How to be Happy

by Leafdoggy

Chapter 3: Thunder and Lightning

“So, now what?”

Since they began their walk, the rain had only picked up, and so Marble and Pinkamena had ducked under the awning in front of Ponyville’s general store to escape it. Heavy drops pounded the fabric overhead, and every so often a gust of wind would pick up and blow a spray of water into them.

“What do you mean?” Pinkamena asked.

“Are you gonna go back to Trotsylvania with Pinkie and Fluttershy?”

“I…” Pinkamena frowned. “Right. That’s Pinkie’s home, not mine. I just… I didn’t even think about it.”

“It’s just as much yours as it is Pinkie’s,” Marble told her. “I was just wondering what you actually want.”

“I wanna be Pinkie again.”

Pinkamena hadn’t thought about what she was saying, and as soon as it was out in the air she regretted it. She couldn’t help but look away from Marble in shame as the truth of it washed over her.

Marble frowned and leaned against her big sister. “Your trip is still a few more days, you have time to think. You’re always welcome back at the farm, too.”

She winced. “No, I… I can’t go back to that.”

“I get it.”

They fell silent for a moment and listened to the sound of the rain. The rhythmic beat above slowly picked up its tempo, and as they listened a crash of thunder broke through the noise.

A surge of wind blew through, and Marble squealed as it kicked up some mud and sprayed her with it. Wordlessly, Pinkamena moved to that side to shield her little sister.

“You should stay with them tonight, at least,” Marble said after a while.

“I don’t know… I mean, I have the Sugarcube Corner to go back to.”

“You can’t figure things out without talking with them.”

“I guess, but I—”

There was a loud splash as a set of hooves landed in a puddle nearby. “There you are,” Spitfire said as she trotted over to them. “I was getting worried!”

“Because of rain?” Marble raised an eyebrow at her. “In Ponyville?”

“I—” Spitfire pursed her lips. “C’mon, there’s lightning.”

Marble rolled her eyes.

Spitfire huffed. “Whatever, just… If I’m gonna fly you back to the farm, we gotta go before the storm gets any worse.”

“Alright,” Marble said. She turned to Pinkamena and smiled softly. “I’m glad we got to talk. Come visit soon, okay?”

“I, uh… Maybe,” Pinkamena said noncommittally.

“And go back to Fluttershy’s!” Marble’s look got stern for just a second.

“I don’t know…”

“For me?” Marble asked.

“That’s not fair.” Pinkamena pouted. “You know I can’t say no to you.”

“Too bad.” Marble stuck out her tongue playfully, then trotted over to Spitfire, who shielded her from the rain with an outstretched wing. “Love you, Pinkamena. See you soon.”

“Love you, too,” Pinkamena replied quietly.

“Oh, yeah,” Spitfire added, “they said to tell you they were going back to the cottage. They didn’t wanna get stuck out in the rain.”

With that, Spitfire hopped into the air and grabbed Marble before speeding off into the clouds.

Once they were out of sight, Pinkamena sighed and looked down at the muddy ground. “The cottage…” She shook her head and stepped out into the rain. “Fine.”

Pinkamena trudged slowly through the empty streets of Ponyville. She ignored the rain, didn’t bother to avoid puddles, and let the world pelt her with whatever it pleased. Mud sprayed at her legs, leaves flew into her mane, and more than once she absentmindedly scratched at an itchy spot on a leg or her face and covered herself with streaks of grime.

As she walked, she dwelled on Marble’s words. On what she wants. On what she meant when she said she wanted to be Pinkie again.

She shook her head. “Stupid,” she grumbled under her breath.

Soon enough the uniformly packed homes of Ponyville started to drop off, and Pinkamena found herself at the edge of town. The roads were a lot worse out there, far less traveled and thus much looser, and the lack of buildings meant there was nothing blocking the dirt from the onslaught of rain. It took only a few steps for the ground to change under her, to stop being solid. Her hooves sank several inches into the mud with every step, and they made wet pops as she pulled them free of the grip of earth.

