Epilogue
The experienced priest checked his small ritual book for what must have been the tenth time, even though his hands had traveled the familiar rites countless times throughout his lengthy career; he probably had them memorized. Even so, the familiarity of the somewhat weathered pages awarded him a sense of peace and reassurance, as did his interior recollection with the Good God, in the otherwise unfamiliar and perhaps never to be familiar world called Equestria that he presently found himself standing in.
The mid-morning sun shone brilliantly above them in the blue sky, with every cloud having been 'moved' by the sky-dwelling residents of this dream-like plane of existence. He and the countless colorful guests were all gathered in the courtyard of the Castle of the Capital, the anxious equines milling about in eager anticipation as they awaited the arrival of the wedding party and so begin the ceremony.
The ponies had arranged everything in thoughtful detail with exactness to the cleric's requests. The two groups of patrons were divided by a center aisle created by an elaborate red carpet which led up to the steps of an elevated stage upon which was arranged a make-shift altar with all the proper adornments that he had brought along with him; a pair of kneelers, having been beautifully adorned with white linens and flowers, awaited the happy couple before the foot of the altar.
He was older, but not too old, though aged enough that his hair had lost all of its dark color and lines creased his kind face; however, his strong shoulders were still squared and his back remained unbowed, there was still some vitality left in him yet. But no matter how long he may yet live, he would never forget the day that the young couple, whose nuptial sacrament he would today bear witness to, first graced the foyer of his rectory, asking, as many had before them, for preparation for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony.
The lessons had begun ordinarily enough, with the young man still needing further catechesis, of which he was a most willing student, before he could fully enter into the Church; the young woman at his side being one who had recently returned to the practice of her faith after many years away from the House of the Lord. It was then, after the young couple had gained good familiarity and trust with him, that they had confided to him their secret of unimaginable proportions, a secret that he promised to keep for them, a secret that once more proved to the veteran cleric that there were yet wonders in this vast universe known but to God alone, and to those whom He chose to reveal them.
What had begun from there was an incredible journey of revelation that was still ever unfolding before him, with greater wonder and beauty than he ever imagined he might experience in the later part of his life
"I take it that there is still much to take in, Monsignor?" Said the motherly voice of the seemingly heavenly creature beside him. Fr. Louis Gerard chuckled, casting a weary but humorous glance to the Princess of the Sun standing at his side,
"Even if I lived to be as old as you your highness, I do not think that I could begin to take all of this in." He replied.
Celestia: even though Gerard had only known of this world for but a brief two months, he had been blessed during that relatively short period to have struck up a marvelous acquaintance in the gracious ruler of this land, with whom he had enjoyed many delightful encounters and commonality with. Her appreciation of tea, conversation, and the finer points of gardening had helped to form a fast bond between them. Her gracious and gentle demeanor, so obviously honed by countless years of practiced virtue, was a source of great comfort and stability in the otherwise completely overwhelming experience of coming to knowledge of an entirely new world filled with beings, that until recently, had only existed as creatures of fiction in his mind.
Celestia smiled warmly at him, "Well, that makes two of us then," she said with a wink, earning a hearty chuckle from the man,
"Glad I'm not alone then," he whispered back before quickly turning to quiet himself, returning to his interior recollection in preparation for the Holy Rites and Sacred Mysteries which would soon commence.
Flash sighed, though not impatiently, as his mother looked him over for the countless time, checking his red officer's dress uniform and his hair for any flaws or defects. It was the same uniform he had worn to the Gala, though now adorned with the optional ceremonial officer's saber placed in a golden scabbard attached to his waist. Bright Skies for her part was wearing a simple light blue dress with a white collar, a silver chain holding the enchanted medallion of a silver waxing moon, a symbol of her recent apprenticeship as a dream warden under Princess Luna, hung about her neck.
"It's fine mom, nothing's changed in the last five minutes," he said.
Oh hush! A mother has a right to make sure her son looks his best on his wedding day! She replied with her mind. Flash blinked in surprise, realizing that she was so nervous that she hadn't even realized she had responded to such a casual statement with such an intimate form of contact.
Flash smiled, and gently grabbed onto Bright Skies' hoof, "Mom, it's okay, everything's going to be fine, you'll see." The pink pegasus flinched, looking up at him with her bright violet eyes,
"Oh my little guy, why did you have to go and grow up so fast?" She whispered, appearing almost on the verge of tears. "I used to be able to tuck you under my wing, and now look at you!" Flash chuckled,
"Did you ever imagine you would ever see something like this? You know, when you chose to adopt an alien?"
Bright Skies stared at him for a second, shaking her head, "No, I never thought that far ahead. I just thought that...that you needed love, that I needed to love you."
Flash dropped down to one knee so that he could be eye-level with her, "Well, you did a great job at that, you know that mother?" He softly replied, cupping her cheek with his hand.
She pressed his hand against her face, rubbing her cheek against it so fiercely as if she thought he might otherwise disappear.
"I'm just so happy for you, my Flash, you've made me so, so happy, I just want you to know that..." Bright Skies trailed off, feeling as if her heart would burst for joy and break with sadness at the same time. Flash smiled,
"I'm happy too, mom. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for you, thank you for everything, I love you so much."
The pony jumped up, flinging her forelimbs around his neck in a fierce hug which he returned, "I love you too, my heart." She whispered in his ear.
They stayed that way for a few tender moments, before Bright Skies leaned back, wiping a tear from her eye while leaving her hooves on his shoulders. Her eyes narrowed as a sly, serious look suddenly appeared on her face,
"Just one thing though, my son,"
"Anything for you, mom." Flash said.
Gripping his shoulders, Bright Skies pushed her forehead against his, her velvety muzzle touching his nose while her dead-serious gaze looked straight into his eyes, "I want grandfoals," she practically commanded.
Flash blinked again as heat suddenly suffused his face, "Uh, yeah, sure mom! Coming right up..." He said with a nervous laugh.
Bright Skies held her serious gaze for another moment before she laughed as well, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before dropping to her hooves so that he could stand. He offered his arm out to her, "Shall we?"
"Let's!" She exclaimed, placing her hoof on his arm as they took their place to walk down the aisle.
Ella paced nervously behind the divider at the back of the courtyard, trying to calm her nerves as she awaited Telson's arrival. She knew he was close, she could just sense it; no doubt scouting out the area first, caution was his most ingrained habit. She took a moment to check her wedding gown. It was a fairly simple white ensemble and veil, as she had asked Rarity to keep it so, no matter how much the mare begged her to enhance it.
"It seems that you have finally found the answers to those questions your heart asked when you first arrived," came a familiar voice from behind her. Ella spun around and was shocked to discover that Luna had appeared behind her without so much as a sound.
"Whoa! You startled me there, princess," Ella said, managing a curtsey as she bowed her head. Luna smiled,
"Please my dear, you do not need to be so formal with me, I just wanted to say 'thank you' before this happy occasion began."
"Thanks for what, princess?" Ella asked. The ageless alicorn took a step closer, lowering her voice,
"Thank you for making Flash happy, for being the answer to his prayers and dreams that I have for so long watched over, you don't know how grateful I am to see him so full of joy."
