Sunset's mind spun. This was the last thing she'd ever expected to hear from the mouth of Pinkie Pie, of all people. She was now quite glad she'd held off eating any of that huge sundae, because she'd definitely be dizzy.
"Wha..." Sunset gaped. "Pinkie, what are you talking about? I don't ever want to hear you say that about yourself again, you hear me?" She gripped Pinkie's arms, holding back tears, doing her best not to assume the worst too soon. "You are perfect. Just the way you are. Just because people can't handle who you are, just because I have trouble sometimes, is no reason to tell yourself— "
"Stop," Pinkie said, her tone still soft and muted. "Please, just stop."
Sunset's arms dropped. Again with the unexpected responses. Did destroying the Time Twirler mess with her position in the multiverse? Was she talking to a different Pinkie Pie right now? Would she have to call the Twilights in on this?
Pinkie's sigh was loud and long. "I don't know exactly what I was like back there—during all those days when the concert went badly? But I can guess. I was probably super loud. I probably ran around a bunch. I was probably super impatient and knocked a lot of stuff over, got us splattered, made a nuisance of myself for you. All that, on top of getting us kicked out. How close am I?"
Sunset didn't reply, putting a hand behind her head to avoid saying anything. Upon doing so, she realized that that was probably saying something in itself. She quickly put her hand down, hoping Pinkie wouldn't notice, but Pinkie's tiny, lopsided smile a moment later told Sunset to drop that fantasy.
"It's not like I don't know what all my actions are, or what they can do to people," Pinkie said. "But I still do them because... because there's a whole lot to smile about in this universe, but there's also a whole lot that's not, and the not stuff is easy to get hung up on!" Pinkie gestured around herself. "And those things are everywhere, you know? I can turn on my phone and see someone having a bad day in five seconds, and they're someone I can't help because they're all the way across the country from me, or even just a different school, or because their problem is way more than some high school girl with an infinite supply of cotton candy can fix. And it..." Pinkie hugged herself with one arm. "It hurts too much, after you see enough of them."
Sunset still didn't reply. She was still too busy trying not to cry.
"So I go the extra mile to protect my smile," Pinkie continued. "And those of my friends, however I can. And I keep moving, from one joy to the next, so I'm not forced to pay too much attention to the smiles I can't help. Maybe it looks selfish. Maybe it gets messy. But I haven't found a better way to deal. Not yet.
"But moving so fast?" She closed her eyes, balling her fists by her side. "Also means I don't notice when it hurts someone close to me—which it always does—until it's too late. I'm sorry it was you this time, Sunset. It means I failed. In protecting your smile, and just... being all the good things I know I can be, too."
No.
No, no, nonononononononono.
Sunset's mind spun harder. She stopped trying to hold her tears back. Because no no no no no this was all wrong too. If Sunset could drive her head into the brick wall behind her without any lasting effects, she would have in a second.
Why was she so bad at this?
The guilt washed over again, covering her heart like a freshly dumped bucket of sludge. "Oh, Pinkie," she said, her voice cracking. "Just..." She took hold of Pinkie's arms again, bringing her close. "Oh my gosh, come here, please, I was so afraid of this. I never should have brought this up, but now I've screwed everything up, all because I felt guilty as usual."
"What?" Pinkie said, her voice shaking as well. "No, Sunset, I messed it all up. Or I mean, I would have if not for the time stuff? Ugh, you had to use time magic to cheat being mad at me! This is exactly why I don't..." She shook her head, pulling away. "This why I don't talk about this stuff, Sunset. Because that hurts people, too!"
Pinkie looked up, her eyes pleading, her voice half a sob. "I don't want to hurt you, Sunset. I don't want to hurt anyone. But no matter what I do, no matter what I try, I..."
"Listen to me, Pinkie Pie." Sunset shook her head furiously, teardrops flying from her face. "You could never hurt me. You'd literally have to not exist for that to hurt me, because life would suck without you here with me. Okay? I was the one who hurt you because I'm impatient and I didn't get what you were going for by just trying to put a smile on your face, and being ungrateful about it, and—"
"No, Sunset, no!" Pinkie's raised voice, cut Sunset off. "That's not what I mean! Don't you get it?"