Luckily, it wasn’t a terribly long walk through this part of town. Fluttershy’s old cottage was outside Ponyville, yes, but it wasn’t that far out. A few minutes’ walk from the outskirts on a nice day, and no more than ten in even the worst weather.

With nothing to occupy her thoughts, it still felt like an eternity of travel, but soon enough Pinkamena turned onto the long, winding slope that led up to the cottage. She could see the hoofprints from the other two pressed cleanly into the deep mud, and couldn’t help but notice how close the sets of hooves were.

She pushed the thought from her mind as she pushed her hooves up the slope. It wasn’t steep by any means, but the slippery ground made it a struggle nonetheless. Just the few feet up to the front door felt like a mountain, and all she could do was watch the door slowly come closer to her as she walked.

She was almost at the top when she made a misstep. Her hoof came down on an edge of the path that was raised up off the ground around it, and the unexpected lack of ground made her ankle twist awkwardly underneath her. Her leg buckled, and in her efforts to keep from hurting herself, she wound up slipping and tumbling down the hillside.

It wound up as less of a tumble and more of a skid as she landed on her side and dug into the soft dirt. A wide, shallow groove marked her path as she fell down the slope and came to rest on another piece of the path, where it wound back on itself.

When she came to a rest, Pinkamena didn’t move. She wasn’t hurt, and she hadn’t fallen far, but she still felt tears threatening to well up.

“Stupid Pinkamena,” she mumbled to herself. She tried to wipe an eye with the back of one of her legs, but flinched when it stung badly thanks to the mud. “Can’t even walk up a hill right.”

After a moment she finally gathered up the strength to move, and she pushed herself back to her hooves. Her entire side was dark and slick with wet earth, but she ignored it and pushed herself up the hill once again.

She couldn’t be sure thanks to the rain, but she thought she felt tears fall down her cheek as she finally walked up to the door. She almost walked right in, but as she reached out her hoof she changed her mind and knocked quietly.

Wind and rain assaulted her from behind as she stood in silence and waited.

After a minute, Fluttershy opened the door. “Hel—” She gasped when she saw the state Pinkamena was in, and immediately stretched a wing around her and pulled her inside. “Oh, no, what happened?”

Pinkamena sniffed and shrugged. She didn’t walk in any further than she was pushed.

Fluttershy clicked the door shut and hurried over to a closet to grab a stack of towels. She dropped all but one on the floor in front of Pinkamena, then started using the one she kept to wipe the grime from her face.

“Why didn’t you just come inside?” Fluttershy frowned deeply. “You don’t need to knock.”

Pinkamena dodged the question. “Where’s Pinkie?”

“She’s taking a nap,” Fluttershy said. “Today was hard on all of us.”

Pinkamena whined. “I… I hurt her, didn’t I?”

“I…” Fluttershy sighed. “Yes, Pinkamena, you did. Neither of us are upset with you, we know you didn’t mean to, but she was hit hard by the things you said.”

“I’m…”

“You can apologize when she wakes up,” Fluttershy said. “For now, you should really go get cleaned up.”

Pinkamena nodded and picked up one of the towels, then made her way to the bathroom without saying anything else.

After the door was shut, Fluttershy let out a long sigh and walked into the kitchen. She rinsed herself off quickly, then busied herself with making tea.

As she waited for the water to boil, she looked absentmindedly out the window. Somewhere in the distance, a lightning strike lit up the sky. The kettle started to whistle before she could hear the thunder.

She poured the tea into mugs for herself and Pinkamena, then poured just the right amount of sugar into her own. She hesitated before Pinkamena’s, though, and ultimately decided to let her decide for herself how much she wanted.

Then she sat at the little kitchen table that sat against the window and waited.

A very damp Pinkamena emerged from the bathroom around the same time that the tea was getting cool enough to drink comfortably. Fluttershy caught her eye and waved for her to come and sit at the table, so Pinkamena did.

“I wasn’t sure how much sugar you’d want.” Fluttershy gestured at the cup of tea as Pinkamena got comfortable.

