I love where this is going, but the sheer number of little typos and mistakes really take me out of it. I know it'd be unfair (and against the rules) to edit the story while judging is underway, but I hope you'll have the chance to polish it up after the contest ends.
I don't know how she didn't it,
"She's playing with me." I thought of only the sound of my heart beating against the stone floor, and it was this sound that made me realize something very important. "...a geas."
My magic barely sparked to life and casted teleport when her silted eyes came rushing
Crimety! I'm sorry what? Was this intentionally the 574 total google results exclamation?
A pony could tell there's a height difference, but it became noticeable when standing next to the angry alicorn, further highlighting her muscular, pronounced figure sculpted from centuries of fighting, and magic aura being dripped into her very bodily system. This part just reads super awkward, and it's also unclear if this clause relates to there being a height difference, or that her body is muscular.
but centuries of inactivity had left them too severely underpowered to match the dark alicorn's temper.
It was why I'm doing what I'm doing in the first place to see if I was right in my assumption that all Nightmare Moon really needs is positivity derived from ponies that cared about her as a pony.
It's these little details why I've based my entire thesis on explaining Nightmare Moon's often violent mood swings-
the shift is more align with Rainbow Dash's ponyality...did you just ponify personality?
as if her attitude is more of a part being played on stage by an actor, than that of a literal nightmare trying to end the world
What I'd hadn't expected was her right wing to suddenly shoot out,
Curiosity to learn more about this strange mare from another time, and partly out of selfishness to keep this mare's secrets all to myself as the Princesses would have never willingly answered my questions without severe alterations to the truth.
Reflecting over that encounter continues to elude me as I can't properly explain why I felt that way, or why I did what I did knowing who the mess of an alicorn was, and what she's capable of...
"Here we are my little prince," Nightmare cooed the state as I watched the dead-end fizzle in and out of existence before disappearing
Mostly it was only ponies from our Night Guard who were ever shown this place, but there were for a very few select ponies over the centuries, but that number steadily decreased leading up to my departure.
11374972 I appreciate you taking the time read my story, let alone proof read it. I don't have an editor, and heavily rely on Gdocs , and FIM Spell check for all of my stories. Once the contest is finished, I'll go back and give it a look over since I haven't read the story since publishing, so hopefully I'll be fresh of mind to tackle it.
I love where this is going, but the sheer number of little typos and mistakes really take me out of it. I know it'd be unfair (and against the rules) to edit the story while judging is underway, but I hope you'll have the chance to polish it up after the contest ends.
11374972
I appreciate you taking the time read my story, let alone proof read it. I don't have an editor, and heavily rely on Gdocs , and FIM Spell check for all of my stories. Once the contest is finished, I'll go back and give it a look over since I haven't read the story since publishing, so hopefully I'll be fresh of mind to tackle it.
11374993
🥺