If I had a brother, I'd totally fuck him!

Isn't she honorary family to Applejack from when she had her dumb fuck competition with whatever the fuck the names of those two were?

9907524
your profile pic just fits so well with this entire chapter

9907524
Probably only on cousin level or so. By far not close enough for her to be into it.

Well....I'll give her points for not beating around the Bush at least.

"I know, right?" Twilight chuckled nervously.

I lost. Hard.

well that was an interesting ch. did dwk help you write some of it?

Well that escalated quickly.
There are certain areas where Dash really should've been better informed.

I'm too entertained by the proceedings to care about the characterization. That was some pure comedy I just mainlined.

I don't drink and this story so far has me needing to find the biggest bottle of Vodquila, mix it with Everclear, and wipe the whole hard drive clean!

Poor Dash, she wants the dick so bad, such a shame she's a lesbian though, lol.

9907524
The Flim Flam Brothers, and I think she wants a blood link not a formal link.

I see...

"Hey Pinkie, does this smell like chloroform?" Rainbow Dash asked, .

I got a picture with the exact same thing happening to Fluttershy. It's hilarious every time.... And I bet you saw it too!

You said this was your best Rainbow Dash ever. Time to find out!

The hot air balloon drifted on the prevailing air current. Rainbow Dash and her five Ponyville friends rode along in the basket. Spike wasn't there.

This story is already off to a great start.

They would have invited him to come along but... they didn't want to.

Lizard lovers blown the fuck out. The rest of the opening paragraph was solid too. Great start!

"... Two bottles of pop on the wall! Two bottles of pop!

PInkie confirmed Midwestern Pony. Midwest represent!

"Hey Pinkie, does this smell like chloroform?" Rainbow Dash asked, covering her mouth with a rag. Pinkie Pie took a deep whiff to see if it smelled like chloroform. It did indeed smell like chloroform. Then Pinkie Pie decided that the floor looked exceptionally cozy and took a sudden nap. Rainbow Dash looked over at Twilight, expecting to get scolded.

"You know what," Twilight said, "I'm not even mad this time. Thank you, Rainbow."

Why do I get the feeling Fulfilling PInkie's Dream would have gotten three times as many upvotes if I'd simply chloroformed her in the first five minutes? Live and learn and don't write Pinkie in a clopfic.

You know, I've agonized over how to appropriately write the Mane Six in mature/sex fiction before but your angle of just saying "fuck the canon with a rusty shiv" has demonstrated utility here. I gotta say I'm pretty fucking impressed right now.

"I'm too worried about my schoolwork I left behind," Twilight said.

Schoolwork!? Heresy! As a pony, Twilight is at least 21 and I refuse to hear otherwise. I am editing this line in my head to say "day planner". Also, I'd change 'my' to 'the'.

"You drink to sleep?" Twilight asked.

"At this point, I drink just to feel normal," Applejack said.

Poor Applejack. Sending her my love and sobriety.

"Truth!" Rainbow Dash answered for them. "What was the first dick you guys ever saw?"

Rainbow Dash isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so I can excuse the weird phrasing somewhat but it should read 'whose was the first dick you ever saw'. I mean otherwise, any dick counts, including a random animal.

Yes, I really am that petty.

"Also, that's really inappropriate," Fluttershy said.

Fluttershy is playing the radio hole as usual, I see. Opie Hughes would be proud.

"Pfft," Applejack scoffed. "I work on a farm. What dick haven't I seen? All those animals, come breeding time, it's just dicks everywhere." She just sort of stared off into nothing as she was lost in her flash backs. "Just- like... a hurricane of dicks."

Applejack is so much smarter than she lets on. God bless you, tradhorse.

"Fluttershy, you shouldn't blame yourself," Twilight tried to council her.

Did you mean 'console'?

"You can't tell me you've never been tempted to... you know..." Rainbow made an implying motion, thrusting her hips. Fluttershy balked.

Going off-topic for a second to just ask what in the name of Saint Futa Celestia do people see in this cursed-as-fuck Zephyrshy shipping? The idea of that lazy, unlikable, scraggly-ass bearded cunt fucking anything gives me PTSD. I would rather chug bleach and dive into a vat filled with ebola than read that, no matter how legendary the author is. Hard pass.

"Rainbow, would you want to have sex with Zephyr?" Fluttershy asked.

"Eww! No! He's gross and he smells like he never takes a shower!" Dash said.

Thank you backing me up on this, Dashie.

"Come on AJ! There's a reason they call him BIG Macintosh!" Dash said.

"I'm aware," Applejack deadpanned.

"Ain't that how they do it down on the ol' farm?" Dash said, mocking her accent.

"I don't appreciate the stereotype," Applejack said.

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"Anyway, I told my dad that I wanted to do what my mom was doing with him, since it looked like it was so much fun. And they gave me the whole 'sex talk' and my dad told me that he wouldn't do it with me. And I realized that it must be because I'm a lesbian!"

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Holy shit! Now, this is some fucking good comedy! I am favoriting this story as hard as I can!

That's not even how that works!" Twilight said. "That's not how any of this works!

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Dash, are you... are you actually retarded?"

I've suspected it for some time. I think she is. She's certified re-re.

Fluttershy threw up in her mouth a little bit.

This line of cringe could only work in a story like this one.

"You guys all suck!" Dash said. "I'm an only child and you all have brothers! You guys owe it to me to fuck your brothers! If I had a brother, I'd totally fuck him!"

Unironically this if I had a sister.

Wew, that was some good shit, Shakes. This is the most enjoyable thing I have ever read from you and you're right about Rainbow Dash; you flat-out aced her character.

It's not... Creepy!

"Oh my gosh," Twilight grabbed a bottle of cider and drank it as fast as she could, hoping to black out as soon as possible.

A wise decision.

"Your brother watched you sleep at night?" Applejack asked. "That's creepy! What kind of sibling does that?"
"I know, right?" Twilight chuckled nervously.

I see what you did there...

"What the fu... That's not even how that works!" Twilight said. "That's not how any of this works! Dash, are you... are you actually retarded?" Rainbow wasn't listening to anything but the sound of her own voice.

: "What did I do to deserve those friends?"

"Then let's just be glad that you don't have a brother!" Applejack said.

Foreshadowing