Pinkamena took a small sip to test it, then shrugged. “This is fine, I guess.”

Fluttershy nodded. “Did the bath help?”

“Not really.”

“Mm…” Fluttershy reached out and rubbed Pinkamena’s leg tenderly. “What’s on your mind?”

“I don’t think I should say.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “Why not?”

“You’d hate me.”

“I’d never hate you,” Fluttershy told her. “You’re not capable of doing anything that would make me hate you.”

Pinkamena tapped her hoof on the table, then shook her head. “I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to.”

Pinkamena looked at the floor and stopped tapping. “...Fine.”

“Fine?”

“Mm.” Pinkamena kept her gaze firmly away from Fluttershy. “Just forget about it.”

“Pinkamena, something’s clearly bothering you,” Fluttershy said. “I promise, it’s okay to tell me. I’m—”

“Do you still love me?”

Fluttershy blinked. “O-Of course I do, Pinkamena, you’re—”

“Like, really love me,” Pinkamena said. “I mean, obviously you still care about me, but I’m not Pinkie. Do you love me? Or do you just want me to be ‘happy?’”

“I—” Fluttershy gulped anxiously. “I do love you. Really.”

Pinkamena made a frustrated noise and clutched her head. “Please don’t lie to me, Fluttershy. Please. I need to be able to trust you, at least. My brain isn’t letting me trust anypony else.”

“I’m not lying, Pinkamena, I promise.”

“Then why’d you look so scared? Why does it feel like you don’t actually wanna say you love me?”

“Because…” Fluttershy clutched her legs to her chest and looked blankly out the window. “Because Pinkie’s still here. It feels like I’m betraying her.”

“Pinkie would be fine with you having feelings for another pony.”

“But that’s different,” Fluttershy said. “That would happen over time, and we’d talk about it. This just… It just happened. Pinkie never said it was okay.” Fluttershy put her hooves to her chest and took a deep, raspy breath. “I… We just need to talk about it when she’s awake. All of us.”

Pinkamena nodded. “I’m… Sorry, for making things so hard for you.”

Fluttershy shook her head. “It’s not your fault.”

“Mm…”

“Pinkamena?” Fluttershy reached out and lightly touched Pinkamena’s hoof, which made her jump.

“Huh?”

“Is that what was on your mind? What you thought I’d hate you for?”

“Oh. I…” Pinkamena pulled her hoof away from Fluttershy’s. “No, it wasn’t.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I…” She trailed off without saying anything.

“You can tell me. I promise I won’t be upset.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“I can,” Fluttershy said, “because I know I won’t.”

Pinkamena took a deep breath. “You, um… You said that you weren’t upset that I hurt Pinkie.”

Fluttershy nodded quietly.

“Because I didn’t… Mean to…”

Fluttershy nodded again, more slowly this time.

“But I think… I might have wanted to.” Pinkamena shrank in on herself as she spoke. “I think I wanted to know if she could still hurt without me.”

They were both silent for a long moment. Fluttershy looked almost emotionless as she studied Pinkamena, taking in what she had said.

Finally, Fluttershy broke the pause and reached out. “Pinkamena—”

Before she could say anything, they both heard the front door open and then quickly slam shut. By the time either of them looked over, the living room was empty.

Fluttershy shot out of her seat. “P-Pinkie?” She threw the door open just in time to see a pink shape in the distance run onto a side path and disappear. “Pinkie!” She yelled out into the storm, but she quickly realized how pointless that was and flew off into the rain.

Pinkamena was left sitting at the table and staring at the open front door. “She…”

Pinkamena sniffed and wiped an eye as she started to tear up.

“She didn’t even care.”

Comments

[Starlight Nova]

Which one of your stories is the first story in this universe?

[Leafdoggy]

10083687
This one!

EDesperate Devotion

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• Romance
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• Twilight
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Leafdoggy · 24k words  ·  617  14 · 8.8k views

I also have a bookshelf with all the stories, and I write chronologically so if you sort by date published they'll be in order