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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I believe you meant decline not recline
I got the feeling she will be very lucky to find that Spike is hung like a yak
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He could be in a reclining chair
Love this so far.
x1
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Que mierda? I swear to God and the Queen that I read that shit as "decline"
A bit fast. I mean, before we knew it she already broke in and said the riddles, and what was that about a magical contract? When did that come in? And lastly, why wouldn't he say she'd be his, like a child he'd have to look out for, but she takes it to mean a slave, bound by her master's will, and thinking it amusing that a "poor, ignorant slave such as him" would dare to challenge her whits, she agrees... And now that I think about it, he doesn't have a say in who rules, so she'd more likely have him swear loyalty to her or bow down to her... Eitger way, enough with the nitpicks, I'm eager to read more
Love this story so far. We really need more stories with the Sphynx.
A Song For You and this? so you're telling me i get 2 good spike fics? Ok whats the catch.
Good start I swear I thought it said "my 4th story" lol
Love the story, but what's with the capitalization? You seem to be picking random words to capitalize without any understanding of which should be capitalized.
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My guess, the writer is a native German speaker, or comes from a country with similar writen language.
You need an editor.
I like the photo used for the cover art than in the author's note. Anyways, Spike's lucky, he's about to have some awesome sex with 7 foot amazon!
You really need an editor, I can work for you to just edit your stories for no charge.
Any one have the artist source?
yeah, NYX FOR THE WIN
Okay, first of all, WHERE did you manage to find that cover art? Also, you need an editor, asap.
Edit: Nvm, found it.
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just google mlp Anthro Sphinx and scroll down a little
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you welcome to edit this story if you want
I know it's been beaten to death, but an editor is desperately needed. You've got everything down, sans the grammar and pacing in some places though. Good story, look forward to more after some touch ups in the editing department.
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Perfect, I need the google doc.
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the catch is that they haven't been edited yet.
Nice. Can't wait for more!!
That link is no good, per Tumblr’s new policy
Heh. Cute title .
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how about now?
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okay, we good
Thou failed to summon thine editor before publishing thine works😑. Sigh. What folly.
Okay, enough is enough. Forty stories, it's time to learn how and when to capitalize. These random capitalized words in the middle of sentences only adds to the fact that you're basically using commas instead of periods all over the place; let alone the massive number of other grammatical errors. You've been told on every story by multiple people to get your stories edited, but you keep choosing to ignore them because you're convinced that pumping out an endless number of nearly unreadable stories is better than taking the few hours necessary to have it edited. The worse part honestly is that you clearly have solid ideas for stories and even strong plot points, which is the only reason anyone is taking the time to read these, but you're being too lazy to clean it up and polish your work. You actually have the potential to be a good author, but you squander it on producing mass works instead of quality works. Quality over quantity, try it.
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I just got some Editors earlier today, they've only really edited the last chapter of A Song for you, I have someone working on this story as well. this might come as a surprise but when you can't afford to pay for editors the free ones don't stay long, and I'm sorry I have a shitty grasp on Litterature as General.
That said if you know a good Proofreader I'd love a Recommendation.
Eesh. So many little errors, so many oddities.
I want to enjoy this as there aren't many Sphinx stories, but... Yeesh.
~Skeeter The Lurker
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It's being work one as we speak
This is the first sentence of the story. The entire point of the first sentence is to draw a reader in, yet you manage to have a capitalization error, a typo, and a run on sentence. At the very least you should be taking the time to correct words with red underlines. It's really not hard to read a story one extra time before publishing it to catch and fix such elementary mistakes.
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I do, but when I go to edit I see no red underlines, I can take a screenshot and show ya if you like, but when I wright Castel and Castle I get no red Underline for either and I can never remember which is right, and yes I have a serious problem with run-on sentences, I am looking into how to stop making them, cause this might come as a shock, but this is the version where I ran through and fixed all the problems I could find.
Let the rewarding begins.
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I clicked on your profile and found 4 errors on the preview of the first story that shows up on your page. Do not offer editing services.
I assumed the answer was because of the wording of this;
Her pot being empty implies her pot had nothing, dirt or tree, and was both willing to deal with the consequences of not having anything and wasn't willing to take someone else's.
Aww, this is so cute
Spike leaned back, the silence of the (1)Castel music to his ears, the last week had been hectic as shit, and he was more than happy that Twilight had taken Starlight and the girls off to who knows where to do who knows what. Spike had one thing on his agenda for the day, do nothing and a lot of it. He had just gotten comfy in his chair when the entire (2) Castle shook, and (3)Maniacal (4)laughed echoed through the halls. Spike jumped up, ready to run and get Twilight, before remembering she (5)was not long gone at the moment.
