ponies are pretty stupid in the show, but their not brain dead.
I mean, this would be almost as stupid as, say, several people managing to get through the White House fence on several different occasions! Ha ha ha... ha.........ha... oh, that happened.
the fowl taste-so forced love tastes like chicken?
That changeling knows its hiding spots. Raspberries can be lethal in the right/wrong hooves. I mean, if someone's coming at you with a raspberry, you have to drop a 16 ton weight on them. Any lighter and a bit of the raspberry juice might squirt out and mess you up. Two ponies with a basket of raspberries each can only be dealt with by sending out lions. Hiding in a patch of raspberries is the ultimate defense, as anyone with an inkling of knowledge of what a raspberry can do will steer clear.
HOW DARE YOU!!!
dat innuendo causes all the facepalms
ummm i'll guess C