Fragments

by Phoenix_Dragon

Chapter 6: Confrontation

Chapter 6: Confrontation

So far, so good. Sky had been out almost half an hour now, traveled safely through town, made his way here to the town hall. He'd even carried on a timid conversation with Silver Scroll, one of the city clerks who helped organize the job requests. No screams of terror and all-consuming chaos yet, no raging mobs out to get the changeling hiding among them. Nobody even seemed to notice.

"Are you all right?" Silver Scroll asked.

He twitched at her question. He'd been acting suspicious, hadn't he? Even if his disguise was perfect -- and he was convinced he had gotten his eyes wrong, even if he couldn't tell how -- he could still blow it by acting wrong. He was blowing it by acting wrong. He forced a smile and gave a quick laugh, which came out far too nervous.

No, too far! That just looks more suspicious! He quickly hid the smile. Crap. How should he act to handle that? Quiet? Sad? Yes, slightly depressed, something is wrong, but something personal that he didn't want to talk about. Perfect!

"I-it's okay," he said quietly. "Just some personal issues. It's nothing." It's the perfect lie, because it's true.

She frowned a little, obviously wanting to comfort him, but too polite to pry. The feeling of sympathy he felt from her teased at his senses. His resolution wavered, and he let it come in, taking in the tiniest bit of that feeling, just enough to feel himself growing a little more stable... And then just a tiny bit more, for good measure.

It took a moment before the guilt hit him. He was feeding on some random pony who had only wanted to extend some sympathy to him, with no idea how literally he could take it. It was more like a nibble than his previous feeding, but that didn't make it any better. He shut out the emotions, trying to hide the shudder that passed through him. "I should go," he choked out, doing his best to ignore the delicious and enticing sensation of her swiftly growing sympathy as he fled back into the streets.

Finding a rarely-traveled alley, he sat for a few moments to gather his thoughts. Again his thoughts went to his dream. It had felt so comforting. The safety and security, where he didn't have anything to hide, where he didn't have to worry about all the ponies around him, where he had somepony who could truly sympathize with him, knowing exactly what he felt.

…Somepony who gleefully wrecked lives and brought fear and torment to thousands. Somepony who would think nothing of draining all the love from his friends, until there was nothing left. The being that had tortured his nightmares for so long was now presented as his salvation. He could have that peace and safety. All he had to do was join the monsters.

No. It was just a dream, just a nightmare conjured up by his mind. Before, it had taunted him with monsters. Now it tried to taunt him with a new nightmare. He hated the dream for what it offered. He hated his mind for tormenting him with such an idea. He hated himself for feeling the temptation of that peace and safety, in the embrace of a monster.

He couldn't do that, of course. He couldn't turn on his friends like that. He couldn't join the monsters that had attacked Canterlot. There was no peace there for him. It was an illusion. As much as he would love to no longer worry about discovery, he could not be happy with what it cost.

Even if he once had.

He shuddered. It was a past he couldn't even remember, but the thought still horrified him.

Gah! Why am I so scared? He forced himself back to his feet. He knew why he was scared of being discovered, of course. He was happy with how his life was before. Now he had so much to lose. But why should he be so scared that he would be discovered? I'm a changeling. This is what we do. Surely he'd disguised himself before, in that life before his, hiding in plain sight. Surely he hadn't been so scared then.

Sure, he didn't remember it, but he must have done it before, and if he did it before, he could do it again.

With a wavering, unsteady resolution, he stepped out of the alley, spread his wings, and took flight.

---

Work was nerve-wracking at first. Today had him traveling all over town and meeting all sorts of ponies, gathering some seemingly random supplies for some project he hadn't bothered inquiring about. Everypony seemed so nice, with the exception of that grumpy hardware store owner, but that had nothing to do with him. His front of confidence slowly became less and less of an act. Nopony saw any flaw in his appearance. Nopony thought he was suspicious, although perhaps a bit distracted. By the end of the work, he even felt just a little good about it. He had done it.

...He had fooled them all.

The little bit of happiness at his success wilted at the thought.

The evening was a relief. Inside the library, with Twilight Sparkle, he could shed his disguise and simply be, without fear of discovery. It was safe in here, with her. Her questions distracted from his worries, and they both threw themselves fully into their studies. She asked questions, he did his best to answer, she tested him with magic, while he tried his best to aid her. He put his mind to the work, trying to avoid thinking of how he would soon have to go out again.

