15 - All aboard!
It was the morning of the next day and Orion was soon leaving for Ponyville to meet this God of Chaos and learn to control his magic. He wondered what the guy was like. Was he a Joker or a Sheogorath? Maybe a Jerry Seinfeld type? All these serious questions rattled his mind but before that, there was one important thing left to do.
"Hey, Celestia?" he called the solar alicorn while poking his morning salad with a fork.
"Mmpf?" Celestia looked at him with a mouth full of cake.
"Swallow, don't spit." Orion said with a deadpan look which earned a snicker from Luna. "Can you show me to the medical wing? I wanna' see how Storm Breaker is doing. Last time I saw him he was Free Willying it in peanuts." Celestia was looking at Orion, her cheeks puffed out and full of cake, and briefly nodded before swallowing.
"Gladly." Celestia smiled and got up from the cushion she was sitting on. Poor cushion... "Don't even." Celestia shot Orion a look.
"What? I didn't say anything!" Orion defended but his eyes were constantly darting towards the cushion.
"I believe Orion wanted to say that poor cushion has met it's maker." Luna then pulled up the paper thin cushion. "Which is apparently Indoneighsia." Orion sputtered at the country name.
"Are you sure it's not Neighpon?" he asked through stiffled laughter.
"No." Luna looked at him quizically. "Neighpon is know for their maneha and-" Orion burst out laughing which only made Luna glare daggers in his direction.
"He is teasing you, Luna." Celestia rolled her eyes and smacked Orion with her wing.
"Harrasement! You saw it!" Orion pointed jokingly to Luna who was not amused by Orion's antics. "Oh come on!"
"Thou shall experience nightmares beyond your wildest imagination." Luna said with narrowed eyes. "Let us make haste. Thine train leaves soon and we wouldn't want you to miss it." Luna walked past Orion, making sure to bump her rump against his playfully. The gray stallion chuckled and trotted after Luna.
"Admit it, you will miss me." Orion then bumped her back, with a little more force.
"We will admit nothing." said Celestia cheekily from his other side and bumped her rump into Orion's with a little too much force which sent him tumbling into Luna. Both alicorns lost their balance and fell to the ground in a heap. Celestia went into a giggle fit as she watched Orion and Luna trying to untangle themselves. "Oh my stars I am so sorry!"
"I'm getting you a wide load shirt for your birthday." Orion groaned and tried to get up but since Luna was doing the same they kept falling over each other.
"Honestly sister! Watch how thee swingeth that weapon of mass dest-" Luna's eyes suddenly reduced to pinpricks and she froze in place. "Orion." the dark alicorn said flatly.
"What?" the gray alicorn also stopped his movements and looked down at Luna.
"Thou'rt... Poking me." Luna's eye twitched but a small blush still crept onto her muzzle. Orion looked down and realized with what he has been poking her with.
"Oh." Orion's eyes went wide and he tried to move away as fast as possible but it only made him wiggle more and more.
"Not. Helping." Luna growled as her blush deepened.
"Then maybe let go of my leg!" Orion then shot Celestia a look. "Not that leg! Get your mind out of the gutter!" the alabaster alicorn could only snicker in response. Orion then finally managed to get off of Luna and the dark alicorn rose to her hooves like some kind of apparition.
"Orion." she slowly turned around, her eyes glowing white.
"Yes, my dearest friend Luna who I did not intend to poke with my undercover brother?" Orion laughed sheepishly and took a few steps back. Celestia just watched on in amusement. She was really happy that her sister finally had a friend to play with!
"Dost thou wish to die?" Luna asked menacingly.
"I wish thou would stop saying dost." Orion said cheekily. His cheekines, however, quickly faded away once a pair of scissors the size of Luna appeared next to the dark alicorn.
"Run." the scissors snapped shut a couple of times to let Orion know they were giving him a head start. Orion wasted no time and bolted away as fast as he could.
"I don't wanna' be Jewish!"
