“Okay. So where exactly are we going?”
A sigh escaped from a purple unicorn, “Princess Celestia requested that I come to canterlot. She didn’t really say why, but she did ask that I bring a friend along.”
The orange mare she spoke to angled her head in confusion, “Just one friend Twilight? An ya chose me?”
“Well. Princess Celestia said to bring a strong friend, and you’re the strongest friend I have Applejack.” Twilight smiled at her.
Applejack still wasn’t moved. “And she didn’t say why?”
Twilight pulled out the letter she had received, silently looked over it, and then looked up shaking her head once more. Applejack looked at her questionably, then shrugged replying “Eh. What the hay. If it’s Princess Celestia it can’t be nothin bad. Let’s go.”
With that she followed Twilight to the train station, to set off towards canterlot.
The train came to a comfortable, squealing stop at the Canterlot train station, its passengers getting off and moving along about their business. Applejack sort of squinted at the light, readjusting her eyes before she began trotting behind her purple friend. Judging by how fast she was moving, she either was excited or didn’t want to keep the princess waiting. She followed Twilight at a brisk pace, ducking and dodging through small crowds of collaborating ponies, before they arrived at the Princess’ castle with none other than the Princess herself waiting at the gate for their arrival.
“Twilight, my favorite student.” Celestia said, meeting Twilight with a nice nuzzle.
“Howdy, Princess.” Applejack took her hat off in respect, putting it back on after a moment, “What seems to be the trouble?”
Celestia gave a small chuckle. “There’s no trouble. Just something that I think you two are ready to see.”
“Ready to see?” Twilight repeated, her eyes grew wide with excitement.
Princess Celestia nodded as her horn began to glow. “Yes. Please stand close. I will take us there.”
Applejack and Twilight walked over to the Princess and stood close to her as a small bubble began to form around the three mares. The environment around them quickly changed from the Canterlot castle gates, to a black and white room with a heavily reinforced steel door in front of them. Looking further around the room, it seemed that teleportation was the only way within the structure.
“Girls. Welcome to the Containment Center.” There was a hint of exhaustion in Celestia’s voice.
Twilight noticing this looked towards Celestia, “Are you alright Princess?”
“SCP? What’s that mean?” Applejack interrupted unintentionally pointing to the wall poster with what resembled a compass mixed with a biohazard insignia.
Twilight pointed at the words below it, “Secure. Contain. Protect. Apparently.” She playfully jousted at Applejack, and then turned to Celestia, “But, what exactly are you containing?”
Celestia walked up to the door on the wall next to them, sticking her horn into the slot next to the door. Just like that it opened up to three other doors that all opened along with the first one, allowing them to pass. The Princess didn’t have to answer her student’s question, as the windows they walked by explained every bit of it. The hallway they walked down was almost covered in heavy steel doors similar to the one they came through, each with a frame posted on the wall said SCP with a number following in front starting from one, along with a picture of said specimen. The windows that shown into the rooms were filled with various things. Some were fascinating. Others were horribly disturbing.
As they walked further down the hallway, Applejack couldn’t help but look into the room labeled SCP-072. The room was darkened to the point where she could just barely see the faint image of a pony laying on a bed, but there was something in there she just couldn’t see too well. As she peered deeper into the darkness she came to see that the pony on the bed was fully awake, but he was in very apparent pain as a barely detectable, what seemed to be like a claw, was taking off pieces of his hoof. It would slowly peel the skin from the leg, go under the bed then come back up, taking an even bigger chunk than the last.
Seeing this, Applejack began to kick furiously at the window, grabbing the attention of Celestia and Twilight.
“What’s wrong?” Twilight asked frantically.
“There’s somethin in there! It’s tearin that pony apart!” Applejack kicked at the window harder as she spoke. “Why won’t this darn thing break?!”
“It’s magically sealed.” Celestia sounded rather calm as she poked her horn into the door that held the pony inside. On the way in, she magically lit the room, causing the claw to literally disappear into the air. The pony on the bed had gone into shock, drooling at the mouth as two other unicorns’ teleported into the room tending to his injury with extreme care.
The Princess walked out of the room. “I’m sorry you had to see that. That was one of our more... Dangerous subjects.”
“With all due respect Princess, WHAT IN THE HAY WAS THAT?!” Applejack raised her voice at the Princess, “Why was that pony in there?! Why was that thing PEELING his hoof apart?!”
Twilight cut in, “And what do you mean more dangerous subjects?”
