Royals. Problem?

by Split Scimitar

Gonna be Absconding

Once back on the ‘L’ back to Spire, I return to Gusty Garden and prep a ship I’ve been wanting to use for a while.

The Boeing 767-400ER is a unique piece of aviation. Only 38 examples were produced. All but one remained with American airlines. Ironically, none of those American airlines were American Airlines. Continental, now United, operated 16. Delta operated another 21. The sole remaining example, which was Boeing’s prototype and testbed for the project, is in the hands of the Bahraini government, used for VIP transport. Maybe one day I’ll acquire the Bahraini ship, but for now, I’m more than happy with 37 of the 38 examples that exist.

Today, N76055 has been dispatched. An OG Continental ship, thence to United, a founding member of Star Alliance. My passengers literally moved the sun and moon, succeeded by a monarch of a shining star. It’s only appropriate that I use the ship that wears the colors of Star Alliance. (Maybe SkyTeam would’ve worked better, since Continental was a member of that alliance before the merger.)

Since I’m close to Dulles, I can take my time getting out of here. So, once the ship is ready, I brush my teeth and head back into Chicago so I can enjoy a nice relaxing day in the city ahead of the upcoming charter.

---

Once my reservation for a few hours on stand is confirmed at Dulles, I file the flight plan.

KSMG WHETT J30 LUISE EMNEM MGW.GIBBZ3 KIAD

On file, I push back and get started, setting takeoff flaps to 5 as this is literally an empty leg. In fact, the entire trip will basically be an empty leg. Five passengers, their bags, and no car onboard? Our payload is literally at the most 900 lbs. Why am I not using anything smaller and possibly more economical? Princesses Celestia and Luna are by and large the most elite clients I have on file.

“Chicago departure, Boeing 76055, IFR to Dulles.”

“Boeing 76055, Chicago departure. Full route clearance, advise when ready to copy.”

“Wilco, 76055.”

I taxi to runway 29, as the winds favor it. Once lined up and waiting, I call back.

“Chicago departure, Boeing 76055, ready to copy.”

“Boeing 76055, cleared to Dulles airport via CADIZ J64 WHETT J30 TRIXY. Climb and maintain 9,000. Departure this frequency, squawk 7643, clearance void 5 minutes from now.”

“Cleared to Dulles via CADIZ, Juliet-6-4, WHETT, Juliet-3-0, TRIXY; climb and maintain 9,000, departure 132.5, squawk 7643, void in 5 minutes, Boeing 76055.”

“Boeing 76055, readback correct. Talk to you on the go.”

“76055.”

Power set, airspeed alive, gauges in the green.

80 knots.

V₁

Rotate.

V₂

Positive rate, gear up.

Flaps up.

“Chicago departure, Boeing 76055 off Gusty Garden, 1,400 for 9,000.”

“Boeing 76055, Chicago departure, good to see ya, radar contact 3 miles northwest Gusty Garden. Turn left heading 080, climb and maintain 9,000.”

“Position checks, 080, 9,000, 76055.”

Having set off before the sunrise, I reach cruise between astronomical and nautical twilight, evidenced by the slightest illuminations ahead compared to the blackness behind me. I feel like the Statue of Freedom, the statue on top of the Capitol dome, who faces East, so that America always faces the rising sun.

---

“Boeing 76055, proceed direct TRIXY, maintain 180 knots, contact Dulles tower now, 134.425.”

“Direct TRIXY, 180 knots, Dulles Tower on 134.425, Boeing 76055.” “Dulles tower, Boeing 76055, 2 miles west of TRIXY, 2,000.”

“Boeing 76055, Dulles Tower, can you accept runway 12? Winds variable at 6 knots from 340 to 030.”

“We can accept runway 12, and we have it in sight, 76055.”

“Boeing 76055, cleared visual runway 12, expect landing clearance in 5 miles.”

“Cleared visual runway 12, Boeing 76055.”

“N76055, say parking?”

“Jet Aviation, 76055.”

“Roger.”

