My Roommate, Pinkie Pie

by DatZigga

Pony On The Loose

The first thing Anon noticed when he woke up was the lack of warmth in his bed. Normally, this wouldn’t be unusual for him. He had always slept alone after all. Well, until recently when Pinkie moved in about, what, a week now? Jeez, it felt like months. Anyways, Anon had gotten used to Pinkie’s body heat radiating under the blanket.

Anon asked, nay, begged for Pinkie to use the other bed in the room, but she wasn’t having any of it. She insisted that she slept better with Anon. When Anon brought up the fact that she has slept numerous times in Equestria, even after getting kicked out of Sugarcube Corner, she retorted that sleeping with a friend is objectively better.

He rose out of bed, his eyes barely opening. When they did, that’s when he noticed the second thing: Pinkie wasn’t in the room. This, too, wasn’t all that a surprise. After all, there were her day job-excuse me, day jobs. Being a clerk and an educator and on-standby hero were full-time occupations. This worked perfectly with his school schedule since that meant he didn’t have to babysit her.

With a slow blink, he started making out the dimly lit room, with only scatters of the sun’s rays bleeding through his blinds. After another blink, he squinted, as he noticed his dorm’s door ajar. The third and final thing to notice, and this one is irregular.

Anon is practically paranoid when it comes to privacy. He double and triples check over door he ever comes across to make sure it’s closed behind him. Thus, he couldn’t have left it open, let alone overnight. A cursory glance around the room also dissuade any thoughts that the room was broken into.

Slowly, Anon pieces together all the little nuggets of information together. He frowned.

“Pinkie?” Anon said in a hushed tone, scanning the room again. He checked the magic book with the emblazoned horse on the cover. Usually it’s opened pages served as a gateway between the two worlds. When he found it closed, Anon gulped.

He threw on some clothes and peeked out into the hall. He nearly recoiled from the sun blinding him through the windows. It had to be 12 by now. Anon collected himself and stumbled out of the room, still groggy.

“Pinkie? Pinkie!” He commanded in a hush whisper, as if it would be enough to gather that mare’s attention.

After searching the floor, Anon started to panic. Anon never truly considered what would happen if anyone else beside him saw these ponies. Was it a case of him being the only one that can see them? If not, what are people going to make of a pink pony trotting around the campus?

Anon rushed to the elevators, a little more awake than before. He paced over to the window, pondering every place the mare would likely go if she got the chance. He was so in his thoughts, he nearly didn’t recognized the fluffy horse pronking down the sidewalk below.

The sight of it nearly stunned him, swept him off his feet. No one else but her was out there at the moment, so her cover hadn’t been blown. At least, that was what Anon thought. With a ding, the elevator doors opened behind him. Anon rushed inside and mashed the ground floor button til the doors closed.

“What is this chick thinking?!” Anon fumed within his head. “If anyone finds her, there’s gonna be a national incident. I know how the story goes. Government agent gets a whiff and it’s phone home for Pinkie! Then, they’re gonna question me about her and the book because of course she’ll talk about the book and-“

The elevator doors open to the ground floor. Anon stormed out without another thought, through the front doors of the building. Outside, he scouted the parking lot for any signs of Pinkie, only to come up short. That’s when he heard giggling. It wasn’t Pinkie Pie’s giggle but chances are it was Pinkie trying to get someone to laugh.

Anon fast walked towards the laughter. He eventually found himself just around the corner of the girl’s dorm. Peeking, he found Pinkie sitting in front of a trio of girls on a bench. The girls seemed to be in utter disbelief at the pink mare before them. Their phones were out as they recorded her, the sight alone made Anon’s heart skip a beat.

Ignoring the fear of spilling spaghetti or showing his power level to his peers, he left from the corner and quickly went over to the group. Pinkie looked back to see a furious Anon approaching her, arms out to scoop her up. She obliviously waved back with a smile, earning herself a few d’aaws from the girls.

Anon immediately picked her up and almost managed to pull a full 180, before one of the girls spoke up.

“Excuse me,” the lady called, identifiable under her denim jacket. “Is that your...?” Denim lady blanked for a moment unsure what to call the mare. For a second, Anon assumed she was slow, until he considered that Pinkie didn’t exactly resemble a equine all that closely. Yeah sure, she had the snout and the gait, but just before she sat like a dog and she was so goddamned pink, she looked like her fur was dyed.

“Pony.” Anon blurted, the words tumbling out of his mouth like dominoes. “She’s a pony. My, uh, grandmother got her from a, uh, petting zoo?” He didn’t mean to add the upward inflection, but his head was not in the space to come up with lies on the fly.

“A petting zoo?” Another girl ask, her hair dyed red and tied into several braids. “Why is she all pink?”

“Uh,” The gears in Anon’s head stalled. He should’ve said she was from the circus. What petting zoo dyes their animals fur? Anon helplessly looked at Pinkie, as though she could give him answers. Instead, she just smiled her dopey smile.

