- Member Since 29th Apr, 2020
- offline last seen 6 days ago
Starswirl the Beardless
Don't let your dreams be memes
Starswirl the Beardless
Joined 29th Apr, 2020 ·
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Oh wow. This is a long entry! Longer tha I had thought. I'll read this as fast as I can and give my thoughts as I go.
For now, the opening is a good start. Possible husnted house, but could have used a little more descriptors
Hmm. Frankenapple. Interesting choice. To be honest, when I first started reading this chapter I expected it to be Twilight.
Very good opening to the chapter. While I frowned at the main character having to navigate without directions, the lack of control is creepy in a way. Not to mention the layout of the room and the subtle mentions were good touches
10502958
Yeah, I was admittedly a bit sparse on the description of the exterior. I sorta rushed through the opening just to get to the good bits.
10503021
I considered having Sci-Twi be a Dr. Frankenstein stand-in, for obvious reasons, but then I realized I would need to have someone else be the monster for it to work. I wanted to give each girl their own scene, so I just let Applejack be the monster on her own and gave Twilight something else.
Another good build up and nice touch with the coffin. Vampire Rarity is standard with the only character beating her being Fluttershy
Love the Twi bit. I think it could have been scarier if she gave him the potion first, feeling the effects on his body.
So far my least favorite chapter. The others at least felt like they were trying to play a bit or got into character in some way.
When I started this chapter, I thought for sure we were going to get Wereshy. In a way that's a little disappointing since you could have had her talking to real wolves in order to give an element of danger. Still good bit with Dash and the sex was well written
Yeah, going to stick with my Wereshy comment
Very good with Sunset, the build up was nicely creepy.
All in all, most of the characters had good creepy build up in some way. I loved it when they were in character and even trying to make it as sexy as possible. Only wished we could have had a Monster Mash chapter if you get my meaning.
10503186
That's fair. I wanted to have one of the girls be the Creature from the Black Lagoon, but I didn't realize till about halfway through writing the chapter that the Creature didn't give me much to work with.
10503201
I did consider having Fluttershy be the werewolf, but I figured that Rainbow Dash would want to be the fastest monster if she had a choice. The wolf idea is interesting, but I feel like that might have been a bit awkward when the sex scene started.
10503222
I didn't write an orgy chapter for a few reasons. First, I didn't have enough time before the contest deadline. Second, I couldn't think of how to give it creepy buildup like the other chapters. Lastly, by the time I finished this fic, I had no real desire to keep writing it.
It looks like the girls used tricks to give him his treats.