Runway in sight, set flaps 5. We’ll shoot the approach even though we’re on the visual. Primary aid I-AJU localizer on 109.3, approach course inbound 121°, 10,501’ of runway available, TDZE 310’, airport elevation 312’. From TRIXY. We should be virtually on course. Hold the brief, we’ve captured the glideslope. Commence the approach.

Below V_LO, landing gear down.

3 green down and locked.

Flaps 15. Airspeed 160.

Glideslope to ILS minima of 510 and 1800 RVR, 160 knots for now. Approach speed of 150. Touchdown at 145 for tailwind component.

Flaps 20, 3 miles from final approach fix.

Flaps 25, 1 mile from final approach fix. Speed 150.

Final approach fix. “Boeing 055, runway 12, cleared to land.”

“Cleared to land 12, 76055.”

Flaps 30.

Approach profile stable. Runway in sight.

50.

40.

30.

20.

10.

Touchdown. Spoilers up, brakes on, 2 in reverse.

45 knots, disengage reverse thrust.

“Boeing 055, left Q4, hold short taxiway Y.”

“Q4, short of Y, 76055.”

“Actually, amend taxi clearance, left on Y, hold short Y1.”

“Left Y, short of Y1, 76055.”

Making the hard left turn onto Y, I decide to coast slowly to admire the early United departures getting ready to board.

“Boeing 76055, once short of Y1, contact Jet Aviation on 122.95 so they can figure out how to park you.”

“Unicom short of Y1, 76055.”

Once stopped short of Y1, I quickly run through the after landing checklist again to make sure the flaps and spoilers are up and the transponder is set to VFR (1200).

“Jet Aviation Unicom, Boeing 76055.”

“Boeing 76055,” the call comes in a few moments later, “go ahead and shut your engines down, we’ll tow you.”

“Roger, shutting down here.”

Soon a tug comes out and hitches up. We maintain communication for wing walking and to forward my requests to dispatch.

• 3 hours on the ramp.
• A literal ton of fuel (2000 lbs)
• Ground Power Unit.

By the time I’m parked, a lineman is grounding the aircraft and I’m heading inside to check in. I then ask for a courtesy car, to which they give me a Corolla, asking for it to be refilled, reimbursing for the cost of the fill up.

At the petrol station, I create a group text with Sol, Selena and Starlight.

“Hello, I’d like to be in the air by 9 am so that we arrive in Hawaii before dinner time.”

Not expecting any responses, I soon finish the fill up, get a receipt, and head for their house. Though with only a couple hours until sunrise, I don’t expect anyone to be ready.

I buzz the intercom and one of the Suns answers,

“Who is it?”

“It’s Max.”

“Good morning Max! Come on in!”

A knock on the door is met by Celestia, who smiles at me with a large suitcase in hand. I offer to take it, to which she says to load it in Sol’s car. Following her instructions as she unlocks it, I load it in gently, with Sol following with a similar case.

A few minutes later, Starlight appears with her duffel and plunks hers into the backseat of my car. Luna and Selena are a little slow to get out the door, so I take advantage and ask to use the bathroom.

Once I’m out, the two Moons have Selena’s car loaded, and we head back to Dulles, suitcases and duffels in tow. The keys back to the desk, I then pay for jet fuel and other fees before we head planeside. Now the fun of boarding begins.

Since it’s too much of a pain to open the baggage doors, and more when we unload in Kailua-Kona, Sol, Selena and I carry the others’ suitcases and place them in the floor space in the first rows of the main cabin. In those rows, there’s so much legroom, we can lay them wheels down.

After everyone gets settled, I give them a personal welcome using the PA of course.

“Ladies [and gentlemen], the boarding door has been closed. Welcome aboard our flight today. We are aboard a Boeing 767-400ER with service to Kailua-Kona on the Big Island of Hawai’i. Currently, weather there is about 74°, clear skies, and non-atypical trade winds, expecting about mid to upper 80s by the time we land over there. Expected travel time is about 10 hours and 10 minutes. For those of you who are curious, our expected route of flight is across most of the southern states, leaving the mainland at Mission Bay, over the city of San Diego. Please direct your attention to the screens in front of you for a demonstration of the safety features of this aircraft.”

