The Visitor

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Comments ( 8 )

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Ew No Hooves

Ew No Hooves #1 · Oct 28th, 2019 · 6 · ·

Your first story on the site, and it's pretty decent. The build up to the Pony-in-Earth reveal was cozily described, if a little uninspired, only so many ways a pony can teleport into Anon's home afterall. I prefer Anon to be in third person for sentence structure variety over the immersion of second person.

The only criticism I have is the very brief transition between the drunken heartfelt discussion and Glimmy molesting Anon in bed. The only really sexual things leading up to that were Anon glancing at her goods once, and the accidental embarrasing towel drop, Glimmer wasn't getting flirty, progressively tipsy, anatomically curious, or cuddly to lead up to that.

I enjoyed the pillow talk and your focus on the emotions and playfullness of casual sex versus the pure mechanics (he pummeled the puffy pink pony pussy, pistoning with plaps perforating the performance). The abrupt transition makes it seem to me that the second half was written first as a "Anon is casually dating/fucking Starlight" (which you did well as a one-shot) and then wrote the beginning until you met back in the middle.

Welcome aboard the ride.

Sky-Scribe

Sky-Scribe #2 · Oct 30th, 2019 · 3 · ·

Very nice, I do the big sploosh.

The Ranger

The Ranger #3 · Dec 2nd, 2019 · 2 · ·

I don't read too much clop, and I don't think I've ever commented on a clop story(except the terrible one I wrote myself), but I just have to say something here. Not only was the clop very well written, it also felt believable and very, very romantic, with a healthy dose of cute. Your way of describing is beautiful, almost poetic in nature.

I very rarely dole out this kind of praise, but you really deserve it. I feel like this story is less clop and more romance, despite the very vivid images of sex it conjures. I honestly want to read more about Anon's and Starligt's relationship. Which is a good sign, as I usually really dislike the entire idea of Anon, but in this story I want to see more of him and Starlight.

Sky-Scribe