(1) Castel isn’t a word. Castle doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(2) Castle doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(3) Maniacal doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(4) I think you meant laughter.
(5) If Twilight isn’t long gone (or was not long gone) why not call her? I think you meant to write that Twilight is long gone.
"Well, fuck me then." He muttered as he ran out of his room and to the source of the (2)Laughter, he found it in the Cutie Map room, and he only just managed not to trip (3) onto his face, when he saw it, taking up the entire room stood a giantess (4) Purple Sphinx, who looked down at Spike and laughed.
(1) Laughter doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(2) You should’ve written that Spike didn’t fall and land on his face.
(3) Purple doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
"Well hello." She said as the (1)doors slammed shut behind him. "(2)I sense that it is just you and me in here(3), I had come to battle the Princess, but I guess you will do." The Sphinx got on her hands and knees as she looked down at Spike, who knew that she expected him to be terrified of her, and he would have been to, had she been wearing more than a tiny amount of wrapping around her chest and what basically amounted to a thong(4), the fact that the position she was in gave Spike a good view of her figure didn't really help either, still Spike acted a little scared, if not just out of (5) Common Courtesy.(6)
(1) Who slammed the doors behind Spike if the Sphinx is in front of him?
(2) How does the Sphinx know that Spike is all alone?
(3) Insert a period here
(4) insert a period here
(5) Common doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period. Courtesy, at least in this case, isn’t the first word after a period. Because of this, courtesy shouldn’t start with a capital letter.
(6) This entire paragraph is a full run on sentence.
From her view the Sphinx saw a scared dragon wearing such baggy clothes that she could not make out his body type, after a second she placed him on being slightly overweight, and continued speaking"I will be taking ownership of this (1,2)Castle and all the populated land surrounding it."
(1) Castle doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(2) Conquering or invading doesn’t work like that, just saying.
"(1)I respectfully decline your offer," Spike called back, earning an eyebrow raise from her. "What? Can you blame me for trying?" He asked.
(1)I think that any race or people that were invaded also declined being ruled over by someone else....didn’t work that well for them.
"Fair enough," The Sphinx replied with a cocky smile "Since my original target is not present, and you seem to be going along for the roller coaster that is this ride, Let say we cut this short and sweet?" she raised three fingers as she went on, "I will (1)ask you three Riddles, (2)should you get two of them wrong (3)I will take full control of this area."She smiled as Spike took that in.
(1) You don’t ask riddles, you tell riddles. You can only ask questions.
(2) That’s not how the Sphinx operates. Any individual who meets a Sphinx has to answer all of the riddles that the Sphinx says, not two.
(3) Taking into consideration that the Sphinx has enough power to force Spike out of the castle, which to be fair she doesn’t need that much, it makes little sense for her to even give him the chance to even defend himself.
"Wait what do I get if I win?" Spike asked the Sphinx waved him off.
"Since you will not be winning this I will be nice, Name your reward, and I will give it to you." Spike stared at her as he thought.
(1)"Alright I cannot just tell her to leave; she will just head to the closest (2) Castle and start this up again." Spike tried to think of a solid plan to make sure she could not just do this again(3), unfortunately, his hormones (4)mixed with what she was wearing clouded his judgment and he ended up shouting out.
(1) Put this in italics, that way it makes it seem that Spike is thinking this instead of saying it.
(2) Castle doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(3) Add a period here, otherwise this becomes a run on sentence again.
(4) You’re literally saying that Spikes’ hormones are being mixed with the clothes that the Sphinx is wearing. Exchange the word “mixed” with “it didn’t made it easier for Spike considering what the Sphinx is currently wearing”.
"If I win(1) You have to both (1)Marry and (2)Bed Me!" The look on (3)Spike's face when he realized he'd actually just said that was only matched by the Sphinxes (4)expression.
"I...I am sorry?" She asked, "Did you just...?"
(1) Marry doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(2) Bed doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(3) Though you are technically correct, the “proper” way to put it is Spikes’ since you are talking about his face.
(4) And what expression might that be? Surprise, shock, anger, fury, confused?
"I did," Spike confirmed, the Sphinx went from confused to pissed.
"The fuck is wrong with you!? (1)this (2)was, is, a magical contract, If you win I am gonna be stuck with you for the rest of (3, 4)Eternity!"
(1) Any letter after a period, an exclamation mark or a question mark becomes a capital letter.
(2) You do know that this is just a verbatim agreement right? The Sphinx, not being known for actually being kind/fair, can always go back on her word and “backstab” Spike.