After a long evening of analyzing changeling anatomy and attempting to discern the method that a changeling feeds on emotions -- with a lengthy diversion into trying to discern what each emotion "tasted" like -- they settled in for a meal, relaxing and just talking, not about work, but as friends.

This was his favorite part of the day. No worries, no hiding, just him and a friend. It was a pleasant comfort to think that, regardless of how hard the rest of the day might be, he still had his friends.

Most of them, anyway.

Twilight must have seen the rising sadness in his expression. "What's wrong?"

"Applejack and Rainbow Dash," he said. "...Do they hate me?"

"No," Twilight said reflexively, though he could feel her certainty. "I mean, they might be upset, and didn't take it well, but I don't think they hate you, no. They're just... stubborn at times."

He nodded. "Do you think I should talk to them?"

"Do you?"

Sighing, he shrugged. "I don't know. I guess. I feel like I've messed things up somehow, and I should fix it. I don't know if it'll help, if they'll want to even talk with me, but... I think maybe I should try."

She nodded. "Sounds like that's a 'yes'."

"...I guess."

"Don't be too worried, Sky," she said, giving a comforting smile. "AJ's stubborn, but she's got a good heart, and she can be surprisingly laid back. It might take some time and effort, but I'm sure she'll come around. And as brash and aggressive as Rainbow Dash can be, she's not the type to abandon a friend, regardless of the reason. I wouldn't say to expect everything to be perfect right away, but they'll come around."

Eventually, the evening had to come to an end. He changed back to his disguise. How strange it felt to be more comfortable in the form of the creatures of his nightmares, than in the pegasus form that had been his as far back as he could remember. But it had never really been him, had it? It was just a disguise, a lie to hide himself.

He shook off the sad feeling, heading out into the fading light of the sunset. He needed his sleep. Tomorrow, he had plans.

---

The sun was just rising behind him as he glided down toward the expanse of Sweet Apple Acres. Nobody seemed to be out yet, a faint trickle of smoke wafting from the chimney of the farm house. They must still be inside, having breakfast, getting ready for the day. He circled a moment, considering going to the door and knocking, but the idea of talking with Applejack in front of the whole Apple family was daunting. Most likely she hadn't told them about him, and he could only imagine how awkward the conversation would be if they had to carefully avoid any mention of what was going on.

He arced back up into the sky. The temptation to just leave and hope for the best was strong, but a nearby cloud offered a convenient resting spot. He settled down on it, and waited.

Eventually, movement caught his eye. Leaning over the edge of the cloud, he saw several ponies trotting from the house, heading out to the daily work of the farm. He waited a minute more, until Applejack was on her own, and slipped down over the edge of the cloud. Moments later he flared his wings, bleeding off speed from the steep dive to land heavily a few yards away.

"Applejack?"

She twitched in surprise, taking a step away as she turned to face him. There was a flash of irritation, but it faded quickly. He must have surprised her. She was silent a moment. "...So she let yah out on yer own, huh?"

Sky tried not to grimace. That did not sound like a good start. "Uh, yeah."

She frowned a little. "Well, ah hope she knows what she's doin'. So what're yah doin' here?"

"I... I wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what? For bein'..." She waved a hoof at him, rather than saying it. "Ah don't reckon yah had much choice in that."

He tried to reply, but found that he couldn't find the words. She was still staring at him with a near-glare, and he could feel the mix of doubt and mistrust in her; they were faint, but still there.

After a moment of silence, she sighed. "Look, Ah got a lot of work to do, but Ah got somethin' to say, so Ah'll make it quick." She walked up to him, eyes fixed on his. Stopping just in front of him, she pushed a hoof against his chest firmly enough that he sat back on his haunches. "Yah got Twilight to trust yah, and Ah'll go with her on this. But if you hurt her, physical or not, Ah'll buck yer head down into yer hips. Yah got me?"

He wasn't sure if the threat was more or less scary for the lack of anger in her. All he could do was nervously nod.

Applejack removed the hoof and walked away. With each step, he could feel a growing guilt inside her, battling with the other emotions. A few steps later, she came to a halt. She turned her head to speak over her shoulder, not quite looking back at him. "Ah hope it doesn't come to that. Ah sincerely do. But Ah'll always protect my friends, whatever it takes." Still the guilt lingered, until she finally added, quieter, "And so long as yer the same pony Ah got to know these last few weeks, that goes for you, too."

He sat there silently for several moments, struck by the force of his own emotion. He could feel not only how hard it had been for her to say it, but how sincerely she had meant it. There was a fierce determination behind those words. When he finally spoke, his throat was tight. "Thank you."

