Pinkie Pie's Excellent Adventure

by dashingrainbows

Dashie's Big Score

Don’t worry about paradoxes. They’ll be taken care of. I have no idea how, though.
You get seven turns. The last player gets to see something beautiful.

It is a fact universally acknowledged that anypony in possession of two tired wings must be in search of a nap. Twilight thought that was really funny, but I don’t get it. Whatever. Anyways, after the long trip home from Mount Neighverest, I was ready for a rest myself. It was bad enough that I had to carry my own stuff and the tent, let alone Rarity’s extra saddle bags. What does a pony need two sets of saddlebags for? It was only like, a week in the woods. Probably extra makeup or something.

Plus, halfway through the trip, some crazy pegasus flew into my tent and started yelling, asking where “she” was. Eventually I convinced her I was the only one here. I wasn’t scared, I just had a lot of trouble going to sleep after that.
Anyways, as I was saying, I was lying on a cloud over Ponyville, trying to get some well-deserved rest, when I heard something that sounded like crying, and I can’t sleep with loud weeping noises in my ears. So I did what anypony would have done, I rolled off the cloud and started flying through town to find the inconsiderate pony who was interrupting my all-important nap.

‘Course, it wasn’t some inconsiderate pony, it was one of my friends. Fluttershy, to be exact. And annoying or not, I’d never leave a friend crying, especially not Fluttershy.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Hopefully something simple, something I could take care of right away, making Fluttershy happy and leaving myself free to sleep. But she didn’t even tell me what happened, she just shook her head “no” and ran into Carousel Boutique. She obviously didn’t want to talk to me about it, so I took that as my cue to watch her and eavesdrop on her conversations, so that she didn’t have to.

Anyways, so there I was, hiding upstairs in Carousel Boutique, listening to Fluttershy talk to Rarity. I missed the first part, cause they started talking before I could open up the upstairs window.

“And then – and then I found this mean note, right in my house!”

Mean note? Well, the best athlete in Ponyville wasn’t gonna let somepony get away with writing a mean note! The first step was to get Pinkie Pie off my back, and second, figure out who wrote it.

Oh yeah, by this point, Pinkie Pie had snuck up on me and jumped on my back. Don’t ask me why, she’s just Pinkie Pie.

“What are you doing, Dashie?”

“I’m – none of your business! Get out of here!” Pinkie Pie is great, but she can be a real pain sometimes. She really doesn’t know when to shut up. Which, in her case, is almost all the time. Especially now.

“Ohhhhhhhh, I get it” Suddenly she started whispering. “They don’t know you’re here, do they? You’re…” Pinkie breathed in deep, like she was about to shout. I did what anypony would’ve done, I shoved my hoof into her mouth to stop her from blowing my cover. Her face seemed to inflate for a bit, as the air she had sucked in struggled to get out, but soon enough, she relaxed. I know Pinkie well enough to know when she’s about to yell – actually that’s most of the time. I know Pinkie well enough to know when she isn’t going to yell, you can just tell by the look on her pink face, and the look on her face was proof enough for me that it was safe to take my hoof out.

Wiping Pinkie’s weirdly sticky spit off my hoof and onto the carpet, I listened to Pinkie Pie, who’d gone back to whispering. Most ponies have a hard time understanding Pinkie when she talks fast, but not me. There’s nopony I can’t keep up with, not even in conversation.

“…spying! I didn’t know we were playing the spying game tonight, I thought we were playing –“ well, actually you don’t need to know what she said here. Just, Pinkie says the weirdest things sometimes. Anyways, after a while and way too much description, she finally got to the good part.

“So then Fluttershy jumped out of the tree holding her keys, and opened up her house and we went in and she found a mean old note!” I guess even I can’t keep up with Pinkie all the time, cause I was pretty sure Pinkie never described Fluttershy getting into a tree. “And it was from – well, it doesn’t matter who it was from, you just nee-“

“Of course it matters who it was from!” Of all the things to not go into way too much detail about, she had to pick the name of the pony I had to give a hoof sandwich to? Actually, more like a hoof meal, if they were lucky. A full on hoof buffet, if they weren’t. But she totally wouldn’t tell me. Not cool.

“ –but maybe you could stop her from seeing it in the first place!” Now I knew I wasn’t keeping up.

“Uh, Pinkie, how can I stop her if she’s already seen it?”

“Hmm, good question, maybe it is impossible, but there’s no harm trying, is there?” Actually, there was lots of harm in a lot of Pinkie’s schemes. I didn’t see how this one would get me covered in strawberry pie filling, though, so I decided to go along with her.

So she told me her plan, which made about as much sense as her plan to bake Ponyville into a giant cupcake. She had some rock, she had me put my hoof on it and say “Fluttershy’s cottage, two days ago”. She also told me what to do afterwards, but I’m getting to that. But – here’s the crazy part – as soon as I did, I was in Fluttershy’s house!

Nopony was there, of course, since Fluttershy was still at Rarity’s boutique and I guess she hadn’t picked up Angel from the bunnysitter’s. So, like Pinkie Pie told me, I looked around her house a bit, till I found the note lying on the table. I didn’t bother unrolling it to read it, because it didn’t matter what it said. This was no time for questions. It made Fluttershy cry, and so I picked it up, shoved it in my mouth and swallowed the dumb scroll.

Anyways, then I said “Home”, just like she said, and I was back, facing an over-eager Pinkie Pie. By her standards, I mean.

“How was it? I bet it was super-duper-totally tummy tingling, right?”

Now it was time for questions. “Would you mind telling me what the hay just happened?”

“Time travel!”

“Time travel?”

“Time travel.”

“Time- what? You mean like in that movie?” Pinkie Pie nodded. I don’t actually know any movies with time-travel in them, but I was pretty sure there’s got to be at least one, and I must have been right, since Pinkie acted like she understood. Actually, that’s not exactly the most reliable way to find out. Whatever, there’s definitely a time travel movie.

Then I realized what she meant. That rock – that was no ordinary magic rock! It didn’t move me to Fluttershy’s cottage now; it moved me there, then! But, also now, since it’s now right now. But no, because even though it was now when I stepped on the rock, it’s then now. So it moved me there, then, then.

“Is that even possible?”

“I guess so, ‘cause you just did it!”

Coming from anypony else, I would have assumed she was lying, or playing a prank, or just wrong, but I’ve known Pinkie Pie long enough to know where that would go. I’d spend half an hour (with approximately seven minutes in nap breaks, of course) ignoring her explanations, getting hurt repeatedly – possibly sing a song – and in the end, just wind up believing her crazy story anyways. So I did the smart thing, and assumed that the pink pony who was now trying to see how many balloons she could blow up at once was in every way correct.

“So, uh, did it work?” A sob from downstairs answered my question.

Horseapples.

Comments

[Relevant Heavy Metal]

Father Time - Shark Island

[FireFlash13231]

hah. i lol'd. one of the few fics that i laughed at, congrats.

[dashingrainbows]

1201603
For your kind words, I will post a chapter tonight!

[FireFlash13231]

1256523 yays!