"What—" Sunset tried as hard as she could to decipher Pinkie's words, but in the end, she had to ask: "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is, look at yourself right now! You're apologizing for being yourself, too!" Pinkie sniffled, rubbing her eyes. "And you're apologizing for not being me. Do you know which one's worse? Because I don't. I just know it's all my fault."
Sunset froze, unable to answer.
End, yes and no. You did screw things up royally the first time, but you weren't the one resetting time, although your Chaos did let Sunset somehow become immune to the effect of the reset which let her break the loop and give you a fantastic day for the most part so...
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I used to love time travel fiction as a kid.
Now it tires me like you would not believe.
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To be fair, this is less time TRAVEL and more a time LOOP. Although what it really is is me being needlessly pedantic on the Internet when that's not even remotely the point of the story. Sounds like an average Monday to me.
The feels. Oh by the light, the feels in this one. That was heart-wrenching to read, but also so good. Well done Bookish.
Oh, Pinkie. This is one of the most heart-wrenching truths about being empathetic towards others. You look out at the world, and see all the pain around you, and wish that just for a moment, you could make it go away. But, without people like that, who want to bring joy to others, the world would be a much darker place. Its just that the desire needs to be tempered with understanding, because otherwise, as she says, you get so wrapped up in making others smile that you don't notice that your efforts, as well intended as they are, cause them pain.
Hoo boy, this chapter hit close to home. I totally get where Pinkie's coming from. Sometimes, things just suck, and it can be so easy to let those parts consume all your attention. And if you try to just ignore those bad parts for the sake of your own mental health, people might think you're being insensitive. And then you start struggling to understand whether it's your fault, and how much to blame yourself for not being what other people expect you to be, and you start feeling depressed...
Good grief, I need some lunch. Anxiety sucks, but being anxious and hungry? That sucks even worse.
Oh no, they're caught in an apology loop. Hopefully one of the Cakes can break them out of it before they form a guilt singularity.
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It would be like a meeting between Spider-men!
"IT'S ALL MY FAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULT!"
"IT'S ALL MY FAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULT!"
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Guilt singularity is now my favorite desciption
This is an interesting take on Pinkie. I love how the existence of the internet is used here, giving a solid element to split pony and human Pinkie. Human Pinkie having access to the suffering of billions of people that she can’t help at her fingertips is something that probably never even crossed pony Pinkie’s mind. This Pinkie needs to keep herself distracted, otherwise she ends up miserable from all the background misery that she’s powerless to affect. Unfortunately for her, her way of keeping distracted can make others miserable, but so does her being miserable, leaving her stuck in a Catch-22. It explains her actions, but doesn’t excuse them, and she knows it.
And on the other side we have Sunset, who of course blames herself. That’s just what she does, taking the blame in every situation, no matter how justified she was. Of course she’d get mad at Pinkie, Pinkie put her own whims over their plan (and arguably over Sunset herself), to the point where on the second loop where both Sunset and Twilight were trying to stop her (and Sunset trying to keep her from getting kicked out), Pinkie completely ignores them and gets them kicked out. Sunset had every right to be mad the first time, but she still tried again. It was only after the second attempt where she decided to put herself first instead of Pinkie (admittedly, she could’ve just said she’s going ahead to grab seats on the third day, but she was mad at Pinkie). But since she’s Sunset, she felt bad putting her own wants above Pinkie’s whims, even when those whims left her alone with the Dazzlings (I’d argue Pinkie really crossed a line in that scene), and even if that guilt is completely hypocritical with the way she excused Pinkie’s actions.
Can’t wait to see where this goes.
She isn't even my waifu, but this is the Pinkie I can't imagine living without. It'll be difficult going forward as FIM and EQG ends. I pray the fanworks continue.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/373251/youre-not-fine
wondered how I'd missed getting update notifications yesterday right up to the point where I realized I forgot to track both of these, derp
Yeech, guilt singularity is right. Two people who love each other plenty, but don't love themselves enough. Two people falling over themselves to forgive each other, but who really need to forgive themselves first. Gonna keep eating them alive until they do, but that's the hard part.
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I couldn’t have put it better myself.