The sun goddess sighed, the flicked her head to motion the two to follow her, “You see girls, there are some things that nopony can explain or understand. Some are good things, some are bad things, and then there are the ugly things. Like what you just saw.” She opened up another door with the push of a button, (this one nowhere near as heavy), and walked into what looked like an office room with a second level, with the other mares close behind. “I first made this place when I was informed of the first subject, SCP-001. I couldn’t really tell what it was, nor could I get rid of it because anything I did to get rid of it caused it to be a problem elsewhere. So I decided to make a chamber for it. About three hundred meters underground.”
The two ponies behind her looked at each other in disbelief. Were they really that deep underground? They continued to follow Celestia as she spoke, “Then I was informed of other subjects, and I had the same problem with them as well. I began making more chambers for them, but as I made them the subjects that were mobile found ways to escape the chambers I put them in. Of course the only way I knew about that was from my constant checking on them. These things were as intriguing as they were scary. As time went by, I not only gained more subjects but I also began to learn more about them. This then went from a severed dungeon, to a high security research facility. “
Applejack frowned, “But that don’t explain how there are other ponies here, and more importantly how bad that one pony was hurt.”
“Only ponies that show the utmost trust are allowed to work here. They are given a small tour of the facility and then are allowed to make the decision on whether or not to work here. Everypony in here is fully aware of what may happen in the line of their research.” Celestia replied. “So. I believe you have had your tour.” The Princess sat down on a very lush throw pillow in a room a bit more polychromatic than the others. She looked at the unicorn and earth pony with an eerily serious expression. “Do you have any other questions?”
A small silence lingered until a question brushed past it.
“Does Princess Luna know about this?”
“Of course Twilight. She helped me make it what it is now.”
“Will we be allowed to come and go as we please?” Applejack asked, remembering her duties back at Sweet Apple Acres.
Celestia nodded. “You may come and go. Just so long as nopony finds out about this place. This conversation, the facility, everything stays between me and you. Nopony else.”
“I dunno Twi. Somethin just don’t sit right with me. You saw what that one thing did to that pony.” Applejack tossed the thought around a bit, shifting uncomfortably.
Celestia spoke calmly, “That was a bad hole in containment security it won’t happen again. I assure you.”
This still didn’t sit right. There was something she was hiding from them. Wait, no. Come on. This is Princess Celestia were talking about here. The most trustworthy anypony ever. She isn’t a princess for nothing. We trust her to bring up the sun every morning. And that one pony that got hurt was in the room by himself, so I guess he was asking for it in a way.
“I’ll do it.” Twilight spoke in a somewhat gleeful tone. “It’ll be something nice to research besides magic.” She looked over to Applejack, “What about you?”
Applejack hesitated before regretfully saying, “I s’pose so.”
With a smile and a nod, Princess Celestia stood, guiding them back down the hallway they came from, all the way back into the entrance room.
"If you don't mind," the Princess began to form another bubble around them once more, "I would like for you two to come tomorrow."
"We'll be there Princess."
SCP is weird at best. It has kept me up at night on several occasions.
I love SCP and this seems like a great start!
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SCP is a website dedicated to horror not seen since the likes of Lovecraft himself. Madness, malevolent cosmic entities, things that man (or pony, in this case) was not meant to know, and alien geometries that will drive you mad simply by looking at them.
I will definitely have to read this one later.
Did I notice a D-class in there?
106... 173... 682... 076...
Ponykind in its present state has been around for a quarter of a million years, yet only the last 4,000 have been of any significance. So, what did we do for nearly 250,000 years? We huddled in caves and around small fires, fearful of the things that we didn't understand. It was more than explaining why the sun came up, it was the mystery of enormous birds with heads of men, and rocks that came to life. So we called them 'gods' and 'demons,' and begged them to spare us and prayed for salvation.
In time, their numbers dwindled and our numbers rose. The world began to make more sense when there were less things to fear. Yet, the unexplained can never truly go away, as if the universe demands the absurd and impossible.
Ponykind must not go back to hiding in fear. No one else will protect us, we must stand up for ourselves.
While the rest of ponykind dwell in the light, we must stand in the darkness to combat it, contain it, and shield it from the eyes of the public, so that others may live in a sane, normal world.
We secure. We contain. We protect.
-The Administrator
Will there be a hard-to-destroy reptile? Nah, too obvious. How about that unusual coffee machine?
scp and ponies take away the uneasiness and scary out of all the SCP's
SCP-173 is a must.
Also, I want to see at least one containment breach. Because those are scary as fuck.
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Sall I can say... t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRl2_74u021TWHuknYLXdstmk0WNXavNo81ii6RxM3IWrItn3slOg
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If that happens, it'll be either 106, 076, or 682 involved. 106 will very likely kill them, 076 will be disgusted and kill them, and 682 will just do a primal roar of rage and eat them alive. Not very pleasant...