I then play the video and let them watch as I quickly run over some last-minute checks. Per our slotted departure time, we’re outside of a flow window, so if we can get a good taxi clearance, we’ll be okay. Other checks include PIREPs and other textual weather reports updated as accurately as my app will provide. No outstanding systems except for stuff brewing in the South Pacific, but well outside the area of flight.

When the video finishes, I wrap up my speech with, “once again, ladies, 10 hours 10 to Kailua-Kona, any questions can be directed to me. We do request that all seats be upright and tray tables stowed until I approve, which should be about 5 to 10 minutes after takeoff. Thank you for choosing me, welcome aboard.”

I head to the cockpit and get settled for the journey. This will be my longest flight since I took Mario, Luigi, and their families to Australia.

KIAD CLTCH3.MAULS Q40 ALEAN Q66 LIT ADM SPS J166 TCS J65 PXR J18 MZB FICKY R578 FAPIS PUMIC UPP.VECKI9 PHKO

---

“Dulles clearance, Sunbutt 1111, IFR to Kailua-Kona.”

“Sunbutt 1111, cleared to Kona airport via the Capital One departure, then as filed. Climb and maintain 3,000. Expect 12,000 on course. Departure frequency 120.45, squawk 0345.”

“Cleared to Kona via the Capital One, then as filed, climb and maintain 3,000, expect 12,000 on course. Washington Departure 120.45, squawk 0345, say our first fix on Capital One, Sunbutt 1111.”

“Sunbutt 1111, readback correct, you can expect radar vectors for now, departing traffic off Manassas.”

“Roger, Capital One, Radar vectors, Sunbutt 1111.”

“Sunbutt 1111, roger. Contact ground .9, the ATIS is Zulu.”

“Sunbutt 1111.”

Initiate engine start procedure.

2 alight and stable. Temps, pressures good.

Set flaps 15 for takeoff, even though this is basically an empty leg.

“Dulles airport information Zulu, 1342Z. Wind variable at 5, visibility 10, Sky condition few 10,000, ceiling broken 13,000, overcast 15,000. Temperature 11, dewpoint 7, altimeter 30.29. Visual runway 19L, ILS runway 19C and ILS runway 19R in use. Landing and departing runway 19L, runway 19C, and runway 19R. All VFR aircraft contact clearance delivery prior to taxi. All aircraft read back runway hold short instructions. Advise on initial contact with information Zulu.”

“Dulles ground, Sunbutt 1111, Z, taxi.”

“Sunbutt 1111, Dulles ground. Runway 19C, taxi via Z2 Z. Upon reaching the hold short, contact clearance delivery for a reroute.”

“Z2 Z, 19C, then back to clearance, Sunbutt 1111.”

Throttling up, I turn off the APU and gently taxi out, wary of clipping any other planes on the ramp. Being on the north side of the field, I reach the hold short line in less than 2 minutes.

“Ground, Sunbutt 1111 going to clearance.”

“Sunbutt 1111. Roger.”

“Clearance, Sunbutt 1111, reroute.”

“Sunbutt 1111, new departure frequency 126.65, expect radar vectors, then direct Casanova, then FANPO, then as filed.”

“126.65, radar vectors, Casanova, FANPO, then as filed, Sunbutt 1111.”

“Sunbutt 1111, readback correct. Good flight.”

“1111, thanks for the help.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Dulles Tower, Sunbutt 1111, short of 19C at Z, ready.”

“United 345, runway 19C from Y1, line up and wait. Pending IFR release.”

“Line up and wait 19C, United 345.”

“Sunbutt 1111, Dulles Tower, hold short runway 19C, IFR release. Traffic holding in position, and you’ll be following them all the way to Hawaii.”

“Short of 19C, Sunbutt 1111, but we’re going to Kona, not Honolulu.”

“United 345, runway 19C, cleared for takeoff. Aloha.”

“Cleared for takeoff 19C, aloha, United 345.”