Storm Breaker had a good time. He made a new friend, went to a party and almost surfed on a wave of peanuts. But just like every first time somepony tries something, Storm Breaker failed and failed hard. He fell from the table he was using as a surf board before the peanut wave even broke down the door and he was carried away by the torrent. To add insult to injury he was allergic and the doctors had to pump him full of equineighphrine to keep the allergic reaction under control.
But through it all Storm Breaker could safely say it was the most fun he had in a while. It's been work, work, work for the past few months and today he could finally let loose. Too bad it was short lived but with Orion around he was sure it wasn't the last time something crazy or fun would happen.
"Back off Freddy Krueger!" right on cue, as always. Storm Breaker looked to the door of the medical wing when it suddenly opened. Orion was backing up, slowly distancing himself from Luna who wielded a gigantic pair of scissors and Celestia watching with an amused smile. "I'm not letting you anywhere near Itchy and Scratchy" Storm Breaker thought he must've been high on drugs because he could swear princess Luna wanted to-
"Oh don't be such a foal." Celestia added with a sinister chuckle. "She'll just take a little off the top."
"Keep it in your pants, Molestia." Orion shot the alabaster alicorn a look and Celestia did her best not to break character.
"Maybe I will." she licked her lips and Orion's ears fell flat on his head.
"Okay, this is not funny anymore." he gulped and held his hind legs closer together. "And I've run out of penis euphemisms!" Luna's scissors were coming dangerously close, Celestis summoned an empty carton of chicken eggs, Storm Breaker tapped rapidly on the call-nurse-button. "I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T TAKE AWAY MY DANGUS KHAN! Hey I got one!"
"What in the name of Celestia is-" Doctor Syringe poked her head inside and her eyes went wide as dinner plates when she saw the scene.
"Doc! You gotta' help me! Luna wants to cut off old faithful!" Orion cried for help but when the sisters looked at the doctor and winked, something Orion didn't see, Syringe looked at Storm Breaker.
"Check up is in 1 hour. Good day." and promptly closed the door. Luna and Celestia looked back to Orion who was already saying his goodbyes.
"Goodbye, spurtnik. It's been a hell of a ride." Orion then looked to the sisters with pure horror on his face. Just what did he do to get them to act like this? Was it some sort of crazy trigger that activates when you poke a princess with your duke of hazard? "Make it quick just like my ex." Orion then began to shakily spread his hind legs only to be stopped by an eruption of laughter. Opening his eyes Orion saw Luna and Celestia rolling on the ground and holding their sides. "Laughing after seeing my pee pee. Just like my ex."
"Thine look!" Luna could barely get the words out.
"Oh my sides! By the stars it hurts!" Celestia had tears flowing down her cheeks.
"Yeah, yeah laugh it up." Orion rolled his eyes and then heard snickering from behind. Doing a quick turn Orion finally noticed he was actually in Storm Breaker's room. "Dude! Why didn't you back me up?"
"I'm not getting paid enough for that!" Storm Breaker pointed to the laughing sisters.
"Fair enough." Orion then decided to simply ignore the two alicorn mares and sat down beside Storm's bed. "How you doin' buddy?"
"Oh you know. Not too shabby." Storm replied with a sly smirk. "The nurses treat me nice."
"You dog, you!" Orion slapped him on the shoulder and nearly sent him flying off the bed. "Sorry! Sorry!"
"Alicorn strength." Storm rubbed his sore shoulder.
"Tell me about it." Orion looked at Celestia whose laughter reduced to an occasional snicker. "Somebody should really put a bell on that thing." Celestia rolled her eyes and finally decided to get up from the floor.
"I hope you learned a lesson today Orion." Celestia smiled mischeviously and held up the egg carton before crumpling it and tossing it into a garbage bin without even looking.
"Do not try to hump the royal rump." Luna added while also getting up.
