Anon 69 News

by Amilition

Fleur De Lis Introduces New Smudge-Proof Lipstick Able To Withstand Getting Hit By A Train

New smudge proof lipstick able to withstand a train.

And can music really be destroyed? Learn this cute little filly's next plan on taking over Equestria.

From Anon 69 public Radio, I'm Stella, and this is Anon 69 News. Anonymous is currently out trying to convince Celestia why building a statue of him is so important.

Touting the product’s ability to keep clean, perfect lines even while dragged against rough gravel or metal train tracks, Fleur De Lis introduced Monday their new smudge-proof lipstick that’s able to withstand getting hit by a train.

“Enhanced with new colors, scents, and flavors, this all-day, high-impact lipstick is guaranteed to keep you looking chic even while you’re getting hit by 220 ton train,” said Fleur De Lis spokesperson Fancy Pants, who added that the new lipstick was guaranteed to last up to 24 hours, even if you step in front of a train, and slam directly into the windshield, or get caught on it's bumper and are pulled face-down along the train tracks screaming for your life.

“Whether you’re hit at 60 mph and are splattered across the gravel, or sucked up into train's grill and have to be pulled out by the jaws of life, Fleur De Lis will make sure you’re just as kissable as the minute you put your lipstick on. With Fleur De Lis, it’s simple—the rest of you might be smudged by the tracks but your lips won’t be.” At press time, Fleur De Lis had unveiled a new line of extra glossy highlighters to help first responders locate the remainder of their customers’ faces.

Wow, might have to get me some of that. But what flavor would Anon like?

Anyways, this has been Stella from Anon 69 News. And as tradition, send us questions you might have about the Anon 69 team. We'll answer them to our best ability. See you later.

Click.

Author's Note:

Thank you artanisjerin89 for proof reading.

And while out on my journey of finding images to plagiarise use for a book cover, I found this and thought to share it with you. I have no idea who the artist is, but I give them cudos.

Comments

[Brony of the Revolution]

Hey Stella, have you ever used your fangs to suck the semen directly out of Anon's balls?

[WorldWalker128]

10379811
That sounds like a great way to have your boyfriend break up with you.
-
Hey Anon I've got several kinds of salt from my days on Earth. Himalayan, Sea, common table salt, rock salt, and the kind of salt we used to use for baiting deer for hunting(Obviously a BIG No-No in a world where deer are considered friends, not food). Where in the house are good places to hide them from my pony room mates? ((No address on the note. It was dropped of by direct-delivery))

[DovahkiinMaster]

Hey Anon, fiI put table salt on my food and Somepony steals it can I get jail time?

If not, I mean, you could accidentally put salt on a cake and 100% by accident leave it somewhere Celestia could find. I'm just saying you could, not that you should. though you totally should

[Omegaxxx]

Can I have my bucket back?

[CharacterRoulette]

Is It possible to fathom the true depths of Reality and Existence?

[azrael2001]

hey anon what's the one thing you missed about Earth

[Unsketched]

Do Flex Tape and related products exist over there?

[vortex123]

For Anon:

What was the strangest, most bewildering argument you've used in an argument, that somehow won you the argument?

[PonyDragon]

able to withstand a train

How exactly did you test this?

In other news, I should mention you forgot to add colors to Stellas text this time.

[Amilition]

10381358
Didn't need to. Anyone who's at the mic doesn't get color. But thanks for the call out.

[FirewaspRambo]

So if I put that lipstick all over my body does that mean I become invincible?

[bdoubleowo]

For Anon: Did you get Celestia to build the statue?

[Coretz]

10379811
At first, I was aghast. But now I'm morbidly intrigued.

But I expect her response to be https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kmGNs0mymVg&t=7s