Ella smiled, "You're welcome, but believe me when I say that the pleasure is all mine."
Luna continued to smile, "I believe you my child, but please, do take care of him, he loves you so,"
Ella nodded, her eyes narrowing with determination, "You have my word," she replied with all the solemnness she could muster.
Luna dipped her head, "I will hold you to that my dear, but one other thing, at your reception, please accept my humble gift for you,"
Ella cocked her head, "Gift?"
"You came into our world with naught but the meager clothing on your back my dear, and that I could not stand. So I have taken the liberty to furnish you with a proper dowry for your future marriage, I do hope you will forgive my presumption."
Ella felt her eyes go wide, not knowing how to react at first to such an unexpected, and knowing Luna, exceedingly generous gift.
"Wow, uh, wow," Ella said with an incredulous laugh, "I, uh, wow, thank you princess, I really don't know what to say!"
Luna shook her head, "There's nothing more to say, Ella. Please accept this gift as a small token of my friendship to you, and a sign of all the blessings I wish upon you and Flash." She said.
Ella gave a bow of her head, feeling truly touched by the princess's kind and thoughtful gesture, "Thank you princess, I'm really grateful to have you as a friend."
As they spoke, a familiar white dove suddenly flew from a nearby tree and landed beside them; a swirl of golden flame revealing Telson in all of his imposing splendor.
His chitin appeared especially dark and polished, as if he had groomed himself for the occasion; and for the first time, now that they were standing together, Ella noticed that he was just as tall as Princess Luna.
"Sorry to keep you waiting, small one. I didn't want to interrupt," he said before turning to Luna who was slowly looking him over with a scrutinizing gaze. He for his part, returned her gaze without flinching, which seemed to impress her. At the same time, Ella could tell that there was a gleam of excitement and wonder in his eyes, as if he were meeting a legend come to life. After a few tense moments, Telson surprised them both with a respectful bow of his head,
"Mistress of the Night, it is an honor to finally meet you," he kindly remarked.
Ella bit her lower lip to keep from smiling too broadly at the surprise and delight, along with bit of flattered curiosity, that instantly colored Luna's spirit, despite the princess's stoic outer demeanor.
"Well met Telson, son of Chrysalis," Luna coolly replied, "I thank you for the aid rendered to Ella, and for being here for her today."
Telson gave another inclination of his head, "It is my honor, your highness."
After a few more pleasant exchanges, the Lunar Princess kindly excused herself in order to join her sister at the front of the gathering. Telson looked fondly at Ella before transforming into his human disguise, clothed in a fine tuxedo.
"Ready, Ella?" He asked, offering her his arm. Ella frowned,
"What do you think you're doing Telson? I said that I wanted you to walk me down the aisle, not a disguise."
Telson's eyes widened in surprise, "You want me to..."
Ella looked at him pleadingly, "I want the real you, Telson. I'm not ashamed to be seen with a changeling."
Words could not describe how touched Telson felt by her request, and it took a great deal of effort for him to maintain his composure.
"As you wish, small one," he whispered before reverting to his natural form. Ella smiled, resting her hand on his offered forelimb. They stepped out from behind the divider, and as the entrance antiphon began, accompanied by a group of songbirds at Fluttershy's signal, the happy pair began to walk together towards the front of the sanctuary to the admiration off all gathered.
Waiting for them at the front, stood Celestia, Luna, and the six Bearers of the Elements as well as Sunset Shimmer who all made up the bridal party, with Rarity herself standing in as her mare of honor. Flash gazed on Ella with a look of such love and gratitude, his own party made up of Burnt Oak, Spike, Big Mac, several members of the guard, and even Discord who appeared clothed in an outrageously gaudy tuxedo, matched only by the obvious glee in his mismatched eyes; Slipstream stood in as best stallion.
Telson turned and lifted Ella's veil with his magic as they reached the front. Ella for her part embraced him, tenderly kissing his cheek before taking Flash's offered hand as together, they both knelt before the altar. The priest raised his hand in benediction over them as he began the sacred rite.
Two souls were united that day under the witnesses of two different worlds, but all united in the common and undeniable reality of love.
One week later.
It had started off as any other day at the hive, the weather had been beautiful, springtime in Equestria, with beautiful fauna blooming in all of it's unmatched glory while abundant songbirds sang sweetly in the many trees. It was a setting still so wonderfully new to the reformed changelings, after countless generations of knowing only a barren wasteland. Everything was well, until all at once, when it wasn't.
It had approached from the wilderness, a presence so baleful that the birds fell silent, and so sorrowful that the very sun's warm glow seemed to grow dimmer; the temperature suddenly felt more frigid as creatures hid themselves from the sight of whatever it was that came.
Into the hive, stalked a changeling stag, tall and dark, his size and strength easily matching that of their King, Thorax; perhaps even surpassing him. He greeted noling, though few offered welcome, choosing instead to remain silent, struck dumb by the cold rage and grief so strong, so utterly vast and incomprehensible, that it seemed to extinguish every emotion but it's own. Nymphs ran to their parents, huddling in fear behind their legs while stealing curious glances at their mysterious guest who was one of them, and yet was not.
Changelings generally kept the habit of not broadcasting their spirit to others, as auras were a most intimate side to reveal, and made a changeling unnecessarily vulnerable to all but the most trusted companions; but this one seemed to hold nothing back, allowing his spirit to announce his displeasure for all to feel its abrasive touch, smell its stinging ire, and taste its mournful bitterness.
Once he reached the center spire of the hive, where stood Chrysalis' former, broken throne, the changeling known as Telson stood like a statue in stoic silence, patiently waiting for all the hive to approach him until a large multitude of his brethren clamored about, whispering amongst themselves, but daring not to address the stranger.
Word had reached them several months ago that a pair of changelings, one long lost to one of Chrysalis' many schemes, had found their way back to Equestria. There was little detail beyond that, but from what little information they had heard, told them that these changelings were of an older, stronger blood, one that had known the dark days of the great hunger which had eventually driven Chrysalis to assail Equestria itself.
Thorax for his own part, could not be certain of what their intentions were, but the knowledge that one of the pair had already undergone the metamorphosis had bolstered his hope that these lost changelings would eventually join them in the reformed hive, one that no longer knew hunger, but only the blessings of full hearts and friendship.
The young king rose from his throne, apprehensive, but confident, confident in the power of love and friendship that had carried him to the heights of leadership; his confidence was all the more bolstered by the presence of his fierce brother Pharynx who joined him in approaching the stranger whose ominous air was like that of the calm before some great and terrible storm.
Thorax eyed his lost hivemate up and down, and saw that he was truly a most impressive specimen. His chitin was of the deepest black, like oiled ebony. His blazing eyes were the brighter than polished gold, his wings and tail a flaming, burnt orange, and his shell like the deepest blue of the sea; a single, double-pronged curved horn, long and sharp, fading into a violent red as bright as fresh blood, adorned the crown of his head.