As they spool up, I watch in subdued excitement as they begin rolling.

“Sunbutt 1111, runway 19C, line up and wait.”

“Line up and wait 19C, Sunbutt 1111.”

“United 345, contact departure.”

“Switching, United 345.”

“Sunbutt 1111, departing traffic off Manassas. Caution wake turbulence departed United 767. Runway 19C, cleared for takeoff. Aloha.”

“Roger Manassas, cleared for takeoff 19C, Sunbutt 1111.”

Power set, airspeed alive, gauges in the green.

80 knots.

V₁

Rotate.

V₂

Positive rate, gear up.

Flaps up.

“Sunbutt 1111, contact departure.”

“Over to departure, Sunbutt 1111.” “Potomac departure, Sunbutt 1111 off Dulles, 2,500 for 12,000. Manassas traffic in sight.”

“Sunbutt 1111, Potomac departure, radar contact 3 miles south of Dulles. Turn right direct Casanova. Traffic off Manassas no longer a factor.”

“Right direct Casanova, position checks, Sunbutt 1111.”

---

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard once again.” I call from the flight deck. “We’d like to extend a warm welcome to those joining us from global partners, fellow members of the Star Alliance, and our platinum, gold, and silver tier members. Use of electronics are now approved as long as they are in the game or airplane mode. This aircraft is equipped with complimentary WiFi. Select “N76055” and follow the on-screen instructions. We’re expecting a pretty smooth flight with the exception of the Mountain region, but usually turbulence there isn’t uncommon. I’ll provide some periodic updates as seen fit. We expect the seatbelt sign to come off in about 10 more minutes. If you need to use the bathroom, please do be careful. That’s all I have for now, so please sit back, relax, and enjoy this morning’s flight.”

As we continue climbing, I smile and crack open a bottle of water. Knowing we have plenty of steam for the remainder of the climb, I decide to preserve some of it by lowering our rate of climb a few hundred feet per minute.

When we reach cruise, landing and taxi lights off, wing/pulse lights off, cruise thrust, altitude, course set; seatbelt sign off.

“Ladies and gentlemen, from the flight deck, we’ve just reached our cruising altitude of 36,000 feet. Once again, no anomalies to report weather-wise. The cockpit door is open if you’d like. You are now free to move about the cabin.”

---

About five minutes after we reach cruise, Luna walks in.

“May we enter?”

“Please.” I say removing an earpiece.

Taking a gentle step forward, I watch her so she doesn’t trip or kick anything. Once settled, I say,

“Don’t bother belting up. We’re at cruising altitude anyway.”

“Very well, Captain Scimitar.”

“You don’t have to call me that.”

“But we will!” She exclaims a little too loudly, even without a headset.

She then retracts and apologizes for her outburst, to which I laugh.

“I’m glad you‘re enjoying this experience. This is as close to flying as I can get.”

“Hast thou ever been to Equestria before?”

“No.”

“Wouldst thou?”

“Sure. I would love to see what species I’d be, even if it doesn’t exactly fit my namesake.”

Luna chuckles. “There actually is a reason for me being here.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. See, my sister and I have been going back and forth about what we want to do, and so far all we’ve gotten is no where but mad at each other.”

“I see. I recall this occurring prior to now. Pray tell.” I say trying to match her vernacular.

“You see, in Equestria my sister and I toured our land before we retired. Everything was going perfectly. And then, slowly, it didn’t. My sister loves outdoorsy, extreme, sporty, and otherwise active activities. I however prefer to rest, relax, and sit back. As you saw at Sol and Selena’s residence, that still prevails.”

“I assume taking it in turns was attempted?”

“Sadly, yes. Unfortunately, Celestia took advantage of the system and took multiple turns sequentially, and then said I was hogging my turn when it actually was. Regretfully, we both stormed off, but we made up later, after Twilight was having trouble with the amulet we gave her that allowed her to raise the moon and the sun.”

I chuckle knowing that Twilight would have some trouble with that. “Well, unfortunately, if you were to ask me…”

“Sunbutt 1111, contact Memphis center on 124.275.”

