Proximity

by paperhearts

Digits

It's like the sun is rising in my chest—that's the nearest I can come to putting it into words. When our hands touch, our fingers locking in place like jigsaw pieces, it feels just like that. And it terrifies me, honestly; the sun is so radiant and beautiful and nourishing, and yet it has this tremendous potential to burn and scorch, leaving nothing behind of the world but the husk of a dream that was too weak to survive. It makes me dizzy if I think about it, but I want to think about it. I want to lose myself in the painful longing and the greedy desire because, although I can't be certain, I think this is what it's supposed to feel like.

We sit on branches, our backs pressed against a trunk that's too gnarled to be truly comfortable, but it makes the fact that we are comfortable all the more satisfying. The hanging clusters of leaves, stained by the light of the new day, flutter and brush against my face. I don't know whether to be irritated by their attempts to share the moment—to be honest, there is still so much about all of this that I don't know, about what I feel and what I should feel.

All I do know is that I want to be here. With her.

Smolder's eyes are closed, but I can tell she's awake, sort of. I still don't quite understand how dragons nap, how Smolder manages to remain alert and ready when her gentle snoring suggests the contrary. Even when I take on their form, as I'm doing now, the gifts of their species eludes me.

But taking on their form creates opportunities for other experiences, like being able to hold things differently. I know it probably doesn't sound like much, but the sensation of being connected with Smolder in that way, of feeling her fingers tightening between my own, is so intense, so wonderful. It's a simple thing to her, I guess, but oh, how I've grown to crave these moments of unique intimacy.

There's a strange fragility to the air that I'm reluctant to disturb, so I gaze askance rather than risk turning my head. Our fingers are threaded, flaxen scales meeting orange scales meeting flaxen scales, the colours of dawn overseeing the union. Smolder's grip is strong, and I wish that I could match it. I wish I could show her how much I want to keep holding on to her in this way, to keep our jigsaw pieces pressed tight. Because they're strange, our pieces, from different boxes, and it frightens me how rare it is for pieces from separate puzzles to fit together the way our fingers do, the way we do.

I've never felt like this before; nothing I've ever experienced in my life has prepared me for how she makes me feel. But the sun inside of me will continue rising, and I know I'm going to give it everything I've got to keep it radiant and nourishing, and from burning us both.

In these moments, I often find myself wondering if Smolder thinks about these things too.

But when she finally stirs, turning to look at me with those blue eyes, I know that I have my answer.

Author's Note:

And that really is a wrap, until the usual Sunday update. I do, after all, have other stories that need some attention too!

Comments

[Little_Draco]

Well Fck.... I wish I could write half as good with my smolder stories as done in here.

[paperhearts]

9850656
That's very kind of you, and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my work. I don't think I've come across any of your stories yet, but I'll be sure to check them out! Always nice to meet a fellow Smolder writer!

[Parker]

Okay, I know I've enjoyed these little scenes a lot, but some of the poetic beauty in this scene is just fantastic!

...the colours of dawn overseeing the union.

So beautiful! Some of the best work yet.

[paperhearts]

9852704
Oh thank you very much. I was wondering (and worrying) about whether I'd drowned the chapter in a little too much flowery prose, so feedback like this is reassuring. It goes without saying, of course, that I really appreciate you continuing to read and comment. Updates will be slowing back down to one a week or so for a period, as there's a new story for which I want to get the first chapter finished and published. But I'll try to keep them pleasant and entertaining all the same.