Seaweed, (Yeah, he was named after that) a human who never had a chance to know himself aside from the fact that he was taken care by pirates for the purpose to serve them, and he did his job with loyalty until he came to know what kind of person his captain was. Soon after came the day, when he tried to rebel against the crew.
Unfortunately, that day also proved to be the last day of his life, or at least that's what his cruel captain intended.
Coral, a lonely mermare happened to be there at time to save his life, and they both bonded as close friends, and you know "Friendship is Magic"
(Collab between me and my friend)
Sex tag is due to heartwarming romance and suggestions. No detailed description involved.
Chapters (1)
Well, written. Good x2
///// NOTHING BUT CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM AHEAD! /////
My thoughts: This story needs a bit of refinement, sure, but I'd definitely like to see this story be expanded on, even to the point that Seaweed could become a merpony/merman himself.
The things that could be refined is more towards the beginning of the story after the kiss of life since things happen so fast.
1. How could he talk so quickly but not be surprised by this? There must be a special ability given by this, but yet a surprised reaction would be a great addition.
2. The cave could use a bit more detail as to a bit more description for a visual sense. How big is the cave? Any makeshift doors? It would be spectacular if an artist were to draw art for this.
3. What of the adorable Coral? We know her colors, but is she anthro in nature or feral-esque?
Add. Thoughts: We see Seaweed's and Coral's love bloom towards the middle-end, maybe something along this could be well extended out. Just a matter of a week does seem kinda fast, and true emotions take time to develop.
Conclusion: I wouldn't rewrite this story entirely, but I would extend things out and add additional chapters as they come to mind. This story has potential to be a wonderful romance novel, and programmers willing, be made into a visual novel as well. The proof of love that Coral and Seaweed have could have enough effect that magical means or other means that Seaweed could be transformed into either a merman or merpony himself. I'm not sure if you were to have this as an intent, but it is a possibility to consider in later chapters.
Quality of story: 8/10. Feels a bit rushed and definitely an unfinished story with a big window open to more chapters.
Worth of reading again: 10/10.
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Coral is a feral by her appearance. She looks almost similar to the Seaponies (Formerly Hippogriffs) of Seaquestria.
Thanks. I actually really appreciate your review and yes, I admit that I write this story in a little bit rush. Well, I can try and hopefully fix that, and add the necessary reactions and details where needed.
I do plan on expanding the story, sure, but that will take some time. I'll do this soon though, possibly sometime in near future. Yes, I actually intend to make him a merman at one point
If you know any artist who can draw me some images for my OCs, I'll really appreciate that as well. And to be honest, I would love nothing more if this story would one day become an actual visual novel. I'm not good at animation myself, neither most of my friends (I don't have much actually). But those who are good animators usually aren't interested in taking any of my stories as there project.
Also, the fact that how love bloomed so soon among them, my reasoning (and I can be wrong) was that staying in close contact (both physically and emotionally) with opposite gender actually increase the rate of developments of feelings over time, and because they were mostly alone at that place so lesser distractions and hence falling in love at a faster rate.
If you like, you can help me by suggesting your opinions on how should I further expand this story. Once again, I appreciate your review a lot. Thanks.
What is Love-love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more!