The ponies of Equestria are in chains, slaves to their gryphon masters. Hope for freedom has been all but crushed, leaving only prayer for their Goddess to protect them. She has heard them, and shall bring her wrath upon the monsters they serve.
“I have to escape.” She thought to herself, “Either I die in the wild or get cut down by the guards, but I will not sit by and let them make me into a toy for the Royal Family. I would rather go into Faust’s embrace a free mare, then to carry my unborn child into the afterlife.”
the premise reminds me of trials of a necromantic equestria, though the baddies in that one were carabou not gryphons same basic idea though and likely just as entertaining, theres something very cathardic about watching totaljackasses get there compuence, its what makes doom and wolfenstine so much fun to play
It's an interesting premise and I'll probably come back to track it later. I'm familiar with your other stories and am curious to see where you take this.
That said, it feels like this chapter moves rather quickly through the introduction to the world and to Autumn before she's shunted onto the cart. It might just be me—and I understand that her whole character isn't going to be conveyed to us in a single chapter—but I feel like the characterization we do get of Autumn is a little shallow.
Another thing is that it seems like Autumn knows things she maybe wouldn't be expected to, like how the guards are going to shuttle them across the river. As a slave pony, it seems like she wouldn't have the education to know they would send the cart over alone to avoid overtaxing the structure. Maybe she's seen carts cross the river in this fashion before while doing (or avoiding) her duties? I suppose my issue with this is that nothing about what I was reading prior to her coming up with this plan suggested she could have come up with this plan, at least in the manner she did.
“I have to escape.” She thought to herself, “Either I die in the wild or get cut down by the guards, but I will not sit by and let them make me into a toy for the Royal Family. I would rather go into Faust’s embrace a free mare, then to carry my unborn child into the afterlife.”
The hen that lead the group growled at the youngsters, making them back off as they returned to the fireside, meaning that there was no one watching the cage as the ponies began to slowly push the bits of bone and other things between the bars. Autumn glanced at the gryphons one last time to make sure they couldn’t see, before picking up a small piece of bone and stuffing it in her mane. The smell of blood nearly made her puke, but she swallowed it down as she checked again to see if she had been caught. None of the others, be they pony or gryphon, seemed to have noticed, and she let out a sigh of relief as she felt the weight of her little acquisition settling between her ears.
My one thing I hope to see in the future is that not all Griffins are slaving bastards. I mean with the cultural integration being out I got so long there is no doubt a good majority are still jackasses, but I’m pretty sure there is some minority that wants change like the ponies or really pities them but due to how their society is run they don’t have the chance.
That’s all I really ask for in this story if it wants to be a little more interesting... plus WAY to many stories take a full black and white approach with this kind of story.
Hmm... can griffins really sire bastards with ponies? I would think that avoiding that would be the whole point of a different-species harem, but your fic your rules I guess.
9729090 Yeah, that's what a lot of folk thought before they were introduced as a separate race. (I, on the other hoof, just considered them infertile with each other - any sex is for fun, not foals.)
I like it but it wont let me give it a thumbs up.
Suffer not the gryphons to live
Faving this story
This is how you start a story a masterwork in excellent exposition. I can't wait to see where it goes good job.
A lovely premise. Similar ones I've seen often, though they rarely make it to completion. Let's hope this story is the exception
That's right Autumn, fight for your freedom!!!
This looks pretty good!
I thought I recognized you, and I saw you also wrote The Night Mare's Guard.
Keep up the good work!
the premise reminds me of trials of a necromantic equestria, though the baddies in that one were carabou not gryphons
same basic idea though and likely just as entertaining, theres something very cathardic about watching totaljackasses get there compuence, its what makes doom and wolfenstine so much fun to play
It's an interesting premise and I'll probably come back to track it later. I'm familiar with your other stories and am curious to see where you take this.
That said, it feels like this chapter moves rather quickly through the introduction to the world and to Autumn before she's shunted onto the cart. It might just be me—and I understand that her whole character isn't going to be conveyed to us in a single chapter—but I feel like the characterization we do get of Autumn is a little shallow.
Another thing is that it seems like Autumn knows things she maybe wouldn't be expected to, like how the guards are going to shuttle them across the river. As a slave pony, it seems like she wouldn't have the education to know they would send the cart over alone to avoid overtaxing the structure. Maybe she's seen carts cross the river in this fashion before while doing (or avoiding) her duties? I suppose my issue with this is that nothing about what I was reading prior to her coming up with this plan suggested she could have come up with this plan, at least in the manner she did.
Good start so far, I am rather curious to see where this goes.
than
led
Journey?
My one thing I hope to see in the future is that not all Griffins are slaving bastards. I mean with the cultural integration being out I got so long there is no doubt a good majority are still jackasses, but I’m pretty sure there is some minority that wants change like the ponies or really pities them but due to how their society is run they don’t have the chance.
That’s all I really ask for in this story if it wants to be a little more interesting... plus WAY to many stories take a full black and white approach with this kind of story.
Hmm... can griffins really sire bastards with ponies? I would think that avoiding that would be the whole point of a different-species harem, but your fic your rules I guess.
9694813
The logical result would be a hyppogriff. But who knows with magic thrown into the mix.
9729090
Yeah, that's what a lot of folk thought before they were introduced as a separate race. (I, on the other hoof, just considered them infertile with each other - any sex is for fun, not foals.)