"Hah! In your dreams Moonbutt!" Orion scoffed and Storm was left mortified. He just called Luna Moonbutt to her face. "And you! Sunbutt! What's with the whole Molestia thing?" two for two!
"Go big or go home." Celestia shrugged it off.
"How can you say such things?" Storm Breaker looked absolutely mortified.
"I would say it behind her back but I can't fly that far!" Orion's reply almost made Storm Breaker faint. Celestia merely rolled her eyes.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I brought you to see your friend and I must now leave to attend to some royal business." Celestia nodded curtly only for Storm to bow in return. Orion eyed her suspiciously.
"Isn't that the new cake they named after you at that place where we-"
"Gottagobye!" and in a bright flash she was gone.
"Honestly." Luna rolled her eyes before turning them to Storm Breaker. "Storm Breaker. I see thou art feeling better."
"A lot better, Your Majesty." Storm bowed curtly from his sitting position on the bed. "Gotta' say, Orion knows how to party."
"Yes, so we've heard." Luna looked at Orion who whistled innocently. "Next time, thou might want to dial back on the chaos."
"But it was fun." Storm Breaker tilted his head. "Why would he want to do that?" Luna sighed but before she could speak, Orion opened his mouth.
"Beacuse somepony could have gotten seriously hurt since I can't control this Gary Stu bullshit." Orion sighed and held out his hoof. "I'm sorry you almost died from allergies." Storm Breaker chuckled and accepted the hoofshake.
"Apology accepted, boss." Storm Breaker then smirked. "And don't worry, I'll be back protecting your balls from crazy princessess in no time!" as the words left his mouth Storm Breaker realized what he was saying. His face slowly draining of color as his eyes moved to Luna.
"Oh relax." she rolled her eyes in annoyance. "My sister and I can take a joke."
"Bet you couldn't take my-" the giant scissors appeared again with a menacing snap. "-compliments about your fabolous mane! Is that a new constelation I see in your mane?" Orion chuckled nervously and the scissors disappeared.
"I'll give thee some time to say your farewells." Luna then turned on her hoof and trotted towards the exit. "We shall be waiting at the train station in two hours." and then she was gone, leaving the two stallions alone.
"Finally!" Orion fell to the bed on his back and stretched out like a starfish. "I'm exhausted!"
"Looks like you are really close to the princesses." Storm Breaker remarked and decided to sloth-out on the bed as well. These Canterlot medical beds were something else though, really big and comfy. "And why are you exhausted? You're not the one who's lying in a hospital bed."
"The amount of sex jokes and innuendos in the past five minutes was too much even for me." Orion puffed a stray lock of mane from his eyes. "I need some guy talk right now."
"Guy talk?" Storm questioned.
"Yeah. You know, sports, politics or that other stuff you usually talk about with your bros." Orion replied, hoof gesturing like he was counting.
"Orion." Storm Breaker began with a serious tone. "You don't have to hang out with me if you don't want to."
"Dude!" Orion kicked Storm's leg with his own. "I'm your friend, remember? If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't."
"First off, ow. And second, just checking." Storm then returned the favor making Orion laugh.
"That tickled." Storm repeated the action but it only made Orion laugh more. "Dude! Stop! I'll pee myself!" Storm Breaker stopped his assault and jumped to his hooves. Orion quickly followed suit.
"Alright, this just got personal!" Storm Breaker got into a fighting position which Orion thought was adorable as heck. Not being one to miss out on a good tussle between bros, Orion got into a stance himself.
"Mortal Kombat!"
Celestia, Luna, the Mane Six and Spike were all at the train station, the Friendship Express's locomitive puffing out steam. Ponies were already boarding the train as it would be leaving any minute now.
"Where is he?" Twilight asked nopony in particular and looked for signs of Orion, the gray alicorn nowhere in sight.
"He will be here Twilight." Celestia assured her student. "Perhaps he got caught up in conversation with Storm Breaker."
"The train leaves in exactly 4 minutes and 38 seconds!" Twilight panicked and flew up to see if she scould catch a glimpse of Orion. "Of course he's going to make me late! I'm never late!"
