At first, Fluttershy thought the hummingbird was mistaken. Of course that fallen log wasn't a pony, it was just extremely mishapen and strangely symmetrical. Though it was quite life-like, with its splayed roots almost looking like limbs.
Oh that hummingbird had SUCH an imagination, there was no way that the log was an animal. And plus there are giant holes in the roots and-
Well, those roots do look awfully like hooves, and the only time that she saw that many holes in a set of hooves was during the Royal Wedding...oh, that didn't end well.
"Ummm, did I hear that right?" Fluttershy confirmed with the hummingbird. It nodded.
Applejack interrupted, "Wait. It means the pony that helped me get in all of these apples for applebuck season? Well ah'll be. I have ta personally thank him for doing all this. Where is he?"
"He says it isn't a pony," Fluttershy said with disbelief.
She almost squeaked when the "fallen log" had two parts on each side of it's ventral "face" lift up. Iridescent orange slits from its front glowed in the early dawn lighting.
Fluttershy hesitantly pointed a shaking hoof at the mass. "And he says it's right over there."
The orange slits grew wider into two luminescent circles. Definitely not a log.
"Ummmm, Fluttershy? Are you seeing this?" Applejack said as she slowly trotted backwards.
"Oh....my...." Fluttershy's eyes grew as large as dinner plates.
"Fluttershy! Get away from it!"
The black mass rose up slowly and its form became apparant to both Fluttershy, hooves frozen in fear and shrinking to the ground as the hummingbird's newly-acquired "friend" got up, and Applejack, tugging at Fluttershy's tail with her teeth and urging her pegasus friend to move away.
Fluttershy could hardly believe it. As the beastly creature stood up, she could recognize most of its features with a Changeling's, except for, of course, its very elevated height.
It's eyes, however, were different. They teemed with intelligence and strife, and not a shadow of maliciousness hung in them. It had the daunting, tired eyes of an elder, but a horrific armor-like coat of a monster (and the glyph carvings on its body didn't help with its image).
She was snapped out of her hybrid trance of terror and curiosity by a furious tug on her tail. She finally noticed Applejack's efforts to escape from the creature.
And that's when it spoke kindly in a crackling, low call.
"Hello?"
Applejack never expected it to speak. She had been so used to the whole perception, especially during the antics she is involved in as a fellow Element, that somepony or thing with a leviathan or alien appearance was usually a monster out to wreak havoc across Equestria, or spread eternal chaos and darkness, or gobble-up her friends and family. She tripped on a root underneath the large apple tree they were presiding under in sheer shock that a "monster" could greet them so kindly in such a manner, especially since it looked like an overgrown Changeling.
But, she was caught from falling onto the ground by one of its holed-hooves.
"Are you alright? I thought the Princesses were requiring you to receive rest?"
"Ya....just saved me from fallin'. And you were the one tha' the Princesses told to help me out with the apple-bucking?"
The large Changeling seemed confused.
"Well, why would I let any pony fall on their face? Seems rather sadistic to just watch them fall without a care."
"And yes. I managed to finish retrieving your apples by the end of the night. I hope you are quite satisfied."
Fluttershy managed to say, "So, you're not going to attack us and steal all of our love?"
"Of course not. I'm surprised that one of the Princesses' pupils haven't alerted you all to my presence. I believe her name was Twilight Sparkle? Celestia informed me that my arrival would be told to your townsponies to prevent....panic."
He gestured a hoof to Fluttershy's and Applejack's general location. There was a pause, as both of the ponies tried to recover from the awkwardness of the situation, as they had treated one of their guests based solely on his appearance.
It was Fluttershy that first broke the silence.
"Well...thank you anyway. You managed to save my dear birds friends from timberwolves! You're just like the hummingbird described. You're not so bad. But I'm sorry for thinking that you were going to hurt me and my friends."
"And Ah'm sorry, too. It was mighty indecent of me for treating you like a monster when I was already told that you helped me out in a rather difficult time. I can never pay you back for what you've done to help mah family." Applejack tipped her hat in embarrassment.
The orange earth mare's voice was unwavering and strong. The yellow pegasus' expression oozed with sincerity. Cyr's non-existant heart almost shattered. Though not at first, they were truly grateful.
"You both are quite welcome. I am happy to see that I've done something to help others," he cracked a warm grin.
Applejack replied, "Stay here as long as ya want, partner. Ah'll be right back after Ah have a nice, long chat with Twi."
"Thank you. But the Princesses told me to inform them when my task was complete. Could you mention that to Ms. Sparkle?"
"Can do." With a rousing wave, Applejack looked awkwardly back, still embarrassed by the fact that she had almost wanted to buck Cyr into the Everfree Forest not a few minutes ago, and trotted into town.
