Staff work was something that came relatively easy for Montgomery. Years of work in the staff office and being Chief of the Imperial General Staff taught him well when it came to administrative management. But this.... this was an entirely new sort of arrangement that he had to deal with. It was as if the folks who were in charge did not even know how to open or close a filing cabinet. Everything was a big, fat, disgusting mess. If Hermann Goering was an administration office, this is what he would look like.
The first problem with it all was that it was all too bloody cluttered. When he had first entered the building with the former/acting Captain Shining Armor, he was told that the administration office when he had left it was completely organized and manned by ponies who could do their job without issue. Now, he recognized none of the office workers and nearly collapsed on the floor after tripping over a buried fallen over filing cabinet.
The second problem that Montgomery saw was that there was no simple cohesion or even direct quotas set for when things needed to get done. As they searched for the office manager, they found numerous scraps of paperwork apparently dated a few years back that never found their way to the desk of Mareclellan. To add insult to injury, Mareclellan was actually a good staff officer so something didn't make sense.
The third problem.... was to disgusting to simply think about. What was seen in the bathroom nearly made Monty and Shining Armor throw up in disgust. The image of shit covered paperwork was so nauseating that the entire office had to be shut down.
"Ugh.... is... is there anything else you would like to see Field Marshal." Shining Armor managed to spit out.
"I want to see nothing until that bloody room is cleaned out. Have they no sense of dignity or basic hygiene?" Monty asked, visibly still disgusting.
"Trust me... this is a whole new low for me to ever see..." Shining admitted. Monty could see the honesty in the Stallion's words and simply nodded.
"I wonder how our dear yanks are doing in their inspection..." Montgomery pondered.
"I hope that it is better than what we have seen." Shining Armor said with a shudder. Absently, he made it a mental note to take Montgomery into town to buy extra scented candles.
*** *** ***
Good ol' PT... one of only redeeming features of the current shitshow Bradley and Patton were currently trying to fix. When they woke up at 4:00 AM, they had first met some of the leading drill instructors from the barracks. They had immediately given off the impression of being straight forward and sticklers to the rules and regulations, something that a lot of the Royal Guardsponies did not seem to be, regardless of rank and role.
From then on... it was the regular drill from then on out. Recruits wake up at 5:00 AM, morning inspection right after, then breakfast for about 30 minutes... and then the glorious PT. Patton and Bradley had picked a very good day to come and inspect the training grounds as they were to shown "Tartarus-Hour", the day all recruits dread. The basis of Tartarus-Hour was quite simple... straight PT for half the day until lunch, and then another hour of PT. The whole purpose was to test the recruit's physical and mental stability... a sensible thing for picking out members of an "elite force". That was just merely 3 hours ago. Now, it was 8:00 AM and things were going smoothly. Marching drills were commencing by now and so far, Patton and Bradley had been impressed. No issues had gone on... until now.
It all started with some slack-job private who clearly couldn't do anything right. How the hell he made it passed selection, it was beyond anyone. But that was out of the question... right now, he was being a fuck-up. For a few minutes, this continued until the drill sergeant got tired of his shit. He looked ready to beat the kid to a pulp if it hadn't been for Bradley stepping in between them.
"What the buck do you think your bucking doing?" The Drill Sergeant, named Heartless, asked... well, yelled out.
"Sometimes... hitting the kid ain't gonna solve shit." Patton chirped up.
"The buck do you know about shit like this?" The Sergeant asked.
"Trust me... when it comes to Georgie... he knows better now." Bradley said. For a while, the three stared at each other until the Drill Sergeant relented and continued the training. There weren't any issues after that and the day continued on. When lunch time came, Bradley and Patton took their leave and made their way to the main dining room to discuss their own findings with the others. However, when they entered the Dining Room, the only other living being present was Celestia.
"If you are looking for the others... I suggest you check the administration office. There is quite a scene there..." Celestia simply said, munching on her lunch.
After another 20 minutes of walking, the two Generals found themselves in front a the administration office, wrapped in yellow tape with the words Quarantine written all over it. There, stood Eisenhower, Luna, Shining Armor, and Montgomery, clearly discussing something of importance.
"Ike... why the fuck is the building under quarantine?" Patton asked, clearly curious as to know why.
"Oh, Patton. I am glad you are here. I do suggest you don't enter the building... it is quite th-" Monty began before being cut off by Patton.
"Save me the explanation Monty. I just want to know what the hell happened here." Patton said, clearly annoyed right now.
"George... maybe you should reconsider." Bradley said, concerned with the situation at hand.
"Oh please, knowing these pansies, it probably isn't that bad." Patton said in a reassuring tone.
"Y'know Brad... before you say anything else.... let George go in and see... it wouldn't hurt." Eisenhower said, a smirk growing on his face.
"Eisenhower... I would highly advise against that for th..." Monty began before Eisenhower cut him off with a look. "Very well... open the doors, let General Patton see."
What followed the next few minutes was silence, a few words coming from the office with Patton saying "What the fuck is with these lazy jackoffs" or "How the hell do they get by with this shit". There, there was simply silence and everyone/pony other than Bradley knew what had happened. Patton had found the bathroom.
A few seconds later, Patton came running out of the room at full speed, a sight only few could ever see in their lifetime. What followed next after that was the sound of the 4 star general throwing up in the nearby adjacent fountain with Eisenhower and Luna silently laughing, Monty and Shining Armor also nearly puking, and Bradley still being left clueless.