"Calm thyself Twilight." Luna said before yawning. "Orion will be here soon. If he misses the train we can always teleport him to Ponyville."
"You know what teleportation does to him, Luna." Celestia looked at her sister who was grinning.
"Yes. Yes I do." Luna replied. Two more minutes went by and still no sign of Orion. Everypony already boarded the Friendship Express except for Twilight who was pacing nervously and freaking out about being late. Just as she was about to forcefully teleport Orion to the train station a mailmare approached them with a big cardboard box on a cart and a letter on top of it.
"Princess Celestia?"
"Ummm, yes?" Celestia responded and looked curiously at the box. The mailmare simply dumped the box in front of her.
"Ha! No returns!" the mailmare looked a little too happy about getting rid of the box as she bolted away.
"What is that?" Twilight gently tapped the box and it jolted to the side like something was inside.
"What the?"
"Curious." Celestia took the letter as the box kept wobbling. Opening it up she had to keep from laughing as she read the letter.
Dear Princess Celestia.
I am VERY pleased to inform you that Sir Orion Pax's amnesia is completely gone. Like for real. Trust me, I'm a proffesional.
Likewise, Storm Breaker's allergy was put under control and there will be no need for further treatement.
Also, there will be no need for them to come to my medical bay ever again. EVER! I mean it! The mess their little scuffle made will take us two days to clean! The entire room is covered in what Sir Orion has dubbed "troll bogeys". Please get his chaos magic under control.
I must go now, the bogey are attracting bees for some reason.
Best Regards,
Dr. Syringe.
Celestia really did her best not to laugh and handed the letter to Luna who was not as subtle and almost fell over.
"What does it say?" Twilight took the letter next. "Oh." the lavander princess was not as amused. She was pretty sure Orion would be staying at her library and she did not want her precious books getting covered in troll bogeys. Celestia approached the box and cut the duct tape with the help of magic. Sure enough, Orion and Storm Breaker were stuffed inside, both looking uncomfortable and ashamed.
"Oh." Celestia tried to act all surprised. "I didn't know you were taking your house to Ponyville."
"It's not my house." Orion grumbled and tipped the box over so both he and Storm fell out like apples. "It's my vacation mansion."
"Yes, it does look relaxing." Luna added while inspecting the inside. "Did you renovate?"
"A fresh coat of paint." Orion replied and shook his head to get his mane back in the proper position.
"We will miss you, my friend." then to Orion's surprise, Celestia nuzzled his cheek making Orion's gray cheeks tint a little.
"Uuuuhhh. I'll miss you too, Tia." he didn't know where that came from but apparently Celestia didn't mind. She actually smiled.
"Fare thee well, Orion." then to his further shock, Luna nuzzled him as well. Yep, he was blushing.
"You too, crazy moon pony." Luna backed away with a flat look.
"No nickname for me?"
"To be fair, you tried to cut off my little pony." now it was Luna's time to blush. "Well, it's been fun. Just promise me you won't do any surprise teleportation visits and scare the crap out of me." Orion could practically see a light bulb appear over Celestia's head as an idea formed in her mind. "Cool it, Trollestia."
"What? I have no idea what you're talking about." she whistled innocently before winking playfully. Orion couldn't help but chuckle.
"Alright, enough with the sappy goodbye's it's time for a new saga in this isekai!" Orion then trotted inside the passanger wagon with a goofy smile.
"Don't worry, your Majesties." Storm Breaker bowed. "I'll keep an eye on him."
"You are joining him?" Celestia asked and got a nod in response.
"Somepony has to keep him out of trouble." Luna then looked at the box and raised her brow. "Starting now! He he... Ummm, I should go." the blue pegasus then entered the wagon.
"This is going to be fuuuuun..." Twilight droned as she slowly realized what she has gotten herself into. Celestia chuckled and nuzzled her student in comfort.
