Pinkie's Doom Parade

by NeuPferdfurt

dental scare

Twilight smiled.
“Wow. Pinkie, I love all of your parties, but this one, I also approve of.”

“Thanks, Twilight. That means a lot to me. Also, I couldn’t have done this without you. This is your big day.”
-

Educationfest. A whole day dedicated to transmitting knowledge through fun and games.

Twilight had planned to start a Pony History Club. To put it mildly, it hadn’t become quite as popular as she had expected. Her friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders had shown up, as well as Snips and Snails- though she suspected that these last two had been persuaded by semi-legal means.
She had talked to Pinkie in hope for consolation. As always, Pinkie had managed to cheer her up. Which was good. Then the party pony had come up with a plan. Which was slightly disturbing. But it had been easy for Pinkie to convince her friend that an educational party was exactly what the unicorn’s heart desired. Pinkie could be very convincing, which was also the reason why even after all these years and rumors, there were ponies willing to try her special cupcakes.

Several streets and alleys in Ponyville were now invaded by science and history-themed stands and attractions. The costume plays and puppet theaters were especially popular. Twilight herself was wearing her Star Swirl The Bearded -costume again, and this time, ponies could actually recognize who she was supposed to be.

Pinkie Pie jumped.
“Uh! Twilight! I’m going to be late! I have to teach the kids about dental hygiene!”

Twilight chuckled.
“Alright. See you around. Knock'em out.”

-

Pinkie Pie appeared in front of her audience, wearing a top hat.

“Hi kids!!”

“Hi Pinkie Pie!!”

The little red tent was full of foals. None of them was that interested in dental hygiene, but Pinkie Pie was an attraction all by herself.

There was one guest however who was sticking out. It was the suicidal colt without a cutie mark, which the inhabitants of Ponyville had come to think of as “Blank Flank”.
“What am I even doing here? I’m not a kid anymore!”

“Ooooh”, Pinkie said, “This fine gentlecolt thinks he’s too good for us. What do you think of that, folks?”

“Booooooh!”

“Hey! I don’t think I...”, Blank Flank protested, “Ah, well. Whatever.”
He settled down, avoiding the reproachful stares of the foals.

Pinkie chuckled.
“Kids, meet Dr. Blue Gum, Ponyville’s very own dentist!”

The cheer for the doctor was much less enthusiastic and much more polite. Blue Gum didn’t worry about that, she was used to it.

“Hey kids! Today me and my assistant are going to teach you how important it is to always brush your teeth! Ready, Pinkie?”

“I sure am!”

The doctor pretended to be checking Pinkie’s teeth.

“You know, Docff, yo really fouldn’t look a gift horfe in the mouf!”

The kids giggled, clearly captivated by what was going on.

“But Pinkie, that’s my job! That’s the only way for me to tell whether your teeth are healthy. Oh, my.”

“Oh, my?”

“It would seem as if you haven’t been brushing your teeth lately. I think I’m seeing... the caries.”

“Carieff?”

“Yes, Pinkie. That’s when tiny creatures in your mouth are putting ugly, black holes into your teeth.”

“Docff, tell me, I can take it... Am I a goner?”

The children gasped.

“Oh no, Pinkie. But I’m afraid I’ll have to use the drill. Otherwise, it might get worse and worse, and the caries will get all your teeth...”

“Oh no! But then I can only eat boring old oatmeal all day!”

That was bad. Everyone knew how Pinkie Pie loved to eat just about anything BUT boring old oatmeal.

“That’s right. So what do you think? Should I get started with the drilling?”

“What are you waiting for, Doctor?! Use mine!!”
Pinkie pulled a drill out of her top hat. The children first screamed, then they laughed. Pinkie’s drill resembled a medium-sized jackhammer.

The dentist laughed as well.
“No, Pinkie. As a professional, I have my own drill.”

She showed Pinkie and the audience her dentist tools. Everyone admired the size difference between the tiny instruments and Pinkie’s preposterous monstrosity.

“You see, kids, if a dentist has to use her instruments, it can be scary at first, but loosing all your teeth is much, much worse!”

“You say it, Doc! I would have you drill any day, if that means I can keep my teeth! I need them! I love 'em! Bring it on!”

“Well, I have a surprise for you today, Pinkie... It was only a test! Your teeth are perfect! You are taking good care of them. Well done.”

The dentist brought forth a magnifying mirror, so that everyone could admire Pinkie’s large, white teeth.

“Say, Pinkie, as a professional, I am intrigued. How do you keep your teeth so clean and strong?”

“Easy peasy! I brush them every day! At least twice! And that’s important, since I work at Sugar Cube Corner, quite an occupational hazard!”

“That’s right, kids! Sugar is very dangerous for your teeth. That’s why Pinkie and all the other ponies who like sweets need to be extra careful.”

“And I sure am! Let me show you!”

Everpony admired Pinkie’s dental routine. Even though they flinched occasionally.

“Ta-Daa! That’s how you get teeth like mine! And look what a set of healthy teeth can do: this is from my last vacation...”
She presented a surf board to the crowd. A huge chunk of it was bitten off by some powerful maw.

“Wow”, Blank Flank said, “Was that a shark attack?”

“Shark? No, silly! I was just wondering what a surf board tastes like.”

It was a hoot.

“Now, kids, Dr. Blue Gum is going to show us what happens if ponies don’t brush their teeth or are too scared to go to the dentist for their checkup... “

Blue Gum was launching a slide show. The audience watched, their faces turning into grimaces of terror. Shadows were dancing through the tent. Nightmarish images of death and decay were reflected in the foal's big, wide-open eyes. Finally, the last picture vanished, and it was dark and quiet in the tent.

“Boo”, Pinkie said.

All the kids, as well as Blank Flank, were gallopping out into the light, screaming with all the force of their lungs.

-

After a while, they had calmed down and moved over to the next tent: ‘Pinkie Pie presents- the wonders of surgery!’.

Comments

[Shanawolf]

It just goes to show, Pinkie can make even the worstest of worstest things seem like fun.