Within the boundaries of a deep dark forest, near where the remains of an old castle now sits in ruin, something was disturbing the old woodlands. It was like a very deep, rumbling vibration was rattling the very air itself, while the ground trembled as if a stampede of buffalo's was roaming the forest. Then out of the ether, a large blue square like, thing, just popped into existence. It’s surface looks like it was made out of water, that has neon lights set in its depths. The surface of the watery square then started to ripple, foaming bubbles starting to form as something emerges from the depths of the vertical wall of water.
Emerging out the wall of water was some kind of machine. In appearance it looks like a tall four-limbed animal, something like a jungle cat in overall design, its body looking lean but covered in some bulky looking armor plating. But the mechanical beast wasn’t alone. It’s body was being held by some large carrier unit, it’s hulking form rolling out of the wall of water with four well armored bipedal beings flanking its sides, while another was operating the carrier unit. Once everyone had fully emerged from the pool, the four bipeds escorting the carrier began to patrol the area, weapons held in their hands ready to be used if something came up.
“This is Frontier Bravo 1; area is secure professor. No hostiles located.” The soldier closest to the carrier unit said into his helmet’s intercom, while the other three members of his squad kept an eye out, while the carrier unit operator waited for instructs.
“Copy that Bravo 1, we’ll begin initiating activation of the R.O.V.E.R unit.” An older sounding male voice said on the other side of the intercom, followed by more people shuffling around.
“Alright everybody get ready.” The soldier says to the other three. “Once this thing is up and running, we’re returning back to Home Base.”
“Roger!” the other three members said in unison as they stayed close to the carrier.
The leader of the small squad remained on stand by as he stood next to the hulking machine, head slowly turning as his eyes examine the area, noting the ruins that was behind the wall of water. The reason why the soldiers, and the machinery was here, on a different world, was for research and discovery. Ever since the human race has developed trans-dimensional travel—having only one machine capable of such a feat—humanity has spent the next three years searching for new worlds, either it was for colonization, scientific research, or whatever strikes humanities particular fancy. But in order to do so, the humans needed something to explore the world they do manage to find, that is where the reliable Remote. Operated. Vehicle. of Environmental. Reconnaissance., or R.O.V.E.R for short, unit comes in.
“So Rick, what do you think old R.O.V.E.R here will find this time?” a Latino man asked the leader as he was studying the structure.
“Not sure Adam.” Rick says as he readjust the rifle in his hands as he gestures to the structure before them. “But if this is of any indication, we might actually find other life forms.” Adam turned his head to face the ruins, and just gave the collapsed structure a once over, before looking back at Rick.
“Hopefully, whatever lived here isn’t something we would have to fight. not exactly thrilled of killing little green men.” Both men chuckled at the thought of fighting tiny little aliens with ray guns. “But in all seriousness, if there is life here, that’s just as smart as us…what do you think will happen?” Rick hummed as he tapped a finger against the side of his gun.
“I don’t know Adam. If there is intelligent life here, hopefully we can meet them as friends, and not enemies that turns into a war.”
The sound of the carrier unit moving snapped the two men out of their little chat, as the operator started to lower the mechanical beast as it’s body started to activate. Once the machine was lowered, it’s singular eye glowed bright blue for a second, before dulling out as it’s head started to survey its location. The mechanical animal released itself from the carriers clamps, and began to check its operating systems, and its bodily features, while the carrier and the four soldiers left it alone as they headed back through the wall of water.
“Good luck R.O.V.E.R, hopefully you turn something up really good this time.” Rick said to the machine as he stepped through the portal, leaving the machine all by itself to begin its assigned mission.
The R.O.V.E.R unit finished it’s internal, and external check-up, all of its systems and functions were fully operational. Once the mechanical beast was fully operational it made its way over to the ruins. As the mechanical animal walks up the small steps, it’s specialized padded feet trotting on the dusty stone surface, its singular camera lenses eye began scanning everything it sees, feeding both footage and pictures back to home base. This new world that the humans discovered a few months ago, was only the fourth world they managed to find, BUT it was the first to show any signs of having any form of inhabitants.
