Coinky-Dink World

by Split Scimitar

Come On, Take A Whirl In A Loud Crowd

“Hi, Pinkie.” I say as I get up from my reclined position. “What’s up?”

“Oh, I’m not Pinkie. You mind if I sit down next to you?”

“No. Go right ahead.” I respond making some space on the chair and clearing my eyes.

Just as someone cannonballs into the pool, the person sits on the side of the chair and introduces themselves,

“My name is Sweetie Drops, but you can call me Bon Bon.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” I say, playing the ‘will she, won’t she’ shake my hand.

“Pinkie tells me that you’re one of the best pilots out there.”

“How can I help you?”

“My bestie Lyra and I just had our flight cancelled. I know it’s short notice, but can you make room for two more?”

“It won’t be a problem, but I have a cargo plane with me. I can give you a ride, but it’ll be rather uncomfortable.”

“I’m not concerned, and I doubt Lyra would be either.”

“Okay. Well, first things first: where’re’ya headed?”

“I live in Portland, and Lyra lives in the Seattle area.”

“Okay, that leaves us with some pretty good options. Where specifically does Lyra live?”

“Mukilteo.”

“Did she park at Paine Field?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask her.”

“Well, it’d be convenient to drop her off at her origin.”

“Sure, sure.”

“You fly Alaska?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t imagine why they’d cancel.”

Bon Bon shrugs too. Just a few seconds later, another girl joins us.

“You must be Lyra?” I ask.

“That’s me.”

“Split Scimitar, but I just go by Max.”

“Lyra Heartstrings.” She says offering her hand, which I shake.

“Pleasure to meet you. Alaska screwed you over, huh?”

“Yeah. And so suddenly too.”

“When were you supposed to leave?”

“Day after tomorrow.”

“I have a cargo plane with me, but it does have 3 jump seats. I can get you home, but it won’t be comfortable.”

“I don’t sleep on airplanes anyway.” Bon Bon says. “I’m in.”

“Oh, why not.” Lyra says.

“Great! When would you like to leave? I should ask it this way: ‘when would you like to arrive at either of your destinations?’”

“I’m pretty flexible.” Lyra says. “I can afford to take extra time.”

“How about you, Bon Bon? Anything that requires you to return ASAP?”

“I specifically planned to return two days before I need to return to work, so we can leave as late as 3 days from now and I’ll still be okay.”

“Alrighty. Let’s exchange contact information. Do you want to leave later than the day after tomorrow?”

“Um, let’s see how tomorrow goes. We’ll have a word for you by 15:00.”

“No problem.” I say as we exchange phone numbers.

---

Eventually, I get bored of sunbathing, so I sit poolside to get my feet wet. A few people in the pool pay me no mind, so I let my feet soak for about 5 minutes before I get up and head back inside for a drink. When I head back outside, my chair is occupied and the pool is full, so I decide to walk around the backyard, enjoying the party that contrary to my first impressions, is a Pinkie Pie party. Living in Miami with a rep for great parties does not equal rave.

Regardless, after I help myself to some snacks and join a game of half court basketball, I play a couple minutes and mark my departure with a nothin but net from downtown. Finger guns all around in response to their cheering, I keep exploring for Pinkie, who seems to leave for her next post just as I reach her.

Eventually, I do stop her right as she reaches Vinyl’s table.

“Hey Max!” She says as I get her attention. “What’s up?”

“Did you tell Lyra and/or Bon Bon that I could take them home?”

“I… might’ve…”

“Pinkie, I know you mean well, but I’m not an everyman’s airline. That would undercut the airlines in operation at present.”

“Sorry… I thought you would’ve liked to have some passengers with you. They said they’d pay well.”

“It’s not about the Benjamins!”

“Then why are you so hesitant to advertise yourself?”

“Because I don’t want just anybody asking for a private charter.” I then take a deep breath and continue with, “Look, I’m not saying I’m unappreciative of you pointing your friends in my direction. I just… knowing you and your large group of friends, I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it. I’m proud of my career, but that’s different. I just… I don’t want to sound like I’m chastising you, because I’m glad you referred friends to me. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page of ‘I don’t want just anyone to come to me just so they don’t have to travel on an airline.’ You follow?”

“Yeah. I do. I know it did seem very sudden for you to just have someone come up to and ask you if you could take them home. I’m sorry about that, but I can’t apologize for my heart being in the right place.”

“I know you had your friends’ interest at heart, and that you did mean well in referring them to me. I will gladly take them, but I don’t want just anyone to come to me, you know what I mean? I’m not an airline. That would destroy the industry.”

“You were the one that got royally screwed by the airlines. I was doing you a favor!”

“It wasn’t the airlines that screwed me.”

“Look Max, I know why you’re upset, and I’ll be honest with you: I wouldn’t refer just anyone I know to you. Lyra and Bon Bon are very close friends of mine. I’ve known Bon Bon since I moved here, and Lyra is best friends with Twilight from her childhood.”

“Hmm.” I sigh gently. “Look, I’m sorry for lashing out at you, but that’s just a testament to how serious I am about client control.”

“I know. I appreciate it.”

“If I wanted to fly everybody, I’d be in the airlines right now.”

“No you wouldn’t. You’d be your own airline, actually competing in the industry.”

“Fine, you win.” I say more out of wanting to end the argument than actually conceding defeat. “I’ll have a word from my passengers by tomorrow, so I’m down to my last day or a few.”

