Candy
“So why didn’t you warn me there was a fetish parade yesterday?”
“To be fair, sir, I did try, but you were so preoccupied with showing the world how evil you look that you disregarded what I was going to say.”
Blueblood murmured something but sunk further into his pool-sized bathtub. His butler, meanwhile, was scrubbing his back with a brush.
“I’m surprised you were gone all night. Last I heard you ran into Princess Cadence and Shining Armor at the parade.” The unicorn hid his blush underneath the soap bubbled waters. “Along with some other fellow too.”
“Don’t remind me,” Blueblood said after he popped his head out enough to speak.
“Just one question sir, you know how to use the pepper spray and Taser spells, right?”
“Yes?” Blueblood raised an eyebrow. “What about it?”
Maxwell lifted the brush, holding it horizontally in his hooves. “I followed you to the hotel sir, and yes, overheard the uh… planned activities. I was wondering, that even with the gag on, how come you didn’t fight back or used any of the spells, or simply removed the ball to tell them that you didn’t want to go through with it?”
This only got a cold glare from the Prince before he sunk right back into the tube. “Shut up.” He muttered.
“It is not my place to make any commentary on your sex life, sir. Only to make sure that you weren’t violated, and to be certain that you’re not harmed in any way. I was rather worried when you came back in the taxi-”
“Firstly, they were cheap in not so much as getting a golden chariot for me to be carried back. Besides the stupid driver insisted that he can only drop me off at the front instead of the back – ugh, I didn’t want to be seen in such a state. So walking past those guards was so humiliating. Second, I don’t want to discuss this any further.”
“Yes sir.” The butler resumed in scrubbing the sulking prince. “So, have you learned anything so far, sir?”
“That it’s not enough to have evil clothing. Instead, I should focus on being evil. But how?”
“Well if you’re serious, sir, perhaps you out to try out doing small things first. Better to fail at the little things than to have your hindquarters be handed to you over something major.”
The Prince silently agreed. “That makes sense. Not big enough to be put on trial perhaps but still something that counts as evil. But how…”
Among the warm water, his mind searched out for something that would truly make his first steps as a villain. Maybe nothing as major as conquering the world perhaps – but still an act that would be considered bad in ponies’ eyes. Since he never really done something like this before, maybe he should something simple. Something that’s so easy that it would be like…
A thought came to Blueblood. It excited him so much that he suddenly stood up quick enough to splash water on his butler while shouting out: “EUREKA!”
It’s amazing how simple this plan was. All he had to do was to find some young foals – preferably infants that had one other item with them. With a pair of binoculars and his trusty palanquin, he was on the lookout for the old cliché to make its appearance for him to swoop and make life a little more miserable for someone that cries easily. His guards navigating through Canterlot Park, he spied out towards the playground, waiting to strike.
Then, over by the swings, he found it. A lanky stallion giving out a lollypop to a filly.
‘Perfect!’ Blueblood thought as he lit up his horn. Before the filly could so much as give it a lick, the colorful striped candy was suddenly plucked right out of her hoof. The lollypop hovered right above her head but high enough that neither he nor the stallion that gave the candy couldn’t reach it. The filly was screaming for the sucker to be given back, but Blueblood had a better idea, he let her chase it across the playground with the stallion following up to the palanquin where he opened a window so he could snatch it in his hoof.
“Give it back!” The filly whined. “That’s mine!”
“Correction,” the prince said, “it was yours, but now this is mine. And such a tasty looking treat too.”
“Put that down!” The lanky stallion called out, rushing towards the palanquin. “That’s for Cherry here!”
“Oh, and what are you going to do about it?” Blueblood asked, giving it a lick.
And just like that, he passed out.
The next thing Blueblood knew, he had woken up in his bed with Maxwell beside him. This confused him enough to utter, “Where the buck am I?”
“Ah, you’re awake. Took you a whole day but finally you’re awake.”
“A day! What just happened?”
“That depends, do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?”
Blueblood blinked. “Over what!?”
“Good news then.” Maxwell sighed. “Well, the good news is that you’ve managed to end up on the covers of most major newspapers in Equestria for stealing candy from a foal. The bad news is the real reason why you made it on there.”
The Prince sat up. “Explain?”
“Well as soon as you passed out, the one who was giving out the candy was immediately arrested by your guard. Turns out, he was a rapist pedophile that nopony was able to catch until now. That lollypop you licked contained enough sleeping medicine and tranquilizers to put a teenage dragon to sleep for surgery. If anything, you’re being hailed as a hero for intervening in an attempted abduction.”
“Oh you’ve gotta be-” Blueblood screamed a long string of obscenities into his pillow.
“Perhaps, sir, that maybe you’re not cut out for this vi-” the same pillow that the prince was using was thrown in his face.
“No! I’m not going to give up that easily!" Blueblood leaped out of bed. “It’s clear to me that I just need to try a little harder this time around. Now to the thinking couch! There is much to be brainstormed and I will not rest until I find something that will make me evil!”
Maxwell sighed. “Yes sir.”
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that’s a “interesting” way for this to backfire on him, I thought that for shure that the foal deaked him for stealing her candy
Still even doing evil he is bad at it. loved the twist on this one.
I saw that twist coming, didn't make it any less funny
Obscenities.
9666971
9666964
fixed and thanks.
Yes! I was expecting him to be stealing from the CMC, but becoming a hero is a wonderful second best.
And, good handling/cleanup of last chapter's concerns.
Blueblood: "CURSE my unintentional heroics! CURSES!"
Has there ever been a case where... Someone stopped pedophilia ... Without ever realizing it?
Something evil, yet easy enough to do, especially for a beginner, something along the level of stealing candy from a baby would be... Pranks, and slowly but surely, escalate.
Good luck to Blueblood, then.
9667461
Hundreds of thousands of people get hit by cars every year. Statistically, some of them HAVE to be pedophiles.
9667562
cking proof! I demand it cause thats sounds something made up but also believable
Show me the motherf
9667648
According to Motor vehicle fatality rate in U.S. by year on wikipedia, there were 5,419,000 car crashes worldwide in 2010.
I had seen road signs in Texas saying that 3000 people a year die in car crashes each year in the state, so I was pretty confident that 100,000 people got hit by a car worldwide each year. Apparently it was much more than either of us expected.
9667712
Bu6 how much are pedos, rapists and stuff like that?
9667906
I don't know, dude. Some of them. I'm not here to do statistics homework.
Lets all just be happy that some sex offenders get hit by cars occasionally.
9667963
I like occasionally