Dark, moldy stone walls shoot past a pony from the darkness, twisting and turning seemingly at random. No sound, not even that of rushing wind as they are rushed down a seemingly endless series of corridors. Despite this however, the stallion in question does not react with anything other than a look of concentration, as though trying to keep track of each and every turn and direction.
Out of the oncoming darkness of the tunnels and corridors a sudden bright light, a stone wall approaching fast with bright blue shining runes covering it. Just before the pony hits the wall, they wake up with a start, looking around to find themselves in a forest outside a ruin.
Daring Do’s rival awakes with a shock, sweat dripping from him as he tries to settle back into sleep.
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“So you have met my sister, Princess Luna” A somewhat amused voice comes from behind our yet unknown character, and upon turning to look at them, Celestia comes into view, her chromatic mane flowing in the non-existent wind as always. Scenery around the two popping into place to make walls of bookshelves lines with unnamed books who’s colors change whenever one of them look away. Between them a small coffee table rises from the floor, made of a wood-like material with 2 plain white cups of tea appearing with it.
“Ah yes, Princess Luna found her way in via one of your guard’s scheduled meetings with his little sister. Those 2 play so nicely together, it’s sweet. It’s a shame they won't be meeting here anymore though” The voice starting off sounding like a young boy slowly shifts to that of a girl’s and everywhere in between as they speak before cycling back to a young boy’s. While they talk, going through what happened while Luna was in the Nightmare realm, the unknown speaker’s body starts to take physical form within the dream. At first, a rough shape like an outline forms, followed by colors fading in to make a blurry purple, light brown and blue mess as the colors bleed into each other like wet paint.
“... and then they woke up, forcing Luna out of the nightmare, very unfortunate in it’s timing really.” The blurry mess of colors sighs, while Celestia picks up her tea with a golden glow, sipping on it with a coy smile, watching her friend take form before her.
“I was wondering what the ruckus in the guard barracks was.” With another sip of tea, a small frown appears on her face along with a hardness to her eyes, almost glaring at the other being in the room. “Why didn't you just let her in like you do myself?”
The scenery darkens and the coffee table cracks as though some unseen force is applying a large amount of pressure onto it. When the blur speaks, it is as though coming from several mouths at once of different ages and genders. “To show that she does not have power here, that this is NOT her realm.” Celestia’s frown remains, clearly not finding it as an acceptable answer, and yet, the form continues to become a little clearer. 2 glowing eyes open, their purple hue joined by 4 smaller eyes opening, one above each eye and one below each eye, and below them a jagged and torn mouth filled with warped and serrated teeth. The rough shape of a wolf-like body becomes more evident along with 2 large wings, both still mostly blurred to bare recognizability, yet clear what body part they are.
“What has lead you to believe that she would try to seize control of your home from you like that? Have I not told you only good things about Luna?” The scenery returns to its previous state as Celestia leans forwards with her stern gaze.
Purple hair comes into focus messily sprouting from the head that seems to form around the facial features, draconic in shape, but covered in a light brown fur with wolf-like ears protruding from either side of the apparent mane. From within the hair 2 horns curve backwards and point up at their tip with blue bands going along their lengths, a similar blue marking the tips of the messy purple hair while the rest of the body comes into focus more. Tall, but thin, beyond anorexic looking form of a wolf, the bones poking through at points, especially along the spine with large tattered wings spread upwards. The wings appear more like that of a dragon’s, but the membrane is torn and the bones seeming twisted and broken, held in place by some unseen force. Instead of the paws as one would expect with a wolf, long claws and talons end every leg, in a similar state to the wings, being twisted broken and looking heavily damaged. The last thing to come into focus is the tail, long and boney much like their body, showing yet more draconic ancestry with the tail long enough to wrap around themselves with ease, ending in a jagged boney spike that has bears the appearance of being snapped off at the tip. All together, they look like an amalgamation of 2 corpses.
Their voice returns to the changing tone as though undecided which one fits. “If someone returns from a long stay away from home and find some of their home has been taken by someone else, would they not try to take it back? Would they not try to force their control onto what they perceive to be their own?” lifting a claw to gesture around them as though presenting their surroundings as proof. “I had to show that this is a place in which she holds no sway” All but their central 2 eyes close and with an exhale, as though to regain composure, their body takes on a more full appearance, no longer looking starved and damaged. Coat shining as though freshly cleaned and all damage fixing itself in the blink of an eye. Tail nearly doubling in length and ending in an arrowhead shape. Wings taking on a slight fuzz of light brown fur across them and talons looking more like those of a dragons claws. The only things that remain the same are the hair, the horns, and the almost disturbing jagged gash full of teeth that makes up it’s mouth. “I apologize for my attitude towards the situation, but i do not appreciate the idea of losing control over my own realm, even if the chances of such a thing happening are miniscule”
Celestia lets out a sigh and nods in understanding. “I see, you saw my sister’s attempted entry as her trying to take control from you” Taking another sip from her tea, she nods and turns around as though heading for an exit that isn't there. “I will go and ask her to come here again, with me this time. I would rather have you both on good terms than have hostility between you both.” and with that, the world ripples, and Celestia is gone, taking the cup of tea with her.