It was so long ago, a year before his brother had even hatched; Pharynx had been but a year-old nymph, but even now, he remembered the revered awe he had held for the Queen's Sword: Telson, the strongest warrior of the entire swarm. He was everything that Pharynx ever wanted to be, and now that he was back, felt a nostalgic respect that caused him a bit of unease, torn as he was between his loyalty to his brother and his respect for this living legend who was obviously not here on a mission of good-will.
"Welcome friend," Thorax said, finding his voice, "I'm told that your name is Telson, and let me just be the first to-"
"Quiet, seat warmer," Telson growled, though low enough so that only the pair of changelings before him would hear.
"Hey!" Pharynx bristled, "No one talks to my brother like-" Pharynx felt his voice catch in his throat as he nearly choked on the suffocating wave of emotion that suddenly erupted off of Telson with the sudden violence of water bursting through an exploding dam. Apparently, the powerful vibes they had all felt up to this point, as intense as they were, were but the preamble to the true immeasurable tempest contained within this creature's powerful soul whose unleashed fury delivered a harsh message more clearly than a hundred speeches ever could.
The message was one of grief and anguish, a bitterness of soul that told of the tale of the heartrending loss of every soldier who had ever failed his country, every son who had lost their mother, and every devout acolyte forced to witness the desecration of all that they held sacred. And within this tempest, more powerful than all the other powers of the soul combined, was a burning love and devotion of such ferocity and depth, that the very sea in a raging storm appeared tame and placid by comparison. And from deep within all of this tumultuous pain, came a cry, a simple, piercing question, one that simply asked with all the grief of a parent holding the body of their deceased child, 'Why? Why would you let this happen?'
Everyling involuntarily flinched and shrank back, with some covering their muzzles with their hooves while others huddled to the ground, holding their hooves over their head in terror and shame, while nymphs everywhere whimpered in baffled confusion, cowering pitifully behind their parents for protection.
Telson glared, his baleful eyes slowly traversing his cowering brethren. When he finally spoke, his voice was calm, yet as unyielding as a mountain made of solid iron,
"Chrysalis, is your queen. And once she reforms, she will be your queen once again. If anyling has a problem with that, they can take it up with me."
Turning to walk away, he paused, noticing Pharynx, who alone held his gaze; and though trembling slightly under the power of Telson's aura, the proud changeling refused to look away. Anger, guilt, and a glimmer of wondrous admiration shone through his strong, amethyst eyes.
Telson favored him with a slight smile, "Young Pharynx," he said, "I am pleased to see the strong stag you have grown to become. Please, continue to keep our family safe with your strength, especially your brother, he will need it."
Then, without waiting for any kind of response, Telson turned and walked back towards the forest as his brethren parted before him. He waited until he was more than a mile away from the hive before he permitted the first of his tears to fall.
Ella slowly descended the polished wooden stairs that led from the second level of her and Flash's home to the first floor, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn while tying the belt around her nightgown. It was still early, but as groggy as she felt, she wanted to get an early start on the day.
Even though it had already been a few months since the wedding, Ella still had a hard time accepting that everything around her was hers. For it was at their wedding reception, that Ella realized how in a single day, she went from being a poor girl with nothing to her name, to a woman who, by earth's standards at least, was quite well off, wealthy even, especially once she beheld Princess' Luna's incredible gift to her.
The Princess of the Night had indeed been exceedingly generous, bestowing on her a large chest of gold, a full wardrobe, and enough household goods to furnish a small castle as a dowry. It was well that she did, as Flash had already obtained for them on a new plot of land, a beautiful large house on the edge of Ponyville, close to Fluttershy's cottage.
It was newly constructed, with two stories, five bedrooms, and a large yard both front and back. The dwelling was far beyond what Flash could normally afford, even by a Captain's salary, but he had gotten it practically for a song; Ella suspected Gold Fleece's hoof somewhere in the matter.
Ella was surprised at first that Flash didn't choose his hometown of Cloudsdale, explaining to her that he wanted whatever future family Providence might grant them a certain closeness to the friends he had known growing up.
Walking into the spacious kitchen, Ella set the coffeemaker to work before taking a moment to look at some of the many photographs posted on the front of their fridge. There were pictures of their wedding, and several others of them caught on various get-togethers with their many friends. The one that drew a particular smile to Ella's lips however, was the one Spike had managed to catch of Flash as Ella handed him small, black and white photo image. His eyes were as wide as saucers and his mouth formed an adorable, small 'o'. Rainbow Dash was hovering at his side, nudging him in the ribs with an elbow, a smug smile on her fuzzy face; Bright Skies hugged him from the other side.
Ella smiled, taking a deep breath as she felt Flash's strong arms suddenly wrap around her waist from behind and gently pull her in for a hug as he kissed her neck. She reached a hand back to hold the side of his face,
"Good morning," she whispered.
"Good morning back, did they wake you again?" Flash asked, dropping his hands to rest on her growing belly.
"Like little roosters," Ella said with a small chuckle. They stayed quiet for a few tender moments, simply enjoying the calmness of the morning.
"Do you have to go to Canterlot today?" She finally asked.
"Yeah, Celestia wants me to listen in on her audience with some business pony's urgent request, something about a danger to his merchant fleet or something, no biggie. What about you?"
"I have another checkup with Redheart today, she wants to check their growth, pretty standard. Will I see you again tonight?" She asked, turning around to face him.
Flash brushed her face lovingly with the back of his fingers, "Yeah, I'll make sure of it."
Ella smiled and embraced her young husband, grateful in her heart for the many blessings to be found in the beginning of another ordinary day, one filled with the promise of an extraordinary future in a truly, extraordinary world.
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And it is finished! Or simply begun, depending on one's perspective. Most remarkable from start to finish, I consider myself most fortunate to have been here for it.
That said, please forgive a few minor tweaks...
Goodness gracious, Telson is not a happy changeling.
11218994
Fixed, and thank you! I consider myself most fortunate for your presence here.
No, he really isn't.
I always hate it when stories that's went on this long finally end. I get attached to them and always watch for new uploads. I really hope to see a sequel sometime.
11220687
I'm so glad you enjoyed it so much, and you are very kind to say so thank you!
I do have two sequels in mind and a bunch of smaller spin-offs, including a small bridging story that I'm already working on that will take us to the sequel. We'll see if I can get it all done!
Good story, Sequals could be interesting, especially if other humans get involved! Did feel less interested in the story after the climactic fight scene, but that's my personal preference for fight scenes over emotional reconciliation showing, although I did get invested in the latter eventually.
11226119
Thanks for the comment!
Hmm, we might see some other humans, maybe Flash has other family on earth.
Thanks for reading!
A find end to the story... with some somber foreshadowing of a potential sequel. The Monseigneur has certainly had an... interesting experience. And I wonder if they had to read some human OBGyN in on certain otherworldly realities in order to assist the Ponyville General staff in prepping for... twins, is it?
All in all, a satisfying and heartwarming conclusion, with a little bittersweet interlude with the changelings, and a reminder that Telson is a force to be reckoned with.
11239567
I am so glad you enjoyed it, thank you for the kind comment!(Brightened my day!)
Yeah, the good Monsignor is still a bit dazed by it all haha. We might see more of him in the future.
