I woke up lifting me head up and leaning my body against one of the padded room walls. Then I noticed I pain coming from my head and I didn’t know why it hurted but it hurt. I looked around my surroundings, I was still in the padded room with these restraints still on me and still no sign of Alek. I tried to move around but I barely move at all for that matter. So I gave up on trying to move around because my restraints won’t let me move around because how heavy they were.
I let out a small grown.
I had nothing, to do, no movement of freedom and worst of all I am stuck in this place for who knows how long. I just decided to stare at the padded floor for awhile. Then more belly started to rumble, that’s right I haven’t had some food for about 12 or more hours.
Then I head hoof steps coming towards my room, then stop.
Then I heard the door being unlocked and opened and I turned my head toward the door to see the same nurse as before.
And 2 different guards along side my door.
“Good morning Drift, how are yo- Oh my he said with concern in his voice.
I tried to say something but I couldn’t because on my muzzle on my face.
“Drift did you try to hurt yourself?”
The yellow doctor said with slight concern in his voice. I shock my head no, and I was confused because why would he ask my that question? “Can you explain the new bruise on your head?” The yellow doctor pony said. Then i realize that when I was about to fall asleep my head hit my back legs.
I shock my head up and down to say yes.
The yellow doctor walked towards me the two guard pony’s following closely behind him. “Can you turn you head please?” The yellow doctor said calmly. So I did and I felt my muzzle Untighten. Then it got taken off. Then I spoke “Well, when I was about to fall asleep my head fell on to my back hooves hard. Then I fell asleep.” I said with a little nervousness in my voice.
Then he gave me a not so believable look.
“Drift we want to help you and your only making it worst if you continue to hurt your self.” The yellow docter said in a calm tone. “I know” I said with a sad tone in my voice.
My belly rumbled because I was hungry.
“Oh, I see that your a little hungry” the yellow doctor said. “Yes I am I little hungry.” I said. “Well then you wait right here while we get some food for you. Don’t worry we will be back in a bit.” The yellow doctor said as he put back my muzzle back on to my face.
Then they left the room and close the metal door and I was alone once again.
Then I realized I could bearly fell my wings at all. So I turned my head around to see my wing which were being held by a canvas or something like that. That meant I couldn’t fly at all as because they were being held tightly. With Alek gone for that time being I had nothing and no one to talk to at all to past my time.
Then I heard those hoof steps again heading towards my room as usual. Then I heard the metal door being unlocked and the same yellow doctor pony as before came in to my padded room with a tray of food. And placed it in front of me then he stared to remove to muzzle from my face.
“There you go open your mouth wide.” The yellow doctor said. “Wait your going to feed me? I’m not a baby.” I said with a annoyed tone. “Well yes because we don’t trust you feeding yourself yet.” The yellow doctor said. “Oh god” I said with a worried tone. “Come on open up it’s not that hard.” The yellow doctor said.
After I got done my breakfast the yellow doctor picked up the tray and started walking out of the room. “Don’t worry I will be back in a little bit.” He said before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.
I decided to stare at my two blue legs that were not strapped in unlike my other to legs. I was stuck in a trance think what happened and why am I hear in the first place and worst of all I don’t remember anything before this week. I think things are going to get worst. Then I heard yelling down the hallway but I could not make it out. It has been awhile at this point that I heard hoof steps coming towards my door. Then I heard hoof steps coming towards my door, I heard someone unlocking the door. And when the door opened it was a different pony this time it was a pony with white fur and a pink mane With a Red Cross cutie mark.
“Hello I’m Nurse Redheart, I’m going to do an interview on you so all you need to do is sit back and relax while I’m going to ask you some questions and your going to answer them, ok.” Nurse Redheart said with a cheerful smile. Then she grabbed a chair from the hallway and then placed it into my padded room and then came over to me and took my muzzle off.
Then she sat back into here chair. “So first Question, do you know where you are?” Nurse Redheart said.
“No I don’t know where the hell I am at all.” I said straight forward.