"I'm sure he'll grow on you." Celestia assured her.
"Like weeds." Luna added with a chuckle. "Fare thee well, Twilight Sparkle."
"I guess so..." Twilight said with uncertainty.
"C'mon Twilight!" Orion's head popped out the window where Twilight's friends were waiting. "The train is late because of you!" Twilight's eye twitched.
"It'll be fine." she said through clenched teeth. "I mean, what could possiblly go wrong?" Celestia realized a Twilight moment was incoming and she began pushing the younger alicorn into the wagon. "Just the first alicorn stallion in Ponyville with chaos magic. He he he. Hehe! Hah!" Celestia basically yeeted her into the wagon.
*CHOO-CHOO*
"Be sure to write to me, my dear student!" Celestia hollered over the trains ever louder engine. The Friendship Express was slowly getting out of the station when the two sisters saw a famimiar head pop out of the locomotive's side window.
"How did he get there so fast?" Luna wondered as Celestia produced a white handkerchief to wave goodbye. Orion grinned like and idiot and pulled on the rope that activated the train's horn.
*CHO! CHOOOOOO!!!*
Stats
Page generated in 0.02 seconds
Total duration
771 users online
1,255,338 hits today, 2,724,632 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Wait he hasn’t meet Cadance and Shining Armor hasn’t he? Crazy chapter but totally missed an opportunity of Onion being shipped to Ponyville since it would be funny how everypony react of him disappearing for awhile.
maybe another time… wait Twilight would totally do it that would be cool.
Woooooo!
Two for two on story updates!
Another good chapter from this one too!
Really looking forward to what crazy shenanigans Orion and Stormy get up to.
Stephen King ruined "choo choo" for me.
🤘🏻I'm going off the rails on a crazy train 🎸🚂
Discord training another user of chaos magic? Oh yeah that can only go perfectly fine with absolutely no shenanigans. No seriously, it's the only thing that wouldn't make sense, because things going wacky and crazy would make too much sense....or would it?
I wonder how Twilight would put up with Orion or will she fall for him too.
Caught a few typos.
0:20
11412924
I doubt it. Twilight isn't a alicorn yet and the fact is she barely likes discord and he can't control his magic. Orion can't. It just responds to his thoughts and feelings. He doesn't even being to understand it. The princesses are over a 10000 years old and never had anyone treat them like people so a guy who does that of course they want him.
Makes me wonder why they put him with the neat and orderly pony vs his teacher discord who hates order. That way if anything happens he won't care.
11412961
Actually, Twilight is an alicorn
And who says Orion will be staying with Twilight? Purple pone just automatically assumed Orion would live with her
Dude the chapters are just getting better and better! Great work! I love the way you write for the characters, it feels true to canon form with enough of a twist to know it's subtly different. Your writing style flows well, and is a joy to read, at least from my perspective. I'm enjoying the pacing as well. Doesn't feel dragged out nor rushed. Keep up the good work and looking forward to the next!
11412989
Thank you!!!
11412928
Fixed!
11412884
Well he has to visit the Crytal Empire at some point, right?
11412968
Well fluttershy couldn't handle 24/7 possibilities of chaos and the rest of the girls wouldn't want their work messed up. And twilight always goes above and beyond for Celestia so of course unless Celestia said something it probably going to be twilight.
Luna liked it, lets not kid ourselves.
Hope Orion get a pair of pants at Ponyville. Reason; Twilight's reaction to learning of Orion got a boner and it touch Luna
11413000
Fair point. But we don't go by logic or common sense here. That's not fun
11413032
images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/43700000/Luna-Meme-princess-luna-43769863-300-300.jpg
11413035
And deprive ourselves of Twilight's horrific discovery? No! The pants stay off!
So many jokes so little time, put 60 seconds in the clock!
"Bees? My god"
And the head maid see Luna running around with scissor, get between them and Orion and with a murderous glare she scowl the princess like an angry mother saying: "PRINCESS LUNA! Are you ACTUALLY running around with scissor ?!"