(3) Eternity doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(4) Taking into consideration that Spike isn’t eternal, let alone immortal, she just has to wait until he dies of old age.....or you know, actually escape.
"Well sorry, but you just kind of threw me under the bus, and (1)Might I add that I am not the one in this room wearing a thong!" the Sphinx reared back at that.
"These clothes are traditional!"
(1) Might doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
"You are wearing (1)Underwear." Spike spat back, "Now throw your riddles at me and let us just get this over with."
"(2)I have a mouth but do not speak, I have a bed but do not sleep, I run every were but go (3)know were, what am I?" Spike blinked at her.
"You fucking kidding me? a River." The Sphinx growled at him as she thought of her next one.
(1) Underwear doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
(2) By that logic, then I can put a paper boat on a river and it wouldn’t go anywhere.
(3) Know were? I think you meant nowhere.
"a six years old pony hammered a nail into his favorite tree to mark his height. Ten years later at age sixteen, he returned to see how much higher the nail was. If the tree grew by five centimeters each year, how much higher would the nail be?" Spike frowned at that one since it sounded to him more like a math problem than a Riddle.
"Um...50 centimeters?" Spike asked(2) the (3)Sphinxes smile told him he was wrong before she did.
(1) Add a comma or it becomes a run on sentence again.
(2) Sphinxes means plural. Unless more than one Sphinx is inside the room without any of us noticing it, then you should’ve written “Sphinxes’” which means that the Sphinx is smiling.
"Wrong!" She laughed "The nail would be at the same height since (1)trees grow at their tops." Spike's face palmed himself, silently calling himself a dumbass while the Sphinx laughed, "One for one, next one wins the whole shebang!" the Sphinx then asked Spike the hardest riddle she had.
(1) If saplings could speak, I believe they would disagree with that statement taking into consideration that saplings become trees.
"A king has no sons, no daughters, and no queen. For this reason, he must decide who will take the throne after he dies. To do this, he decides that he will give all of the filly and colts of the kingdom a single seed. Whichever child has the largest, most beautiful plant will earn the throne; this being a metaphor for the kingdom. At the end of the contest, all of the little ones came to the palace with their large and beautiful plants in hand. After he looks at all of their pots, he finally decides that the little filly with an empty pot will be the next Queen. Why did he choose this little filly over all of the other children with their beautiful plants?" the Sphinx laughed herself silly for a second before she saw the look on Spike's face.
"Your gonna hate me for this." He said, "But I have heard this before." The Sphinxes eye's shot wide open.
"What! You lie! There is no way..."
"the reason he chose the filly is cause he only gave fake seed's and the filly was the only one honest who hadn't switched her's." with a loud rumble the Sphinx toppled over, the look of (1)Disbelief on her face somewhat funny to Spike as she stared at him, until she started crying, at that point Spike felt a little bad. Spike walked over to her and, quite awkwardly patted her muzzle.
(1) Disbelief doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
"You...you wanna talk about it(1)," (2)He asked, whatever her reply was Spike could not understand it through her crying, which was rapidly filling the room. Spike patted her muzzle one more time before she began shrinking, after a moment she stood at about 7 feet tall before falling to her knees to continue her crying. Spike, no longer sure how to solve this particular problem, walked over and hugged her, patting her lightly on the back as she cried into his neck. He was not sure how long this went on, but it was starting to get dark out by the time she calmed down enough to speak again.
(1) No need for a comma here
(2) If Spike asked her something, where did the question mark went?
"Alright." She said rubbing her eyes "(1) Ok, I made this deal, and I have to stick through to the end, Spike did not even have time to speak as the Sphinx stood up and picked him up like he weighed nothing. "Come then Dragon..."
(1) Ok doesn’t start with a capital letter. Unless it’s the first word after a period.
"Name's Spike."
"Come then, Spike." She corrected "Let us go see if I am about to regret everything or if the universe has just rewarded me."
As much as I’d like to actually enjoy this story, all of the grammar mistakes that I found just by reading without putting any attention will make that a Herculean task in an off itself.
Has anyone else heard the last riddle before in another story? I can’t remember where though
9611723
I re-used an old riddle form my oldest story the Lone Warrior
9611727
That’s right the love maze with flurry heart
9611723
Its an old story about a chinese(?) Emperor. I first heard it that the seeds were cooked.
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I heard it on its own I think, or at least a variation on it
9611526
thank you for this
My favorite excuse for when a female is wearing skimpy clothes.
The Force is strong with this one.
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...
...
...
...how long did that take you?