“Well you in Manehattan Mental Hospital for sick pony’s.” Nurse Redheart said with a smile. “Ok, second question do you know any family members?” Nurse Redheart asked. “No I don’t know any family members at all.” I said
Nurse Redheart face had a look of worry.
“ Last question, do you know why you attacked those guards a week earlier.” Nurse Redheart said with worry in her voice. “Yes, because I was panicking and didn’t know what was going on.” I said straight forward to her. “Thank you for answering those questions the doctor will be here in a little bit to bring you to the bathroom.” Nurse Redheart said with a smile.
Then she put my muzzle back on my face and then took the chair with here. Then after that I heard the metal door close after she left the room and I was alone again with no one to talk to and nothing to do.
I feel like I’m going crazy, which is not good at all!
so far seems like a great story. can't wait to see more.
I wonder if he has a medication that prevent Alex from hearing to David or that it is affecting Alex so that he can't even use his magic? It would help to know if this was a sequel to the original or a clear reboot, it seemed like it's a sequel but there is no sight of a clear recap on what happen before and the information is too sparse to make it clearly. I wonder if the medication's has the unintentional side effect of losing his memory for the time being because of the different brain chemistry or that he got really hurt at one point? From the sound of this the doctor already gave him his new made up name he gave to the filly, and it could be that he was recaptured after the grocery store? I would wonder why they are using that name instead of the first one of when he was in custody, or just why if this is a reboot.
But to be honest, I would much prefer this be a complete reboot so that you can really start fresh with the same premise of the story with your own spine on it, even if you are still inexperience in writing. as for the 1K chapter, normally I that would annoy me a lot for how short it is, but I think this might be best for you for now to get your feet wet while you learn how to write a story, it will be much easier to manage for you to look over your mistakes and to get a constant routine in practicing in your writing. You should really practice proofreading your chapter with a text to speech because their are still a lot of issues in your writing that would need to address pronto if you want to keep your readers, and please don't take what I say as an offence, I really want you to to keep on writing this story.
1:
Correction: I tried to move around[,] but I [could] barely move[even wiggle my limbs] at all for that matter[due to my current garment I was wearing]. So I gave up on trying to move[/in getting] around because my restraints won’t(purposefully design to not) let me move around because how heavy[/restrictive] they were.
you use move three times in the same sentences that is way to redundant and having it used twice in the sentence for the same function really doesn't work well. Try to avoid using the same moms or verbs in the next sentence that follows, it helps to make a better flow and and not make it sound like you keep repeating yourself too often.
try your best not to start a sentence with the same words or structure one after the other for the same reason I just told you before and try to limit doing that for more then twice per 1K chapter, try to use other synonyms for words you can normally fine it in the right mouse button to look them up in a text program or definitions, it really helps for that.
a doctor or any medical professional wouldn't call a patient by their name without a calling them mister or miss, it's common professional politeness, unless they already are very familiar with each other, and you don't provide any context as to why they would be in this case.
Again same as the first, it's redundant to say the same words so close to each other, if you can try to use excretions of euphemisms to signify the same thing.
Fixed: All of the sudden I felt my belly rumbled, signalling my stomach need for sustenance.
“Oh, I see that your a little famished” the yellow doctor chuckled in understanding, needing little guessing what that meant, before I added. “Yeah, could use a snack, anything on the menu today doc?
This is just an example of who you could structure it.
It's a padded room it can be bare metal, it's supposed to prevent patients from hurting themselves.
It would help that you give the doc a name and you can't always used the yellow doctor every time you mention him. Also what is the food he is being served is it grass, hay, a salad maybe?
Is he serving him using his hoof, his mouth or his TK?
Try using foreleg or forehooves, for the front and rearlegs or hind legs/hooves for the rear.
He is also probably wearing an adult diaper under there too.
fixed
It has been awhile later at this point where that I heard hoof steps coming towards my door. Then, when they stopped close by, I heard someone unlocking the door.
you could remove that second hoofstep part
Nice to give a name on this one but nurse Red Heart is already stationed in Ponyville I would suggest that you use another name unless you want to make this another rampant case of Nurse Joy clones.
Could need a more polite term to designate patients .
Hope this helps and good luck on your next chapter