Entering what looks like a large ceremony hall, the R.O.V.E.R unit’s eye focused on large tapestry, that looked to be in surprisingly good condition. Upon closer examination the tapestry seems to be depicting something that looks like a white winged unicorn, standing on top of what could be the sun. As to what it means, that’s up for the researchers back on Earth to theorize. The R.O.V.E.R unit then used it’s long prehensile tail to reach up to the tapestry, increasing it’s length by stretching it out, while the tip has three thin foot long cable-like digits extended out, and plucked a single strand from the tapestry. Where it was stored on one of the two capsules on its hind legs.
After taking a sample the mechanical animal continued its exploration of the ruins, scouring every nook and cranny it could travel to, and reach and continuing to store one or two samples in the capsule storage units. And after an hour or so into its search the machine came across quite possibly, the most significant sighting it could possibly come across. A large library that looked to be in rather good condition! Walking into the library, the R.O.V.E.R used it’s tail to carefully grab one book after another, and used its tails ‘fingers’ to turn the pages, allowing it to take photos of each one and sending them to researchers. Who were practically foaming at the mouth, wishing they could be authorized to venture to this world, and study the tomes personally.
But unfortunately, they would have to wait for a minimum of two months, after the R.O.V.E.R unit has studied a good amount of the world, before the higher ups allowed for personal to travel to the world and do further on-sight study.
Three hours later after roaming the ruins, and finding more and more evidence of a past civilization, the R.O.V.E.R unit emerges from the decrepit structure, where a small blue circle formed in the air. The machine then grabbed its two storage capsules with its tail and slipped them through the hole, where people in hazmat suits took them to a quarantined area for study, while a new pair of storage capsules were given to the machine. Once the mechanical animal has it’s new units, it made it’s way over to the…unstable looking bridge that seems to be the only way over the steep ravine. Stepping away from the rickety bridge, the R.O.V.E.R looked for another way to cross the ravine, and after a little searching the mechanical beast found a tall and robust fallen tree.
Reaching the end of the make-shift bridge, the mechanical beast made its way into the forest and began its worldwide exploration for the next two months.
~~~~~
Today was just a lovely day in Ponyville. The weather was perfectly monitored, no stray clouds, or any unexpected weather activities. Birds were creating a beautiful ballad, and ponies were going about their day, whether it was work related or just simply enjoying their day. And for one particular group of mares, they were all trying to wind down from quite the adventure they just had in the north, as it was quite the harrowing and yet thrilling escapade.
Twilight Sparkle was reading a book on magical applications of color theory, in the upper floors of the Golden Oaks library, with a nice cup of tea and a plate of cookies beside her. Todays been a rather peaceful one, especially after the whole incident in the Crystal Empire, that was certainly a grueling task. Not as bad as dealing with Discord, but so far, it comes as a very close second. As the unicorn was reading her book, the pitter patter of feet on wood caught her attention, and when she turned away from her book she saw her assistant Spike coming towards her. a scroll in claw.
“What’s going on Spike?” the unicorn asked as the baby dragon slid to a stop, ending just a foot from his caretaker.
“I just got a message from the princess; I haven’t read it yet.” Spike said as he offered the scroll to Twilight, who took it in her magical aura and began to read it.
Dear Twilight
I’m sorry for disturbing your afternoon, after the incident you and your friends had in the Crystal Empire not just yesterday. Now before I ramble on, I’m writing to you because I felt, something, I don’t know what it is. But I do know it’s something unusual. So far, I only know that the disturbance came from the Everfree Forest, near or around both mine and Luna’s old castle.
I’ll be looking into this matter, but if you discover anything unusual, please write back to me. However I urge you not to go looking into this matter, until I know what it is.
Hope to see you again my student.
Your mentor, and friend ~ Celestia.
“So…what does it say?” Spike questioned.
“It sounds like something bad might be ahoof.” Twilight says as she rolls the scroll up. “But she want’s us to stay out of this until she figures out what this unknown danger is.”
“Should we tell the others?” Twilight tapped her chin for a moment before speaking up.
“No. let’s keep this between us. We don’t need any pony, especially Rainbow who I bet would go off to look for threat herself and try to fight it.” Spike nodded his head in agreement.
