Vinyl Scratch wakes up in an unfamiliar apartment and meets the infuriating Miss Octavia. A story about two ponies, one who does what she loves and can't get by and one who does and hates it.
An attempt to spice up some of the personalities of some popular background ponies. Written for comedy purposes but I don't know for sure that some shipping can't happen later.
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Well that was undeniably fun, I still can't fathom what took you so long to eventually get around to working on it properly. Your Octavia has taken the personality I've seen her with only once before and then multiplied it by 5 and she's now definitely one of my favourites. I've always envisioned her as being a bored, manipulative aristocrat and I was toying with having my Octavia take that personality too before I had set myself in stone, so I doubly enjoyed this chapter because I got to see her in action, if you will.
Vinyl hasn't had much time for growth yet but that's only because it's your first chapter. It'll be interesting to see how you take her and mould her to suit your story, by the sounds of your synopsis and what happened in the first chapter she's trying to make it as a success. Her interaction with Octavia was fantastic and the scenario you placed them both in was also quite humorous. I'm a lover of situational comedy and if this chapter is an indication of more to come I'll enjoy watching and reading this fic very much so.
Lyra and Bon-Bon was a nice addition too, these four ponies always seem to be linked together, either as friends or adversaries, I can safely say I much prefer them as friends. Gives them a much more interesting dynamic with each other. I'm guessing Bon-Bon is some form of actor, due to her ability to change her voice, but I may be wrong, you may make her a sweet expert like so many others.
I'd write a bit more but I'd only be speculating due to it being the first chapter, so I won't ramble on any longer. That's not to say I won't ramble somewhere else, of course
First of all, thank you for allowing the guy above to toss me the link for this story. You are a nice person
Secondly, Octavia is a devious, dastardly mare xD
Downright despicable, she just needs a top hat, monocle, a good cackle and the set would be complete!
Okay, now to be serious. In my opinion, this chapter started fast and didn't seem to want to slow down. I really have no idea what's going on. Yes, Octavia played a terrible trick on a random drunk pony that she took home, and her two friends ran to her rescue (how did they know where she was, anyway?). That's all there was. We had some interaction, which was fun, but it ended at interaction. We have no idea what Octavia or Vinyl's standing in life is right now, and neither do we really have a great feel for who they are as ponies. Bottom line, it felt like you just let us dive right in, head first without a second thought.
Now, don't get me wrong , I enjoyed this. It was good, and I'll be following this for sure, I just think we need more glimpses at their character. There wasn't much here for us, and it was the first chapter--which normally introduces the characters and their lives.
Gah! I'm rambling, let's move on to the positive stuff and fun things. For one, from what we've seen of Octavia, I am enjoying her squirrely antics and can't wait to see her fleshed out more. As for Vinyl, well, I just want to see something, wasn't much for her here. Lyra and Bon Bon were hilarious, I will give you that, and their whispering was brilliant.
Overall, your writing is pretty good and your characters have potential, I just want to see more development. Again, I liked it, and sorry if I'm rambling--which I probably am--I just tend to stream my consciousness when I type.
Thanks for the early link, and good luck with the rest, I'll be waiting eagerly
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Concerns I intend to answer in the next chapter. When I get that out...
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Well then, carry on man! This world needs more Vinyl and Octavia lovin'
Wow, I never thought I would read a story that gave a character that kind of personality. In all honesty I was unaware that such a personality could exist. Octavia actually seemed to resemble a mix between Simon Cowell mixed with that of a preppy high school cheerleader. Cruel for the sake of comedy can be funny to some I will admit but for me it just feels irritatingly grating. I will admit that it might just be me. I mean the writing was well executed. So I can not fault you for anything really. I just have trouble connecting to the characters when they do not act in any way resembling actual personalities typically found in everyday life. Though I will admit I do not know you nor do I know who you associate yourself with so it is entirely possible that you know someone like this. Overall a good story, just not something I can get into.
Sincerely;
The Fictional Critic.
I have to admit I lost it at the beginning I was fangirling over the first few paragraphs because of the shipping.
Stumbling across this at four in the morning I was quite pleased. Loved it. Too tired for more words now, but I do hope there's more to come soon.
Man this is awesome you should definitely continue this story, I would love to see more