“24.27, Sunbutt 1111.” “Memphis, Sunbutt 1111 level at FL360.”

“Sunbutt 1111, Memphis Center, Roger.”

“Did you just say ‘Sunbutt?’” Luna asks indignantly.

“Yes. Yes I did.”

“Ha-Ha! The fun has been doubled!”

“Glad you like it.” I say resisting the urge not to sound smug.

Luna then yawns. “Well, I shall return to keep you company soon. For now, I think I’m going to turn in.”

“Sleep well, Princess.”

“Thank you.”

“Sunbutt 1111, traffic 12 o’clock, 3 miles, FL340, same direction, similar destination, Boeing 767.”

“In sight, Sunbutt 1111.”

“Sunbutt 1111, roger. Looks like you’ll follow them all the way to the 50th [state.]”

“United 345, traffic 6 o’clock, 3 miles, FL360, same direction, similar destination, Boeing 767.”

“In sight, United 345.”

“United 345, roger. Looks like you’ll have company across the ocean.

“Oh wait, disregard. United 345, your route is Phoenix, J65, Palmdale, DINTY, R576. Sunbutt 1111, your route is Phoenix, J18, Mission Bay, FICKY, R578.“

“We’ll be together to Phoenix then.” I reply.

“Hello Max.” Celestia says as she gracefully climbs into the seat.

“How do you adjust this?”

“There’s a small set of buttons down by the seat cushion.”

“Found it,” she says as she moves it back a couple inches to accommodate her legs. “I love feeling the wind beneath my wings as an alicorn,” she then continues, “but this just feels so much more thrilling.”

“We’re a couple miles higher than you would assumably fly, going for sure a lot faster even by comparison, and we’re at the mercy of the jet stream, which is kind enough to allow us to overfly San Diego.”

“Do you have any recommendations for us? I mean, you are our resident Hawaii expert.”

“For the big island, I can’t say I have anything special, since I never really spent much time there. I’m a Maui and Oahu kind of person. That said, I’m sure you can find a lot of recommendations from my wife. Admittedly, while there are plenty of activities to do, most of my favorite things to do in Hawaii are eat at my favorite restaurants and take walks on the beach.”

“That sounds lovely. What kinds of activities can you recommend?”

“Parasailing, scuba diving, zip lining, hiking galore.”

“Zip line?” She perks up.

“Yeah. One of my favorite places to zip line is on Oahu. The big island is more for people who like scenic drives and secluded nature. Unfortunately, for that reason, the excessive tourism and people who have no experience driving off the beaten path is essentially destroying ground the natives consider sacred.”

“Aw, how sad. I only wish I could enjoy the same activities my sister enjoys, and her mine.”

“I caught wind of it before I grabbed this plane. Care to elaborate?”

“When my sister and I took a vacation to tour Equestria, we were supposed to alternate doing what we liked. Unfortunately, all the activities Luna liked to do were so boring I was either dreading her next turn or being put to sleep anyway.”

“Have you ever considered her sentiment towards your inclinations or her own? I don’t mean to pry or be prude. I just hate seeing friends, sisters no less, fight over something so… silly.”

“It was more than a squabble.“ She sighs. “I just hope that this time around, we can have the experience we hoped we would in Equestria.”

“I’ll do my best, ma’am.”

“Can I stay here awhile? I’m really enjoying it here.”

“I don’t have a problem with it, just don’t touch any dials. It might throw us off course.”

“Well, we wouldn’t want that.”

“No we wouldn’t.”

---

When we reach Fort Worth ARTCC, Celestia asks how the airplane flies itself, so I explain the autopilot to her and how it’s connected to the GPS. I then explain how GPS works, which surprises her.

“Your world seems so connected, and yet the way your inhabitants interact with each other betrays that sense of connectivity.”

“Indeed it is. You ask why that is, I could give you answers every which way from Sunday, but there‘s no wrong way to answer it.”

“Unfortunately. I’ve been to this world before, but I must say, I do appreciate some of the ways society has changed from last I visited.”