Yes, Ella Made sure to get ahold of a few medical books from earth for Redheart to read so that she is capable to help her with the twins (yes, 2 boo-boos, a boy and a girl).
Telson is kind, not nice. He is a loyal soldier with a job to do and he will see it done.
Thank you for reading my friend, God bless!
This, this right here Is why I love this fandom the creatively and beautiful things that the fandom makes even now Is why I even started drawing seeing so many amazing art stories and music I am blown away by this story and I hope that one day when I'm skilled enough I can make art for this story because this is an amazing and extremely well written story that deserves that and thank you for making such an amazing story destiny
11333496
Well thank you my friend for that very kind praise, I am so happy that you enjoyed it! If you ever do produce any art, I would love to see it!
Thanks again and God bless!
You're a master of writing combat.
It's so hard to visualize some author's writing, but you got it down.
11356474
You're writing has an 11 year old boy at full height 5 inches shorter than his pony mother.
11356508
Yeah, maybe I should go back and fix that.
11356505
Thanks!
I try. (Wow, you're a fast reader!)
11356556
It's your story, I'm just a reader. But yeah, you keep implying ponies are at least as big as Flash. Even a filly Rainbow Dash was able to whoop him and all that with her size as being a key attribute.
She should have been a quarter his size at that point.
And yeah,I read using TTS at work so I don't have to stop reading.
❤
11356575
Yeah, I seriously overestimated/underestimated size at the time. Flash at 11 should be about 5ft tall and filly Dash should be about 3ft at best. So Flash should be the one about a foot taller than his mother at that point.
11357161
Where'd you come up with that lullabye?
Can I use it some day?
11357164
I made that lullaby up myself, I can write poetry if I really put my mind to it haha. I'm so pleased that you like it, and I would not mind if you wish to make use of it so long as the material you make use of it for is clean.
11357173
Of course. I plan to have a filly sing it to a friend.
I thought of a story as soon as I read it.
11357208
I would be honored if you would like to make use of it, just send me a link when you write the story so I can read it too!
Wow. She's turning into a changeling!
11357594
I'll bet you didn't see that one coming haha
GREAT STORY!
It's rare for me to cone across a good human in Equestria story that feels organic and not forced.
Too bad it's over. Now I've gotta wait years for the sequel to be done before I can read it.
11357779
I am so glad you enjoyed it, and so grateful for all your commentary, thank you!
That's what I wanted to do, write an organic HiE story. It was so rare to come across a good one, so I just thought, "Why don't I just do it myself?"
Hopefully you will not have to wait years for a sequel haha, I've already started on the spin-off story that is supposed to lead into the sequel, hope you enjoy it and God bless!
Well, can easily say this is one the top tier HiE fic I've read. Awesome job!👍
Really enjoyed your OCs, Best Bug Horse Bodyguard being on the top of the list obviously, the Bug Princess was great complex antagonist and Bird Mom was amazingly cute and badass also. Ella and Flash's character developments from their interactions with each other was well done and it's odd how Flash went from reminding me of Smallville Clark Kent at the beginning to more like Adora from the new She-Ra
without the abusive upbringingby the end of it.I really liked how you focused back half of the story on the fallout of the big climactic fight, most other fits would have ended shortly after that and most of what you did here would have been saved for a sequel or wrapped up in one or so chapters and the epilogue.
My only real gripe would be how Sunset just disappeared after helping save Flash until the epilogue, especially considering how much of a presents she had in the fic before hand.
Also would have liked to have a bit more Flash's upbringing and involvement with the Mane 6 throughout the canonical events, which I get you did so to avoid a lot of HiE cliches. But I tend to really enjoy those type of stories, so guess that's just me. Who knows, maybe if you're one day willing that might make a good little short side story or something.
11373298
Well I am so pleased that you enjoyed it so much and I am so grateful for all of the feedback you gave as you read, thank you!
Yeah, there are a few things I might have changed as I look back, and I do wish I involved bacon pony just a bit more. That all said, I do hope to write some side stories focusing on Flash in his childhood from his mom's perspective and her own experiences in raising an alien. We shall see, lots of work to do; already started a side adventure meant to bridge to the full sequel if you're interested.
Thanks again, and God bless!
11374024
You're welcome.
And yeah, I have your other story in my read later list give it a read when there's a bit more to it. Also Look forward to that sequel and whatever else you plan on for this series.
Nope, I'm out of here. Too much misanthropy for my tastes. Hate it when people make it so anything with magic is automatically superior to anything without magic. Equestrians are nowhere near as powerful, perfect and smart Mary Sues as you make them out to be. Likewise, humans aren't as dumb and weak as you made them. Those changelings would be found out and killed a long time ago.
11477026
Hmm, I was not going for misanthropy, merely to show that good people can have flaws as well. I thought I showed a tremendous love for humankind in showing that people like Ella could make tremendous strides to become better people and not giving up in the face of hopelessness (and the 'weak' non-magical human ended up saving the day). I did not make the Equestrians so perfect either, Bright Skies has her own rocky past, and Flash had to deal with some mild bigotry, never mind what Sunset did to him.
Nevertheless, it is your perspective that matters here, if that's how it came off for you, I'm sorry to hear that and I shall strive to do better as a writer.
I thank you for your patronage and your commentary nonetheless!
11477262
Really? My brother in Christ, if that wasn't you going for misanthropy, I'd hate to see what you going for it would look like.
She was a prostitute, not exactly the scum of the Earth.
That never happened. She was transformed into a changeling by that point. In fact she quite liked losing her humanity and ascending past her "normal" species.
Yep, no non-magical humans in sight.
You portray them as angels compared to lowly humans. Two different aliens come to Earth and immediatelly encounter thugs, human traffickers and other low-lifes. In comparison, it took Ella 4 months to encounter a pony who was a bit rude to her.
She is portrayed as a saint in 99.9% of the fic.
A single bully in his childhood who immediately gets punished with latrine duty and is never heard from again.
Ah yes, she left him for a bit, the monster.
Wow, a reeasonable response to criticism. That's a rarity here. Okay, I'll elaborate some more on what rustled my Jimmies in your story.
Massive spoilers ahead.
The most glaring issue is just how overpowered you made anyone with magic.
A far cry from canon ponies who need glasses, lose consciousness from bunny stampedes, can't open a jar of pickles and their oh so powerful "goddesses" getting their flanks handed to them by bad weather and garden weeds.
There's a brief glimmer of hope.
Sure, normal humans are weak, but with guns they stand a chance, right? Pfft, no. A few paragraphs later:
Just like that, normal humans are relegated to insignificant bugs compared to their horse overlords. Btw, it also completely invalidates Chel's plan.
If every magical rando can just dodge bullets, let alone slower grenades and rpgs, then what's the point of bringing guns to a magic fight? In your haste to portray just how cool and powerful Flash is compared to normal humans, you completely forgot to show human weapons as a threat to equestrians.
Right, moving on: changelings. I hate them, they are disgusting, misanthropic, irredeemable pieces of shit.
Also her needing to murder Flash's parents makes no sense with how overpowered you made their magic.