“Okie dokie, Loki!”

“Can we hug it out?”

Without saying a word, Pinkie opens her arms and pulls me in for one of her trademark tight hugs.

“I know you’re going through a lot. I’m here for you whenever you need cheering up.” She says before we let go.

“Thanks Pinkie.”

“Yo, Max!” Vinyl calls out from the table. “Check it!” She then works her magic, cuts the current track, scratches her records a couple times, then drops the beat onto one of her original compositions.

As she jams out to her own beat, quite literally, I take a look at the party from this perspective. I however get bored quickly and find myself bored at a Pinkie Pie party. Can you believe it?

To try and remedy the situation, I have a couple drinks and hide in the house. Then, on a self dare, I dig in my bag and find some old clothes I can be comfortable taking into a pool. Eventually I find the clothes I wore on my travel day, so putting those on, I build up the courage and the willpower to unleash my inner fun-lover to attempt a stunt.

I then check to make sure I leave my stuff like my phone, keys, wallet, and watch before I stoop around the kitchen to see if she has any other drinks laying around. I do some more digging and eventually find some empty slots in her liquor cabinet. Looking at the others on display, I assume the two missing items are out for the taking. Making note of the various kinds of tequila, rum, and whiskey in here, I then head for her drinks table and find something beautiful on the table.

Sitting next to the punch bowl is a drink I have never seen outside of Europe. Taped onto the bottle is a handwritten note obviously meant to cover up the name of the liquor.

“Spike your own punch!”

I snicker to myself at Pinkie’s antics as I pour a shot. The liquor in question? Cosmo. The Green Fairy. Otherwise known as, Absinthe.

One shot down, I forget how strong it is, so I chase it with a considerable amount of punch. One more round, I pour in the punch and spike it roughly 20% less. After I down it in 3 chugs, I slam my cup down in the trash can at the end of the table, let the drink course through my system, check my pockets, and head for the pool.

With a few lounging about, I still make for the diving board. Trying my best to still appear full function, having just downed 400 mL of Absinthe, I climb on top and survey my splash zone. The few that lounge around pull out their phones and aim their cameras at me. I give them a Shaka and call “clear!”

I step back to give myself a slight running start. Now that my mental governor has been delimited, I crack a sinister smile and throw caution to the wind, leaping off the tip of the board and attempting a reverse somersault with as much lateral distance as possible.

I reach the apex of the dive but am far from inverted. Trying to torque my body in midair proves unfruitful as I shut my eyes and splash down about 75% of the way around.

---

When I open my eyes, I scan my surroundings as best I can, shake my head to stop the dizziness and push off the floor straight back up to the surface.

When I emerge from the water, a small crowd has gathered around and my face drops. The music has stopped, some murmurs echo, and after a few seconds of silence, I perch myself on one of the edges and climb out of the pool.

“You good?!” A voice calls from the crowd.

“Yeah! Please tell me somebody caught that on video!” I call back rubbing my chest in slight pain.

“I did!” A familiar voice calls from the crowd.

“How epic a fail was it?”

“Come and see!”

When I roll the tape, a slo-mo reveals the fault of this attempt. Apparently, I underestimated the elasticity of the board, because just as I leave the board, my knees buckle as the board doesn’t provide the tension I expected. That fundamental problem is why I couldn’t torque my body the rest of the way round. Speaking of torque, in midair, I laugh at myself pretty heartily, because watching me try to whip my way around turned out a lot more “silly salmon” than I would’ve liked.

“You should try again!” Lyra encourages.

“Yeah!” Pinkie agrees.

“Alright!” I say as the Absinthe starts to kick in.

This time, I head for the diving board and take a test jump to get a feel for the board’s springiness. Suddenly, Vinyl stops the music and changes it to something a little more adrenaline-pumping. In response to the crowd, I watch as more cameras show up. Now it’s gonna get good.

From the back tip again, I have another running start. As soon as I hit the edge of the board, I lock my knees and let the board spring me into the air. Back parallel with the horizon, I torque my legs to vertical and adjust my upper body accordingly.

---

“Ow!” I say to myself as I hit my head on the sidewall of the pool. Shaking my head to regain my vision, I break for the surface.

When I emerge, a light chorus of cheers echoes through the yard. Lyra then pulls up the new video as Pinkie hands me a towel. Drawing a semi-symmetrical loop with my feet, I splash down with minimal disruption to the others.

After I get the video via text, I dry off and return to the party, greeted by a few people who positively acknowledge my stunt, with equal parts “sweet dive, barely made a splash” to “dude, that first dive was nasty!”

Slowly opening up more than halfway through the party, I have a couple more drinks to try and summon the last of my willpower. What happens next, you may ask? Well…

Comments

[Mist_Chaser]

Given the rock farm's location on the Equestrian map, I would be more inclined to think it would be closer to Kansas or Oklahoma than in Illinois...

[moviemaster8510]

Pinkie Pie sends out a hire request to fetch her party cannon from her parents’ house in Rockford, IL.

Man, it’s about time someone wrote a Minding the Gap crossover.

[Split Scimitar]

9699246
Fair enough. Rockford is just my headcanon, and incidentally a double entendre.

[Split Scimitar]

9699285
I’m not too good with crossovers. Definitely a good idea though.

[moviemaster8510]

9699389 Minding the Gap is a film set in Rockford.