For example, the whole subplot with Tender Taps, Rumble, and Button Mash going to that sleepover party. I'm guessing they're supposed to be the CMCs' ex-boyfriends, but we're only told that of Button, and even that's more implied than anything. However, going to this sleepover is apparently so horrible, Spike hands over honest-to-god blackmail material to Sweetie Belle so she can get back at them (what a great guy, by the way!). We don't know whether she used it, probably not or they wouldn't be getting along well. All in all, there's a lot of guessing involved.
There's still the issue with characters addressing one another and commas. I've explained that one before, so I refer you to my old post.
Another thing you should work on is numbers. Low numbers especially, you should spell out, like everything below one-hundred. Something like 'three' is just five letters, but it takes your readers right out of story when they see something like "The 3 met the other 2 after 4 hours." That's an exaggerated example, but only just. Thing is, not writing out these numbers can come across as lazy. It's a good idea to try to avoid that.
The writing could do with some polishing.
For example, the whole subplot with Tender Taps, Rumble, and Button Mash going to that sleepover party. I'm guessing they're supposed to be the CMCs' ex-boyfriends, but we're only told that of Button, and even that's more implied than anything. However, going to this sleepover is apparently so horrible, Spike hands over honest-to-god blackmail material to Sweetie Belle so she can get back at them (what a great guy, by the way!). We don't know whether she used it, probably not or they wouldn't be getting along well. All in all, there's a lot of guessing involved.
There's still the issue with characters addressing one another and commas. I've explained that one before, so I refer you to my old post.
Another thing you should work on is numbers. Low numbers especially, you should spell out, like everything below one-hundred. Something like 'three' is just five letters, but it takes your readers right out of story when they see something like "The 3 met the other 2 after 4 hours." That's an exaggerated example, but only just. Thing is, not writing out these numbers can come across as lazy. It's a good idea to try to avoid that.
Woah, Sweetie was going to send the sex tape to Flurry...that's her uncle.
Ever heard of Jinx Kissing?
I am not surprised Rarity has a kinky fetish for role-playing