With how weak you made humans this sounds about as believable as me needing to use lethal force to defeat an unarmed 2-year-old.
I guess Flash's parents didn't actually love him or does it only apply to people with magic and not lowly, normal humans?
Said the bitch with mind control powers. Honestly, the entire revelation about his parents is riddled with sloppy writing, my dude. It only exists to affirm that the only reason Flash is a good human is because he was raised by ponies. He gave zero shits about her needlessly killing them.
And yet the story seriously tries to convince me this murderous psycho bitch deserves a second chance, that she is only bad because humans and Earth are shit.
There was a brief glimmer of hope when Damien showed up again that they won't get away scot-free or at least Telson won't. You know you fucked up as a writer when your reader cheers for a human trafficker who likes to torture people, but he is the lesser of two evils here. He also has a total protagonist moment when he fights off Telson's bullshit mind powers.
Woohoo, go Damien! Teach him not to mess with non-magical humans! Woops, can't have normal humans beating their superiors so he immediatly gets murdered.
Well.. at least he dragged Telson to hell with him, right? Haha, no, we can't have nice things. He resurrects for no reason and walks free.
Human villains, unlike changeling villains, get no pity or second thoughts. They are crippled and murdered left and right with no remorse, while changelings get a second, third and fourth chance at redemption.
Compare it to this:
Even when Chel seemingly mind controls him into murdering his adoptive mother he doesn't have a single scrap of hate for her.
It's ridiculous just how much she gets coddled by the story. She should be dead in a ditch after crossing the wrong human criminal from a sniper or poison. No way would she be allowed rampage for 18 years without anyone squashing her. But of course, normal humans aren't allowed to beat magical creatures no matter how dumb it it is.
Okay, moving on. She promises to fix everything she has done.
Sounds promising, how could she possibly undo 18 years of murders, drugs and human trafficking?
...that's it? THAT'S IT?! Bitch you deserve a fate worse than death for what you did! A thousand years as a self-aware lawn ornament at minimum! Ugh, there is no justice in this world.
How about the opinion of humans whose lifes she ruined? How about you give her to the human authorities to face actual justice? What's that? Normal humans are irrelevant bugs who should be grateful their superior horse overlords don't conquer them? Yeah, hear ya loud and clear, chief.
Broadly speaking, the story can be divided into 2 parts: Earth and Equestria.
Earth is described as hell with no redeeming qualities. When asked if she wants to return to Earth, Ella thinks there's nothing good about it:
You actively mock the notion that Earth could be better than Equestria:
Not even human music is safe from getting shat on lol.
In comparison, the second part constantly gushes about how gosh darned amazing Equestria is:
I also noticed your attempts at "showing a tremendous love for humankind". They fall flat on their face for various reasons.
These don't work because it states that it took changelings 18 years to find two decent humans, one of which was raised by ponies. Which in fact implies that most humans are shit.
Doesn't work because Flash was raised by ponies. And why does she think Ella is noble? Prostitute who abandoned her world and species for the first rich and powerful guy who showed interest in her, that Ella?
Gee, thanks. hate you too, sunshine.
It actually would, if normal humans did something of worth in this story instead of constantly getting shafted.
So were humans actually ever deservedly complimented in this story? Yes, actually, twice even.
By a horny teenager who never saw a woman before in his life.
Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, Ella is suddenly religious.
Now, I don't have a problem with religion in stories but... why? Correct me if I'm wrong, the Earth and humans are God's masterpieces, right? He even loved us more than angels and Lucifer had a problem with it because of how inferior he thought the humans are to angels. So God banished him to hell for it. There's also no mention of Equestria or good magic other than God's in the Bible. So why would Ella suddenly believe in Him, when magical aliens who totally mog God's best work show up? Wouldn't she convert to whatever religion you gave equestrians?
From a certain point of view, this story is anti-christian and pro-Satan, but I'm kinda stretching it at this point.
Phew, that took a lot longer than I thought it would take, but it feels great to get all of it off of my back.
More misanthropy? Title "On the Isle of Man-Eating Ponies" doesn't exactly give me any hope lol. Probably about how titular ponies are misunderstood victims, maybe stealing human technology without giving anything in return?
Less misanthropy, go full "Humanity, Fuck Yeah!" But chances of that are lower than Celestia showing up in my house. More realistically, maybe a brief scene about Flash and Ella reacting to events that lead to G5? Specifically, when ponies started to hate each other, constant conflict everywhere to the point Twilight had to seal away the magic from Equestria. Now back to being a normal human, would it ever occur to Ella that Earth and humans weren't so different from Equestria and ponies. Or that it all could have been a false-paradise created by Satan to lure her away from God's grace and then trap her in hell? Chel and Telson getting stoned, pretty please?
Nevertheless, you put a lot of work into this story and a lot of people loved it. Don't let my criticism discourage you from writing more and good luck on your deployment.
11484321
SPOILERS AHEAD!
Hmm, perhaps I have a more negative outlook on things because I see a lot of darkness in my profession. I chose to use the darkest elements of humanity as my antagonist in this story, that doesn't mean that I think of all of humanity has depraved.
She went from trying to manipulate him in the beginning to serve her own ends to seeing things more from his perspective; she was bitter and hateful because of what she had experienced.
You seem to forget her reaching out to and connecting with Telson after being brutalized by Chelicerae, that takes some serious 'love your enemy' right there. She had no magic at all then. Also, her telling Flash to not hate Chel as Telson took her away to treat her; again, no magic. And where did Ella learn to love like that? From her very non-magical mother; she had only forgotten. I thought that Ella was downright heroic in virtue long before she had any magic. Score one for humanity.
(Also, I seem to recall that Ella's 'turn the corner' moment came when the decidedly non-magical human chose to defend Flash against a terrible foe with nothing more than a tiny knife.)
See the above references.
I admit, I have an idealistic view of the ponies; in my mind, their world is more pure as they are not as affected by the Fall of Original Sin as humans are who are at the top of material creation and so the most affected.
What can I say? I love bird mom pony.
And treating him as her personal vanity project; but yeah, Sunset is selfish, not evil.
Humble acceptance of criticism is a great aid to self-improvement; even if the criticism is not true (not saying that about yours, you make many good points) it's good for one's humility! Thank you so much for this wonderful feedback!
I based the enhanced abilities from what I observed in the show: Strength/Durability-Rainbow Dash able to tear apart a barn with her bare hooves, catching what was easily a 600lbs boulder faster than the eye could follow and tossing it back on Garble, Applejack stopping a 1000 ton boulder and bucking it couple hundred yards, kicking down a brick wall with one blow, RD crashing into rocks and walls and shaking it off, Twilight getting a piano and anvil dropped on her and surviving, Twilight and Rarity able to lift 'Tom' (2 tons at least) with only physical strength, Big Mac moving a house, etc.
I could go on, but I think its fair to say that it was not unreasonable for me to make beings with magic stronger than non-magical beings. True, there are arguments to the contrary (the ones you make) but I chose a balance and I did have good examples to base it on so again, I do not think it is unreasonable to make a human with magic much stronger/more durable than a human without magic.