Fluttershy, after a looking at Applejack walk in the rising red-orange sunlight, looked over to the still-present hummingbird and said to him, "Come on little fellow. I need to get all of you guys fed and cleaned."
The hummingbird reluctantly shook his head.
"What? You want to stay with him?" She directed a hoof at the Behemoth. She was soon abashed at what she implied about Cyr.
"Not that anything is wrong with you...."
"No offense taken." Cyr rumbled. "My young feathery friend, you have done enough today. I have no experience in caretaking animals, but this delicate, youthful pegasus does. It would be for the best if you go with her."
The hummingbird squeaked a sad tune and downcast its head.
"But don't be so gloomy. I'll come visit you soon. After the Princesses arrive again, I'll be sure to see you all."
The hummingbird sped towards the Behemoth and nuzzled his cheek. It flew away with an energetic pattern, dancing in the cool morning air. Along his journey back home, he passed by a carrot-orange maned earth pony that had trekked down the dirt road coursing through Sweet Apple Acre.
The light orange-tinged earth pony mare soon came across the wagonloads of apple barrels and she immediately saw Fluttershy, desperately trying to hoof-comb her messy, frizzled mane, talking to somepony she couldn't see. A patch of air shimmered in the direction that Fluttershy was talking to.
That's funny. From a distance she saw a tall stallion with a black coat next to Fluttershy. She swore she saw Fluttershy speaking to somepony.
Fluttershy, noticing the distant pattering of hooves on the road, turned and saw the earth pony. She greeted her, "Why hello there, Carrot Top!"
She waved her hoof over to the pegasus mare, "Hey Fluttershy! Have you seen AJ around? I kinda needed to ask her about the new crop taxes that the Canterlot nobles are starting to fling at us this year."
"She went back into town, but I'll be sure to tell her when she comes back."
"Gee thanks, Flutters! So....who were ya talking to? Is he hot?" giggled Carrot Top.
Fluttershy blushed furiously, "No no no no. He's just a....friend."
"Really? Well, I want to meet him. A friend of your's is a-"
On the right side of Carrot Top's vision, the seemingly empty space next to Fluttershy fluctuated between a shimmering image of the landscape and the tree, and a dark black obstruction.
The rumbling voice was....familiar.
"Nice to see you again."
This time she could see his more opaque form, unperturbed by his invisibility spell. Carrot Top looked up to see an even more familiar face, this time with a nostalgiac smile present.
She stammered, "Is that really you? You're not some other giant bug-pony that saved my flank back in Canterlot?"
He chuckled, "Well, I hope so. Because I've never properly introduced myself back there."
"My name is Cyr. How has your life been so far, little one?"
Twilight shut the library door behind her, with an exasperated sigh.
"Spike? You there?"
The purple baby dragon, cleaning up their bedroom, answered back as he jumped down from the stair-steps, "Yeah, I'm coming. Tough day?"
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"I know what would cheer you up. I'll heat up some mint tea for ya," Spike said as he entered casually into the kitchen.
"Thanks, Number One Assistant! You're a lifesaver!"
Almost immediately after Twilight collapsed into a lavishly cushioned chair, the door opened, and Applejack trotted into the library.
"Twi, I need ta ask ya something. Why didn't ya tell me about our guest?"
Twilight uprighted herself back onto the floor.
"I'm sorry, AJ. Only after the princesses decided to leave your farm, did they send a letter to me to tell everypony in Ponyville. The Canterlot nobles weren't exactly excited about their decision to free a megolithic Changeling into the countryside. So they're coming back, I guess, to.....modify his sentence."
"Sentence? What do ya mean?"
Twilight cringed at having released the detail, but finally decided to speak.
"Remember the Canterlot Wedding?"
"Yeah. Did it take part in anything that happened there?"
"Maybe...."
"But it seemed so nice! I don't know how a pony-"
"He's not a pony."
"Whatever! How could he be a...a...criminal? He didn't seem like the type, if you catch mah drift."
Twilight shrugged, "Circumstances, I guess. Celestia and Luna obviously have enough faith in him not to imprison him for the rest of his existence. But can you believe he's actually 417 years old? I can't wait to meet him! The knowledge that he must have, and I've heard that he could even perform pretty advanced magic. He can even cast himself invisible! Nopony has ever successfully developed a disillusionment spell before!"
Applejack sighed in partial frustration, "Twi, yer getting off topic. How did the folks in Ponyville react. Ah know that some of our friends, and myself, can accept him, but what about the others? Ya were just getting back from the assembly, right?"
Twilight facehoofed and exhaled deeply.
"Heh. Well, about that....."
Not my best work, but hell, I'm trying to be consistent.
Do you guys want more frequent updates, or slightly longer, polished-up chapters that take a couple of days to make?