“... she always takes the tea with her, instead of asking for what type of tea it is” the sole remaining being smirks to themselves, shaking their head. “And this time, she’s coming back for more in the same night”
Is he a draconequus or a dragon/wolf hybrid I don’t know
10759012
Dragon/wolf hybrid. I didnt want to make a draconequus, too cliché for my tastes
Could be a fun story, looking forward to seeing more of this. I hope there will be more of a mystery build up. At the moment I think you might be rushing it a bit, but nothing really bad, maybe lean in on the investigation side so more.
Also, while I am very busy at the moment, if you are ever interested in commission another cover art, let me know I hope you will consider me here is a videos of my work I hope you like it.
10759233
There are a lot of secrets left to uncover, ny friend. A lot of mystery to explore.
And yeah, i felt like i was rushing it, but i also wanted to get something more out so it didnt become stale.
And your art has definitely caught my interest. Let me know when you are a bit less busy and we can talk commission pricess, ideas etc
10759249
sure thing dude, will be looking forward to it. I just got a few big ones to finish and then I should be available for you. and in the meanwhile I hope to keep on reading this story, and on that note take your time with the story, I hope you won't make updates everyday, because I have trouble keeping up with daily updates, so you could always create backlog just in case ideas run dry for a while or that you need put more work on your chapter.
10759266
I cant update anything daily, so no need to worry about that xD it takes me a few days just to decide what i am going to do for the chapters and then i need to write them and edit them to the point i deem it at least acceotable so, at the most it would be once a week
Hmmm lots of potential with a solid start
Tracked
10760190
Thank you kindly! I hope future chapters will live up to that potential
Pacing seems fine to me, I suppose the only way it could be perceived as rushed is if the main character’s origin isn’t explained properly as this story went with the, “start in the middle” route. Either way the premise is interesting and the description of the main character’s form sounds great! I’d love to see some more art of them or maybe some ponies reacting to how they look!
10774216
Well the characters past is going to remain among the shadows for quite a while at the least, with some hints here and there (partially because I haven't git it all figured out yet xD) but i am glad that this has caught yourbinterest, and thanks for adding this to your favourites!
As for art, i do actually have quite a bit of art of them, but i, kinda prefer using descriptuons instead as it alliws yall to imagine them in your own ways
Huh, interesting. I'm liking this one. You have a lot of potential here.
As for changing your work, that's almost never a good idea. Readers really don't get updated on the changes so some may get lost if the previous chapter gets changed too much. The only time I think its a good Idea to make changes to published work, is if you performed a huge boner. Either writing yourself into a corner you can't get out of, or taking the story in a direction you realize was a horrible idea.
A good example of that was an Author who wrote a character cheating on a spouse, then spent far too long torturing the guy. To the point where it began negatively affecting the story. Lost almost 1/3 his readers. What he forgot is that stories have to bounce emotions. You can have dark, but you have to balance that with lighter moments. Making the story a emotional roller coaster is great writing.
What he did was four long chapters in a row that were all dark. It pulled the mood down and his story lost the "Fun" of reading it.
That's one of the few examples of a reason to redo a chapter or series of chapters.
Any way, great start and I'm looking forward to more.
The Monk
“Puberty was a curse for those inflicted with it, and boundless amusement for others who survived the process.” -Scarheart
10804747
This, is some really nice advice. Thank you! I am hoping to get the next chapter out soon.
And i love how true that quote is xD
This is great can't wait for more!
10851392
Awww, thank you! I have been hoping to get another chaoter out for a while but have yet to be happy with the chapter hopefully won't be much longer
10858869
What
10859516
Well, if you find it confusing, then, re-read and know that so far, very little is based in the waking world of equestria, but is instead in the dream tealm. And dreams being dreams, are formed of the minds of those dwelling within
10860633
Well, to be completely honest. The 1dt 2 chapters are purely to set up for what is to come
Keep up the great work 👍