We've seen RD move at hypersonic speeds, able to accelerate to break the sound barrier in an instant, and move so quickly with ordinary movements that she was able to tie balloons to a pie and get rid of it in the time it took Pinkie Pie to blink. True, not every Pegasus has RD's speed just like ordinary humans are nowhere near as strong/fast as professional athletes and Olympians; she is exceptional. Flash is athletic, so like RD, I assumed he is a bit faster than the average Pegasus and thus easily able to dodge relatively slow .45 ACP which btw are subsonic rounds. If someone shot a rifle at him, he'd stand no chance at dodging that.
I considered explaining all of this in the story, but thought that it would have been an information overload so I didn't. You may disagree with my reasoning, but again, based on my observations of things I have seen in the show, I thought I built a reasonable head canon.
See above. Ponies like RD have demonstrated speed that would easily allow them to dodge pistol rounds. But not everypony (or pegasus) is a RD so the plan was still viable. Flash still ended up getting shot and severely wounded by a bullet, even while wearing the equivalent of light Kevlar. Telson is shot to death, so what more should I have done to demonstrate human weapons as a threat to equestrians?
Well, they were the bad guys. And the first humans they encountered were the worst so yeah, bad first impression of humans and first impressions are hard to overcome.
Flash's father would have died of his wounds anyways, and Chel is no doctor so magic wasn't going to help in this case. As for Flash's mother, Chel did not outright murder her; the woman died from a combination of going into shock (can be lethal) and a broken heart. Chel tried to save her but couldn't.
Maybe I should have written a flashback; the man came in with guns blazing and nearly shot Chel. Telson was armed too at the time and shot back, mortally wounding the human.
Flash never knew his parents, he was an 8 month old infant when he fell into Equestria. And I thought I established that Flash's parents loved him very much?
At least I never gave any indication that they hated him.
Well, it was my first foray into writing so you got me there, I was very sloppy at times, but that wasn't intentional, I'm just inexperienced. Trying to do better.
It was not my intention to suggest that Flash is a good person solely because he is raised by ponies, only to show the good fruits that come from being raised in a loving environment. And yeah, I see the ponies as an ideal of virtue which is a different path than many take. Flash was not sure how to feel about Chel killing his parents as he never knew them and so had little attachment to them. He was tempted to hate the changeling, but chose in the moment to forgive which he was taught is the right thing to do. Plus, he had gone down the path of hatred once, he saw how destructive it was and chose to not do so again. I explain that when he choses to forgive her. (Trying to portray Christian virtues here my friend.)
Yeah, maybe I did totally screw it up if that's where the story led you, ouch. That being said, I did try to have Telson atone for his crimes by, you know, dying a painful death? And its not unprecedented that Changelings have the ability to manipulate minds, it's portrayed in the show and in countless others stories here. C'mon, cut me some slack here.
Aw c'mon, cheering for the sadistic psychopath? There are bad people in the world my friend.
I can't redeem everyone in a story, there's always going to be a bad guy. And yeah, you can say that I have an axe to grind against human trafficking; that's personal. They're monsters.
Don't worry though, I do have a few very heroic human characters in mind for the sequels I've started to storyboard, including a very non-magical firefighter whom Flash's future daughter falls hard for. So yeah, I'm not antagonistic towards humans, but I am very realistic about the evil that is out there that I have seen and I was glad to portray that as the villain in this story.
In one situation, you have a rapist hurting people for their own pleasure. In the other, a confused, embittered alien with mommy issues who really doesn't want to hurt anyone but believes she must follow her mother's orders, that mother btw being Chrissy dearest and all her tender virtues. Chel is not malicious, just misguided and bitter. They are not the same.
Love your enemies, do good to those who hurt you? That's what I was going for here my friend. The humans Flash executed justice on were active threats, Chel was a remorseful wreck. Totally different set of circumstances here. You're comparing apples and oranges.
Wards are great for protection against poison or the odd sniper. And quite simply, magic really does give an unfair advantage. You have superpowers, the humans don't. That's not illogical.
One step at a time. I'm not done with Chel, she has much to answer for, I just ran out of story for now.
Chel is sorry for what she has done, the human traffickers I portrayed were not, they were truly wicked. Chel has a shot at redemption because she is contrite and always hated what she was doing. Yeah, 'just following orders' is no excuse, but I'd rather have her alive and doing good. In order to be forgiven, one must have contrition. Once forgiven, we begin to atone.
St. Paul, as I recalled, killed and imprisoned Christians before his conversion, should we just have executed him? Some of the greatest saints in history started off as the most despicable villains. Not all the saints began well, but they all ended well; that's what matters.
That's kind of leaping to conclusions in my opinion, that's not what I'm saying at all. Chel is going to do good to make up for the evil she has done, I just ran out of room to portray it in this story. I actually have plans for her to strike up a meaningful relationship with a human she met back on earth when she goes back to get away from her mother's anger.
Earth is not all sunshine and rainbows my friend. A human at his best can be like an angel, at his worst, more terrible than a demon. There is a lot of evil in the world, this story focused on that facet in order to be a test of our hero's virtue. That was my whole point, to show perseverance in virtue in the face of evil. But just because I focused on an evil facet does not mean I automatically think all humans are bad. Remember what Ella said? "You should get out more Chel, there are good people out there, good people like Flash."
Not at all. Ella has nothing on Earth: no family, no housing, no friends. Why not take a chance in a new world where she has all three? It's not unreasonable.
That's personal, I think most modern music is trash, but that's just me, don't take it personally.:
Oh come on, we're all here because we love the ponies. Equestria is a marvelous fantasy, that doesn't mean I automatically hate earth. Just because I like describing a fantasy world doesn't automatically mean I must hate earth. Yeah, I can see how you got that impression because I chose to focus on the worst parts, but that was only to give the heroes a test for their character. It doesn't mean I think all the world is like that.
Well, I shall endeavor to do better then.
Maybe, I was only trying to imply that the two changelings didn't get out much past the world of criminals they had to live among. Guess it backfired.
Flash isn't rich, middle-class. And she didn't even accept Flash's advances at first, she chose Equestria because she was happy to be living among friends for a change. She thinks Ella is noble because the girl is so kind and caring to a species not her own that she's just met. Ella has a lot of love to give.
I deal with a lot of bitter people in my profession, people just like Ella who see humanity as a lost cause. Glad you've been spared this but I was writing this story to show the real darkness many people believe/struggle with.
Is that unrealistic?
Ella has always believed in God, that was made clear in the very first chapter. Many people have a falling out with God in life even though they still believe in Him. Ella is one of these people. She hated God because of her mother's death and stopped talking to him. Little by little, throughout the story, she starts to talk to Him again. I thought it was beautiful.
Lucifer was banished to hell because he rebelled; but yeah, he hates humanity and is envious of us. God's power isn't magic, it's simply Him. He is.
Ella, like any good Christian, knows that God is the Creator of all things. If she discovered another world of creatures then like any Christian, would just assume that God made this too, wouldn't you? After all, who are we to put limits on God's creative freedom? Discovering aliens doesn't change anything, God is still God. The ponies believe in a Creator, they just refer to Him by different names than we do. Who knows, maybe Ella will start evangelizing the ponies?