From my experience of essay writing, writing more frequent chapters will be best because you seem like an author that does not make too many mistakes right out the door, plus it will eventually lead to more words/ shorter period of time
1306783
Thanks. Writing is cutting heavily into my school work, so I'm confuzzled right about now.
Your advise is appreciated!
Chapters more often keep the story going without the need for the monolithic chapters. I've seen several people successfully do that with thier own stories. Guess it depends on whether you like typing a little more often or a lot more but farther between. Personally, I find myself sliding backwards on the due dates.
We want both!
:D
Loving it so far.
Cheers
GM
These chapters are a healthy length as is, so do whatever you wish. I'm sure noone will complain either way.
1306750
I believe a good, daily chapter writing goal would be at least 2k words. Now that said, I usually only get 2-3k words over the course of a few days. But if I put myself to the grindstone, I could possibly churn out a few 3-4k chapters in a day. But we all know how life is.
Non-existent heart?
Is that a metaphor or do changelings not have the organ?
Personally, I think you should go at a pace that you feel comfortable with.
As for the length of the chapters, it's a nice length. Not so short to the point of it not worth reading, but not too long making reading feel like a chore and a half.
Nice to see Carrot Top again. But I get the feeling there's going to be some "torch and pitchfork" style mob action pretty soon. I hope the Mane 6 (and Carrot Top) can help him.
1306750 If you can keep up this kind of quality, I don't think slowing down will matter all that much. Enjoying this story so far!
1307002 Yeah, that was my first thought after what Twilight said.
Cue torch and pitchfork wielding mob scene!
After catching myself up with your story, I have firmly decided to give you some amazing gifts! Show the writer what he's earned, Jerry!
"And rightly so, Firedud! It seems the writer has won a FABULOUS, DELUXE thumbs up!"
But that surely can't be all!?
"Not even close! He's also earned a fantastic Favorite, and an added Watch! And to top off this delicious sundae... Five moustaches! "
Wow! Truly amazing! Well there you have it folks, these amazing prizes could also be -your's-!-
But in seriousness, awesome chapter and story so far. Its nice to see someone create something new relating to a changeling, and give one some depth! Keep up the good work!
WOOT!!
Awesome work! No grammar errors really that I could see, and I'm really enjoying Cyr's characterization, but we haven't really seen any of his flaws yet? Maybe well find out next chapter!
As the previous person said, I too am enjoying Cyr's characterization, though if you don't mind me askin, where did you get his name from?
caught myself up its a great story so far ^w^ cyr is a favorible character indeed hope he doesnt come across to many hardships in ponyville no romance? aww >w< ah well this is still good upvote and fave/track from me
Realy nice story I must say, I m aa bit supriced that in this story Chrysasis do not care much about her subjects, but I quess it work out with the story.
I will wait for new updates.
Oh! Oh! Editing assistant mode engaged!
"You're not some other giant bug-pony that saved my flank back on Cantelot?"
Forgot dat R. Again, minor nitpick, but it helps, I think.
I really like this story.It's already one of my favorites.Please continue with this story.I sincerely offer my time and knowledge to you and your story so as to keep it going.{if you need any assistance whatsoever}This story is amazing and I will gladly give it my full attention as well as a thumb's up.
Sir, I applaud your ability to make us sympathize with Cyr so much. I am really enjoying the work!
Major league meh.
The dialogue and character interactions are clunky, the premise is pretty cliched, there's quite a bit of OOC trouble, and you need to read a dictionary before you try writing anything more. Seriously. If you don't know what a word means, don't fucking use it.
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Thank you! I'll try my hardest to continue this story with the same and/or better amount of quality!
1309524
I do use a dictionary...... and that wasn't very nice
And yes, the dialogue IS a bit clunky (currently working on getting them to a more acceptable level), but hey, I'm not forcing you to read this stuff.
Jeez dude. Give me some credit. English is my second language out of three.
1307344
Well I didn't imply that it was EXACTLY one thousand years ago. Generally when people say, "A thousand years", they tend to ignore the specific amount of years for a more dramatic or shortened effect.
Yeah...I'm not following you. He was suppose to be, in colloquial terms, "death row". The only reason he "bailed" on his previous empoyer was because he thought, and accepted, the fact that the Royal Sisters were going to execute him.
You're taking this too literally, my friend. Read between the lines, but if my style of writing isn't your cup of tea, don't read it anymore. Simple as that.
I'll try my best to edit some of the story elements as I go, but give me something to work on. Specifiy the problem, all you're giving me is criticism.
1306925
Well I planned on mentioning more on pony-Changeling mythology, where Changelings supposedly don't HAVE hearts, since they are "heartless" (hehe get it? Dum Dum Ching) enough to steal love.
But honestly, nopony knows because nopony ever bothered to disect a Changeling before.....