And so Luna headed into Orion head only to be bounce back by a bouncer demanding her name in the list and subsequently order her to wait in line with the rest of the Luna's pointing at a line with her in different colors, one Nightmare Moon and for some reason Chrysalis, all wanting to enter Club Orion.
The doctor was resting in his home when another package arrive with Orion saying "I'm sowy with a actual bear holding a stuff heart
And finally, if Orion turns a broccoli into a cake but is still broccoli only with the texture and consistency of a cake, would Celestia eat it? If so, the royal personal trainer will hire him to make all of her meals"
Play me off Paul!
11413052
I'll be stealing some of that, thank you very much!
11413062
Not a problem, like the story and I hope the "to the dump" joke will still appear. I just hope the scissors one get pick up too, it was funny and all but joke or not what Luna did is kind of dangerous and somebody needs to call on her...plus it will be funny been scolded by the head maid like a kid been punish by her parents.
oh! I think of something as a treat if Celestia takes thing to far. Orion can warn her.
"Careful Celly, or I may replace the taste of cakes for broccoli and vice-versa."
11413041
Well you're the author. You can move him in with discord which would make things easier on a lot of folks.
11412968
Yes
11412968
I wonder who’s home he will crash at…
11412997
Oh man, I can’t wait! Hopefully it will get crazy like this. 
Celestia “Twilight… where is Onion?”
Twilight “oh, I sent him to my sister in law for therapy since he was… driving me a little egghead the last couple weeks.”
Celestia wide eye shock…
Luna “You foul!!! Don’t you realize you just done if Cadence sees Onion…”
Celestia “Sister get the breaking in suits we got ourselves a stallion to save”
Twilight “ummm… is Onion going to be ok?”
Celestia “It’s not Onion who I’m worried about it’s what will Cadence do when she sees him…”
This chapter was one hell of a ride. So many dick jokes thrown into a single chapter, I'm at work right now smiling like an idiot.
I cannot wait to see how quickly he breaks Twilight though. How many chapters until the freakout, you think? One chapter? Two? Three?
Can't wait for this to update again.
WARNING: The princesses have seen (and in one princess' case, felt) the goods. Things can only escalate from here, M rating swiftly approaching.
lol
11413138
Who is this "Onion" you keep mentioning? The protagonist's name is Orion. Like the constellation?
11413206
lol I wrote his name wrong
11413206
Like the transformer actually
11413207
No, no. Keep the name
11413220
but alright I’ll keep it
Funny enough I have mention this story to others before and said his name is Onion 🧅
He be chaos crazy XD
KEEP IT UP!!!~
Ah glorious Orion hijinks. I wanna see more damnit! Keep up the awesome work!
11413221
And because you promoted my story to others you can keep using the name Onion
11413166
Twilight should be fine. I mean, unless he teams up with Pinkie and Discord.
11413295
I can definitely see a team-up between at least two of them happening, but lets hope and pray for Equestria that all 3 don't team up.
great fic, I hope you follow it, greetings from Mexico
great fic, I hope you follow it, greetings from Mexico
This was one amazing chapter. The sheer number of euphemisms boggles the mind. They all seem to fit perfectly, yet half of them wouldn't cross my mind in a million years.
Always a pleasure to see so much jokes put into a single chapter
, and it never gets old 
.
I want to say you missed a perfect chance here, but there was no fight scene. If there was, you could've linked the song... Good chapter.
Yep.
Its a fact that we NEED to protect "our two little ponies"
I'm just passing by to tell you how much I love your story.
Seriously.
Thanks: :D
Ponyville has been through a lot already so Orion shouldn't be anything they can't handle...right?
Also, what are the chances that even Discord can't handle Orion's brand of chaos?
MOTHER OF ALLL!!!!!!
i was having so much fun reading this, didnt notice it was already the last chapter cant wait for ponyville chapters!