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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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ah! I saw this story in QQ but I prefer to read it on this site.
This chapter seemed a bit rush and haphazard. You might need to rewrite it in the future.
10704225
Hell, that's not "a bit". That's "a lot".
That's like going through a crash course on something. You get the main idea, but everything just jumbled together into indistinguishable pile and you have no idea are there any fine details in the first place. That last moment when harmony thought to upgrade him into alicorn just because he destined for success because reasons was extra jarring and completely unnecessary. For the love of Celestia give character at least some depth before promoting him to alicornhood if you decided to start as non-alicorn. Hinting this in the first chapter is just ridiculous.
I feel a mixture of two people into one body would have a bit more of an impact on both, it seems like he merely saw their memories as opposed to experienced them.
I wonder if he'll realize that with the herd mentality, gender imbalance of 75 - 90% female and 25 - 10% male population for the ponies (don't know about the other species), will cause polygamy to the main go to relationship in equestria.
Meaning unless you (the author) change somethings about equestrias gender imbalance, make him move to somewhere else that isn't equestria, or have him be single to his death. He'll most likely have a harem, because of instincts telling him to get multiple mates.
And I wonder what he'll do in order to defend himself during heat season (if the ponies in this world have it).
Also remember my comments are just suggestions, or me just commenting on stuff. Not commands, demands, or other things of that nature. Because (unlike others, and yes you know who you are) I don't force my opinion.
shameless.... truly shameless.....
ONLY an 8? ONLY an 8?!
someone whos 8 is considered to be in the realm of the beautiful people!
and anyone whos below 8 is fugly?
this truly deserves its place in the
Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau
Google translate?
Question for the author are we ever gonna get any reference pictures for the characters?
I like the concept of the story, and certainly hope the pacing gets a bit better in chapters to come, but this first chapter was difficult to read. From what I managed to glean of the chapter; he's going to have a harem, he's going to be promoted to alicornhood and hasn't been already just because he hasn't made the runes yet. To me it seems like the story is delving into those possible opportunities just a bit too fast.
I'm going to continue reading for a few more chapters to see if it does become a bit more to my liking, since the premise itself has me interested enough to give it a try before making a final judgement.
10884713
You my Sir gave a great summary of the story and I didn't really understand some of it and well I hope the same thing seems interesting just a little bit too fast
There's an interesting premise here, but the writing really needs some editing, and (as others have already said) the pacing needs work. There's no reason to declare "this guy is going to become an alicorn eventually" in the first chapter.
Also, I can just about handle the idea that the hero's knowledge of Norse and Warhammer-dwarf runes is the key needed to solve a problem that other magical smiths haven't managed, but it should really take a lot more time and experimentation for him to be confident that he has successfully created a new and powerful runic language. Even if he actually mixed the two into a proper language in his previous life for some reason, what makes that language perfect for Equestrian magic, which he didn't have and couldn't have known anything about when he made it?