With that Spike left his caretaker, and headed back downstairs. Where the mare saw soon saw him wander off into the distance. Twilight tried to go back to reading her book, but Celestia’s message continues to re-read in her head, and the unicorn couldn’t help but wonder what this unknown danger the princess is unsure of is. Closing her book and walking to the library’s balcony, the unicorn looked in the general direction of where the forest was, and even though the princess told her to not get involved until she knows for certain what this threat is, the unicorn’s own genuine curiosity got the better of her.
Probably against her better judgment, and against Celestia’s warning, the unicorn prepped her saddle bags and readies to set off. As she does so, she continuously thinks to herself ‘If I find whatever is bothering the princess, maybe I can help her’. The princess might be miffed with her decision, but, if Twilight does this right the princess might praise her. And show the princess everything she’s learned up to this point. Once her saddlebags were prepared, the unicorn focused her magic and teleported all the way from the library, to the entrance of the forest.
“Okay, let’s see what’s going on in there.” Twilight mutters to herself, before she trots into the forest. Not sure what she might find, but is prepared to face it head on.
Could lead to something interesting
this reads familjar...
Looks interesting, let’s see where this goes.
I like the robot design by the way.
Robot design is very nice. From the prologue this looks to be a really interesting fanfic. Definitely satisfies someone's inner sci-fi nerd.
10430855
drew the picture after i wrote down the prologue, before posting it.
10430885
thanks. i don't draw machines often cause i don't think i do good work. but, thanks for the complement.
i like both the story and the robo doggo i want to see more.
Hurry with next chapter please!
It doesn't make sense, especially with that pointed accurate location
Crystal Empire I get, it's big, a lot of magic, Sombra, etc
But for Everfree it doesn't make sense because :
-the portal was small and quick closed
-Everfree would mask that because of how chaotic it is and would also disturb the magic
-magic wasn't used
10432762
AH! but this was not magic, it was pure, SCIENCE! the portal acts as one of those giant drills that slowly punches a hole in the very fabric of space, remember it caused the air and ground to literally vibrate before it opened all the way. for this story, only beings of Celestia's power level could feel this disturbance, and since she knows hardly anything can make a gaping hole in the very fabric of space, she's worried that something evil might be afoot!
Really like the story and you don't see many like this so immediate track.
PS: really love your ROVER design, and the drawing is pretty good
10433610
thanks. you know, it's funny. both the fic and drawing were spur of the moments or sudden ideas that i just put to paper and text....and yet this fic seems to be doing really well!
10433500
Still, Everfree nature should have masked it
Also, if Discord is reformed then it also adds to that it doesn't make sense.
She shouldn't be able to tell that this isn't Discord when he is teleporting and going to his chaos dimension.
So she would mistake the human portal for Discord or Everfree being Everfree
10433615
It is, one thing I can see that really maked it is the fact humans came in with their own Stargate thing, dropped off a robot nobody has seen before, and so far on robot/human side its very realistic, you don't see many good Robot in ponyland stories
10433629
hhmmmmmm. this is true.....honestly i can't even name 1 fic that features a good machine in ponyland. but still, the fact that this fic which was not even planned, and was created out of a simple idea of a robot cat.....makes me feel good yet confused,
10433651
And that's fine, also have fun making more of this lol
10433651
Here's one, if you're interested, though it's a tad on the dark side regardless
Here's another
now for some friendly spellchecking feel free to ignore sorry
Typically this'd be "Roger" but hey it's your civ spell it how you want
Extra "the"
Decrepit
"it's" is a contraction of "It is", so use "its" instead
Yes, like that!
Quarantined
Whether
This should be one sentence
This is just me, but "a book on magical applications of color theory" might flow better
According to later context, she's urging Twilight not to look into it. Also, not capitalized at the beginning of the sentence
There's other stuff but for the most part it's fine so far
doesn't she mean to not go looking into it until she knows what it is
also
nice one
The idea for this story is great, but I'm noticing some spelling errors and so on, hopefully any previous chapters getting checked for mistakes, but I'm enjoying reading this story, grand job!
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i appreciate any tips or point out if i spelled something wrong. it helps me improve my writing.
10434777
sorry, i try to catch any spelling or grammar errors. but i appreciate it if you find them and point them out so i could fix them, if i over look them.