“Is that so?”

“For one, you on the surface seem to be much more accepting of outsiders and those different from oneself.”

“Only on the surface. And not all are like that.”

“No society is without outliers.”

“Yet they’re the ones that do all the screeching, and thanks to the magic of the internet, we’re all believing that extreme events are the norm, since social media is built on a lie rooted in what can only be described as ‘an addiction to positive reinforcement.’”

“Hmm, very insightful.”

“What can I say? Sometimes, quiet fortitude and over-analysis has its own magic to it. Even though it seems to do more harm than good.”

“Not necessarily. The points you bring up offer valuable insight into the inner workings of your mind.”

“Not exactly something you’d like to hear about the pilot of your plane.”

“Oh, I’m not worried. I’m very confident that you know what you’re capable of and apply it appropriately, at least from what I can ascertain.”

“Coming from you ma’am, that means a lot.”

---

When we leave the mainland behind, I enter ETOPS mode, which is basically the preparedness of having long distances between alternate airports should a diversion become necessary. As the WiFi is still operative, I text Rosalina,

“Hey, just so you know, I’m with Luna, Celestia and Starlight heading to the Big Island. If you want to meet up, just let me know.”

A few minutes after the text delivers, I’m joined by both monarchs again, Luna in the right seat as Celestia takes the jumpseat.

“Hello. Enjoying the view of nothing but blue?”

“Actually yes.” Luna says. “Would it be alright if we stayed here to watch the landing?”

“I don’t mind. Landing is my favorite part of flight anyway.”

“Why’s that?”

“Two reasons, 1. I like the challenge compared to a takeoff, and 2. A good landing can make or break a flight. I strive to make my landings as smooth and soft as possible, except if the situation is dire enough to require a firm or even hard landing.”

“Please explain.”

“I need a runway to stop as this aircraft is not capable of redirecting its thrust upward like you can with your wings. Sometimes, a situation such as gusty winds, high crosswinds, length of usable runway, and condition of the landing surface can affect the necessity of a specific type of landing. A wet runway requires a firmer landing than a dry one, otherwise hydroplaning could occur. A shorter runway also requires a firmer landing because if more weight is pressed down on the gear, the greater the effectiveness of braking will be. When it comes to gusts, sometimes you can land soft, but most of the time, that could compromise the stability of the approach. You know that feeling of flying sideways if you have a side wind?”

“Yes?”

“Well, landing one of these things is quite an adventure, because if the crosswind is high enough, the awkward landing of one gear at a time could cause a wingtip strike. Similarly, if you land awkwardly or incorrectly, excessive side loading could damage the airframe.”

“Flying in this world then isn’t all that different from our world.” Celestia says smiling.

“No, but it has its own set of challenges.”

“Sunbutt 1111, descend and maintain 9,000. Upon reaching 9,000, descend via the VECKI Nine arrival.”

“9,000, thence via the VECKI Nine, Sunbutt 1111.”

As I program the autopilot, I set a descent rate of 2000 feet per minute to keep the totals rounded.

Once I resume GPS autopilot control, I set airspeed to 170 in anticipation for the direct intercept of the localizer path.

“Sunbutt 1111, report established on the localizer.”

“Will report established, Sunbutt 1111.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we begin our descent into Kailua-Kona, we ask that you return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts. Please lower aisle armrests and stow all loose cabin belongings for landing at this time, thank you.”

Seatbelt sign on. Landing, taxi, pulse lights on.

Flaps 5 below 250 knots.

Below 230 knots, flaps 15.

Localizer alive, verified, no anomalies to report.

Below 200 knots, flaps 20.

The airplane disengages heading and switches to nav for localizer tracking. Set heading to runway heading, speed set at 160.

“Sunbutt 1111 established.”

“Sunbutt 1111, roger. Radar service terminated, contact Kona tower on 120.3.”

“120.3, thanks for the help, Sunbutt 1111. Shoots.”

“My pleasure.”

“Kona tower, Sunbutt 1111, inside of TAMMI, ILS 17.” Lower landing gear.