“Well, the zoo originally bought her from the circus. When they dyed her fur, the solution never came out. She was a real hit with the kids!” Anon chuckled nervously, hoping that would suffice. He shifted his foot slightly ajar when denim girl spoke up again.

“Is she an ESA?” Denim questioned.

“Yes!” Anon nearly blurted out. “That’s why...my grandmother gifted her to me. I have anxiety problems and such, so I should really be heading back to my dorm now.” He turned on his heels, ready to bolt, when Denim Girl interjected yet again.

“Wait, but what’s the cutie’s name?”

“It’s, er, uh...” Anon looked at the pony, still smiling oblivious. “Pink...ie. Pie.”

“You know, credit where credit is due, her birth name is accurate.” Anon silently agreed with himself, as he took off down the pavement with Pinkie coddled in his arms.

---

“What the hell were you thinking?!” Anon yelled, pacing the room as a glum Pinkie sat on the bed. She twiddled her hooves in fear and shame. “Actually, don’t answer that. I’m sure the answer was poorly.”

“I didn’t think you would worry if I explored your world a bit.” Pinkie mustered the courage to talk back. “You explored ours, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t have much of a choice. I was sucked in with no way out.” Anon retorted. “And I explicitly didn’t explore. I tried my damndest to remain hidden and did a good job of it.”

Pinkie turned and muttered. “And it made you miserable.”

Anon was taken aback by the aside. Pinkie wasn’t prone to throwing out verbal jabs like that, at least in his vicinity. It took away all of the fire in his voice, leaving him only tired and anxious.

“Fine. Whatever.” Anon distanced himself from the topic. “How many people saw you, besides the girls I caught you with?”

Pinkie put a hoof to her chin and pondered. And pondered. And pondered.

“Goddamnit...” Anon bemoaned into his palms.

“Well how could I not say “Hi” to everyone I met?” Pinkie asked matter-of-factly.

Anon’s eyes widened. “You spoke to them?!”

“What? Oooooh~” Pinkie realized what she had said and chuckled. “No, silly, I didn’t speak to them. I can’t, remember? We’re speaking Ponish right now.” Anon retracted his surprise and in its place took revelation. He hadn’t consciously recognized that he was, in fact, speaking a different language.

Anon also realized that means he was aggressively neighing loud enough for his suite mates to hear.

“Why do I even?” Anon asked himself as he rubbed his temples.

“Even what?”

“Stop.” Anon ceased rubbing and took a deep breath. “New ground rule: You are NOT allowed to leave the dorm unless I am accompanying you. Lord knows you need someone to chaperone you.”

“Wait!” Pinkie practically teetered off the edge of the bed. “You’re allowing me to go outside?!”

“Well, according to you, you’ve already made yourself publicly known.” Anon explained. “Hiding you now would increase suspicion. Besides, I already have an ESA.” Anon nods to his cat sleeping in the corner of the room. “People don’t have to know which is which.”

“In that case,” Pinkie jumped from the bed, running in place. “I overhead that there’s a bakery not too far from here. Let’s go!”

Before Pinkie could leave the room, Anon nonchalantly grabbed her tail, stopping her in her tracks.

“No, I’m going back to bed.” Anon demanded. “You’ve cost me enough sleep as it is.”

Pinkie checked the clock. “But it’s only 2:15?”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Anon crawled into bed, exhausted from the day’s shenanigans. He didn’t even bother to pull the covers over himself as he laid on the bed, eyes closed in a vain attempt to pass out.

“Um, Nonny?” Pinkie asked, her tone sheepish.

“What?”

“Are the mares in your world usually so...endowed?”

Anon slowly rose from the bed, enough to look down at a blushing red Pie.

“I beg your pardon?” Anon borrowed an Applejack fav of expressing confusion.

“What I mean is, those other mares had...you know...” Pinkie gestured to her chest, as if carrying two bags of sad. “I’ve never seen mares with such large, soft-“

“Goodnight, Pinkie.” Anon laid face first in his pillow, desperately attempting to ignore the mental image of Pinkie motor-boating Denim Girl.

“But it’s 2-“

“GOODNIGHT, PINKIE!”

Comments

[Pete100]

I mean, anon knew what he was getting himself into.

[WanderingPony]

Earth ponies and great tracts of land. I suppose it was inevitable.

[SRY]

10745927
Well damn, that is the underrated statement of the year right there.

[WanderingPony]

10540285

We are talking a pony here that hugged Applejack's backside so wantonly it's a canonical meme. Pinkie and personal space know little of one another

[Vaalintine]

Really Avon shoukd just toss her back into equestria and forbid her from coming back. She's already shown she'll do what she wants without care for the people she's staying with, that's why she kept getting thrown out. So really there's no reason to do the same to her, its not like she's going change her ways to not annoy people.