I thought I was demonstrating the Christian virtues of perseverance in love, mercy, and forgiveness. My mistake then.
I'm here for venting.
Hardly haha, but check out the sequel. It's meant to be more lighthearted and fun. Just a spin-off.
Hmm, hadn't considered G5, interesting...
Satan has no creative powers, only God can create..
Why would I stone Chel and Telson? Should we have stoned St. Paul? Or St. Cyprian who was a former satanist? Or the thousands of other saints in history who reformed from villainous ways? Read the lives of the saints, it will show you the power of God's grace in the lives of seemingly irredeemable monsters.
Thank you so much, and again, I really REALLY appreciate all of this helpful feedback, it will help me to become a better writer and be more aware of the differing perspectives out there. Thank you and God bless!
11486152
SPOILERS AHEAD!
That might be so, but the story sure gives off this impression.
Still a saint compared to the changelings.
Humanity:1 Ponies:100000. Wooo
Besides, that literally accomplished nothing. Chel would have been defeated with or without Ella. She was inconsequential.
Humans are evidently not the top of material creation in the story since ponies are demonstrated to be better than them in every way. Moreover, the original sin is eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and, since ponies know both good and evil, they must have committed the sin, too. Actually since there are tons of sapient species in Equestria, all of them would have to eat from the Tree. That's a lot of sins. The very first thing Adam and Eve did after eating from the Tree was to feel shame for their nakedness and cover themselves. We can see Rarity demonstrate that Equestria has the original sin too.
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Aw, shucks, you're making me blush.
600lbs? That rock was 30-40 kilos max. Rainbow also lost conscience and broke a wing from a simple collission with the ground. She also was afraid of being stuck forever in a canyon just because a small boulder pinched 2 inches of her wing, she couldn't budge it. Couldn't even slow down one falling, wooden support beam.
And yet it takes the entirety of Apple and Pie family, all earth ponies, just to move holder's boulder. Also they were under influence of Discord's magic.
Same pony got a scar from a paper cut, got put into a wheelchair from falling down stairs, got maimed by bees, and was afraid of a 100 foot fall.
He was under the influence of a love potion. Same Big mac later struggles to lift a simple wedding cake
When Tirek takes away magic from ponies they can't even stand up on their own. Magic doesn't add on top of physical strength, it replaces it entirely.
Besides, humans do have magic, the magic of friendship! Remember, It's kind of in the title? The show states several times how friendship is the most powerful form of magic. And since there a lot more humans than ponies (I doubt 8 billion ponies would fit in their cities), it's reasonable to assume there are a lot more human friends than there are pony friends. So Earth is in fact a more magical place than Equestria! It's elementary, My dear Watson.
What balance? It skewered towards ponies to a laughable degree.
I actually agree with that. Humans use physical strength, ponies use magical strength. If you add them together you'll get something stronger than somethig that only uses one of them. However, that would mean Flash should be stronger and faster than any other pony, which is not the case.
No, we didn't. In fact, It is highly dubious if she can fly at the speed of sound at all
See above.
Would be nice to actually see that happen.
See above.
Because he was shielding Ella.
Wounded so severely he only murdered the man who shot him, escaped police, ran across half a city while carrying another human and had to take a nap before regenerating the wound, instead of conquering the planet in a single night. What a horrendous trauma it caused him.
And yet he lived, which is not something that can be said about the gunman who shot him.
Atually have them succed in murdering them would be nice. Just like most of the humans in the story exist solely to be beaten by Flash, you could add more equestrians who only exist to be killed by human weapons. For example, you could add more changeling guards working under Chel and shift all of her "humans are pathetic weakling compared to us, bug ubermensch" to these new lings. It would make Chel a lot less vile if every second paragraph from her isn't badmouthing the reader's species. These changeling don't want to return to Equestria because they like how overpowered their magic makes them on Earth and don't to go back to being nobodies in a magical land. They plan to kill Chel because they know she is too loyal to Chrissy to abandon her mission. They confront Telson and offer him to join them. He refuses and they attack him. Despite being the strongest, the fact that changelings are no better than humans when it comes to loyalty leaves him deeply shaken, he also got too used to fighting someone weaker than him and they outnumber him ten to one. Telson gets mortally wounded and the traitors are about to kill Ella. Then the man, the myth, the legend, Damien Chadson bursts onto the scene. He just pilfered the guns from Chel's stash and was on his way to kill Flash but then he overheard the changelings speaking to Telson. He's shocked, the criminal organization he worked for was actually led by aliens who despised humans? Damien suddenly remembers how a long time ago he turned to a life of crime to save his sick sister or some other sob story that makes him sympathetic. He realizes that the changeling gang members constantly pushed him to do more and more heinous acts until he starded enjoying them because he couldn't take the guilt. With righteous fury and two rifles in hands he attacks the traitors! They try to fight back but their pathetic magic is no math for a man with military grade weapons. Soon the last traitor lays dead on the ground. Telson, who is still clinging to life, apologizes to Damien for the life of crime changelings forced him into. He also pleads that the man shows mercy to Chel for she still has some good in her. Then he talks to Ella and gives her his life essence like in the original before dying. Damien and Ella join Sunset and Rainbow in a fight against Chel and Flash. Damien is still salty about getting beaten by Flash so he focuses on him. With Rainbow as support, he inflicts enough damage on Flash to incapacitate him. Chel follows soon after. Heeding Telson's last words, he spares the changeling and leaves. He's a changed man now and he has a lot of sins to atone for.
Phew, sorry, got on a bit of a ramble there, but I got a sudden bout of inspiration.
Chel said he could be saved in a hospital but refused to move him there.
Murderer by proxy.
Except you forgot that changelings can sense emotions and a furious father intent on killing them would shine lile a lighthouse in a starless night. They would sense him from a mile away and prepare accordingly.
Did you miss the quote above my response? This one:
If love was the greatest power in the universe, then Flash's father would succeed in squashing the bugs instead of dying like a bitch without even wounding them. Or he didn't love Flash, choose your poison.
I agree with this when it comes to the main characters, but I think the average man is just as virtuous as the average pony was shown to be.
He had no problems hating and murdering the human thugs.
What about Thou shalt not kill and turn the other cheek?
Death only matters if it sticks. First-degree murder is 30 years in prison to a life sentence. Besides, one painful death doesn't equal dozens\hundreds he murdered, and I doubt any of his victims got the priviledge of being revived.
We only see changeling queens being capable of that.
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If you compare the crimes they committed, Telson was worse. I was cheering for the good guy. But both of them were bad.
Coincidentally, all of them are humans.
I agree with that, which is why it's weird that changelings, a literal race of human/pony traffickers, get away scot-free with everything they did in your story.
Great, can't wait to see him... being completely useless against anyone with magic and gushing about how great and amazing everything in Equestria is compared to his shitty planet. Woooo.