“Sunbutt 1111, Kona tower, Aloha E Komo Mai, runway 17, cleared to land.”

“Cleared to land 17, mahalo, Sunbutt 1111.”

Below 180, flaps 25.

Three green, down and locked. Speed 150.

Below 170, flaps 30.

Before landing checklist.
Gear down.
Flaps full.
Speed 140.
Spoilers armed.
Brakes, set to 1.
Before landing checklist complete.

1000.

500.

200.

100.

50.

40.

30.

20.

10.

Touchdown. Spoilers up, brakes on, 2 in reverse.

40 knots, disengage reverse thrust.

“Nice landing!” Celestia and Luna say clapping.

“Sunbutt 1111, left C, pull straight ahead into the south ramp, ground is .9.”

“C, south ramp, ground .9, Sunbutt 1111.”

A lineman directs us to park, with some difficulty because of the wingspan. Eventually, we shut down and check in.

Sol claims the rental and adds Selena as a second driver. The car is a Wrangler (no surprise) and ask me to navigate. Poor Starlight sitting in the middle is being crushed by the others, so I rent a Wrangler of my own. Starlight and only Starlight rides with me just to get out of the middle seat, and once we’re ready to go, we head for my house on the big island.

After a few tries to enter the gate code, we park and get settled. Three days tops according to the clients, so once we all congregate in the dining room, I get a weird feeling of déjà vu but ignore it as I help the “tetrarchs” map out our journey.

“If you want to circumnavigate the island more or less,” I begin, “we can do that. I haven’t actually done it in its entirety, since the main perimeter highway as it were was closed for a really long time due to the continuous lava flow from Kilauea. Now that Kilauea has officially stopped erupting, the road should be back to normal, if you could call it that. Of course, some of the road is probably buried under multiple layers of lava and rock, and I’d have to review the okay zones for the rentals, but as far as I know, all but maybe a few roads are permissible. Let me check.”

A few minutes later, after checking, I report back to the others.

“Okay, there are three places we can’t drive, and all for good reason. One, the path between Mauna Kea’s visitor center and the observatory. The road is unimproved and extremely dangerous in inclement weather. Two, South Point Road, also forbidden due to the condition of the road, which is also unimproved, and the risk of wildlife strikes is too high. Lastly, the path to the Waipio Valley. It’s only accessible to 4WD vehicles, but because everyone who rents a 4WD wants to see the area, it’s too much of a liability by virtue of capacity and reckless/careless drivers. South Point, or Ka Lae, is the southernmost point in the United States, even more than Key West. Since the road ends a few miles from very challenging terrain, with steep cliffs that drop straight into the ocean, that area at least is for only the most seasoned and experienced drivers. If you want to see the volcanoes, that’s a whole-day affair. Waipio Valley? It is one of the nicest views here because it’s so secluded and protected. Hawaiian Kings also used to reside there, which adds to its allure.”

“Despite that,” Selena says, “we still have the remaining 99% of the island to explore.”

“We shall go where you take us.” Celestia responds. “This is our second real visit to this world, and I would be remiss not to say that this is the first time we’ve really ventured into it.”

“And I,” I add, “can’t not mention this because I’d rather establish the ground rules than wait until the fact.”

“Don’t worry,” Sol says. “Now that we know where we can’t go, where should we start?”

“Well, let’s stay in Kona since it’s already almost dinner time. Tomorrow, do you want to see the volcanoes, or drive to Hilo?”

“I thought we were going to circumnavigate the island.” Luna says.

“We will, but in order for me to determine the best path, do you want to see the towns or the volcanoes?”

“Isn’t it obvious that we should just see the towns?” Selena adds. “If we’re going to see volcanoes, those would be all-day affairs, right?”

“I suppose so. Since we have rentals though, we can’t go beyond visitor’s centers or off paved roads.”

“I think it would still behoove us,” Celestia interjects, “to see the island itself.”

“Alrighty. Let me make some calls. If fate has it our way, I can arrange a private heli tour for us.”