And I plan on using this metaphor later on....
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In case you haven't noticed, with the lack of the Changeling's attempts to murder him, they think he's DEAD or IMPRISONED.
And only the Princesses and the nobles should know about this. And what they're going to do next time to him when they come back to Ponyville will solve the problem of Changeling's coming over whether to see he's still alive or not.
And who said he was going to betray his queen?
You, sir (no offense, but you turned my shit day into a hellstorm), are an individual of quick assumption.
I gotta say this story has been intriguing...
Five moustaches to you sir
1311030
Thank you for the mustaches good sir!
Keep one
1306750
"Twi, you're getting off topic..."
I like this story so far!
1311044
I shall treasure this moustache forever kind sir
1311055
Actually it's a mistake on my part....
"You're" is suppose to be "yer" in Applejack-speak
And thanks for the grammar check! I you guys
1309524 1310330 No need to be rude. It's not cliche, I've never seen a story here about a type of changeling that wasn't in the show, and had this personality. Sure, maybe AJ could have been a little more suspicious, but Honesty is her Virtue. She can easily tell liars from honest people, so she could probably see that Cyr was telling the truth.
To the Author: ONly grammar issue I saw was the use of "it's". "It's" is a shortened form of "it is", and should only be used in a sentence where that full form is used.
"It's eyes, however, were different." It is eyes, however, were different. Should be "Its". Maybe be a little careful of pacing, but nothing worth noting yet.
-Winter Storm
Author of Fallout Equestria: Fading Echoes
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I want to give you....so many hugs right now!!! Thank you for the grammar checks!
YOU deserve a 'D'AWWWW" pic
static.fimfiction.net/images/story_images/28911.png?1338246420
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Don't worry! I liked it! It made me lol
1311256 Well, it may not be cute, but this .gif has a good chance of lagging your computer!
scranton.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw7702-67691__safe_animated_vinyl-scratch_artist-efrejok_artist-paultorsynocobnik.gif
1312140It's a good thing I don't have epilnsnjjn,bhvhafhmnankzhjfwbjamkajiambahafdfyjdthk
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Might do romance. Ponies wouldn't exactly like to "get down" with Changelings, would they?
Tho I might need to avoid that.
1313835
For me, there is no "proper" voice. Just as long as its deep as hell, just do whatever floats your boat
But yeah, a Bane voice is pretty much along the lines of how I imagined it, but with a VERY slight Scottish accent.
1315258 I always thought of him sounding kinda like this guy.
bungie.net/images/Games/Reach/images/news_size/jorge_right4.png
1312140
OK
1315722
Make him sound like whatever you guys want him to sound.
I don't really care whether he sounds like Jorge, or Bane, or hell even PeeWee Herman or Mr. Rogers to you guys.
Enjoying the story should be top priority, and do whatever floats your boat.
This story has reminded me that Skyrim does not have invisibility spells but instead has ridiculous stealth skills.
I miss Oblivion and Morrowind.
I require more... Cyr makes this story good.
I finally get home after spending a week on a farm, and this plus 18 other stories are updated. I'm gonna have a busy night. Also no phone coverage out in the country apparently. So I couldn't even go mobile. I hate farms
1317473
I feel your pain. I basically live out in the middle of nowhere, so i hardly get wireless/phone connection
1317052
Ahhhh. I remember my old Morrowind days.....
Good times...
But thanks for the fave and compliments tho. Here are 3 Spikes for you!!!
1295794
Sorry, but she did only for a moment. If that happened, shit would have escalated and I would have written about 3 million first-encounter cliches that are already on thosands of other stories.
I'm sorry.....please don't kill me
imageshack.us/a/img33/5764/likethischapter.jpg
Great stuff... but one tiny flaw.
The way you break up dialog into paragraphs makes it hard for me to keep track of who's talking, and often I either have to make an assumption, or re-read some of it to make sense. First of all, if you cut a single character's dialog into paragraphs, do not put an end quote at the end of the paragraph, unless the next para does not begin with dialog. And not even necessarily just breaking dialog into paragraphs, there were other places where I was like 'wait, who's talking?'
Meh, keep it in mind, I found myself stopping and re-reading several bits
Um, has AJ been up for over 24 hours at this point? That lass needs sleep!
<...zzzZZZzzzZZZzzz...)
Progressing nicely :)
Corrections and remarks:
> had two parts on each side of it's ventral "face" lift up.
> It's eyes, however, were different.
Should be "its" both times!
> She tripped on a root underneath the large apple tree
Double space behind "She" (yeah yeah, I'm nitpicking now )
> after a looking
after looking
> at Applejack walk in
"walking in"
Another note: it'd probably looked better if you didn't leave such huge whitespaces between your scenes. Most authors use a simple scene separator like a centered "~ ~ ~" for that.