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Or the worst possible scenario: 173, 106 and 682 all escape at the same time. Equesteria would be doomed.
1231418
But in one of the testing logs, it implied that 682 has an immense fear of 173, and 173 tried to kill it.. 106 would be the greatest fear, since he could trap them both in his dimension and spit them out. 682 can be tamed, as shown in a previous testing log.
The chances of them collaborating are astronomical, and undoubtedly 173 would be absurdly easy to recapture. His weakness is why he isn't Keter.
1231440
Who said collaborating? Just let everything loose at the same time and you got a disaster in your hands. Several Euclid and Keter class breaches and bam! Goodbye Equesteria.
Ever played SCP Foundation: Containment Breach? Damn that game is scary. 173 and 106 both appear and apparently 682 is going to appear in future...
1234356
Euclid aren't necessarily a threat, but it's dangerous. I'd say if every Keter cell broke, that'd be a problem. I got paranoid while playing after 106 rose OUT OF THE GROUND and killed me.
Take note that coming into this, I had a very limited experience with this particular crossover, and reading the comments only went to solidify my claims.
^That's what I'm talking about.
However, I can still point out the points that you can improve on.
What immediately caught my attention was your problems with sentences. I noticed in numerous parts that you seemed to struggle conveying what you were trying to say. One example is...
This sentence confused me to no ends. If I were writing it, I'd probably structure it a bit differently...
I'd write it like:
...the pony on the bed was fully awake, and apparently, in an immense amount of pain. A barely visible something was taking off pieces of his hoof."
I cut down a lot by adding and italicizing the word 'something', taking out the misleading stuff like 'what seemed to be like a claw' (which diden't really line up to the prior fragment of the clause or 'sentence'), and changing around the word positioning in different areas. A great way to make sure your sentences are making sense, is by...
A)Asking someone else to read it
B) Reading it aloud to yourself
C) Recording yourself reading the story, and then listen to the recording later.
Now I don't know if this is 100% professional advice, but this dialogue sentence, along with a few others, might be better off structured differently.
The sentence:
Normally, I'd write it more like this:
A sigh escaped from a purple unicorn.
“Princess Celestia requested that I come to canterlot. She didn’t really say why, but she did ask for me to bring a friend along.”
All I really did was separate your sentence, and then add a word or two into the dialogue. This, to me, looks a lot better.
another way you can write it is...
"Princess Celestia requested that I come to Canterlot." An exasperated sigh escaped from the purple unicorn. "She diden't really say why, bust she asked me to bring a friend along"
The final tip I could give you is on the theme of your story itself. You have to keep in mind that there are those out there like me, who have never played-or even heard of-this game before. Make sure that you explain anything and everything that needs to be explained about SCP for your story to make sense. What's more, to ensure a crossover's success, the writer must take the idea of ponies in the halo, COD, SCP... the world in which they're working in, and give it a unique twist to make it both stand out for those who are not familiar with said particular crossover, and enjoyable to those that are.
I'm very tired at the moment, so I'll wrap it up.
You seem to have a natural talent at causing suspense and horror. Even with it's horrid structure, I found myself cringing at the part with the claws on the hoof... this dark theme seems to be a good fit for your style of writing.
You also seem to grasp 'word economy', using just the right amount of words to explain a topic; yet at the same time, allowing the readers to imagine the scenes that you are creating.
For any budding authors, I always link them this document; it's a great 15 page how-to guide to trimming up your story. The origins of this document, entitled 'the Editors Omnibus', are from Equestria Daily. The document was written by Eqd Admins, and it tells you all you need to know before having a smooth enough story to get on to the prestigious sites homepage.
I highly recommend it; it's done wonders for me.
Good luck, and I'll tune in later to see if you've improved as a writer, or not.
~Syn3rgy
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I'll completely take that into account. I knew some of, or most of my sentences were bunked. I should probably get someone to read it before I post it.
Thanks for actually skimming over it. I really appreciate the advice. You apparently know what the hay you're doing.
Time to capitalize on this. Thanks again.
1254645 Haha, NP.
I love helping others get off the ground!
~Syn3rgy
//BEGIN LOG//
I belive all Euclids and Keters shall be released to the Public of Equestria and let the Hostile ones kill all of them,Ponies will die and SCPs shall take over the f**King Kingdom of ponies!No ponies shall live,only SCPS can live, NO DOUBT, and please hang Celestia and Luna god we have f**king gravity and an Axis that makes the Earth/Planet of yours spin for 24 hrs an day!
-The SCP Administors
//END LOG//
2959975 And that's how the earth was made
This better have SCP-458.
At least this fanfic does contain some good content, i like it!