"Ike, what the hell was in that office?" Bradley asked, somewhat fearful of what he would hear.
"Bradley... do you know the alternative to toilet paper?" Eisenhower began.
"STOP! I do not need to know anymore... Jesus Fucking Christ, I need feel like I want to throw up now." He said.
"Looks like a line may be forming." Eisenhower said, pointing towards the queasy Montgomery and Shining Armor.
*** *** ***
"Okay... so, can we agree to never speak of that shit again?" Patton said, pouring him and the others (minus Monty due to a 1st World War injury) a drink.
"Georgie... we won't speak of it to anyone... even I don't want to think of it." Bradley said, downing a couple a pills for his stomach.
"Okay... everyone shut up. Lets move onto the next line of business. Where are we in the training department. Is that a mess?" Eisenhower asked.
"Surprisingly, their Drill Sergeants are a bunch of pussies. Their tactics though are outdated as fuck." Bradley said.
"Alright, so, tactics need an improvement but training is good... great, that is one less thing to fix." Eisenhower observed.
"Well, who shall we get for tactics then gentlemen? It appears we all seem to have our hands full." Montgomery asked. He did have a point, everyone was currently doing something, and it was clear that Shock and Awe on a broad front would not cut it.
"Well... small arms and concentrated tactics would work... nothing major though. We also need to fix the issue with their guard tactics. When me and Georgie spoke with one of their Drill Sergeants, they didn't seem to have a large aerial observation front in terms of guarding this whole city." Bradley said, remember the conversation that they had.
"I can give you a list of candidates in a few days Ike. You can count on me for that." Patton suddenly said after downing a shot from his drink.
"Didn't you say that in Belgium back in 1944 George?" Montgomery asked.
"Well, as a matter-of-fact yes Monty. The only difference is, it didn't play out like Market Garden." Patton retorted, forcing Monty to sit back and shut up.
"Alright then... you do that but tonight... I just need to get some fucking sleep." Eisenhower said.
"Amen to that." Came a reply from Bradley.
Shit. XD
10203986
Shit indeed...
Whoa, that many uploads in one day? Are you Father Christmas or something? :D
Also here is an F for Patton's semi-good day, I knew it would be budget cuts, butt I didn't knew it would be for toilet paper XD
FFFFFFFFFFF
F
FFFFFFFFFFF
F
F
F
10204007
Lmao
10203990
and i don't mean your story, i just mean like... the advisors are going to have to deal with a lot of shit lol
10204061
i know lol
Yes, this is very much adequate
10204252
Good to hear HMS Detonation
So, in simplest terms: Shining Armor left the guard in perfect running order, and Mareclellan let it be destroyed from both within and without.
Luna: If it was up to me, Mareclellan would be hanged for treason, as destroying the guard is treasonous behavior. He is lucky that his fate is not just mine to decide.
10204542
There is probably some law in the constitution against that from during Celestia's monarch reign
I see you changed the cover photo
10204622
Indeed. For each new advisor, the cover photo shall change.
10204659
So you confirm that more are coming? Good. Good.
10204738
Yes... Why wouldn't there be more? C'mon... I gotta add the other boys in at some point.
10204741
Mmmmmmmmmh sounds lovely
Thanks to Jeopardy, I learn that McClellan is from the Civil War. A Union general who Lincoln had to basically berate into actually attacking the enemy.
So, no wonder MareClellan is so useless.
They need to find Grant's or Sherman's pony counterparts to actually lead the guard.
10204957
Haha! Now somebody gets the reference!
If the army is in such a sorry state, I don’t even want to imagine in what miserable state the navy is, considering how much money is needed to operate a single ship, let alone a decent side fleet, they probably only have row boats, or even only “Ugg Floaty Logs”
10205761
Oh boy.... you just gave me an idea.... Admiral King advising the Equestrian Navy... oh god that would be something.
10206390
More of the annoying jackass who still did his job.
10206190
I’m glad to know that I give you a new idea for what I imagine will be an excellent sequel for this fic.
By the way, can I recommend Admiral Jackie Fisher to assist Admiral King as an advisor?
Yes I’m aware that Jacky can be considered too old for this, as he was active during the second half of the XIX century and early XX, but, there is no other man out there who can take the Equestria navy from what I imagine is equivalent to that of early steamers and iron ships, and transform it into a modern navy (although he will considerably hit the military budget); plus, with King’s anglophobia and Fisher’s mad love for the UK (as well as he’s passionate if not a little explosive temperament) can result in very funny antics (Fisher actually when into a very passionate rant in from of king Edward VI, so is easy to see him do something similar this time in from of the nobles, as well as Celestia and Luna)
Also, there are a lot of shots one can take at Fisher, like his “large light cruisers” (or as I like to call them, key-chain battle-cruisers), among others, on the other hand however, maybe this will the excellent opportunity to make Fisher’s biggest dream come true, that dream being “HMS Incomparable ”
Ps: Fisher can also take a lot of shots against admiral Beatty, as I really doubt that after 100 years Fisher would have forgotten Beatty for his incompetence and recklessness that resulted in 3 of Fisher’s beloved battle cruisers exploding during the battle of Jutland
I love this kerp up the great work
10210631
I mean, Rommel's technical first name is Johannes
You mean Hermann Meyer