Twilight should know better then to go into the everfree forest alone.
Story sounds good so far. 👍
10436275
well this is after Twilight and the others had a run in with Sombra, so she might have felt a little bolder than she was back then.
Remote Operated Vehicle of Environmental Reconnaissance. Just saying.
10441664
does sound better then what I came up with. never was good with anagrams.
You misspelled "Princess".
Aside from that, good work.
You could really use an editor, there are minor grammatical mistakes everywhere. The most glaring being the constant switch between past and present tense.
I’m on phone right now, but if you want it, I’ll make a full run-down tomorrow when i get on my computer.
10459074
i appreciate any tid bits, and as for the editor, i like to try and edit my stories myself so i can get better.
I'm not sure I can really buy the whole inter dimensional travel bit, inter stellar travel on the other hand, although done to death, is both A: Much more plausible, and B: has much more source material to use, and isn't entirely made up of a mixture of theories, and pseudo science. Otherwise, it's got potential to be something. one thing I'd like to point out though, the whole conversation with the soldiers, was unnecessary. We didn't really need to know that whilst the machine is getting started a pair of soldiers, one Latino, and the other (I'm assuming) Caucasian, are conveniently speaking about stuff we can already figure out ourselves. From what I can see, an editor, and a proofreader are needed, the pacing needs a bit of work, not too much, but I'd lengthen this a few hundred words or so, toss in a few convenient MacGuffin plot devices here and there... and you might have a possible 'My Battery is Low and it's Getting Dark' on your hands.
10460070
Usually, it takes some distance from the work to really edit it effectively yourself. The key is to come at the story from a fresh perspective that isn't tainted by personal attachment to the current ideas. Editors are incredibly useful because they automatically come with a fresh view of the story.
I would suggest picking up a few editors for this story. An experienced editor will point out a lot more than you might find on your own, and this in itself will lend to your improvement as an author and editor. Good editors will not go through your story and make changes unless you ask them to. Instead, they would highlight where change is needed and leave the ultimate decision to you, the author. Instead of fumbling around on your own, you would have the guidance necessary to see where exactly the improvement is needed.
If you really want to self-edit, I recommend starting with the large structural changes to the story first. Ignore grammar issues and smaller fixes until the big ones are finished, otherwise, you may end up wasting your time making a section pretty only to realize it needed to be completely removed to improve the story.
I believe the term you are looking for is sapient... or was it sentient... I always get those mixed up. No, I think it's sapient. Idk, the words "just as smart as us," doesn't sit particularly well for me. Sure, it can easily be inferred to meaning sapient, but still. I don't know, just doesn't feel right in a sci-fi environment. Sure, they're probably soldiers and not scientists, and thus would actually make it quite fitting... but still, it irks me for some reason.
At least Twilight isn't here, we all know that if saw one little litter out of place, she'd go nuts. At least, season 1 Twilight would considering the Pinkie Sense episode.
I didn't start taking notes till later in chapter 1, but that's still quite a bit. I'd recommend getting the grammar extension. It won't fix everything, but it'll help in certain areas. Additionally, Idk if you have an editor yet, but there's a group for people looking for editors and the other way around as well.
I'm not a proofreader, but these are the things I caught on my first read-through. Some of them might be a false positive so I'd take this comment with a grain of salt.
10430958
You drew this on a whim? Dang, you have serious chops. Not just with your hand at drawing, but just in making a really fascinating design.
This shows pretty good characterization, and the forethought from these characters shows we can hopefully manuever around any narrative chafe.
Unfortunately this story still displays a consistent problem with switching into present tense for no apparent reason. It's very amateurish, since any basic prereader should be able to point it out.
I'm pretty sure that the bolded word is supposed to be a different word than what it is
Also I'm pretty sure a word is missing here
10487543
thanks for the compliment on ROVER's design.
and yeah this not one of my more thought out prologues, it is after all something that I just put down at the spur of the moment. so I wasn't really taking it seriously, until the creative juices started flowing when people asked me to continue this fic.
10486780
I noticed, too, that there were a lot of errors concerning keeping the story either past or present tense. It jumps between the two so many times that it becomes jarring. I would offer to edit this myself, but I don't really have the time to do it.
Learn some temporal consistency dude.