She gave a curt nod, then resumed her walk, heading off to her work.

Slowly, he heaved a deep sigh, a faint smile on his face. She wasn't sure of him, but she didn't hate him. She even considered him a friend, in a way. It wasn't perfect, but it was an opportunity. It gave hope that things could be better.

He turned away, eyes raising to the sky. One more visit to make.

---

He had stared at the door for a couple minutes now. He hadn't been able to bring himself to approach it yet, much less knock. He was scared of what would happen. Rainbow Dash hadn't been out and about as usual the previous day. Had he upset her that badly? What if he screwed up trying to talk with her? Did she hate him now?

Several more minutes passed as his worries played through his head. It took a tremendous force of will to make himself walk forward, one hoof after another, and finally knock on the door. He quickly took a couple steps back. He had a feeling he didn't want to be standing right there when the door opened.

Moments passed. The anticipation was the worst, all his earlier worries growing more pronounced now that there was no escape from the inevitable. He briefly considered turning and flying away before she could answer the door, and only barely held himself in place with the knowledge that it could only make things worse.

Finally, sounds came from beyond the door, and moments later it opened.

Rainbow Dash stared at him. For a moment there was only surprise, and then a cascade of emotions assaulted his senses. Anger, happiness, betrayal, suspicion, sadness, affection, fear, hatred. Her expression wavered a moment as the emotions battled insider her. Suspicion won out. "...What do you want?"

It felt like a verbal punch to the gut, and Sky winced at its harshness. "I-I wanted to say... I'm sorry."

Those emotions struggled with each other. This time, anger came out on top. "Oh yeah? Sorry for what?"

He shuddered a little. It was hard enough to think straight with that cacophony of emotions, much less to feel that anger toward him. "F-for everything. For this whole situation." The shuddering was growing, and he could feel his eyes watering, voice wavering. "I didn't know! I swear I didn't know, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mislead you, I didn't lie or trick you, I... I didn't try to hide who I am. I just didn't know..."

She stood still, looking away. Sympathy poked its way into her emotions, his hopes swelling for a moment, before being crushed under a feeling of betrayal. Her eyes flashed to him, glaring.

"You're hiding now," she said, her voice quiet, but dark.

His own guilt crashed down on him. Part of him wanted to say it was necessary, but it wasn't, not here. She knew perfectly well what he was. More than that, he was hiding from every other pony. Here he was, apologizing to her, all the while doing the exact thing he was proclaiming innocence from.

Guiltily, he hung his head, ears drooping. A moment later the green flame rippled across him, stripping away the disguise and leaving himself exposed.

Thankfully, he felt no revulsion from Rainbow. Her emotions hardly changed at all. She simply stared at him. The feeling of betrayal faded just a touch, not much, but enough to give him a faint glimmer of hope. "...What do you want?"

He just shook his head weakly, voice tight. "I don't know."

She stood there for several seconds. Emotions were swirling around even more than before. The faint sympathy was still there, matched now with a hint of guilt. The anger stayed strong, but now a powerful sadness was rising up, rapidly overtaking it. Her expression wavered, conflicted. He couldn't bear to watch, tried to shut out the wave of emotion, but his own feelings were in too much chaos.

The door thudded shut. He looked up again to stare blankly at it for a few moments. She was gone.

Tears came to his eyes as he turned, staggering away. At the edge of her cloud he lifted into the air, thin wings buzzing a moment before he reached a nearby cloud. He sank down on it, feeling too heavy to move. The mix of emotions ran wild in his head, again losing sense of what was his, and what he had merely felt from her. He sobbed, forelegs clutching at the cloud as if he could strangle it.

Slowly, eventually, he calmed. Blinking away tears, he slumped to his side. His head was at the edge of the cloud, and with a tiny shift of his position, he could peer down at the world below. All of Ponyville lay beneath him, stretching out in the warm sun, ponies going happily about their day. Tears threatened to return as he looked the scene over, knowing now that he could never truly be one of them. He would be forever separated from them. He could blend in with them, be indistinguishable from them, but it wasn't the same. It was all a lie.

He could still feel Rainbow's sense of betrayal, mingling with his own feelings of guilt. He'd be nothing but a parasite, a deceiver. A monster. These ponies would offer their friendship and sympathy, and he'd lie to them. That was no life, not one worth having. No, he could not be happy, hiding here among them. He had only one option, as terrible as it was.

Comments

[Phoenix_Dragon]

1127596

Funny you should say that. Here's a chapter of Sky worrying about much of that, himself.