Their crimes are the same, actually, no, Chel's crimes are worse by far. Flash only knows about her sob story because he listens to her and gives her countless chances at redemption. He never gives a chance to humans or asks about their life story, why they ended up as criminals. He makes up his mind as soon as he sees them and hands down punishments immediately.
Not a shred of love for human thugs was shown.
By your own admission. Chel was more of a threat than all the humans combined and did not show remorsefulness until the end. Humans never got a chance.
Please show an instance of the show where wards protect from poisons or something comparable to a sniper. Actually, do they even have any wards to begin with? It's one thing to base your head canon on high-end feats while ignoring all low-ends, another is to give them powers they never showed in the show just so they could stomp humans even harder.
Only because you made it so.
Technology is a superpower. Tirek's blast, empowered by the magic of all ponies of Equestria plus Discord's, colliding with Twi's blast, empowered by all magic of the alicorns, produced a laughably small explosion that looks like a firecracker compared to high-end nukes. Technology trumps magic in destructive capabilities.
The last step being a life sentence in prison, right?
If being sorry was enough to not get punished, then there would be no prisons on Earth.
Because you made them so.
That's not how it works, even in Equestria. Celestia imprisoned her own sister for a thousand years. Discord too, he even was awake during it, a thousand years without being able to move an inch is a fate worse than death. And then they subjected a child to the same punishment. And none of them actually murdered anyone. The moment Chel was in Celestia's reach, she would be sentenced to become a statue for a thousand years minimum, not getting away completely scot-free to do whatever she pleased.
Wooo, another human to constantly gush about how beutiful, powerful and amazing she is and how every atrocity she committed against humankind doesn't matter because she is reaaaaly sorry about it. Joy.
Neither is Equestria. It's actually debatably worse. I don't have to endure monster attacks almost every week. Or world ending events every season on Earth. Or crazy unicorns mind controlling my town to do their whims. The quality of life of modern thecnology and the enterteinment industry dwarfs their equestrian counterparts many times over. Plus my country is yet to collapse due to everyone being racist to each other like in G5 lol.
Equestria would be a great vacation spot, but terrible to permanently live in.
Same applies to ponies: Sombra, Starlight, Cozy Glow.
"People are only good if they behave like people raised by alien horses" is not a good look on humanity, my friend. Again, you yourself might not be misanthropic, but your story is.
You responded to the wrong quotes. The mocking ones were bellow. And as for Ella abandoning Earth, where's balance? Where's a pony who has nothing in Equestria and prefers to live on Earth?
Equestria has the same modern music as Earth.
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And Earth has tons of old-style music. The point is, Earth is never described as having something better than Equestria, despite there being a ton of examples of it.
Yes, i love the canon Equestria, where very flawed ponies learn to be better from season to season and win most of their battles through the magic of friendship, not overpowered badasses who use force to beat the shit out of everyone who disagrees with their ways.
Equestria is mostly shown to just be America with a horse skin over it.
Your bias has tainted the story with a very negative outlook on human civilization. Until I see ponies gushing over how great and amazing Earth is compared to Equestria and humans ranting about how dumb, ugly and pathetic Equestria is compared to Earth, it will remain so.
Let's hope so.
It sure did.
He's rich compared to her.
Because she thought a lowly human like her doesn't deserve to be with a magical guy like him.
Implying that humans are worse at friendship than a species that literally needs a school to learn friendship
.
She's noble because... she just does her job? Ponies raised Flash and Spike, they take care of the animals constantly, being caring and kind to another species wouldn't be seen as something extraordinarily virtuous by a pony.
It's kind of funny how a lot of first world country citizens are such doomers despite having the best living conditions in history.
No, but it's too little.
The Bible says humans were made in God's image, if a species better than humnas in every way showed up there can only really be two conclusions: God doesn't exist and Christianity is a lie or God decided to abandon Earth and made new favorites to replace it. Both sound pretty anti-Christian to me.
You did a relatively good job with those. The problem is that the story ignores or contradicts the rest.
Mmmh, I dunno, maybe when it's complete. Reading a story from an author who works in a profession where he can get killed at any moment is a bad omen.
I meant turn them into statues with the elements of harmony, not throw stones at them until they die. I'm not some bloodthirsty monster, sheesh.
Glad to be of service, my friend. God bless!
11517993
Just revisiting, nothing more.
How many stories are going to be in this series? Or did I already ask this?
11540824
There are two sequels planned, and a few side spin-offs that I have in mind that I would like to write.
The next story deals with a threat to Equestria during the first year after this story.
The third story focuses on Flash and Ella's unique children and a certain changeling queen.
11846195
Honesty thought about deleting this didn't really talk about the story just the authors note. Not gonna debate on good people are entitled to their opinions and you seem highly religious from your other author notes. Decent story like people said one of the few good ones that show a human being raised on equestria for me personally it kinda feel off later chapters and I didn't like the Ella and flash relationship nvm there were more chapters. ,10/10
11846854
I am so grateful for your feedback, thank you for your kind words!
I am already working on the sequel which will be released in a few weeks and of course, there's the small spinoff I wrote that's already available if you're interested; that one is a bit more lighthearted.
Curious, why didn't you like Flash and Ella's relationship? Would you rather I had paired him with someone else and if so, who would have been your choice?
Thanks again for reading!
11846942
Twilight, rainbow, Luna maybe introduce a undercover cop early on in the chapters when he was still in the human world if your not comfortable with those options.like I mentioned ella and flash relationship just reminds me to much of run forest run where the main characters both stay focused on the same woman depsite her personality and her past actions.your comment about her getting magic remove her stds and fix her injuries didn't really do it for me and her personality is just bad she put herself in that position by running away from her home and her father who I think only neglected her emotionally never hit her or blame her for the death of her mother. It's a good story like I said b4 but Ella and flash relationship just didn't sit right with me personally also i anit no writer so sorry the for long response
11847733
No, I welcome your words, I really enjoy hearing feedback.
Yeah, I was never going to pair him with a pony, I don't cross the species line. That said, the undercover cop option could have been very good, could have had a lot of fun with that one.
Ella made a lot of mistakes, but the point of her character was to show we do not have to be defined by our errors, but can always choose to become a better person no matter our past.
11357779
The sequel is now available, looking forward to your thoughts!
11130659
The sequel is now available, looking forward to your thoughts!
11148200
The sequel is now available, looking forward to your thoughts!
11847733
The sequel is now available, looking forward to your thoughts!
11373298
The sequel is now available, looking forward to your thoughts!
11869635
You are welcome. Thank YOU for a great read so far.
11870119
Ain't that the truth.
11871552
Well, the main character is named Chell (with two Ls). That's the only connection I was making, though. If you ever want a unique puzzle/platformer experience, I highly recommend both Portal and its sequel.
I always appreciate authors that take the time to respond to comments.
11871551
Glad you liked it!
I'm sorry if you already saw me ask this, but I would appreciate it if you would take a look at my Music Recommendations blog post sometime (I definitely don't mean right away, just whenever you're interested). I just would like to get as many opinions from people about it as I can.
11871585
I'll take a look at it when I get a chance, but I would be a poor judge of modern music as I don't listen to a lot of it.