I should also point out that I think you have the order of events for Twilight wrong. Since this is in 3rd-person limited perspective, focused on Sky, you don't really get Twilight's thoughts, but I will say that the emotional engagement came after the point she had made the conclusions she mentioned in Chapter 5. Hence the sly reaction to the prospect of helping him dig up his past, her reaction (Small as it was) on the train, and the moment of awkwardness upon returning from Canterlot. And also why she seemed a bit guilty at admitting a few of those things... and even then, she's still not entirely sure.

I also think "highly intelligent" and worrying about him "controlling his instincts" are somewhat contradictory. Not entirely, but intelligence is often the ability to suppress that instinct.

As for whether he can be trusted, considering what he is and what he has done... Well, I won't go into that too much now, but somepony in particular has something to say about that in Chapter 8...

[BenRG]

It's odd isn't it that Sky's biggest enemy may yet prove to be himself. He doesn't believe that he is anything but a monster and thus may condemn himself to being said monster out of despair.

[Nyerguds]

Oh damn, this was a pretty depressing chapter.

RD, shut up and (try to) make some half changeling babies with him already

A few remarks:
> "They're just... Stubborn at times."
Same remark on ellipses as in the last chapter. This is clearly meant to be one sentence, so no capital letter in the middle.
> "Sounds like that's a 'yes.'"
Bit of a nitpick, but the quotes look better if the period is not put inside the quotes of the word 'yes': "Sounds like that's a 'yes'."

[arachnidsGrip]

2751924 That second one is actually syntactically incorrect. Periods/full stops and commas alw8ys go inside quotes.

[ssokolow]

2817828

I've always thought that rule didn't make sense. It's a "yes" rather than a "yes." that they're talking about. Hence the more sane way to write it is to put the period outside the inner quotes.

I'd be interested in learning how it originated. A few months ago, I remember reading an article on a similar topic (the relationship between periods and parentheses in American English, I think) which talked about how that broken convention originated in a simple "we think it looks nicer" decision by publishers ages ago.

[Jordan179]

I really feel sorry for Rainbow in this whole sequence. I get the impression that she was the one who least realized that Sky was a Changeling, and that she now feels horribly embarrassed that she made herself emotionally-vulnerable to him. Rainbow expressed her attraction to him in the form of athletic challenges and outrageous teasing, but then Rainbow Dash has never in canon been good at expressing her softer emotions. To have opened herself as much as she did to him, and then find out what Sky really was, must have been devastating to her.

[lol1759]

This story took entirely too long to get going.

Five chapters to introduce the main source of conflict, however obvious from the beginning it was, is unacceptable.

You dont seem to attempt to do much to try and do something new with the idea, which is especially important with a story like this because of how common the whole trope is.

Sky is whiny and annoying, your description of his emotional states make him seem shallow and incredibly predictable.
You completely ignore the mental conflict that would occur if someone had suddenly discovered that they had, in a previous life, represented everything they'd come to despise.

If I were to attempt to diagnose a core issue with this story, it would be the lack of exploration of changling "head canon". Your changlings are even more one-dimensional than the ones in the actual show, because here, they dont even have the apparent need for emotional nourishment, even though you say they do, you never do the job of showing us.

[Nightyarn]

4456520 now that's a little harsh!

Even though I do agree on a MINOR scale with some of your points, this is a website for fan-written stories, not top-class books!

All that matters is if it's a good story, which this definitely is

[Norad2]

"Reawaken, my child, and embrace the glory that is your birthright. Know that I am Chrysalis, the eternal Will of the Swarm."

[Hurogmeten]

6949032 Dammit, now I kinda' wanna' write something like that...but who would be Kerrigan? o.o

[Lancerlot]

A moment of silly:

Guiltily, he hung his head, ears drooping. A moment later the green flame rippled across him, stripping away the disguise and leaving himself exposed.

Hiding in the bushes below, Twilight noted the surprised cry of a falling changeling. Sky caught himself on his wings and flew on unknowing, while Twilight dipped a quill and jotted the time, location, and her observation that undisguised changelings lack cloud-walking abilities.

[PresentPerfect]

Am I right for picking up that that whole 'crush' he thought he had on Rainbow was in fact not his own? His emotions keep getting jumbled up with others, after all...

[Phoenix_Dragon]

9397510
Yep, you got it! At least some of what he was feeling was a reflection of her own feelings (Whether that was liking him or being so very impressed with herself ). Which probably led to a bit of a feedback loop of reinforcing emotions.